How to Speak Proper Golf.......
 

Lesson 1

a. there is no such thing as a sand trap........its a bunker, the rule book never mentions the words sand trap

b. never say slice or hook, it denotes a lower skill level, just say draw(slight left movement) or fade(slight right movement) fyi nobody, nobody, hits the ball straight even Iron Byron

c. the group in front of you is always playing too slow

d. the group behind you is always playing too fast

e. the greens are always too slow and the rough too high

f.if someone says they are trying to copy a tour players swing....triple the bet

g. never talk about 3 putting...talk about the one put you made

this should help get you better thru cocktail parties where golfers abound, you will bond more:welcome:

While I was driving the golf cart past the lake across from the Pimlico Recreation Center a green golf ball hit the sidewalk just to the right of me. He/she must have been taking golfing lessons from Happy Gilmore. That is when Happy Gilmore first started hitting golf balls.

Lesson 1:

"Iron Byron" has been gone for over 20 years.

Testing equipment can absolutely hit a golf ball, straight.

The AVERAGE PGA Tour player curves the ball 11 yards, over 290 yards. An average designed/planned deviation of 3.8%.

There are 1000's of golfers who can hit a golf ball +/- 1% ... that's straight.

Well. Yes. The sand is actually trapped in the bunker until you knock some out!:throwtomatoes:

Never forget LOFT...

Lack Of F*##ING Talent!

What's more painful, golf balls or tennis elbow?

e. the greens are always too slow and the rough too high

But in The Villages, the greens ARE too slow 😂😂😂

Thanks! Now my golf-speak can improve even if my game doesn’t.

Thanks
 

Did not know Iron Byron died......... but, by definition, deviation is not straight.........
just ask a carpenter

… and it’s not called “mulligan,” it’s called “mule-agin” because only asses use them. 😁

I disagree with part of your b. Yes, draws and fades are slight movements left and right (right-handed golfer), respectively. But what does one call strong movements left or right? They are called hooks and slices. And shot that takes what appears to be a very sharp turn left is a duck hook. I've played with many highly skilled golfers and what I described are the terms they use.

I was under the impression that any extreme deviation of the ball from the tee, was called a "F***it!!

Golf
 

A bunker is an underground structure for protection and/or storage. Traps on a golf course that contains sand designed to capture your golf ball is indeed referred to as a "sand trap".

As of 2019, these terms are used in the areas of a golf course.

Areas of the Course
The five defined areas that make up the course:

The general area,

The teeing area the player must play from in starting the hole they are playing,

All penalty areas,

All bunkers, and

The putting green of the hole the player is playing.

"rough" is not a thing in the rule book either if that is what is setting your lexicon.

I think if you want to bond more you should use more slang and make your slang the more creative. I am tired of calling bunkers "the beach" and the green the "dance floor" , the fairway "main street" and my draw a "hooker". What are other suggestions?

"rough" is not a thing in the rule book either if that is what is setting your lexicon.

I think if you want to bond more you should use more slang and make your slang the more creative. I am tired of calling bunkers "the beach" and the green the "dance floor" , the fairway "main street" and my draw a "hooker". What are other suggestions?

The only real "trap" in golf is the furrowed bunkers at Oakmont country club in Pittsburgh... Truly mean.

In 99.9% of the cases, the "deviation" is by design.

Any other deviation is do to wind.

Golf balls, clubs, machines & equipment, are not the same as in your youth.

slang is good
 

A mother in Law- a putt that gets nothing but lip

A lemme- a putt near a gimme thats not conceded, lemme see you make it

A Sandy- up and out of bunker and a one putt

An Angus- a cup that was set at an angle, side of hill, uneven surface

A pukie- hungover guy throws up on a hole and still makes par

A noonan- a pressure putt

Closely Mown area- fairway height or less, used for preferred lies

:icon_hungry:

Tough
 

Tough to get old and low tech, but, the physics and geometry of the golf swing remain the same....thankfully

Swing hard incase you hit it.

Shoot and holler $#!£

Not good golf etiquette to lose a dirty ball.

In my Circles we call the lip outs that you call Mother in laws, "Monica's" ---all lip and no hole, although that is kind of crude and not everyone stoops that low.

Putts that go straight in are then "Wilt Chamberlains" ------ dead center.

You have to make par from the bunker for it to be a Sandy. But that is not particularly creative, just kind of standard.

Hard pulls to the left are "Thurmon Munsons"... A "Dead Yank"...

When you significantly out-drive someone, it's a "Roy Orbison"... "Blew by You"...

What's a Rock Hudson Putt? Looks straight, but you know it's not.

What's huge pull to the left or right? Joe DiMaggio or Thurman Munson .... dead Yanks.

What do say to your partner, when you drive 30 yards beyond him? That's a Llnda Ronstadt. Blue Bayou.

What do say when your opponent hits in the deep rough, during the summer? "You're in the love grass". Why? He's F&&&K'd

What's the proper thing to say, when your opponent has a 2' to win the Match? "Take your time with that, hit it close".

What's a Kate Moss? Thin, but it'll work.

What do say, when you've been just shaving the hole all day? "I"m playing like a Gynecology Assistant"

What's a Condom shot? Doesn't feel great, but the shot works out ok.

What's an OJ Simpson putt? "Stabbed at it, but go away with it".

What's a lousy pitch shot, you catch fat? A Rosie O'Donnell ... fat & ugly

What do you say when your opponent hits the putt 10' beyond the cup and 10' off line? "Geez, how did that not go in" ?

What do you call a putt that stops at the lip? - A Cuban- needs one more revolution

What do you call a fruitless search for a lost ball? - A Dusty Springfield - Wishing and Hoping

Whatever you call it I don't want to be in it!

Hmmmmm
 

I draw is different than a hook
A slice is different than a fade
Don’t try to copy a pro ? Who better to emulate, some guy ho can’t break 90 ?

Emulate Yourself
 

You have neither the mind or body to emulate a tour player.......get a lesson and find out what YOUR secrets to the golf swing are..........BUT, if you want you can dress like them if it makes you feel better :thumbup:

And I thought it meant little old floppy thing. Bugger.🤔

I remember the first time I was about to break 100. I was so excited. Dad told me to take a deep breath and exhale slowly. My final putt! My stroke was perfect. The strength was perfect. The ball rolled up the slight incline. The clown closed his mouth and my ball went down the shute back to the rubber mat.
The game hates me. But I am drawn like a moth to a flame.