Stunning neighbor
 

My neighbor, who lives right across the street, is single, and stunning. This evening, I watched as she arrived home from work. To my surprise, she walked across the street, up my driveway, and knocked on my door. When I opened the door, she looked me in the eyes and said, “I just got home and have this overwhelming urge to have a great time, get drunk, and let loose tonight. Are you busy?” My heart raced as I quickly replied “Nope, I’m completely free!” She smiled and said, “Perfect! Can you watch my dog?”

That's like the one where the guy is stopped at a red light in his convertible. The "lady of the evening" standing on the corner says to him, "I'll do ANYthing you want for $100." He says, "Really? Anything?" She assures him that she will do A.N.Y.thing he can think of, and do it for a long time. He tells her to get in the car.

As they are driving away, she coos and purrs at him, "Soooo big boy, what do you want me to do first?" The guy replies, paint my house.

Story of my life, hahaha.