What motivated you in High School
 

Scenario:
-9th Grade Boy
-Hooked on the video games
-75 on last spanish exam...does very well when he studies
-C on science - (Lab partner, friend, great kid but academically challenged - doesnt help). I said I dont care how but find a way to get it done...

The wife learned of the spanish quiz via the online Highschool reporting..Was asked do you have spanish to study" Answer No? Wife 'fuming'.

Present Status: All electronics taken away

Yes I know its not the end of the world but Ive been throught that college choice process with the older one and good grades provide choices...

Thoughts?

How about a good technical high school and college for programming. Academics are not for everyone. I went to a college prep high school, with a pretty stiff tuition, and wound up with a career in the United Brotherhood of Carpenters. Great pension and annuity plans, and outstanding health insurance (never took out my wallet while my 3 active boys were growing up).

Not everyone is born with the same abilities. When will we realize that. Language is very hard for some people, Math is very hard for some people and easy for others. Those who have ability in one may not have ability in another. Not everyone is college material, That doesn't make them not valuable, stupid or worthless. There is a need for all kinds of training and all kinds of work. We have become a society of academic snobs. I speak as a person who has two very different children, one who academically gifted and one who is not. More extreme than most people at either end.

I wish they still had shop in REGULAR high school, taught plumbing and basic electronics, all respected professions and needed professions.

If a kid is NOT motivated in high school by himself, no one can motivate him. That ship has sailed.

I may be wrong. I don't know this child. I feel for you and for him. I know you care deeply. He has to care deeply about disappointing your expectations and may have given up.

Girls.

When I was 15 and not really giving school much effort my father finally told me "It is up to you now. I am not going to push you any more. You are old enough to decide for yourself. Bear in mind the choices you make now and the effort you put into your studies will largely determine how you are able to live your life in the future."

Frankly, it shook me up but I buckled down and through a lot of hard work have led a good life, one which I never would have had had I not studied.

Other boys I knew went into the service, matured, got out and only then hit the books hard.

I think the parents should ask to review any SAT scores or intelligence tests that he has taken in the past (his guidance counselor should have). If he scored well on those, you may be right that he just needs motivation. If his scores were low, he may need help with school work (tutoring). The parents just need to do some research so they know how to start helping.

I'm still hooked on fonics.

perhaps one day he will design video games and other applications...if he is given encouragement rather than criticism.

Competition
 

My name began with an S and Lynn's name began with an R. We competed for grades in every subject. When she was injured and didn't come back to school my grades slipped a bit. Having a teacher tell me I was too darn smart to allow that to happen got me back on track. Thanks Teach!

Seriously I was not really motivated in school due to words and attitudes toward students of the guidance counselor. It took one teacher who spent every effort on her part to change how I looked at learning. She took time with every student reguardless of how much of her time it took. She made every student feel accepted and worthwhile. I believe what she taught me about myself helped me into future education and life. I wish I had her help years before that and what a difference it would have really made.

Tough age. What worked for me was a summer working the strawberry fields -- very hard labor with little reward. At the end of the summer my mother gently told me the choice was mine -- a life of hard labor or a career indoors. I preferred the indoor career.

Boys, and my mother threatening me that I better graduate or I was out of the house, the last one really motivated me:))

Somehow getting the point across that we are in charge of our own life and SOON is important. I knew that in high school. It was very real to me.

Give him a brochure for the U.S. Army.

1964-1968
Flunk out and off to Vietnam.

It was competition with my best friend that dd it for me. I knew one of us was going to graduate first in class and I was determined it would be me. It was.

My Hot Rod, Girls, Football, Being a Lifeguard at the Town Lake, Girls, Girls & Girls

It's having a passion for something....any skill.....whether it is tinkering with a used car you match funds to buy with him, or a sport, or a musical instrument or vocal group, garage band, woodworking, science lab, raising cattle and showing them at the county fair, hairstyling or barbering, hunting, debate......ANYTHING that the person can excel in.

This is where I disagree with middle schools comprised of 1500 or more students. The kids become anonymous and they get little guidance by somebody who actually knows them and what sparks their interest. And then there's the aspect of a caring faculty and guidance staff.

And most of what I've seen is guidance toward college prep only, when we all know there are now too many new college grads who cannot get jobs in their degree area and are working as servers and retail clerks and living at home. While I believe a solid liberal arts curriculum is key to a solid classical education, I believe the kids need vocational-technical education, too!! I have used BOTH types of education. One complements the other in having more possibilities for a job and career.

There are smaller, rural high schools that run circles around the big suburban ones that ignore vocational-technical education and pump the top 100 college prep students to hold up the IMAGE of the high school by taking lots of AP courses etc. (which by the way, leave many students floundering when they get into a real "college-level" course they've been placed in).

Good approach
 

Very good advice and a common sense approach. :coolsmiley:

Sometimes the promise of a reward works better than a punishment. I told my daughter she had to have a B average to get a driver's license at age 16; an A average to get a car. It didn't work for her (she's very much a NOW child). Sometimes incentives work.

What motivated me in high school was my parents' attitude. Not once did they try to be my friend. They were always the authoritarian figures. I was told what was expected of me and that less would not be tolerated. I went on to receive a BA and an MA. Had a great career and always thanked them for the confidence that was instilled in me.

Given his test scores are good then the prospect of designing video games might be an incentive. We pointed out that to my son that unless he got great grades in math and developed his logic skills he wouldn't make it in game design that it was very tough and competitve. Also pointed out that being an electrician or plumber is a good alternative. Watching work being done on the house he quickly decided he would rather study hard than do anything manual.
He started working on his Spanish when I pointed out that he didn't like it when his cousins talked about him in another language (Hawaiian) and he didn't know what they were saying and that 15% of people in the US speak Spanish.

What motivated me personally was trying to prove I wasn't stupid just because I had trouble with some things.(Dyslexia). The other thing that we were lucky with was that we moved when my son was in 7th grade and the kids in the new neighborhood all had strict parents who made them study, so it was more the norm.

I thought this was a good article. Motivating Teenage Boys to Find Vision & Purpose - Santa Rosa, Petaluma, Rohnert Park & Sonoma County

I thought this article was very good, Tal.

Especially the part about using his passions. With our daughter we willingly hosted a lot of parties and invited some of the other party goers parents to help us chaperone. We had a nice social gathering upstairs and we took turns going down stairs with snacks and drinks.

Peer group acceptance is key.

See what life brings
 

I was not motivated by much in HS. I never liked school and found it very difficult just getting out of bed at 6:45 to get to,school. I'm not an early riser. I didn't go to college but took a few outside trade courses. I don't regret my choices for a moment. I became a successful person and life is good. My daughter was the same way. I had to push her through school and she flunked out of college. She went to a private school to become a dental assistant and now has a great job in North Carolina. It was difficult watching her just glide by and not care. So, I think people just have to find their own way and do,what suits them. These days it's very difficult for kids because the electronic world may not be such a blessing but more of a distraction. This boy will eventually find his way and do what's best for him. It is difficult to watch people you care about get lost early in the game. Hang in there as it will be a long road. But, in the end he will find his way.

My motivation came from a board of education applied to my backside. Unfortunately I needed a second application before I decided to take high school seriously.:a040::a040:

Did you ever think that maybe this child is just AVERAGE.

The ole boy says......
 

The Cheerleaders!....:yuck::yuck:

What motivated me was the desire to get out of being poor. It sucked and was embarrassing.

Too many kids today are given too much. They don't know what it is like to not have a good life and there is no punishment.

After all, aren't all the kids today winners? That is what the schools and the parents tell them and then when they get out in the real world well that's when reality can set in and they find out they are not winners after all.

I agree with Patti too. Not everyone is above average or more. There are a lot more average people out there than most people want to admit.

I agree, that was also my motivation in H.S. My parents taught us at a very young age to save $$ (we started at ages 8 w/putting $ from birthays,Christmas, picking berries for 5 cents a box in the summer,babysitting, shoveling driveways for the neighbors, etc,etc) My mother also taught her 12 children to read at a very young age,she always said if you know how to read you can do anthing ). At age 22 I opened my 1st business and at 21 bought my 1st house. My parents taught us the value of a dollar, and didn't have to give us any allowance $$,(btw we all had to give my parents 1/3 of our small pay checks while we were still living at home) We all worked very hard for everything we bought. It is SO different from today's values!! Alot of people thought that I was "set up" by someone when I opened my 1st business when I was 22, they couldn't believe that I did it on my own, sad.... but b/c I did motivate myself from getting set free from a poverty mentality I appreciated everything I accomplished. :-)

Oh boy, it's complicated. When I was in 5th or 6th grade the teacher gave our class an IQ test. I liked it; I saw it as a fun challenge. Eventually the teacher came over to me to tell me the result. She said, "you have a higher than average IQ, you should be getting much better grades." I had a C average on my report card. So the conclusion that teachers naturally come to is that the student is lazy or unmotivated. But that is not always the case.

It took me many years to realize that what I lacked was concentration-endurance. And I had to figure it out for myself. My way of learning is to absorb things slowly but completely and take frequent breaks to think things through. In classes where teachers practiced non-stop-fast-talking, all I heard was bla, bla, bla, bla.

Once a person comes to realize exactly what their deficit is, then they can find ways to compensate and thrive.

My motivation was to get the hell out of there. I hated high school and everything that went with it. So I did the best I could to get decent grades and get it over with as fast as humanly possible. Sort of like swallowing a very disagreeable tasting medicine.

Ditto for me and my 2 sisters, and my 2 children, and now it appears our 4 grand children are on the "expectations" path. All of us as adults have been very successful in life and all believe we've had, and offered, loving family lives. No divorces either, we are, for example, coming up on our 50th in a few months.

My motivation was having a good time. High school was the vehicle to be able to connect with people and enjoy myself. I was kind of a pain to the teachers (and my parents as well)! But I guess I learned a few things along the way as well.

I really had no desire to go on to college but my dad forced me to - I had no choice. He said he never had the chance to go back when he was that age but he was going to see to it that I went. I finally got my motivation going in my sophomore year of college - my grades to that point were "o.k." but not good enough to allow me to be able to do my student teaching in my senior year. So I started applying myself a whole lot more and everything ended up working out fine.

Point is that it took me being beyond high school to finally get in the groove. Keep pointing your son in the right direction - continue giving him encouragement and reinforcement. Stay involved with him and what he does - that interest will help him immensely. JMHO!

Bill :)

reply
 

Never went to high school !!

I was homeless at age 14. I lived on the streets ,ate out of garbage cans at restaurants and slept anywhere I could. The winters were so cold ,I would find apartment buildings and find a way to access the basement tunnels with steam pipes. ,I did work on construction jobs here and there when work was available. I tried to join the army but they wouldn't accept me due to a heart problem.




That was 55 years ago !

I too was poor...maybe thats why I have two graduate degrees and am working at 59 when I could comfortably retrire for some time. I put my diplomas up on the wall so the kids could get a sense of our expectations...

I have 2 grown boys - they couldn't be more different! Child #1 was unmotivated in school, did enough to get by in high school, and flunked out of college. Child #2 was Valedictorian of his class, graduated from Purdue University in Mechanical Engineering with a perfect 4.0 grade average. Child #1 got a factory job where he excelled, advancing to a training position and earning a good living. He lives on 10 acres in the country and is as happy as a clam. Child #2 works for an engineering consulting firm, lives in Chicago's near North Side and is also happy.

Bottom line is we love them both and have come to the realization that a parent's role is to help the child find their own way in life and not to dictate what they do. It is hard when a child does not do what we hope for, but the important thing is to let them know that you love them, and you are there if they need you.