Hesitant about moving to TV
 

This is the 2nd trip for my husband and myself. I must say that our stay in the Sullivan Villas was more friendly with the neighbors than our current stay in Mallory Hills. When we are out and about in TV everyone is very friendly and more than willing to provide us with info about The Villages. But here it seems everyone puts their heads down when we ride by. As far as I know I know absolutely no one down here and i'm friendly but not extremely outgoing and I am concerned that it would be a while before I would join in, in the activities. The hardest part about considering to move is leaving my 7 kids and 13 grandchildren. How do you make the break?

Chris, you are not alone! There are many people in your same situation ... it is very hard to just take the plunge! My husband and I are set to close in August on a pre-owned home. We still have to sell our current home in Atlanta, get my husband retired, and figure out how our move will affect holidays with our five children (2 grands)! I cannot retire yet as I am 12 years younger than my husband so we also will become a " commuter marriage" for a while! So you see, things could be worse. Our two visits down to TV were amazing. You WILL meet many nice folks and joining clubs will be easy --we went to two meetings and were met with open arms. If you are shy about joining a group look me up! I will attempt to work in Atlanta Tues-Thursday and have 4 days off. I plan on joining some clubs immediately (Zumba, scrapbooking, line dance, crafts ... just to name a few!) Our kids will love visiting, and Camp Villages is something for the grandkids to look forward to every summer. It's time for YOU now Chris! Just take a deep breath and jump right in ... the water's fine!

hi
 

Just sent you a pm...

Moving
 

We bought because friends were already owners. We left for home the same day that we closed and did not come back until January. The friends that we were planning to do thing with we're unable to come down at all, we were fortunate to have purchased in a a new neighborhood and got involved with the other new people and had a good time.

hi
 

sent another pm

the only way you can only not make friends here is to intentionally try not to. it's virtually impossible unless you work hard at staying in the house.

To be honest, while The Villages is nice and pretty and active, there is no way in hell I would leave 7 kids and 13 grandchildren for golf and strangers.

Chris.

It may NOT be time to leave your home and family. If you are not comfortable here, that could be a sign. This place is a wonderful place for many, but not for all.

There is no hurry. There will be homes if and when you change your mind.

It may be hard to invite a bunch of strangers to your home first, but I did and it worked out very well. I just knocked on the doors of the folks who lived around us and said to come for coffee at two the next day and went and got too many coffee cakes at Publix and people came and we got to know each other.

In any club or meeting, usually if you say, I am new here, folks are so eager to help you feel comfortable.

But if the real thing is your large and loved family, don't leave them.

Or perhaps buy a smaller home for part time.

how do your kids feel...ours want us to live where we can enjoy life...our grandkids are so busy they barely have a few hours a week even in the summer...we plan on comming part time for a while...not because of our kids or grandchildren but just not ready to change our lives

.......

I agree with Gracie. If you are hesitant, your gut is telling you that you are not in harmony with this possible next step. Harmony is what makes us feel good and thoughts of moving here should feel good.

Allow yourself a bit of time to think about what scenario will provide the best surroundings and lifestyle you want (and why). Perhaps really understanding that will guide you better than any outside influences could.

Best wishes to you.
:)

It could be that two visits just isn't enough to make a decision.
You may be happier just being a snowbird and NOT moving to
T.V. permanently.
Take your time and listen to your heart.

We have five sons and ten grandchildren so I feel your pain. At the same time I feel the strong pull of the Villages. I was totally sold on the Villages the minute we came here. Not so my wife, (is this beginning to sound familiar?) she was concerned about moving to a new place and was also torn about moving away from some of our grandchildren. Some are around the Boston area where we live now, but others are a twelve hour drive away in Pittsburgh. We are moving at the end of the month to the Villages.

The key for us was that I need a lot of activity to stay contented and spending the winter up in New Hampshire all alone watching TV was sending me crazy. I think my wife is moving mostly for me, but I am beginning to feel she too is ready for adventure. She opposed almost all the moves we ever made. Some were corporate moves, others not. We have been in this house for 24 years. I would say most objections to change are really fear based. Will I like it there? Will I fit in? Will I miss my family all the time? But for me the chance to
change the direction of our lives is just so exciting I can't resist. I ride a motorcycle and there is nothing like riding down a steep grade and curving around some wild roads. My wife, on the other hand, gets scared, so she doesn't ride with me.

Anyway, we have agreed to come back often to visit our family. Flights are
inexpensive. We also plan to go on a road trip each summer and visit each of our children for three to four days so 5 children x4 days equals 20 days. We will then go sightseeing to Canada or Maine and then catch them all on the
way back to Florida. That is another 20 nights with our children. So you can see we will be on the road for 2 to 3 months.

Another thing that allayed my wife's fears is that I said if we don't like it we can always come back. The nice thing about this move in my mind is that we will no longer favor the family around Boston, but will more evenly distribute our attentions. That seems much fairer to me. I love my family as much as anyone, but I also have a sense of adventure and I want to lead a healthy
active life. I think my wife will also benefit from this change. I am beginning to see positive things happening already to her. She had gotten herself too deep in responsibility in a local church and she had become more like an employee than a volunteer. She is the type of person manipulative people know how to overwork with effusive compliments. She is starting to see that you don't have to work all the time. You can take time for yourself and have some fun. You don't really have that much time left.

The family can also visit us in the Villages. Who doesn't like Disneyworld?

Happydaz.

I understand your wife's hesitancy and I am the least adventurous of the two of us. Sweetie has led me on to all kinds of interesting adventures and some I didn't like ever.

I think that it is in part the ying vs yang, the estrogen vs. testosterone and the hunter gatherer instinct vs. the nesting, protecting, guiding one.

I truly did NOT think my kids and grandkids could get on without me, and my filling their gas tanks and slipping them a few bucks when they were short...but they are doing all right and so am I. I understand just how your wife feels.

But the male female thing and attitude toward adventure, even that, I am a wuss.

But the world needs a few wusses, I hope.

I am stuck being me.

What a great upbeat post Mr. Happy! I think almost everyone can relate to the fears of leaving the familar for the unknown. As has been said many times before, in all sorts of threads on TOTV, attitude is everything. If you really don't want to be in TV, then you won't be content living here.

...........

I agree with the posts that advise you to take your time; perhaps try out TV by snowbirding. But let me add this perspective.

We were contemplating retirement in CA, and our son, an executive chef, was working in Tampa and living in Sarasota. We came out to visit him and visited TV, immediately deciding it was the place for us. It was only two hours from our son and grandkids instead of cross country. After two years, he took a job in Jacksonville, living in St. Augustine, still only about two hours away. Great! Two years later, he got an offer for a great position in Chicago and away they went. We looked at each other and agreed right away that we were NOT going to leave our home here. We have too many friends and too much to do that gives us joy.

And, as others have said, the grandkids have grown, have their friends and interests, and are busy with school. We use FaceTime to visit electronically, and talk on the phone regularly. They visit us and we visit them. Compressing the time we have together seems to concentrate the enjoyment. Do we miss them? Sure, but I wouldn't want my son to decline an opportunity because it would cause them to move away. And it would do us no good to uproot and move multiple times to stay near them.

We have 4 kids, 11 grandkids and they are spread out from Ca, Ut, NC and Fl. No way to be near them all. We have stressed and stressed about where to retire. We want to see them all a couple of times a year for a week or so, and hate to have them so spread out.

We finally decided to check out TV and by the 2nd day we had our answer. WE will be very happy in TV and the kids will visit, or we can escape the summer heat by visiting them.

Things change, the kids did all live close by when the grandkids started to arrive and soon jobs took them elsewhere. That is just life these days. We wanted to keep the "family home" which is large enough for all to come for the holidays etc. But for the young families it is very expensive to buy airfare for a family and pay for a rental car etc. So the "family home" hasn't had the whole clan at one time for a couple of years now.

I think that has just prepared us for the fact that WE need to choose a retirement location that works for US. We feel like newlyweds again making plans to strike off on our own! We are both very excited and found everyone in TV to be VERY friendly.

The kids will come and LOVE it and we will be living the retirement life that we never thought possible. No hesitation here!! I am just so glad we found TV, as all the other alternatives we looked at were just buying a downsized home in a typical neighborhood without all the fantastic amenities TV has.

We just can't wait to get there and start our 2nd honeymoon! Haha!!

There are already enough people that want to move here without being "convinced" by current villagers. If you don't want to move here or don't really think you want to move here or don't have good reasons to move here than don't move here.

Nicely phrased! You are too kind.

When we were looking and considering moving here, our realtor advised us to buy in a new neighborhood rather than an established one. She said residents of older neighborhood would have already established their circles of friends and would be already participating in activities they liked. In contrast, in a Village still under construction all residents would be in the same boat. Looking to establish new friends and relationships, eager to explore and try out new activities, etc., etc. This turned out to be very wise advice.
If you are renting in an established neighborhood, this might explain why your neighbors seem a bit unfriendly.
As far as missing grandchildren and other relatives, you'll have to evaluate that situation for yourself.
Best wishes.

We bought last year in Duval and are not full time yet. We have met so many fine folks of all ages in the pools, classes and restaurants. While buying in a new area has everyone in the same "making friends" mode it is not impossible to make many long lasting relationships. We made the effort to met people and am so glad we settled in Duval. Love the location!

You will meet many wonderful people and stay as busy as you'd like to be but NOTHING can replace the hugs of those grandchildren! I was very close to my 4 grands that lived nearby in NC and spent as much time as possible with them but when they grew into teens their lives became full of other things (as it should) and only then did we decide to make the move to TV!

We moved to Fernandina in dec. we received advice from several villagers that we might be better buying a new house rather than in an established village. Several had neighbors who bought resale only to find the same situation you are describing. They were ready to head back north.but They sold and bought into new village and have been happy. My neighbors are GREAT everyone is trying to make friends . Most everyone is in your situation with the Grands up north. Good luck!

We bought in Silver Lake 4 years ago and are actually toying with the idea of moving back to northern Illinois. We miss family, seasons and the Midwest. I actually miss seeing field after field of soybeans and corn! So, the next year will tell the tale. Hubby and I both think it just gets too crowded down here in the winter.

I have one grandchild down here and one up north. My kids down here asked if they were transferred back north would we follow. We didn't hesitate and said "No." I figure God gave us airplanes so we could fly north to visit our families. Luckily, it easy to get cheap, non-stop flights out of Orlando and Sanford to practically anywhere.

I know a lot of people have a hard time leaving their families and if mine had stayed up north, we would never have looked. However, my son was transferred down here and when we came to visit, we fell in love with the place. We analyzed whether we were moving here to be close to him or whether we wanted to live here, because we knew he could be transferred again. We decided that this was the place we wanted to be. It was the BEST decision we ever made.

It's more than the golf. Even more than the pickleball. It's more than the entertainment. It's more than the blue skies and lack of sleet and snow. It's more than the variety of clubs, organizations and volunteer opportunities - although all of these contribute. For me - it's having so many vital, friendly, fun people who have become part of my life. Living here makes me feel young again - and so very, very alive.

Here's my piece of advice. If you want to quickly become part of the community - buy a NEW home. We looked at both new and pre-owned homes and decided we wanted to build so we had to move to a new area. It was only after we got down here that I realized what a fortunate decision this was. When you buy into a new area - everyone is new. Everyone is looking for new friends. It's like freshman year of college (without the 8 o'clock classes and exams!)

I've talked to people who bought into established communities and it was harder for them. It's not that people aren't friendly. It's just that people have established networks and are busy - so they are less likely to reach out to someone new. You can still make friends. You just have to find activities that interest you and join. You will find like-minded people. It will just take longer.

I have been here almost 2 years. Probably 90% of my friends are from my neighborhood, but I have a few friends that I have met from my exercise classes at the MVP Sports Club and others from a volunteer organization called Tutors for Kids. I also have friends of friends.

I am very out-going, but many of my friends aren't. They have lots of friends as well. It doesn't matter if you are a bit on the quiet side. There are so many people like me who will take the initiate to introduce themselves to you that if you are warm and genuinely interested, you will make friends. Down here - once you make one friends - they will introduce you to others.

And you don't have to go-go-go all the time. You set your own schedule and do as much or as little as you want.

My family has a history of Alzheimer's so I read a lot about how to prevent, or put off the symptoms of the disease. Everyone agrees that you need to have a close social network, to stimulate your mind, to stay physically active and to have a sense of purpose in your life. If you don't find all of these things in The Villages - shame on you. This place in unbelievable. I hope you give it a try.

I have to ask. What are you driving? We have found every part of the villages more freindly than any place we have lived and that includes several countries and 6 states. Come on down, I promise you will like it.

Reply tp moving here
 

Like the Nike commercial says: Just do It.
My wife & I arrived 3 weeks ago. We have been very busy unpacking, etc. but then found quick friends on the golf course, in our neighborhoods, at the mail boxes, etc. It really is so very easy to strike up conversations; and they lead to friends. Try it-make that Do IT!

Think for yourselves
 

My best advice to you would be to try The Villages for an extended period of time before committing to buying. If we'd been smart enough to rent for, say, 6 months, we wouldn't be living here. One week trips just don't give a realistic impression of the place. We moved into our new home in Fernandina in April 2013 and are very disappointed. Our neighbors say "hello", but that's about it. We meet people at clubs or in classes, but they're only acquaintances. There are no golf leagues here, so finding ongoing golfing buddies is problematic. Previously, we lived within a half hour's drive of a metropolitan area of 1+ million people, and we miss the amenities of the city: the shopping, the parks, the large library system, the sporting events, the theatres, etc. It wasn't like we took part in city events on a daily basis, but they were there when we wanted them. We also miss the diverse population of the city. Frankly, we're tired of dealing with nothing but well-to-do, self-absorbed, old, white people day after day. We could kick ourselves for being so gullible and believing all the propaganda we were fed. I encourage you to think for yourselves.

Read other posts by same posters, and decide who speaks to your heart.

There are plenty of realtors selling and plenty of buyers buying. Maybe you should try to make some connections that way.

chris123 - how does one leave famly? not easy to do until you are ready to do it! without feeling that you will be okay without them and they will be okay without you - there can't be much of a comfort level. our friends who are working toward that goal snowbird in the villages - they get out of winter's snow and cold and have a break from the needs of kids/grandchildren; and then they are ever so happy to get back home to enjoy all that was missed over the winter! it works well for their entire family.

and as far as new neighborhood vs established neighborhood..........................

we bought in an established neighborhood [none more established! - as we live on the historic side - the original villages!] and after a week or so of moving in, adjusting and waving to folks who passed by the house, we hosted a driveway party to meet our neighbors. i printed up an invitation and hand delivered [not easy for this shy type to do!] one to each house on our street - meeting folks that way made it more likely they would stop by. the invite asked them to come to a 'meet and greet' and it worked out swell! some neighbors had not spent meaningful time with each other for quite a while! we love our 'well-to-do, self-absorbed, old, white people' neighbors and friends in the villages! and we love our multi-national friends and neighbors, too!

"I have noticed that a man is usually about as happy as he has made up his mind to be."

This quote has been attributed to Abraham Lincoln but the true origin is uncertain. Regardless of the origin, I find it to be a very profound statement.

As you read this board over time you will find those who are mostly positive and those who are mostly complainers

We moved to Fernandina in December. I think that we were the 3rd or 4th family on our street. We made it a point to say hello to everyone when they moved in. Some clearly want their privacy and I respect that. Some folks will come talk in the middle of the street. It is the same mix of folks that I remember from most of the (many) places that I lived over the years.

Best way to make friends is to join (or at least visit) some clubs. Look in the rec news - there are clubs for almost everything. In Fernandina, Fernandina & Friends has at least a couple social events going on each month. There's a Thur am shuffleboard "beginner's league" where you can meet folks who moved in about the same time as you and are probably no better at shuffleboard than you. But it is a nice social activity where you will meet some very nice people.

This was posted on July 14. Has anyone else noticed the OP has not come back to the thread?

Once you comedown here and start attending clubs in which you are interested, you will hundreds of people with the same interests.

Even by just going to the pools you will meet plenty of people.

I find that 90% of the people wave or nod when I drive by in my golf cart or on my bicycle. sure there are some that don'd some people are not all that friendly, but I would guess that the America's Friendliest Home Town motto is pretty close to being true.

Just look at all the people you are meeting on this forum. There are many opportunities to meet them in person as well.

One thing that you shouldn't be concerned about down here is meeting new people and making friends.

Exactly ! First time poster and then never came back.

Don't you just wonder some times? Who are these folks who don't come back?

I wonder about that all the time. I especially wonder about those that post something for sale and then never come back. Oh well.

They are people interested in the villages and there maybe reasons they didn't come back like changed their minds, got sick, died ect...... Don't some times you just wish some of us wouldn't come back!