Grandkids discussion
 

My wife and I have considering moving to TV. We have visited all the squares and we rented a house on the south side for a month a few weeks ago. We love all the activity and energy from TV.
The one sticky point is the grand kids. They are in PA and my wife is having a huge problem trying to justify the move and missing the grand kids.
We have proposed doing a reverse snow bird where we would spend 3 or 4 months in PA in the summer time while the kids are off from school. The parents were not thrilled with us moving away and have not been very supportive.
Would love to hear some opinions on this subject.
Thank you

I would do it if you want to do it , not because you feel guilty . I know a lot of people who split the year , it’s a great benefit to be able to stay connected to your roots. If I was ever forced to make a choice between both places no matter how much I love the villages I would choose Boston . I think many people as much as they love being in Florida would love to go back to there home towns , but the costs of those communities they have left has gotten to high .FYI for me my plan since the day I came to fl over 20 years ago , was to always go home for good at around 85 years old, well I’ll very soon be 84 and I still have the same plan , Florida has been fun , but it’s not Boston

Erggggg, you hit on without a doubt the biggest sore spot in my life. As far as I’m concerned, we raised our kids and the years of children responsibilities are behind us. We are now at a point in our lives where our remaining healthy years are numbered and it’s about us doing what we want whenever we friggin please without all the responsibilities we had to deal with before retirement. My wife on the other hand (I guess it’s a woman thing), can’t be away from the kids for any extended period of time, and certainly can’t miss a single friggin birthday or holiday with them. At the rate the kids are getting pumped out in our family there will soon be a dam birthday every month of the year. This dilemma is making it very difficult to plan extended stays together at our Villages home, and it’s getting very expensive and time consuming to frequently travel back and forth. If I had my way, we would sell the place up north and be in the Villages from October through mid June and rent places up north for the remaining time and visit with the kids then. My wife on the other hand would prefer two homes and the ability to fly back and forth several times per year, but be up north for most of the time. IMHO, way too complicated and expensive.

What is it with women and kids and why can’t seeing them a couple timer per year, around Christmas and the Fourth of July, be good enough?

Hmmmmm....sorry that your children are not willing to meet you part way and accept your offer to compromise. I can promise you this...when it comes time for the grandchildren to be heavily invested in school activities, friends, sports and everything else that occupies kid's waking hours - they won't be missing you as you miss them! Grands find it easier to 'cut the cord' than do the grandparents! lol

It is not fair of your children to not support your wishes and dreams. My sisters and I always told our parents "you don't have to leave us anything when you die - spend what you have now and enjoy it - you earned it!'. So, too, have you earned the future you want; and your kids have earned their independence because of all you taught them and already did for them.

Bottom line - do what is best for you...all others will adapt!

Summertime in the north and winter in the south is not reverse snowbird - it is snowbird. Nothing new about your proposal. The majority of snowbirds are snowbirds for two main reasons:
1 It is too hot for human existence here in FL in the summer months
2 Summer is the season to spend the most time with the grandkids

We have been “Sunbirds” for years and it’s a great life. A “Sunbird” owns property in Florida , is a Florida resident, and goes north for a couple months each year usually in the hot Florida summer. The Grandkids love to visit Florida too! There are several different versions of this but always remember your only a few hours away when you are really needed up north.

You worked all your life, and now it's me time....enjoy what you have left. The grand kids can come and visit.

It sounds more to me like your kids are upset that their free babysitter is about to quit their volunteer job. Kids aren't off from school for 3-4 months in the summer. They're off for around 2 months in the summer, a week to ten days in the winter, and an extended weekend in the spring.

You can use these times to plan events. You both go up for the late June to late August summer break. They come down to visit YOU for the winter break, and the younger ones can visit you for spring break (while the older ones are likely partying in Delray).

Sounds like your kids are upset at losing free babysitting.
Grand kids will love to come down for Disney etc.
These are your years, use them.

You beat me to it.
I've got to learn to type faster!

The Villages is a nice place to visit for a few months at a time, but it’s not home.

The reason I say reverse is because we normally would be leaving the north and heading south in winter instead of north in the summer.

I suppose every situation is different, and I did admit that I WAS concerned about it when we first moved, but it turned out to be a needless worry. We do not see the kids and grandkids as often as we might like, but the quality of the time we do spend with them is far better. Most of our grandkids are older (only two out of seven still in high school, but we see a lot of each other. For example a grandson (stationed at Englin AFB in the panhandle, part of an Army special-forces group) will be arriving this afternoon to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us, and my oldest granddaughter is coming down for twelve days during the beginning of December. And of the part with kids still in school--they've made it down en masse the past two winters to spend about a week with us each time. Florida in February is far more attractive than that tundra country called Minnesota.

It works the other way too. It is only about three hours from Orlando to Minneapolis non-stop and Sun Country has very reasonable fares. I flew to Minneapolis this past August to visit the kids/grandkids and it cost me less than $200 round trip.

All in all, we're as close as we ever were (maybe even closer) even though the contact is somewhat less.

That is a personal choice why care what others think or do, either you are a leader or a follower?

Grandkids are the second reason village residents move out of TV. First is death.

I couldn't imagine any of our kids telling us what to do, of course they don't depend on us for financial support, or watching their kids or animals. They are however buying our north home, as investment, we will be renting from them during summer's

My wife and I are in our late 50s. Primary home in PA, 2nd home in TV.
All4 of our parents we VERY involved wtih our kids, as they were growing up.
When we first visited the Villages, we BOTH said our parents should have bought there and spent time there - the grandparents would be in much better shape emotionally, physically, etc, if they spent winters more active.
When we are in FLA in Jan, we see couples the same age as our parents, out all day, being active, and our parents are at home, in the cold on their iPad.

Personally, your compromise snowbirding, being in PA from April to Christmas will allow you to enjoy many more years with your grandkids.

It is home for us. We love it year-round. Frogs! HTWC!
🐸🐸

I guess it depends on many factors. How old are your Grands? How often
do you see your kids & grands now?

If your wife is unsure I would do what you’re doing and consider your move
carefully.

Definitely don’t let your kids dissuade you.
Actually think your split time idea a really good one.

Good luck with your decision.

P.S. If your wife is going to be unhappy I wouldn’t do it.

To Papa_L. I have not laughed so much, so hard, on a post! Wife says you're a poopy head, but I tend to agree with you.

Had very dear friends/neighbors in TV about 10 years ago. The wife decided she just had to be back in Michigan with the daughters and grandkids. So, they sold the home in TV and moved back. First surprise was that older daughter had divorced and never told them and the other daughter was involved with work and kids and not around much. They stayed in Michigan for a while but finally decided to leave there as they weren't seeing much of the family. They bounced around the country, looking for a place to re-settle. Ultimately ended up with summer home in Myrtle Beach (both are avid golfers) and winter home in Country Club MHP in Wildwood/Leesburg area. Very unhappy with Myrtle Beach, have not been able to make close golfing buddies there, big golfing tourist area but not so much for full-time residents. They had several groups they golfed with here in TV. I have heard nothing but how unhappy they have been that they left TV, the last time was a week ago. So 10 years of lamenting that move. Be careful what you wish for.... What's that old saying???? You can't go home again???

It can be tough. Our plan is to spend the summer in our camper and the winters in The Villages. For my wife to retire at 57 years old we need to sell our house in Massachusetts but we can’t. Our daughter and now 7 year old grandson lives with us. They have been with us since he was born and I refuse to put them on the street. Because of this we only get to our house 5-6 weeks a year. Our ultimate plan would to be in Florida from Oct 15 to May 15. Hopefully someday.

You are in the minority.

I agree with you. Live here full time and very happy!

If you build it or buy it, they will come. The big mouse is not far away! :)

Very well said. At first my wife was a bit reluctant to leave the g kids for very long. But after our lifestyle visit in January she had a new perspective. We're both very fit and active, and we love to be outdoors. Something we can't do here in Indiana in the winter. So it didn't take us long to figure out this was the place for us.

We just bought a home in TV last January and love it there. We both retire in Sept. We plan on snowbirding for 4 years or so (Late Oct to April) unitl the grands get older.

As you said, about the time they hit 12 or so they get very busy with other stuff, and less involved with the grandparents. Eventually we see ourselves there full time.

We'll go back for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then maybe do an Airbnb for a month or so during the summer.

As some have said here, we consider this our time. And we plan on enjoying every minute.

All that said, there's really no right or wrong way. Everyone has different priorities in life, you just have to balance them.

Your planned comprimise to spend 3-4 months in PA and the rest of the year here in TV is completely fair and reasonable. The younger generation should be a bit more selfless and think of your happiness during your retirement years. Plus, as others have said, they're going to enjoy their visits here and ultimately see your point of view. This assumes that both you and your wife are in agreement with the snowbirding plan. To have a happy marriage, any big decision takes two yesses or one no. This means husband and wife......NOT any other generation.

How about snow birding ...

Live in Florida in summer, when it gets to 60 degrees in winter, hop on a cruise ship and go south !!

My parents moved from Sonoma County, CA to be near their grandkids whose father had moved to the Tampa Bay area for work.

That marriage broke up ten or so years later and those grandkids ended up in Sonoma County and Las Vegas, NV.


And my younger brother married again into a family with people all over including Jamaica, NYC, and Orlando.

The grandkids do visit from time-to-time but college and work take them many places.

How self centered could adult children be? Denying you the opportunity to live a dream life. We had two out of three kids support us and one that didn’t. He came around but it took several years.

I got him in a private conversation and let him know how happy his mom is and that his approval was not necessary for us to move. Things are just fine now. The supportive sons worked him over in my behalf.

Our promotion from King and Queen babysitters was fantastic. It’s better being a grandparent without the daily grind of raising kids again.

I drop anything I have going on and get grandma to the little ones when she need a fix.

Your answer has to come from both of you. You have to be on the same page. It had its rough spots but it worked out fine. Good Luck.

Those non-humans who live here through the summer months are actually from Mars where our normal temperature is 950 degrees. We find it quite chilly here in the Summer months and enjoy it very much. We do find the Humans that start to migrate in after summer a little annoying though.

I would suggest you stay where you are and let your children control your life while you enjoy your grandchildren who will frustrate you as they migrate to their friends and their own lives where they will have little time for their grandparents.

They are losing their built-in babysitter. that's why they don't want you to move. In a few years, the grands won't want anything to do with you.

Tough situation, I feel for you. I haven't had to deal with this, but I hope you and your wife find a healthy balance without being influenced by guilt from the kids who selfishly may need free babysitters. FaceTime is a beautiful tool, hopefully your wife can visit birthday events that way!

I lived within 50 miles of Boston my whole life. I raised my children in NH. 7 years ago after being divorced, I met someone from Florida and eventually moved down here. I was very close to my children but they were older with their own lives. I had a 1 year old grandson and it was very hard for me to move and leave them in NH. I'm fortunate enough to be able to travel back to NH about six times a year. We travel to NH and stay with my daughter for a few weeks in the summer. I also face time with her and now two grandchildren almost every weekend. I still miss them like crazy but they have jobs and their kids are involved in sports, so the time we would be able to be with them would be limited. I worked my whole life to get to this point and to retire and travel. I raised my kids to be hard workers and to be independent and they are wonderful humans. It takes a while to get used to being apart but it gets easier.

This is a tough one. We’re lucky; my parents bought here in TV over 30 years ago, so the kids have been visiting since they were toddlers, and they love it here. When we bought our house and I expressed my concerns to my eldest son, he said, “Mom, we’re closer to grandma & grandpa who go to FL than we are to our grandparents who are here all year.” It told me it really is quality over quantity. Here are some things we do to help:
*We go back to MN in the summers and “overdose” on grandkids’ activities.
*We usually go back for about 10 days before Christmas. We love the early Christmas because they don’t have to leave for another gathering & the grandkids have their “first” Christmas with us. Plus the travel is cheaper. I even have the house decorated & the tree up before we leave in the fall.
*We give them the option of receiving either Christmas gifts or a flight here during their spring break. They’ve chosen the flight every year so far. It is SO fun to have them here and we get them 24/7.
It has worked for us for the last 9 years and we feel like the luckiest people on the planet. That being said, it’s not for everyone. Best of luck to you.

Your wife has love in her heart and loves her kids/grandkids. I find that commendable.

We have the 4 youngest grands for 4-6 weeks every summer. They love coming down here something to look forward too. With FaceTime and couple short visits throughout the year, it works. As they get older with friends, school activities etc. they develop their own life, as should you.

Thank you all for your comments. We have a lot to think about.

Spending the summer up north is not reverse snowbirding, it is the definition of snowbirding.