Traitors??
 

My husband and I visited The Villages for 2 months last year and decided "this is for us", so we came back to eastern NC and within a couple of weeks got our house and 5 acres on the market last July. We recently accepted an offer that we hope will close the end of May. We are very excited and packing each day in anticipation. We have made arrangements to rent a place in Palo Alto for a year to be sure of where we'd like to settle.
Although not home to us, we have lived in this little town for 40 years and have very good friends, our church family, and one son, daughter-in-law and two grandchildren that we will be leaving behind. I'm amazed to discover we are being treated as "traitors" for leaving and I was wondering if anyone had experienced the same attitudes.

The town where we live is very depressed and steadily declining with no opportunities for recreation and virtually no decent restaurants. Many years ago few people locked doors at night but all that has changed and we have even had robberies in the Wal Mart parking lot!! I am having a hard time trying to explain why we want to leave without putting this area down and I don't want to do that as it is home to most of our friends and you naturally have strong ties to the area where you were "born and raised". They think it is "God's Country"!

Honestly, their attitudes just make me want to get to The Villages that much quicker to meet new people and get started on "the last chapter of our lives". Personally I don't want to spend my "Golden Years" rocking on the front porch!

Wendyquat...we experienced the same reaction from our family and friends. I think it's more of a "We don't want you to go" thing without actually saying the words. It's easier for people to make noise about you being a traitor.
We fell in love with the Villages and tried explaining why but it fell upon deaf ears. Even when our house was on the depressed market after 3 years...my daughter was laughing...saying "you're never gonna sell!" SURPRISE!!! We got a contract. Boy was everyone surprised....especially my daughter. She was more in shock than anything else. It had become reality.. we were leaving her. My other concern was my 82 year old Father was being left in NJ. I hope to get him here to visit by Father's Day! We closed and moved here last April..sent pictures of our new home with all of our new furniture. We were proud of our new home. No one made any comments... it was a big let down for us. But we are here, we love it, have made many friends and are happy we made the move. My daughter and her family have not been here to visit yet. I understand they can't take off from their jobs and traveling is a big expense these days. I just hope they will eventually. I miss them everyday. We purchased a webcam so we can get to see our babies ( the best thing we did). Don't let them discourage you... you will not regret the move. It's a piece of paradise here. Good luck!

wendy & pookir - To me, it's at times like the ones you describe when you find out who true friends really are. True friends would certainly hate to see you leave town but would wish you well, realizing you're doing it for reasons that work for you. Then the next thing they'd want to know is when can they come and visit you!!!

The other folks, the ones who label you as a "traitor"......well, I'll leave you to form your own opinion of them!! :)

Bill

Our oldest son was hoping we would move back to Michigan when we retired but understood why we wanted to retire to The Villages. That made it a little easier for us not to be close to him.

Wendyquat,

My husband and I are going through the same thing. We are leaving three grown children and five grandchildren,our fourth child lives in Fl,along with two grandchildren. We came down last Sept for two weeks,and invited our youngest daughter to visit. She has since told us her brothers and sister had planned to sabotage us, by having our visiting daughter dislike everything about the villages, by day three she was in love with the place and really understood why we wanted to move. As far as the other spoiled adult children they are finally coming around. It's nice to know you are loved that much. It takes time for them to make the adjustment, and they will. Hang in there it will all work out.

Traitor
 

Wendyquat my wife and I like many residents in TV have moved around lot over the years. Each and every move was emotional for my family. Our parents understood the need to move (job security) but nonethless were saddened. Each move was difficult because we left friends and a way of life we had become accustom to. Having said all of that each new move was an adventure and over the years we met so many wonderful people and learned so much about each of the regions we settled in.

So my suggestion to you is make your family and friends a part of your moving process were it ispossible to do so In time you wil lcome to realize you made the best choice for you. Finally target your family and friends to make the move to TV....ya'll come here

It's tough when "life" as so many know it, changes. When you move away, those you know and love will have their lives changed. So will yours. You're heading off to a new adventure, they are left behind, missing a part of their "life"....you. Alas, things are always changing. Nothing stays the same forever. Go forward to your next phase, be happy, smile and be understanding of those who will miss you. Just as you will adjust to your new circumstances, they will adjust to their new existence. Keep in touch, ask them to visit. Those who feel you've left them might just not be able to tolerate change easily....even a little and can't imagine how anyone else could. If they decide they will no longer stay in touch, just remember all the good times you've shared and smile.....then go and continue to make more good memories with all the new people you'll meet and share time with.

We told family we were thinking about moving to Costa Rica then when we "changed" our minds and choose The Villages everyone was more receptive.

Jealousy....and loss of free babysitters
 

We see the same with former neighbors and "friends".

Bottom line: they are jealous because their lives are totally boring and they don't have the nerve to get on a plane or into the car and try something different.

Mainly it is: Misery loves company.

Also, we see that our siblings' and neighbors' grown, married kids pressure their parents to stay in the same boring town by them because they want the free, drive-in babysitters that their parents (Grandparents) have become to them. It is very selfish to see grown adults not wanting their parents to enjoy life by themselves for a change.

That goes both ways too. We also see grandparents unwilling to move and try something new like TV, because they think their 50-year-old kids and their kids can't stay alive without themselves there "managing" everything for them and coming to the rescue whenever "the kids" have a problem. Some parents/grandparents consider themselves "saviors".....makes them feel important and needed. But it breeds co-dependency and "kids" who will not leave the nest.

Went through similar experience, but told myself that if any of our friends/family had a chance to move, or had to move somewhere for a job, they would NOT hesitate just because of us. It's a two way street and we forget that sometimes. Your true friends will stay in touch.

Wow
 

what a great idea-- absolutely a master stroke.
:BigApplause:

One of our sons, his wife and their 3 kids all said if we moved to Florida (TV), we'd see more of them than we do now! Now that's support!

IMHO, true friends would wish you nothing but the best on a potential move in retirement.

Wendy
How did you sell your home in Eastern NC? I am in eastern NC too and nothing in our neighborhood has sold in several years. I am not sure anything in the entire county has sold in months,

I understand! We were in the same boat for several months and there are still a lot of homes on the market here. Number one, we paid $350 for an appraisal which was $20,000 lower than what we wanted, so we came down to that and then came down again!! Hurts but we want to move that bad!

Thank you all for your input! I was beginning to feel alone in this situation and now I see I am not! Your willingness to jump in and help is one reason I know The Villages is for us!