say what you mean
 

My wife asked, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avacados, get six?"
I came home a short time later with 6 cartons of milk.
My wife asked, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?
I replied, "They had avacados."
If you are a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again. Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.

And there is always this thought, Guys:

“If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
('Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor
Maybe they won't let you
Dry the dishes anymore”


― Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic

My wife told me to get some orange juice while she waited in the cart. After a half hour she came in looking for me. I went to the orange juice frig and saw the sign concentrate, and that's what i was doing.

I was doing real well not binge drinking until we were up in Niagara falls and I seen the sign "drink Canada Dry".

Back in New Jersey I told my I was taking her on a weekend of gambling, drinking and dinner shows. We headed down the ParkWay and when we got pretty close we saw a sign that read Atlantic City Left, so we went back home.

RIP Shel Silverstein -- HE WAS A MULTI TALENTED ARTIST, AUTHOR, SONGWRITER ( please forgive the caps as the caps lock was on and too lazy to retype)

I need to find a faster way north and back instead of 95. With all the " Stop. Clean restrooms " signs it takes me a week to get up north.

Don, I think it is time for you to quit wearing reading glasses while driving.

that's pretty funny
i never saw it coming