Aging baby boomers, childless and unmarried, at risk of becoming 'elder orphans'
 

Aging baby boomers, childless and unmarried, at risk of becoming 'elder orphans'
Posted: 15 May 2015 05:35 AM PDT
With an aging baby boomer population and increasing numbers of childless and unmarried seniors, nearly one-quarter of Americans over age 65 are currently or at risk to become 'elder orphans,' a vulnerable group requiring greater awareness and advocacy efforts, according to new research.

The implications for many in TV are significant if this research is accurate.

To me, this understates the absolute need for social networking and a supportive group of friends and loved ones as we age. Isolation has negative consequences for our health

Very interesting. Thanks for posting it. Can you give me the source as I'd like to read it.

We came to the same realization quite some time ago. Our solution? I have a former student (who has become a trusted friend) who is and will be our "manager". She has financial and medical powers of attorney. And (most importantly) is 20 years younger.

This strikes fear to my heart as I know many in this position, even some who have less than responsible children.

Doc - you are a wise couple.

Here is the link to the source: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...cienceDaily%29

Thank you for posting this. Many, many of us are facing this situation or a variation thereof which leaves us in the same predicament.

I absolutely agree --- this is an excellent and timely reminder.
We have a young cousin who is a doctor who has agreed to handle our affairs if we are unable to do so.
But I am now realizing that we should have a back-up in place (with powers of attorney), in case our cousin is traveling or unable to step in.

Birth rate is coming home to roost, also. See where we are.

Birth rate - Country Comparison

Actually, you want to have several people authorized (you can list the order that they should act) *and* include a way to add more. My late FIL had done all of the powers or attorney and successor trustees, 3 deep. MIL died, son died, and my wife (daughter) was in a coma. No way to add any people without a court order thanks to the way all of the documents had been crafted (prior to aliens stealing his brain).

Fortunately, we had discussed with our attorney before all of this happened - he was able to relate what DW's wishes were in the situation and I was appointed as temp "surrogate" to handle his medical decisions and a few pressing legal ones.

Also note that all states are required to have a provision in place for a "guardian of last resort" under the Older Americans Act. In Maryland (and many other states), that person is the director of the Area Agency on Aging. If it is a concern, you may want to look at the provisions where you expect to be incapacitated and read up on what will be done.

In Maryland, the AAA director usually has a professional staff to handle all of the details (including financial stuff, social/case work, medical decisions, etc). The AAA director is, however, legally responsible and is the one who has to testify in court if that is necessary.

Thanks for the link.

We just try to learn from other people's mistakes.

A friend sent me a clipping about college students in the Netherlands getting a free room in Senior Centers. They had to spend 30 hrs a month with one senior as a condition. They have found that it works amazingly well as so many elders were alone with no family and great relationships were formed.

I like this idea. It reminds me of the RAs we had in college dorms.

We are in that situation as we have no children. We worked at a university and became attached to several graduate students. One got his MS and then his JD, so he did our wills; the other got his PhD and became our power of attorney and inherits most of whatever we have. Both willingly did it, not expecting any personal gains. We see them fairly often and love them as if they were ours.

Great idea. There are really two problems

1) As we get older, someone will likely have to take over making many of our decisions and/or manage our financial affairs. If you expect that will never ever be the case, you sadly mistaken. My college room mate tried to get his parents to realize that this might be a problem - their solution was that their circle of friends promised to take care of each other. By the time his father developed dementia (his mother had had it for quite some time), all of their friends were dead, in a nursing home, or incapacitated.. The children finally moved his dad to a nursing home in Michigan where the only child who was retired could look after him.

My dad was furious and raged at me the day I had to put him in the nursing home. Once her adjusted to the fact that "I had the watch" and gave him regular reports, he relaxed. However, we had had 20 years of periodic discussions ago their wishes and I knew that I was doing what they had told me that they wanted. Sometimes, someone who cares or knows what they want has to make hard decisions.

2) The second problem is loneliness. There are a lot of seniors in assisted living and nursing homes with no one left. It's not just the childless - there are more than a few who outlive children, friends, spouses, and essentially everyone in their world. I know of situations at the nursing home where my mother is where there is no family left to buy things for residents or visit. Staff and a few of the families who are aware of the problem often chip in for things like Christmas gifts.

As many activities as the various care facilities have, at some point, many of the residents are no longer able to participate due to physical or mental issues.

Even the good places can't solve all of the problems. The cost of providing one-on-one care and companionship for each resident would boost the cost up into the $30-40K/month range. So they rely on volunteers.

In the small town in WV where we lived just prior to moving to TV, the nursing home had community groups in most days of the weeks. Churches, scouting groups, schools, fraternal and veteran groups and neighbors came in.

What can you do? If you have a neighborhood social club or some other organization looking for a project, contact one of the area nursing homes (especially the ones doing "long term" rather than "short-term-rehab" care. Talk to the activity director who would probably be happy to have you come sing or sit and read, or do most anything with some residents. Don't just wait for Christmas - everybody does stuff then. Do it for Memorial Day or July 4th or Labor Day or "just because day..."

Sorry this ended up being long.

What a wonderful post. If I can just add one thing ... You don't have to be able to sing or have a talent. Many seniors in Long-term care are lonely and want to talk. Ask them questions about their favorite memories or their hobbies or their pets. If they don't have memories, just talk to them about your favorite memories. I bet they'll smile.