How do I get a government grant?
 

I could have done the research and development of this study which indicates that most bar fights happen in darker and dirtier bars with heavier drinkers and less agreeable people; and I could have completed this study for a little less than the ONE MILLION DOLLARS that all of us taxpayers paid to have this one done.

I guess I don't know the right people.

http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/...ights-tend-hap

OK, it was a little less than 1 million, but not much.

Probably wouldn't have taken five years either.