You are one hell of an outdoor man!
 

During his physical examination, a doctor asked a retired man about his physical activity level.
He said he spent 3 days a week in the outdoors.
"Yesterday afternoon was typical.
I took a four-hour walk about 5 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I waded along the edge of a lake.
I pushed my way through at least a mile of brambles.
I barely avoided stepping on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills.
I ran away from an irate mother bear and then I hid from one angry bull elk.
I had to go to the bathroom behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered. so at the end of it all I drank
a scotch and three glasses of wine."
Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You are one hell of an outdoor man!"
"No," the man replied, "I'm just a really, really bad golfer."

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of sox? Just in case he got a hole in one.

earl and bubba were quietly sitting in a boat fishing
chewing tobacco when suddenly bubba says,
think I'm gonna divorce my wife-
she ain"t spoke to me in over two months

earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow draw and says
"better think it over----women like that are hard to find"