I like your idea on how to approach the subject of appetizers. That gives people the option of saying "yes, that sounds great", or to say "no, I don't think I want an appetizer". At that point you can say "OK, then I think I'll just order an appetizer for myself; it's really good, is everyone sure?".

I'm sure your wife, and mine especially, will find flaw in my thinking, but it's usually near impossible to ever be "right" in a dispute with the wife.

I think some people would love to have a bit of tasty appetizers, but are, frankly, too frugal to order extras. We eat out so often in TV, that it can get a bit expensive, but in order to develop and maintain the social circle that is key to our TV happiness, do so more that we would otherwise.

Putting myself on the other side of the question, if someone at the table asked if the group wanted to order appetizers and I declined, I would never expect someone who did order to share it with me. If the appetizer was passed around the table, I would still not take any. I had my chance to order one for myself, or to suggest we order a few to share around the table. Absent that, I do not partake of any appetizers. Same for deserts. I'm with Red. I'll give someone a small taste, but that's all.

Reminds me of a story about my folks. My dad would often order a desert and my mom would ask for a taste. (She was always on a diet.) Then another, then another until she had at least half his desert, if not more. He would just sit there and smile and watch her eat. The giveaway was that he would often order a desert she would like, so having only half or less was just fine for him and he loved watching her enjoy the desert.

:agree:

If your wife ordered a cocktail and no one else did, would she offer to share it with all?

We eat out a lot with various friends. We never had this problem. Maybe you need new dinner "partners" TH.
If someone in our party orders an appetizer it is theirs. If my wife volunteered sharing my appetizer (she wouldn't) I would order another.

I don't think I'll abandon my friends over an appetizer.

We have close friends that we vacation with and, therefore, we eat out alot. They are "appetizer" people---we are not. They always order appetizers and they offer to share but we decline. Sometimes we each order different appetizers so we can share them but if we do not order--we do not partake---simple as that. I would feel awful to realize that the appetizer "orderer" only ended up with a small portion.

Next time order a cup of clam chowder.

I totally agree. If I want an appetizer, say bang bang shrimp, I probably want more than one. So your approach would get me more than one. I would probably say that I really like them, so does anyone want to get a couple orders? Gotta go, think my wife is eating my chicken wings!:22yikes:

My parents and grand parents always taught me to offer to share food when others do not have their own to eat. I think a person should offer to share the selection even though the others declined to order their own selection. I usually only dine with friends or relatives so I would not want to treat them badly. Now if someone is taking advantage of the situation continously, you have the choice of deleting them from your dining partners list or if you value their friendship over the cost of the food, then live with it.

Just my thoughts. Others may have other ideas.

She should not expect you to share. If it was the two of you I would expect you to offer to share.

I've not read all the posts, but here's my "solution" to this problem...and I've learned it from our son, who is a chef.

When a group gets together for dinner, order appetizers and enough for all to enjoy. Order a variety. Once people start talking, they naturally grab food and munch. We don't generally order appetizers, but when dining at our son's restaurant, he always orders a few so we can try something we might not generally order.

Order, then the next time, maybe someone else will do the same.

If the other five people ordered an appetizer and you didn't would your wife think it ok for you to pass a plate around for them to load for you?
It's actually not any different than what they did... just sped up a bit.
You're right. She's wrong.

Please call her and tell her.

Originally Posted by Pturner
Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

I agree with TH on this one. Human nature being what it is, people might not want to be the first to say they want an appetizer but will automatically start eating when it is presented. IMHO

The advice by Pturner is excellent. I would probably share if the portion was hugh. If it was a main course selection, I would have it delivered when the other meals arrived.

Order clam chowder with several straws is a good way to share. :jester:

A friend of mine told me he wins every argument with his wife and always has the last word, "YES DEAR". :smiley: