Afraid of change and leaving family
 

My wife and I have visitied TV twice and love the area, weather and concept. TOTV is a great resource. My wife is hesitant and is wondering if there are others that had second thoughts before they moved to TV, leaving their children and friends behind. We only have one son, single, mid-thirties who is well established. Many of our friends have parts of their families spread out throughout the country and they seem to have no issues. Anyone out there that can help my wife with her concerns?

Our family is scattered about and we probably see them more now then before. Everyone loves to visit Florida for vacations and if they can stay with you they can even save a few bucks. Sometimes we pay for a ticket or two for someone that comes and visits and sometimes we offer a ticket as a Christmas or birthday gift.
I know it's not that same as having them here but Skype works well for a "virtual" visit and it's free.

Of course there are lots of others who had to leave their comfort zone to move to The Villages. Some love it here and yes, some do not.

I was sitting at Cody's bar a few days ago and talking to the couple next to me. They had moved here about 6 months ago. The man loved every aspect and especially golf and is gone most of the day. His wife was miserable because she had to leave friends in Ohio. She does not go to clubs or activities here but just stays home and hates every minute. She said she just filed for divorce because her husband will not leave. I was very uncomfortable with all of that conversation and moved to another bar stool (far away).

You have to direct yourself to your best spot. It may be The Villages or it may be where you currently live.

Our children actually encouraged us to move here. How does your son feel about the possible move? They believe we have worked and sacrificed for them and this should be our time. They are 6&1/2 hours away by car and we have a set phone time each week so we can catch up. As someone else said, one has already been here twice and we have only been here four months. If your wife is willing to put herself out there and meet people, she will be fine. I am rather shy, but find I am more willing to reach out here because everyone is so friendly. Ultimately only you and she can make the choice; have you considered renting long term to see how you like it on a more permanent basis? Good luck in your decision.

phoneman - perhaps a good way to think on this is for your wife to think about the two visits you have already made and evaluate the anxiety level she felt while away...and then make a third visit and evaluate how she feels when she thinks about makig the villages a permanent move rather knowing she is returning home to family and friends.

many folks here on totv have expressed those same feelings and will likely stop by to share those feelings. me, i am a free spirit and do not care for the feeling of being tied to anything - though i do enjoy building comfortable surroundings around me wherever i am...but my husband! sheesh! he enjoys an occassional trip away from the home base - but there is always that home base and we must return to it before too long!, thus, we are snowbirds having purchased a very modest home that is just right for 3-4 months of winter's snow and ice back home.

regardless of where we are - there is always time for family - if we don't call in to them, they call us! and we try to find time to visit who we can in person when we are in transit! it is a lifestyle that we looked forward to before retirement - and since retirement it is working out well. we have found a new comfort level - am sure you and your wife will find the one that's right for both of you.

I would not under normal circumstances make a decision to move anywhere based on family. Things change people move on grow up etc. A married couple have to assess what is likely to happen. for instance I know a couple who followed their child to virginia. the child didn't like virginia and so she left leaving the parents there.

Grandchildren grow up and move on and so forth. Essentially a couple has to decide what is more imortant to them.

Pleasedon't look at The Villages through rose colored glasses as it like most places also has its share of warts

Two things. I have read similar posts before and one of the good suggestions was to try a long-term rental first. It will give you both a chance to really immerse yourselves in TV and see how the situation with your family and friends works out.

We were in a similar situation as we have one son and he was living in Sarasota so it made our move easier as we would be closer in TV. Well, he now lives in Chicago. Would we move? No way. Regarding friends, we have made more friends here in 6 years than we had in 30 years in our previous location.

TV isn't for everyone, but I've met more very happy people here than unhappy.

Is your wife an introvert?
 

Our son's family moved to Winter Park so that made us easy to move here though we probably would have moved anyway finally. My wife had reservation so I waited patiently and it is true that our son's move clinched her mind. I would say that many wives have reservations more than the guys from personal observation. If your wife is a loner or introvert, TV may not be easy to live as too many are having such a great time. She has to be willing to meet people, join activities and basically be adventurous. Your old friends will come and stay for a visit. Consider yourself an innkeeper. If she can do that, all will be well.

We just moved here after buying A home and we had the same fears but we have met so many nice people. Everyone is in the same boat. Just spent 3 days with one son in Orlando and are talking about his next visit to TV. Then in two weeks we go visit the other son. Life is all about change. Change is fun and frightening, we had the same feelings you do but are just making the effort to make it all work. All the best to you.

How sad to read that. This is where the husband should be leaving his golfing for now and concentrate on his wife and her needs. BOTH of them should be going out together, getting involved with the daily activities and clubs that his wife can enjoy on her own, that is if he really values his marriage. Then and only then can both of them enjoy a singular activity and a joint venture.

I'd be pretty certain that their problems were leading toward divorce long before moving to TV.

Why file for divorce when one spouse could just go and spend a few weeks/months with relatives?? Maybe it was a more intimate "friend" that she left in Ohio.

I see lots of people from Ohio here whose relatives/friends LOVE to come here to see them because it's nice and sunny.

Hello:
Distance and time, two things that are difficult to live with, hard to part with.
I grew up with my father being the only family member that was far away from his family (12 hours by train + 8 by bus at that time). We loved our cousins so much I still remember spending the summer time every year with them. I did not understand why they lived so far apart.... Until I grew up and move to the States (I am from Brazil) and my sister to England, leaving our third sister behind. Now, I am in Virginia and soon will be in Florida. My children will stay (perhaps in a different place?). My parents already passed away and from my experience one sentence would express it all, perhaps it will help you: "Far from our eyes, yet so close to our heart, always". So no matter where we are, we can always keep our loved ones with us.

I take exception to "go spend a few weeks with relatives"! I woul love to visit with my sons and grandchildren but not bad enough to "spend a few days, much less weeks" with my daughters-in-law!

I have to agree with this post. There is something more to it than just "she stays home and he plays golf all day" As I have always said, there are FOUR sides to every story. YOURS..THEIRS..OTHERS INVOLVED..AND THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER SEEING IT ALL. Sounds to me this was in the works long before the move as said above.

our 30 year old son is coming for his first visit this fall.. :a040: he is renting his own golf cart.. he can't waite to see where we live

Consider a three or four month rental in the summer (less expensive) and see how the separation goes.

I agree with some of the previous posters when they stated that the marriage was already on shaky grounds if she quickly filed for divorce. Again, there should have been some conversations between the couple before the decision to move here. OK, so everyone that makes The Villages their new home does not play nor wishes to ever play golf. That is why there are close to 1 million clubs to join. Sitting home and hating every minute and probably crabbing about it every minute her husband is home is the reason that he plays golf every day.

My wife and I split our time between TV and CT and we have met the most wonderful people, neighbors and established new friendships here, are more active here than back home. We enjoy TV so much that we are making plans to sell our home in CT and make TV our perminent place.

Feel sad for that couple, but sometimes when life throws you a lemon (as if you can wrap your arms around the fact that TV is a lemon) you make lemonade!!

Keep your eye on the prize...
 

I, too, struggled immensely with leaving my family, especially my 85 year old mother. I cried on and off a lot wondering how I would feel with a permanent move to TV. Now that I'm here, I think it was the best move I ever made. If your wife likes to socialize a bit she can make great friends. She is bound to have some wonderful neighbors she can feel close to. Also, FaceTime or Skype is great for when your feeling lonely. Not the same as a hug, but certainly helps when you want to see your friends and family back home. We have become very close to some of The people we have met here in TV, some of them feel like family. We have been blessed with a great community and some awesome friends. She will also be able to keep busy with activities. In the end, you have to do what is right for you. Best of luck with your decision.

I can feel your and your wife's anxiety about the move to TV from anywhere else. We moved all over the world, taking our one-year old daughter to Germany from her grandparents. That wasn't popular with them and being separated by 100 miles or several thousand miles for a year or three at a time is emotionally painful but we learned to enjoy the new situation and then learned to savor the past and revel the present.

Absolutely will not make light of anyone's "fear" of leaving friends and family behind. That is a big change and you will have to work that out. I think the best idea given here is to do a three or four month rental, then go back "home" and see how much you miss TV. Then repeat the rental. You might find that your friends and family like seeing you but you like the life style here in TV enough to stay longer each visit. Good luck in your journey to where every you wind up.

I agree with the posts about trying a rental for several months. Rentals from late spring through the fall months are quite reasonable. Best of luck in your decision.

:a040:
Makes sense to me !

Lots of Great Advice
 

We just completed an evening with our Sunday School Class and then an evening with dear friends. We love them all and leaving family and friends is one subject I don't dwell upon (get too emotional), but we have given all our lives and now it's time for us to have "our" time. Am leaving our only son, who is currently at home, a brother with MS and lots of precious friends. But we are about to complete a 7-year journey getting to TV and realizing a dream is the most wonderful thing my DW and I can give each other!

Everyone sharing their experiences, fears and anxious moments may or may not help with your decision, but, I can tell you without reservation, that after our first hour at TV in 2005, we knew in our hearts that was the place we wanted to spend our "golden years" together. We can stay active, and actually get more active. Making friends is the easiest part, and you don't have to be that outgoing of a person. It truly is "Florida's Friendliest Hometown"!

Finding all the services you need is far easier in TV, and especially here on TOTV. All you have to do is ask and you shall receive! We are just about packed and getting a few "touch up" projects completed on our house in Montrgomery will have us ready to hit the road to our new home in TV, hopefully by the end of the month.

All the best with your decision. We extend our hand of friendship and would love to welcome y'all as our "next" friends in TV!!:highfive:

I agree with all posts saying to rent for several months. I would be respectful of the wife's feelings and would ask your son what is his feelings about being away. Ask him to visit to see for himself. My son did and he agreed TV is a perfect place for me. Your son may enjoy TV so much he would spend his vacation time there and you might wind up seeing him more then ever before.

Good luck with your decision.

Since we were leaving our ocean front condo we wanted to be sure that TV was our next and final home so we rented for two months in the Summer for two Summers. After the first week we knew it was for us but we had to be really, really sure. We've been here for 4 years and have never looked back. The friendships we've made mean a great deal to us and as for the cherry on top, my sister moved down and lives close by. We get to be girls again but without the angst.:a040: Renting is the way to go.

Thanks to all
 

Thank you all for your input and understanding. Will be down early next year to visit and make our decision.

I am a military wife, so use to moving a lot. We have been here 2 1/2 months and my son and his family have been here for a wk which we spent at DW, and then his two oldest came again the end of last month. I can't remember the last time they visited us when we lived in the country in Md.

Like someone else said - you will get company - kids and g/k's. We have another set of g/k's that lived 20 miles from us, and they were so excited we moved here also.

First summer we came to visit hubby said it was not for him. Second summer we came hubby said he was beginning to like the place. When we sold our house in Jan he had decided we would find our forever home in TV's, which we did. Love it here, even though we do not participate in much yet. Taking it slow.

I am sure what ever decision you make, will be the best for y'all. TV's is not for everyone, but it sure is for us.

I too have reservations, especially when my daughter teases me about putting up signs in front of our house to dissuade people from wanting to buy it. When I start to worry, I think about visiting my grandma in Florida and about how much my kids and grandkids will enjoy coming down...actually, I've started telling them that we aren't moving to Florida, we are just going down to purchase a vacation home for them near Disney and we will stay there to take care of it....that makes them smile. Just think about how much better it is now, in the 'olden days' airfare was horrendous and remember worrying about long distance phone calls? We are all probably less than 4 hours away from our families and my husband has agreed that there will be a special account that may be used when I really, really need to see the kids...we'll send them a ticket. As far as the woman that is divorcing her husband, as you all have said, there obviously were already problems in that marriage and the fact that she would rather sit in her house and be miserable than to try to get out and have some fun says a lot about her. (then again, maybe he's a jerk and made the decision to move to TV without taking her feelings into consideration..as has been said, two sides to every story). This only makes me appreciate my husband and marriage even more.

The Villages is not for everyone. I think that couple probably had marriage problems before they came here, and it was a last ditch effort to stay together. They can probably both be happy in their own comfort zone.

Had similar misgivings...12 years ago. Started out as snowbirds. Would "never move from home." 3 kids, 8 grand kids...After 6 months in the villages, it was "home." So many friends and so many activities didn't want to leave. No longer snowbirds. Love the villages more every year. Family and friends visit often. We are only a plane ride away when we want to visit them, but are usually too busy.

Agreed. That couple more than likely had issues long before they moved to the Villages. The wife refusing to even try is pretty telling that she didn't want to go there at all.

I understand your wife's feelings. We have three great kids (if 28, 30, 32 can be called 'kids') and my wife had the same reservations about 'leaving them'. One has since moved from the DC area to Raleigh-Durham and one most likely is going to relocate (can't say where because he's going to work for NSA and they're like the military, they send you where they need you). So, my wife realized that moving to TV wouldn't necessarily reduce her time with the 'kids'. That and we figure our place will be a 'grand kid' magnet. :smiley:

We bought a home in Pennecamp last March and have been using it as a 'vacation' spot for the last year. We had all our kids and their respective spouses/fiances visit for a week at New Years. They love the place and were very happy that we wanted to move there. They plan to visit often, plus, we'll be able to travel to visit them as often as we want as well.

My wife is happy and looking forward to the move (this November when I retire) as much as I am.

Of course our decision was helped by the fact that we live in the DC area and simply cannot afford to live in the area after we are both retired.

Another option may be to keep the best of both worlds to a degree. We would not consider living full-time in TV because all our children and grandchildren live in this area and probably will till they die. Two of our children own a very successful business, and the other child works for them. My wiife's mother and sister both live nearby, as do my niece and nephew and their families. We have moved many many times over my working years and are now settled back in the area from which we both came. However, we are going to sell our home and buy a smaller, less expesive home that we will share with our divorced son. He will pay the mortgage and we will make the down payment and the utilities payments, gradually turning full ownership over to him. This will allow him to have a home and quit renting and it will give us a permanent resident to take care of the property, leaving us free to travel. We will then purchase a small home or villa in TV which we can go to when we choose, purhaps with another couple, though that is not an option for most people. The result will be a cash-flow advantage over our current situation and the ability to live near the family, but enjoy TV whenever we want. One thing I have learned in thirty years of moving and buying and selling homes is -- don't lock in on one solution, but think through the options. Sometimes the most obvious option does not turn out to be the best. Good luck!

we bought here and never looked back. our kids are independent and have their own lives, as we also do. when we asked the kids if they minded us being so far away they told us that they were surprised that we would 'ask' them as if is our life and whatever we would decided would be alright with them.

I did
 

I had a tremendously hard time leaving family and friends. I was homesick for a long time. We just had the kids down for 10 days and I felt bad again, but they all say, "don't ever move from the Villages!" That helps.