Maybe it's because I'm Chinese but
 

I thought these were funny and thought I'd share. Hope you get a chuckle too.




CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY....

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

:) ...funny indeed!

You must have eaten a lot of fortune cookies

Matter of fact
 

I just open them and read the fortune and my Irish husband eats the cookie!
For some reason he likes them.

LW888

Confucius also say 哦，兄弟！是打算让我的话吗？ :a20:

google translations renders this as "Oh brother is going to let my"..perhaps someone can help with a more accurate translation.

Sorry, My chinese is limited to ordering food, finding the washroom and the commands for "keep quiet" and "hold my hand"!

LW888