Funny sayings
 

As I was scrolling through some of the threads, I saw a saying that made me chuckle.....Villager said " one sandwich short of a picnic" and I had to laugh. What are some other funny sayings.....

Not the brightest bulb in the pack
Brain cells close to plant life
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
He's from the shallow end of the gene pool.
Two bricks shy of a load.

Personality of a flea.
If you blew in her ear, she'd thank you for the refill.
When God was passing out brains, he stood in line twice for muscles (usually said of a Marine by someone in the Army).
Meaner than a junkyard dog (thank you, Jim Croce).

I had a friend who would mix those funny sayings together (without knowing!)

She'd say things like, "Not the sharpest knife on the Christmas tree"

She'd come out with things that would make you rattle your head for a moment and always make you laugh! Poor Dear! We never corrected her, it was delightful to just enjoy her as she was.

She once yelled at a gaggle of our children playing inside, "Be quiet! This isn't the ONLY house we're in!"

Stopped the kids in their tracks…. they just stood there, trying to figure that one out.

Once, at the beach, she turned to me and said, "Isn't it cool, the way the water comes right up to the shore?"

You just had to love her. I have copied her phrases, from time to time, when I am in a silly mood. It always brings back fond memories of my colorful, adorable friend!
:)

Hahaha...I knew someone that regularly said, "stuck between a rock and a hot plate"!

Not playing with a full deck.

Got caught palying football, without his helmut on.

Three sheets, to the wind.

The light is on but nobody is home.

can't find their a$$ with a map!

love it!!

Not plugged into 110 volts.

Oh, THAT made me laugh!!! I'll have to use that one!

This has to be severely edited...

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop a better argument!

Happy wife, Happy life

Excellent.

When my friend had to hurry she'd say, "Well, I'm off like a prom dress."

Loved it.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

I also had a friend that mixed up sayings
she says "2 peas in a pot" instead of "2 peas in a pod"
She also says "I could not phantom living there" instead of fathom living there.
LOL God bless her soul.....

One fry short of a happy meal.

You can lead a horse to water, but they're just gonna pi$$ in it anyway...

A friend of mine once said:

Even a blind squirrell, can find, it's own n*tt's.

My late mother who sometimes struggled with english, was in the kitchen one day and said to me. "Go get the thing, on on top of the thing".

What!!!. I was truly puzzled as to what she meant, until she found the exact words and then a got a can opener for her.

"He'd b***h if you hung him with a new rope."

saying and prayer
 

Never say anything bad about yourself because there are enough Son of a B*****s out there doing it for ya. Next one is a prayer God please spare me from my friends and family my enemies I can take care of myself.