Humorous lyrics to Christmas songs
 

Does anyone have any non-traditional, humorous lyrics to Christmas songs?

Yes. But, I think they are too ribald for general consumption. I just had an innocent post removed about the leash law and I am getting gun shy.

How about "deck the halls with poison ivy!"

In the true spirit of Christmas commercialism (from Tom Lehrer):

Christmastime is here by golly,
Disapproval would be folly;
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when!

Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the dickens;
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again!

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil,
"Just the gift I need, how nice...."

It doesn't matter how sincere it is
Nor how heartfelt the spirit;
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is THE PRICE!

Hark the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things!

God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the yuletide pay!

Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and BUY!

Let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle
Riding his reindeer across the sky,
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!