Retirement community
 

My husband and I want to downsize and live in a smaller home with little maintenance. We have been to The Villages a couple of times and almost moved there.

To make a long story short, our only child moved back to our state and now lives about 10 minutes away from us with our grandkids. I have been looking at 55+ communities here in New York, but nothing as nice as The Villages is here. Did anyone have this dilemma of leaving family for a better quality of life?

Apparently your only child made a decision at some point to leave family for their own reasons. Wouldn't they want you to be happy with your quality of life?

No dilemma. Make your visits quality time and everyone wins. The kids and grandkids have their own lives to live.

Yes, my son left for the service after graduating college as he did ROTC for air force. He is married now and still is in reserves.

My husband says the same thing. They have their own lives. Yes, quality time is good. They can come down to visit, and I can come up.

We visit our kid/grandkids and family about 3x’s a year it’s only about a 2hr flight

Mom - cut the cord already. lol
While I understand the desire to be close ( have kids of my own that are far away) you really need to live your life and perhaps more importantly, let him/them, live theirs. With all the tech avail, there are a million ways to remain connected to family and as said, its a short plane ride away and a nice, new destination for them to come visit if & when.

Just mention Disney is just down the road.
You will see grand kids quite regularly!

It was something I thought about quite a lot prior to our move to TV a couple of years ago, living within a couple of hours of my kids and grandkids. Not so my wife: she predicted that we'd be seeing a whole lot more of our family/extended family than we did before we moved.

She was right.

Especially if you offer to foot that 1000-1500+ bill per visit, make it an annual tradition and you'll see the kids EVERY year. At least until they are 16 or so. Then you need a lakehouse, and jet skis.

My husband complains they do not come here that often. I do not know what he means by often, but my son has to work. I can understand that.

I tell my husband we will probably see them more when he goes on vacations. Like someone mentioned, footing the bill will help if they permit me. I think my husband is more apprehensive than me.

I am getting ready. Retire completely and move.

We are snowbirds. EVERY time we are down, my wife and I both wish our parents would have moved to the Villages. Their quality of life, especially in their 70s/80s would be much superior.
It was nice when our kids were young.
Now, in the winter, while all of us in The Villages are dancing, golfing, etc, my mom sits the couch, on her iPad.

that's why we are moving back. grandkids go figure

I bought a place on a lake in NY State, figuring it would be an attractive place for kids and grandkids to come, and then, of course, we'd get to see them a lot. That has worked out nicely. Sometimes, a bit too nicely, but we love it.

When we bought our place in TV (we still snowbird to our NY lake home), we didn't think living in a 55+ community would be attractive to the kids and grandkids. We were wrong. They love TV. They love being in TV, and the proximity to Disney and the other Florida attractions doesn't hurt a bit.

So, come on down, and be prepared for company.

We are here 2 1/2 years and happy to be here but do miss our grandkids and kids.

That is why we drove up north and spent time with them. As they get older school does get in the way of visiting here

You joined the forum 13 years ago. Takes you a long time to decide! :D It's not easy at first leaving family but as kids get older they aren't as "grandma and grandpa friendly" as they were when they were under 10. Now that our grandkids are near college graduation and our kids have their own lives & friends we're lucky to see them a few times a year. We do use Facetime and the phone on a weekly basis. You'll get over it real fast. Like some folks here say, just get a dog because they prefer dogs to kids down here! :1rotfl: We'd like to have homes in both places but at least for us that's not financially possible.

I would go for the move. But, how about staying put for another year and see how much interaction you have. Also as the grandchildren get older I think you will see the grandchildren less.

I see you noticed how long I have been on this chat site. We were going to move down there in 2018, but the house that we were going to buy was lost by another who put the offer in before us. My husband was disappointed and did not want any other house. My son was not living near us at that time but now he moved back.

I finally retired in 2017 and was moving in 2018.

I would stay where you are. Visiting just isn’t the same as being there.

One thing about Florida is it’s very transient. People come and go all the time, even at our age. And at our age our health can cause us to move back close to family.

I have lived in Florida for 25 years so obviously like living here.

But Florida is not for everyone.

Leaving family and lifelong friends isn’t easy.
In addition, all the numerous activities here are great when in good health but eventually you may not be able to participate as you age.

Many factors will enter into your decision. Your age, health, motivation,
age of grands, etc. Will you like the heat of the Summers?
Just take the time to decide what is best for you.

I thought you were moving back because you hated it here with the shoddy construction, the unreasonable deed restrictions, and untrimmed palm trees.

I joined the site in 2008, bought my first TV home in 2021. It didn't take ME long to decide. Convincing DW took 13 years.

Villagers by definition have cut the cord. The only question is to what degree. Maybe you can snowbird for a while to see how you feel.

Yes, this is common!
 

I know at least two couples who are going through this right now! You are by no means alone in this dilemma. I’m from New York too, btw. One is a friend from college, so we go way back. Her situation involves a sick father in law, however, not a son or daughter, but it’s the same idea. She’s not comfortable moving to The Villages because of this. Ironically, her husband is the one who’s anxious to move.

The other couple involves my cousin. He wants to move, but his wife doesn’t because she has children close by her in NJ. Anyway, just wanted to give you some support, as this is a common problem. Personally I’d say make the move, and enjoy the visits with your family!

I know of an extended 10 family members household where a 17 year grandchild told the grandfather she was to busy to pick him up a coffee on the way to the home where they all lived.
At the family dinner grandpa looked across the table and announced to all there" grandchildren, overrated"

Not at all….. The kids have no problem moving away for a better job or life, so why should we stay put??

Nope !!!!!

Thank you all for your suggestions. My husband and I are looking at 55+ communities here in Long Island, but nothing here compares to The Villages. The Villages is beautiful. It is kept clean, and I like the idea of driving a golf cart and can have a little detached home. There are many clubs to join, and the squares to me are a plus. I cannot find that here.

Enjoy your lives there, and maybe one day I will be there.

Absolutely. Remained in Pittsburgh until youngest Grandchild hit 13. Then my wife agreed to move here. In my opinion, ten years to late.

We move here 14 years ago and our 7 grandkids were all under the age of 11 yrs. I was retired and was watching one of the younger ones several times a week. While I love my grandkids, I did not retire to be a babysitter, but never shared that with my daughter or son. My wife was still working. The grandkids all lived within 15 min of us. It was very difficult for my wife to retire and to leave the grandkids. Over the years, they came down several time a year, and we would go back for Christmas. In the long run, it was the best decision for all. Three of the grandchildren are in college in Florida and we see them oftern. My daughter will be moving here in another year. There has never been resentment on our children's part for leaving. Life is very short and once in a while you have to do what is best for you. If we stayed where we grew up, out life style would never have been as great as we enjoyed the last 14 years. Your choice.

"I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong". Thank you Charles Schulz

Retirement living
 

Our grandkids come down twice a year without the parents giving us a chance to spend quality time with them. When they were smaller, we flew up and brought them back. Now that they are teenagers, they fly down alone and we pick up at airport. They love the villages. And we do go up twice a year to see the whole family.

My four grandkids range from 1 to 16. Our grandson will be turning one in a couple of days. We wanted to wait until the little ones get to know us better. The younger granddaughter will be 3 next month, and the other is 9. My son and daughter-in-law were talking about going to Disney World, and I was thinking if only we were living there, they could have stayed with us.

We call it " me time " we raised our kids, they have their own lives. Enjoy what you have left !

Proximity to, or distance from, adult children and grand children is a factor within the scope of “quality of life”: do what you like, and consider that you will acquire limitations with age.

Make the move. Your kids will love visiting you and your grandkids will always be excited to come!

I was not happy when my parents moved here 20 years ago. When I visited the first time I understood why they moved here. Now I live here too!

We just bought a home there. We're going to retire at the end of the year. We plan on keeping our home here in SW Indiana and snow bird until the grandkids get older. My wife isn't ready to move to TV fulltime yet. Which is fine with me. 6 months a year we love it in Indiana, but for 6 months I hate the weather. So snowbirding works for me for now. That said, owning 2 homes is not something we plan on doing longterm.

Everybody's situation is different. Really depends on what makes you happy. I know a number of people who would never move away from their grandkids and family, which is ok. But that's not us. We consider our retirement our time. Our kids all know where they can find us. lol

We have moved several times, never leaving a forwarding address.
Kids still track us down!:icon_wink:

It has been my experience that once you get older and your health deteriorates, you want to be close to family. My in-laws moved to a retirement community in Phoenix where my FIL played golf every day. Several years later, they decided to move back east to be close to my wife (an only child). One of the things that made it easier to decide to move down here is that our daughter lives in south Georgia only three hours away and one of our sons is in N. Carolina.

I am a snowbird 6.5 months in Fl and the rest in Illinois. I am fortunate that my 5 grandkids ranging from 8-22 all have birthdays during the summer when I am here as well as my 2 children. I have been doing this for 12 years since I retired. I have owned 3 homes in TV. The last one I bought is the last one. I will however move back to be with family in the next few years. Why? It's too. much of a fairyland in TV and I enjoy the real world with all ages surrounding me. Poor health care in TV (absolutely) where I am at we have 5 teaching hospitals, much better care, better food in restaurants and most importantly my family. I am not a full time villager and never will be. Sitting around the table during holidays with others in the TV pales compared to sitting with family and extended family. My final years will be spent in Il with a trip somewhere Jan - Mar health permitting.

airplanes are there for a reason
 

most find after a few grandchildren are born, that once or twice a year visits are all they need.. with computers/zoom etc .. you can see and hear them daily.

Lol, the more of you that move back to NY / NJ / CT the better :a20: Just don't become half-backs, got enough of those around our lake house.

We left our two kids and six grandkids in California four years ago. Spend the summers back there, they each visit once a year, and we are back a couple other times in the year. And that is an all day flight. You can make it work.