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The Tone of TOTV and A Bit of Boomer's Bio
:):ho:For the past several days, I have watched TOTV descend into a maelstrom, and I am starting to have no hope for the forum that has been a part of many of my mornings since 2007. I am in the habit of giving the opening page a scroll and posting, if finding a topic I want to be a part of.
I am not big on the number of posts. In fact, when I was nearing 100 posts, all those years ago, I sent a PM to Mr. Tony, the owner and admin, asking him to please delete some of them. I laugh about that now, but then, I was blushing to think how habit-forming TOTV was becoming for me. Now, almost 14 years later, I have barely passed 4000 posts, and I admit, I also find that number to be a bit embarrassing because it represents time I could have used cleaning off my desk. But I have been holding onto the excuse that I write posts like some people crochet or do puzzles -- a hobby. Like so many of you, I found TOTV when I was looking for anecdotal information about life in TV. I could find advertising, but that was it. A tenacious search led me to TOTV when it was in its infancy. In those days, we had some ups and downs, but the overall tone was helpful -- and often, just plain fun. I know TOTV has changed owners since, possibly more than once. TOTV sold for the first time in 2011. I am completely serious when I say that had I known in time, I might have bought it. (I could envision possible tax write-offs -- along with maybe using my energy to sell ads from my office-in-the-home or by driving around in my white Honda with the Florida plates to corner the ad market. (I spent 35 years pitching literature so I must have been thinking maybe my experience could have been transferable. sigh) We eventually bought a house in Hadley. But had my original impression of TV been the one now often put forth on TOTV, I never would have wanted to buy. We kept our Ohio house. Thank goodness. I have debated about whether to write this because I am to the "what's the point" stage. There are probably those among us who, like me, have noticed that we have lost a lot of our posters who had been contributing helpful posts and fun, too, for a long time. (I think they must be smarter than me because I have been continuing to hang around.) The overall tone of TOTV this past week has been over-the-top with ugly stuff. Although I do not personally know most of you, I have been horrified to see the deluge of hatred, the bigotry, the complete arrogance -- including the irony of the name-calling that one name-caller, in particular, would see as elitist -- if someone disagreeing would say the same things. I have seen the self-righteous flaunting of a version of "religion" twisted into having nothing to with kindness, mercy, love, and peace. (Remember that guy Jesus?) I saw a thread, since closed, that brought homophobia to the surface with certain posters -- some of whom surprised me. As a longtime secondary teacher, I have wept for students who have committed suicide because of feeling their homosexuality could never be accepted by their families. I am grateful to see how times have changed for so many people. That has saved, and will continue to save, lives. This morning -- in the email notice sent out to us a few times a week from TOTV -- there were at least 3 threads headlined that were destined to invite more ugly stuff. I had to wonder if those choices were made by an algorithm or were those kinds of threads chosen on purpose by an actual person -- for a numbers game. As I end this saga, if you are still reading, may I suggest that you read "Declaration of Conscience" -- a classic speech given by Margaret Chase Smith on June 1, 1950, which she ends by calling out "The Four Horsemen of Calumny -- Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry, and Smear." Boomer PS: I am not kidding myself that anyone will actually do that homework assignment I just gave -- or even kidding myself that this thread will last -- or kidding myself that anybody is still reading this -- but I just had to say my piece -- or was it peace? PPS: I don't know how that hat-tipping emoji ended up at the beginning of this post. I can't make it go away. I don't know how. So I guess I will just have to consider my hat -- and my hand -- tipped. PPPS: Damn. And now a smiley face emoji has appeared out of nowhere. I must be bumping stuff because I am on my laptop. Believe you me, I am not smiling right now -- although I do feel better. |
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Cheers. |
Welcome to the reality of life. All website forums go through this and they either come out the other side completely different, close down or return to sanity. A lot like life in general.
Relax and enjoy the ride(along with the bumps). |
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PS: you are so right about has happened to the board. |
If you think this is bad ... ever read "NEXTDOOR" forum (APP)?
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I post only to show support to you, and cannot agree more. Recalling the days when difference of opinion did not mean hate or accusatory terms. By the way, today I wrote to the Moderator (didn’t know where to go) to complain to them about the posts) Must be the proliferation of available media that allow lies and untruths to be passed on, with never fear of accountability for hate and lying. Glad you posted |
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I left Facebook for more or less the same reason, Boomer. At first it was a nice place to reconnect with old high school friends and see pics of the young'uns that live in other parts of the country. Then everything got ugly and political to the point where it wasn't enjoyable any more. I miss some of the groups that I followed on there but I don't miss the nastiness (and I suspect my blood pressure has come down a bit).
The whole COVID thing has maybe contributed to people being a little testier than in the past. Who wants to hear that you are a selfish ***** because you refuse to wear a mask or lock yourself in your house AFTER being vaccinated. I keep thinking that some day this will be a thing of the past but will anyone still be around at that point? kathy |
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What great about forum, nobody twisting you’re arm to open up, read, or post. IMO, The problem with most forums new posters post a post and immediately get jumped on by few oldies on forum with humor or SAR, which can be taking the wrong way? That’s sets the tone for new posters, some don’t come back and some are on defensive. So, IMO it sets the tit or tat, and reap’s what we sow. Either take it, respond with tat, or let it go? This is NOT directed at anyone, just way it goes down. |
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I have been a nuisance on this subject, but so much “news” is simply junk, out of context, or flat out lies. The pressure, and insanity living under lies is just plain harmful, to our mental and physical health. Hearing people say...that’s the way it is.....is intolerable. Holding people responsible on forums for lies and misinformation is not simply the job of the moderators. Our society has been placed under a lot of pressure. I think we sumo,y demand truth, and call out lying |
I still like my idea of a daily post limit. lol
We have so many power posters that are "passionate" about certain subjects that they spend their entire day replying to every post in every thread on their chosen subject. Whether it be Covid. Whether it be County Commissioners, local tax/impact fees, anti developer rants, etc. Give them 10 posts a day. If they can't get their point across in that many posts, come back tomorrow and try again. Then we have the soapbox preachers spouting off whatever ideology they feel that we should all aspire to on any given day. Granted, it seems people have a lot more time on their hands these days, but for goodness sakes, take up a hobby other than social media.. |
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They will always be those that hide behind the anomimity of the internet. But you also have to understand that it is a release of emotions for many people and perhaps these are the people that would commit suicide if they were not given a place to vent. Yes it hurts people but you have a choice in life to read or not to read that is the issue God gave us brains so that we can skip those that we do not agree with unfortunately or unfortunately in this country we are giving constitutional rights to have opinions not of others and also unfortunately we have the cancer culture and the boycott culture which I totally disagree with as I've said many times to people who knock on my door asking me to convert thank you but no thank you
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On another note, I see that in 14 years of reading ToTV, you have THANKED someone with a THUMBS UP only ONE TIME! That shows an astonishing lack of gratitude in your attitude (grinning). Do you like almost nothing you read here? Is almost nothng helpful? And yet you have commented over 4,100 times and been thanked hundreds of times. |
Thank you from me, a few years before baby boomers came to be.
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I use to enjoy learning about new things here in The Villages. Once a friendly place. Now after 18years the Kool-aid is flat and tasteless. The area has turned into what I moved away from. And I still miss the majestic Buffalo!
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Another long diatribe, resulting in ........
Never ending. You will never be able to change anyone’s mind or perspective on things. |
OK, guilty on Nextdoor. When I see crotchedy, hateful people complaining and bickering about the simpliest things, I just can't contain my sarcastic side in responding, Life is just too short to not have fun. Enjoy the ride folks and if someone disagrees with you and begins calling you names, that is their problem, not yours.
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Dear Boomer,
You have always been the voice of reason and kindness, please overlook those mortals that fill their posts with everything but. Like kathy, I also gave up FB for the same reason. The tone has changed but I always hope that with your influence and others, kindness will return. |
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Debated.......Your type of OP happens every year or two. Longer Term posters remember a kinder, gentler time and don't like ToTV today. Make ToTV what you want. Read what you want. Block whom you want. But you should know that. Looks like you needed to vent & be heard. |
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Thanks for posting your thoughts. I could not agree with you more. I am a relatively new poster, only a couple of years, and am approaching the decision to say goodbye to this forum. The ugliness is mind boggling and unacceptable to me. While most of the people I hang out with are the antithesis of this ugliness, I know this ugliness exists everywhere. I know however, I can choose to reject it from my life. I pray my future encounters with people in The Villages continues to include the wonderful people I have met so far and that the people who post the ugliness that must be in their hearts don’t cross my path. There is never, ever, a need to be unkind and ugly to people you don’t know.
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The Villages is a microcosm of our society at large. We are not immune. When you see negative emotions here, it is because of a divisive society developed slowly over many years.
There is no point in pointing fingers at the cause .... and yet there is a sense that our country is comprised of two very different groups - each living in a universe that is absurd to the other. Even facts are not relevant any longer .... facts are being changed. And there is not even truth in news. We are a mirror. Doesn't matter where you live. |
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Here you have the idea of different variations of the truth .... that's a fascinating concept. In 2021 we can have truth and alternative truth? What would Socrates say about that? What a concept!
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21 0219 Friday 😷 07:46
re: what’s the point (Boomer) Post # 0003 (possibly 0004) I read for the postings rather frequently (but not daily). I enjoy seeing life unfold on ToTV. What a wonderful way to assemble! re: be around (Kathyspear) I will be around, presumably. I bought in TV in the third quarter of last year. I am thrilled to be in Florida and thrilled to be a member of this vibrant community. You folks who have been here a while have made me feel most welcome. |
Maybe IF they had a Political forum, there would be less bleed over into every day discussions?
I do not see where the problem is when someone does not agree with a statement. As long as there is no name calling, we are after all, adults. Why is it that folks take it personal when someone does not agree with their view? Have we become that sensitive that we have a need to be agreed with? A good debate is healthy, in my opinion. Why is it that adults want to ban something that they do not agree with, merely because they do not have the ability to walk away from it when it effects them emotionally? If you are on here anonymously, no one can bully you. You simply exit the site and return to your facebook or twitter account. I do not subscribe to either of those, but I am sure there must be a bunch of folks on here that do. Independent thinkers do not have to agree all of the time with your view. Some folks enjoy being open minded or different. Why ostracize them for not agreeing? Personally, I enjoy a good discussion, even if it turns into a debate. Life is too short at our age to take something someone says seriously and personally. Isn't it great to hear the opinion of those that do not view things the way you do? How else are you going to learn, grow, improve your knowledge in the subject matter? Although, I believe that TOTV is a bit on the strict and regimented side, I still enjoy being exposed to differing opinions. |
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I will always call out liars, and try to keep discussion based on facts. A discussion based on lies is not a discussion, it is an attempted stop to a discussion. Treating folks with respect is certainly a must, but I believe when you offer lies to people, you cannot have any respect for them or anyone for that matter. When you are lied to, either directly or enabling, do you not feel disrespected ? |
Boomer,
We are preparing to move to TV next month, stay in a rental until we find our forever home. I have not noticed as much hatred on TOTV as you have. Maybe it's because living here in the rim of DC we get this sort of thing on TV all the time. Your suggestion to read Margeret Chase Smith's "Declaration of Conscience" is a good one, and there is a good study guide that pops up when you Google. The analogy to the era of Mccarthyism is imperfect, but there are a lot of similarities between the persecution of people accused of being communists and those today accused of being White Supremecists. Both have rich backers and compliant media. I don't read TOTV for the politics. I read it to get info on how life is down there where it is warm (most of the time) and we will have a lot to do. In that it has been quite useful, even though a lot of the activities we look for seem to be dormant until the panic dies away. My two cents worth. Now back to clearing out a house we have lived in for 36 years. |
I am brand new to the villages I haven’t even moved in yet and I was looking at this website for direction when I read those homophobic remarks the other day I wondered if I had made a mistake I commented because I struggle letting such ignorance lie i’m not gay but many of my loved ones are and I found those comments reprehensible especially in the name of God thank you for your post and sorry teacher I talk text and there’s no punctuation here :-)
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I know I am always right (LOL)but I HAVE changed my position when confronted respectfully with an opposite point of view and convinced with fact and reason. I am discounting the group who knowingly lie and unwilling to respectfully listen. They don't deserve my attention. You will notice I use the word respectfully a lot. |
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As for TOTV and Next Door, you can block people you don't like, and their posts won't be thrown in your face. I like public forums and refuse to let the nasties run me off. |
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On this forum I find bits of information that are helpful to me and make me think. For example the quote by Thomas Jefferson that goes something like this “I have never found that a difference of opinion on religion, philosophy, or politics to be a reason to pull away from a friend”. Great words. So when I see some of these topics where there are vast differences of opinion I try to understand where that person is coming from and for what reason. Granted, some comments are over the top, but that is life in general and I do not let them bother me because in general many of the comments are informative even if I do not agree with them. So yes, some of the topics can be eye opening but I find them far more interesting than “who has the best pizza in The Villages for the fifteenth time. I think a little open debate is healthy because isn’t this what our country was built on.
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Thanks for helping me reflect on how I spend the valuable time I have left on this beautiful planet! You are quite critical of TOTV. Interesting perspective. Being a relative newbie, mine is the opposite. I think people in general are kind, creative and thoughtful. It made me think of developing criteria for the few platforms I use: FB, TOTV, Quora, Nextdoor and a couple of medical sites (esp Prevmed), and a few financial forums (esp Bogleheads) . Some of the criteria might include: - Strong political venting (vs politically restrained) - Poster's who need to be heard, regardless of content quality (vs posters who think about relevance to those using the forum and make well thought out comments or initiate interesting topics) - Trollers looking for trouble (vs neutral posters & peacemakers) - Rudeness (vs politeness) - Contributors (vs takers) In balance, I believe TOTV continues to rank well. It's all about your reference point I guess. Some personal controversial views just to spice things up: FB - scary to see this has evolved into an extension of people's lives. 4 billion members being monitored and biased by a liberal, snot nosed kid (Zuckerberg) without regulations. Many of those people should really be creating their own window to the world! Nextdoor - Interesting, but loose monitoring allows political tirades, moronic posts, and troublemakers. Quora and medical forums - Great forum for geeks. No traction for inane posts or fight mongers. Financial forums - Many are useful, but often "penetrated" by brokers and "financial advisors." TOTV - Entertaining and often great topics. Educated and reasoned commentary. Some very helpful individuals. I try not to "take more than I give." I am interested in maybe 20% of the new topics and ignore the rest. The chosen topics are usually helpful and sometimes expand horizons. Boomer, again, thanks for posting and triggering some reflections of my own. I hope you remain engaged. You're a good writer!! |
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I am on Facebook and I have quite a bunch of folks that are considered friends on Facebook. The truth is that many are people I have never met in person. Many belong to a group of Williams Syndrome Parents and many are Villagers that I read on Facebook and hope to meet but this year has kept meeting new people at a stand still. I think that we have faced a lot this year, this whole planet, and I think we may have had some good self realizations too. I am not sure about Boomer's theory. Or any theory. I hope that knowledge continues to expand and we as people can handle the fact that maybe we are born with a fairly fixed personality, attributes and deficiencies attached. I think in the future, scientists will be able to perceive how we can best deal with the I.Q. or lack of it we are born with, along with our physical abilities or lack of them and even something like having a brain useful for getting a national job done well in many areas and still having difficulty with being self centered and almost addictive to praise. I wish I could live another twenty years to see if we are allowed to talk about it if we have whole groups of people who as well as having a particular gene that makes them more vulnerable to some illnesses, may have a gene that makes it easier or harder to be successful in this world. That seems so difficult for many to ponder. |
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My problem is when accusTory statements that are made up, or downright telling lies is involved. I understand nuances, and respect opinions. I can't tolerate outright lying or enabling of liars, for whatever reason. That is what is missing......you cannot discuss issues, and respect differing opinions, if one person just makes things up. |
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