Need advice
 

My neighbor has grown increasingly confused and forgetful over the past year or two and has somehow become convinced that he owns my house. He is constantly wandering around my property, ringing the doorbell, entering my lanai and once actually managed to get into my house while I was away. I think he somehow got through the lock on my sliding door. He is a former LEO so probably knows how to do that. I've since put lock bars in the tracks of the sliders and while I am less worried about him getting in again I'm still a bit nervous about the situation. I can't see this ending well.

My question is what advice would you put forth to help me deal with this? I don't know anything about his medical situation but it seems to me that he maybe has some form of dementia and I have no experience dealing with that. I don't want to do anything that will make things worse but clearly this can't go on and I am going to have to do something. Help?

Do you know if he lives alone, or anybody in his family that can be contacted, if not then a call to elder care would be appropriate. This sounds like a situation that could get very bad very quickly. The county mental health personnel should be able to give you a hand getting to the correct agency.

I would second elder care if he lives alone or there is no family to contact. If someone doesn’t look in on him things will get worse.

Call the police. If he is a retired LEO he undoubtedly owns a gun and you can't know what will set him off. Not your problem to fix his problem; the police will figure out what services he needs. The time for being 'neighborly' has passed when he trespassed into your home.

Good advice ! While I have had experience with Elder Care organization, they do not have legal powers, so one has to be aware of that when contacting them. In this situation it seems the number one priority is to somehow find out the next of kin. In some instances that might not be an easy task either. Even though he entered the home of a neighbor illegally, still, most of us would hate to involve the police. However, involving police may be the only path to having next of kin contacted. I agree, this is DEFINITELY NOT going get "better" !

Police. Then it is official, and noted.

There are two groups of retired police officers that may be able to help. 1. The Villages 10-13 Club 2. A local FOP = Fraternal Order of Police. Sorry I don't have contact info but will try to get it. Possibly google can come up with contact info. Good luck with this.

Call the County Sheriff. This is a vulnerable adult issue and they will know how to deal with it, get in contact with adult protective services, etc. This guy needs intervention.

Aside from that, as other posters have indicated, you could be in very real danger. I’d waste no time in reporting it.

Does he live with someone that you can talk to? Does he still drive?

Please report this to the authorities ASAP. Your life/health, as well as his, could be in danger. I know you are worried about what might happen to him, but it won't be any worse than what could happen to both of you if you do nothing. Godspeed.

Suppose he is in your house and he thinks it is his house. You come in and he shoots you.

Thanks for all the advice. He does have family locally but they seem to be having limited success keeping him off my property. I am away on an extended vacation halfway around the world so it's hard to deal with any of this at the moment but I will be following up on all the advice when I get back in May.

How about security cameras? I think you need to be able to check what's happening in and around your home, and have a recordings of it. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your vacation.

The police/sheriff are exactly who you should call. Calling a retired LEO club, or an FOP lodge will get no traction...they would undoubtedly tell you to call the police. Law enforcement has direct access to all of the services that can be brought to bear in situations like this. Plus, they have the legal authority to take direct action if need be, such as an involuntary commitment. Calling the police for help is not being mean or uncaring...in fact, you would be doing your neighbor and yourself a service.

Thoroughly agree!! I feel sorry for his mental condition but am more concerned about your physical safety

Lots of good advise given here. Don't waste any time in taking some action. This could get nasty.

Ask for community watch to check on the house, ask a neighbor, install cameras, by all means notify the police when you are gone, etc

Are any of your neighbors friends? I know that many of my neighbors have shared emergency contact information with close neighbors. My parents also had this information on their refrigerator.

Does this behavior get worse in the late afternoon? Sundowners is a very real issue for people with forms of dementia.

I would recommend checking with your other neighbors and or paying your neighbor a visit to see if he has a DNR or emergency information. You may also consider requesting emergency medical services as opposed to the police if he is confused, but not combative. Hopefully they will be able to notify his family.

Call adult protective services they will investigate and contact the family

Call both family and the police and see if you can have them all meet together.

Are you not concerned what could happen while you are away?
After the events described it should be the top priority. You, or someone else in your home could wind up in a very dangerous position.....a currently known situation!!

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His dementia classifies him as a “wanderer”. There will come a point where he doesn’t know how to get back to his own house, if he already mistaken your house as his. He also could try to boil water in a plastic container at this point. If the kin don’t have power of attorney over him, not even the police can force him into memory-care home. The state will have to get involved. Best to notify the police to be on record and their suggestions and contacts, along with the county elder care to help. Unfortunately, it’s the kin that should be doing this, and not you. However, if they won’t then it’s up to you.

Yikes, you could come home and he could think you are a trespasser and kill you.

If he got in your house, you should have notified the sheriff's office immediately. Then you would have a record of his doings.

You need to call Adult Protective Services with the local Department of Human Services.

They can investigate. If they find that the case has merit, they will file in the local court. If they prove their case to a judge, then next steps will be determined as are appropriate.
Here is the contact info directly from the state website for Job and Family Services.


Adult Protective Services
Florida law requires the reporting of known or suspected abuse, neglect, abandonment, exploitation, or self-neglect of vulnerable adults (elderly or disabled). The Florida Abuse Hotline accepts reports 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. If you suspect or know of a vulnerable adult in immediate danger, call 911.
How to Report
Abuse Hotline

1-800-962-2873

you are SO very correct. i've had to use emergency services re: this issue with my husband, he was doing the same thing with the neighbors' home. thankfully, the cool neighbor was understanding & helpful, & would either spend time with him or walk him back home.. the problem was hubby began to learn how to unlock doors & locks i had put in to keep him safe. when i did need to call for help, the police did a WONDERFUL job: i swear they must take psyche courses. they calmed the situation just by their presence alone, talked him down & were able to get hubby in the ambulance to be checked out. God bless them, they were my angels that day, while i went shopping for newer locks, lol.
to get to the point_ they make all different kinds of locks, even a sliding dead bolt for lanai doors. the lock blends in with the color of the door, & is difficult to see or find unless you're looking for it. it can be placed anywhere you think will be tough to find, above or below existing locks. (the guys @ Ace hardware can help you find the right selections for your home.) when people start to wander, things can go bad VERY easily, & proper home security is a must.
***keep in mind that locks can produce a certain type of behavior: it can frustrate or upset the person who still believes they can manage their own lives, & possibly cause aggression. be prepared to distract & get their minds on happier topics of conversation.

All very good suggestions. I feel the best advise was for you was to put up security cameras. You need documentation that he goes on your property. Add in an alarm that sounds for a short time when he goes on your property. That might train him to stay away from that area. Also lock gates. Continue to work to get him help but a person losing their ability to know right from wrong is not to be trusted to make good decisions. Please be careful.

Don’t understand why you would hate to call the police. They are trained to help people in these situations and can be very compassionate.

Why wait, things could escalate and maybe even endanger one of your neighbors.

Try giving the Alzheimer's Association a call. I've been away from my involvement with them (volunteered a long time ago), but they used to have trained professionals available to answer questions and guide people living with dementia. Their phone number is 1 (800) 272-3900.

We do a welcome information sheet with newcomers in our neighborhood which includes emergency contacts. We have used the information several times for emergency situations. Obviously this is voluntary but I don't recall anyone objecting.

I believe you can fill out a report at the Police Dept, reporting his behavior and why you believe he is a danger to self or others. That would get a social worker or investigator to his house for evaluation. If he refuses to cooperate, he may be brought in to the hospital involuntarily, based on your report and investigator's report, for a 3-day evaluation by psychiatrist.

Just a few clarifications. I have both an alarm system and numerous security cameras, inside and out. I have everything on video already and could probably make a pretty solid case for breaking and entering but I'd like to try to come to some kind of peaceful resolution without any legal complications. I'm more inclined to forgive and forget as long as it doesn't continue.

Since my alarm went off when my neighbor came into the house and I was not able to respond to the alarm, the police were notified and did respond. I have them on video wandering around the house 15 minutes after it happened. I have since learned that the sheriff's office did try to reach me but since I am out of the country I don't have my regular SIM card in my phone and so missed the call. I will return the call when I get back but that won't be for another month. Hopefully they will remember the incident.

I also have The Villages Empty Nest housewatch people regularly checking on the house. After the lanai door lock was breached I had them install security rods in the door tracks to minimize the chances of the doors being breached that way again. I used to use them before I got my alarm system but stopped since they made it so inconvenient to use the lanai on a day to day basis.

I've also exchanged emails with my across the street neighbors about what happened so they are aware of the situation.

Anyway...

My intention in posting here was mainly to get advice on how to deal with my neighbor's confusion. I know it's primarily his family's responsibility and I have to assume they are trying to deal with it already but are having limited success since they can't watch him 24/7. That being the case I expect at some point I will probably run into him one on one and I'm not quite sure how I should handle it. We still have to live next to one another so I'd prefer to avoid any confrontation as that would probably make things worse.

Any advice along those lines would be much appreciated.

In the meantime I'm going to try to get back to my bucket list trip and try to forget all this for now.

Thanks so much.