She should not expect you to share. If it was the two of you I would expect you to offer to share.

I've not read all the posts, but here's my "solution" to this problem...and I've learned it from our son, who is a chef.

When a group gets together for dinner, order appetizers and enough for all to enjoy. Order a variety. Once people start talking, they naturally grab food and munch. We don't generally order appetizers, but when dining at our son's restaurant, he always orders a few so we can try something we might not generally order.

Order, then the next time, maybe someone else will do the same.

If the other five people ordered an appetizer and you didn't would your wife think it ok for you to pass a plate around for them to load for you?
It's actually not any different than what they did... just sped up a bit.
You're right. She's wrong.

Please call her and tell her.

Originally Posted by Pturner
Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

I agree with TH on this one. Human nature being what it is, people might not want to be the first to say they want an appetizer but will automatically start eating when it is presented. IMHO

The advice by Pturner is excellent. I would probably share if the portion was hugh. If it was a main course selection, I would have it delivered when the other meals arrived.

Order clam chowder with several straws is a good way to share. :jester:

A friend of mine told me he wins every argument with his wife and always has the last word, "YES DEAR". :smiley:

I agree with you, no sharing unless the group decides to share an appetizer before ordering but when they say they don't want an appetizer then they should not expect to have some of yours. Same as when everyone says they don't want dessert then everyone wants just a little bite of yours. Don't mean to sound selfish.

Did they offer to share the expense? I'll bet no, anyway it's your appetizer so eat and enjoy.

When I order the Bang Bang, I have same problem. So what I do is order one and see if anyone (or how much) wants any, if so and I need more I just order another one for me.

Now that said (and why should I have to pay twice), when I go with same couple(s) to somewhere else I always enjoy their "starter".

Seems this has changed how many want to enjoy mine.

Selfish ---- aren't I

aj

Quote from Mikeod:
Reminds me of a story about my folks. My dad would often order a desert and my mom would ask for a taste. (She was always on a diet.) Then another, then another until she had at least half his desert, if not more. He would just sit there and smile and watch her eat. The giveaway was that he would often order a desert she would like, so having only half or less was just fine for him and he loved watching her enjoy the desert.

What a sweet father you had Mike. I'm going to strive to be more like him. Thanks for sharing!

Mothers day is coming soon.

Remember what your Mother said.

Share nice now.

Some appetizers - for example the onion rings at OakHouse - are too big for any one person to eat. But I do think people who often eat together should take turns ordering and sharing an appetizer.

If I want an appetizer , I'll order an appetizer, I don't need someone encouraging me to order an appetizer............and if I don't order any then I certainly wouldn't partake of someone elses.........

taste the soup fumar

:thumbup: :thumbup:

Now that reminds me of a fun family dinner at an Italian restaurant a few years ago. Waitress asks if we would like wine before dinner. I ordered a red Zinfandel. My Dad, may he rest in peace, said he didn't know there was a red Zin. So the waitress asked him if he would like one. He said, "no, but I'll taste hers."

Now, older brother's turn. Trying to be funny, he said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers." Next, the waitress asked SIL, and keeping up the humor, she said, "No, but I'll taste some of hers".

On down the line it went, everybody at the table responding the same.

Without blinking an eye, the waitress said, "Okay, that'll be one wine and nine straws." :clap2:

So was there any left for you, p??? :thumbup:

Bill

lol. I think I finally got a taste from the third bottle. just kidding.

What seems to work for us is separate checks AND if one chooses to order just an appetizer for their meal, they request that it be served along with the other meals ordered at their table, and not before. Thus, everyone is eating their own order and need not share with the table. Problem? What problem?

This is one of those issues that I've never run across before until TV.

Since most of the time in TV we have separate checks (that in itself is a new concept to me) I just order what I want, eat it when I want and share it if I want. And if someone said "hey can I try a little of that (appetizer) I say 'sure'! Don't really see the issue.

You are right of course. We do have a little too much time on our hands.

And who pays- Manners sometimes forgotten
 

I have noticed that peoples attitudes toward sharing and who pays can really change over time. When visiting people I hadn't seen in a few years I noticed, that the same people that in years past always put in their share towards the check and were mindful of the cost of what they ordered; now order the most expensive thing on the menu and assume the member of our party that sold his business for a nice profit a few years back will pick up the bill. My husband slid him our share and paid the tip. Afterwards I said to his wife I couldn't belive no one even offered to leave the tip. She said it had been that way ever since they had sold the business. Isn't it rude to assume that the rich guy is going to pick up the tab. We were probably the couple with the least money attending that weekend and we wouldn't have gone if we didn't intend to pay our share.

I have to agree with your wife. Eating out with friends is a social event and how great to be with friends having a nice dinner out. It is no big deal to share an appetizer for the opportunity to enjoy some laughs and good times with friends. In my mind it is a small price to pay for something far more rewarding. Just saying…

If there were 4 people, I would probably share. Any more than that...no way. By the time it would get back to me, I'd be lucky to get a 2nd piece.

LOL...if everyone indicated that they did not wish to order an appetizer and you do, you get to eat what you ordered. It is good to remember that everyone had the option BEFORE you ordered, so if they want to grab some, they should order their own. Reminds of the time we were with friends in Montreal and had a fantastic dinner. No one but my wife was interested in dessert so she ordered creme brulee. When it came, everyone tried to grab a bite and she woulldn't let them near it. Turned out to be so funny that everyone else ordered a creme brulee. AND, outside of ONE place in Paris, there has never been a better creme brulee than Montreal.

I enjoy sharing a meal with people. So we have people over often and put on a nice meal. However, to have someone wave off an appetizer and then dig in when it arrives just doesn't sit well with me. I would rather pay for others appetizers than to have to go through with that nonsense. I mean is it any different than if you ordered a meal and somone said, gosh I should have ordered that too. Does that mean I am obligated to give them a taste.

there may be one exception to this and that is if everyone agress to share the check in equal amounts.. Moral of the story...if you dine with rubicon better order your own bang bang shrimp:pepper2:

A famous quote might suffice!!!
 

I might be tempted to reply with a quote from that famous TV character, Joey Tribbianni, who said, ......
"Joey doesn't share FOOD!!!"
_

wouldn't feel comfortable eating another couples appetizer after declining to order one myself. Don't think you have an obligation to offer others your appetizer, and don't think people expect you too, either. What bothers me though is when two couples go out and each orders an appetizer, but they both get put on your bill. The other couple doesn't say anything or maybe just doesn't notice it. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to say anything :shrug:
I would, but hubby not so much, he's nicer.:laugh:

and, could we have 7 other spoons?

We dined at Bonefish with 8 of us for a birthday celebration. My husband and I orderd two spendy bottles of wine to share with the table. They were mostly busy with the hard stuff. My husband and I ordered a huge plate of mussels. We did not offer to "share" until I was well-satisfied and doled out a few at the end of my gastronomic appetizer consumption time. I don't feel compelled to share unless others have appetizers as well and we do a few swaps. I always offer the warm bread with the olive oil dip. Don't get FULL on MY appetizer!!!! :evil6:

Apps
 

I get her perspective because it's awkward to be eating alone before everyone. It is a nice gesture to order a couple apps and share but if everyone states they aren't interested in an appetizer I would just tough it out and wait to eat until the entrees arrive. It's still rude for people to help themselves after they declined. Even if you politely offer some once it arrives, they said no and should stick with their decision. Now if you are with those people that want to chat with drinks for 10 minutes before they order, mention how you want to get something in your stomach right away and will later order entrees when they are ready. Then feel free to dig in solo!

The situation you described can be attributed mostly to the Bang Bang Shrimp. It is a great dish. And it appears sufficient for sharing. The problem is, it is a great dish, and you know it, and you want it all for yourself. See?
If you ordered a salad appetizer or worse, the edamame dish, no one would have taken you up on your offer.

So you need to lay the law down, "I'm gonna have a Bang Bang. See? I love the Bang Bang. That's why I picked this restaurant. See? So if you want a delicious mouthwatering appetizer, I suggest you order one too. See?
Because I want every one of my Bang Bangs. So don't say I didn't warn you. Any question?"

And then when the waitress comes you reiterate, that you want one, and you invite the waitress to vouch for you how damn good the Bang Bang dish is, and she will, and she can then either take the orders for a others, or she can serve as your witness that you did all you could to convince others that they would be missing out.

Conversely, you could just take the high road, and order two. One for yourself, and one for the table.

PS- I think they are offered at half price on Wed evening.

IMO, I would ask the group, "would anyone else besides me like to share an order (name of appetizer) and expense"? If no interest is expressed then don't share the appetizer. If there is interest, determine how many orders are needed and divide the cost. Something else to consider is whether you all receive one check and divide the cost among you or each couple pays their own bill. I don't see anything wrong with making your thoughts known upfront. After the fact is not only awkward but may create unnecessary problems.

I agree with the husband. Unless everyone at the table is going to chip in and help pay for the appetizer, the person who ordered it should eat it. If there is more than they want, then it can be shared.

wow - what an interesting post. so many ideas, but still the situation will exist the next time any of us go out. I have to agree - if you said you didn't want an appetizer than the considerate person that offers to share should be respected and you should decline the offer. But then how many are considerate??? My mama taught me right!!!

and another thing - is it reasonable to expect the person that wants an appetizer to pick up the tab for the extras some suggested he order? maybe he can't afford it.

I'm with you on that !

I agree with Chuck. The other couples said no to appetizers, so you should not share. If you offerd them a piece and they liked it, they should order their own.

Easy way to do it is when ordering tell the waitress you will have the appetizer as your encore and to serve it with the other dinners. I will have on occasion an appetizer and a dinner salad as my dinner choice, which i would request to serve them at the same time, with the other dinners at our table.

You ordered it, it is yours. One thing you could ask (since you are having it as your main meal) is to have it served with the others meals. BUT even as an appetizer, it is yours.

I would not share, We are in the Villages now and if they want an app they can order one. Next time have it brought with your dinner and there will be no prob with the wife.

I think you are dining with some cheap people. If they elect not order their own appetizer, obviously they don't want one and there should be no reason to share.