[Doctommft]

Here's an article from Match.Com that should generate singles' interest. Comment on one or share one that has worked for you. This is another subject(s) that can be a group experience (I will lead). Come on people, this is a small risk and a great investment in yourself!

Tom


Here, love experts offer 9 clever (not complex) ways to have the year ahead be a great one for romance. By Lisa Lombardi Ready to take control of your love future? We polled a bunch of dating experts and asked each for his or her number-one way to get your dating life in high gear this year. Here's what they had to say � and be warned: Try these tips and, by Valentine's Day, you may be fighting off prospective suitors!

1. Dare to have spares "Dating is a numbers game, so ignore the old rule hat says, 'A nice person only dates one at a time.' The more you date, the better the odds of finding someone wonderful who's worth weeding out from the pack. Plus, a full social calendar and lack of instant availability brings out the hard-to-get reaction without actually having to play a game!" �Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy

2. Roll up the rugs "Throw a 'widening your net of possibilities' party. Love matches often come from your network of friends, colleagues and family. Invite everyone you know and ask them to bring at least one single person, or even a couple. The love of your life � or at least his or her cousin � just might walk through your door." �Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Opening Love's Door

3. Be captivated "I often tell my patients (not to mention family and friends) that finding and sustaining love is like acquiring a piece of art. We should wait to be struck and captivated. But all too often, we walk around with our pre-crafted 'frame' � or idea of whom we belong with � desperately trying to fit someone into it. So in 2014, throw away your mental checklist of what you're looking for and keep a truly open mind � you might be surprised at who truly clicks with you." �Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation

4. Get a planner "Set dating goals. Writing things down helps you to achieve your goals. Think short- and long-term. Maybe it's one date a week or meeting three new people a month. Either way, write it down and make it happen." �Lissa Coffey, author of What's Your Dosha, Baby?

5. Risk embarrassment "Don't be afraid of going out on a limb. You don't want to appear desperate, but at some point, one of you has to give up waiting three days to call the other person back and pretending you're too aloof to fall in love. Why not you? A corny gesture � writing a note telling how happy you are when you see him/her or cooking a meal � can make the other person think it's time to take things beyond the stage of dates that you aren't sure are actually dates." �Gregory Gilderman, author of She's the One: The Surprising Truth of What Makes a Woman a Keeper

6. Play the odds "The quickest way to meet prospective dates is to hang out in places where the odds are in your favor. That could be sports bars or the driving range, or shopping at DSW (or any other gigantic shoe warehouse). These places are crawling with people, especially on early Friday evenings and Saturdays. Just ask the nearest person you find attractive to help you pick out a new pair of shoes and see where it goes from there. Also consider book clubs: People love to read, and there are usually very few in attendance. It's a great pick if you're interested in dating someone brainy." �Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped!

7. Listen up "One of the most engaging ways to get people to feel close to you is by being a good listener. Why do you think people love to go to the hairdresser? Good listening requires paying close attention, asking for details, and then echoing back the important points of the conversation. If you take the time to listen to someone, he or she will feel like you really care. Also, it gives you the chance to see what kind of person he or she is without having to worry about what to say back!" �Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men

8. Get some class "Sign up for one thing you're interested in that involves a group meeting on a regular basis. I recommend ones that focus on your own interests: Yoga, cooking or kayaking class, a gardening group, a political campaign, or a sports league or volunteer group. In no time, you'll have a wider circle of friends, and when you meet a prospect, you'll already have some idea of that person's character and personality. This will prevent you from wasting a lot of time on a poor match." �Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

9. Give good sense "Have a romance with life! Tap into your senses, and you'll come alive with positive energy. Really taste your food and savor your wine; enjoy your music and the sounds of nature; feel the sun or the breeze on your skin and smell the aromas around you. When you get in the habit of living life like this, others are drawn to your passion and enthusiasm."

�Debbie Mandel, Author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul Lisa Lombardi is a writer and editor in New York who has written for Maxim, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, and other magazines. - See more at: Match.com - Find Singles with Match.com's Online Dating Personals Service

[manaboutown]

6. is what seems to work best for me although where I shop the men's and women's shoes are in different departments and women do not seem to hang out in the men's shoe section - and I do not hang out in the women's shoe section. I have met women in grocery stores, shopping malls, gyms, on the beach, at swimming pools, church, church socials, dinner parties, bars and clubs, restaurants, various meet up and church singles functions, singles trips, airports and on planes (I travel frequently), in hospitals, the dentist's office, drug stores, the opera, ballet, symphony and theater, art galleries, coffee shops and many other venues.

The other side of it is that I seem to meet women I end up dating when I least expect to do so!

[katerogers]

Whatever happened to the old adage "Love happens when you're not looking?" All of this seems too contrived to me and serial dating has many pitfalls.

Katie

[Mr.Kris]

Originally Posted by katerogers

Whatever happened to the old adage "Love happens when you're not looking?" All of this seems too contrived to me and serial dating has many pitfalls.

Katie

I agree.

No offense to the OP, but the thread starts with "love experts offer 9 clever (not complex) ways to have the year ahead be a great one for romance." Love experts? (Love) Not complex? I can't even begin to digest - respond to that.

I think the main theme here is to get out, mingle, be open, and do the things you enjoy doing. Love has a way of sneaking up on you, as Katie points out. OMG! I think I'm a love expert. That's Mr. Kris and not Mr. Midnight.

Number 1 even scares me. And I'm a guy. I find one woman at a time to be a handful. No offense meant ladies.

I appreciate the sincerity of the OP. There are some common sense points buried in the verbiage. Stepping outside of our comfort zone may be rewarding. Comfort zones, however, come in varying sizes.

[Doctommft]

As the originating poster, I have my personal opinions, but this was meant to stir debate, get people to look at their values vs. behavior, and if they desire to explore a relationship, they will have a greater understanding with new tools. My personal opinion having worked with singles over a 14 year period is that many singles are unable to take a risk which many times is not present or is within their control.

[kittygilchrist]

Tom, I've met someone I like while saying "KITTY IS NOT DATING"....very loudly and often.
is that in your list somewhere?
I have my own degrees in psych and could burn anybody's ears with my experience.
Frankly, at my age, a list is so dry I won't read it. Tell me, Tom, what you did for relationships and why it worked or didn't...

[manaboutown]

I would be quite interested in reading about the actual dating histories of these authors as well as how and why they qualify as "experts"? What are their Curricula Vitae?

[kittygilchrist]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

I would be quite interested in reading about the actual dating histories of these authors as well as how and why they qualify as "experts"? What are their Curricula Vitae?

me too. Something personal so I can not be didacticised.

Tom?

[chachacha]

i very much agree with Number 1, having several friends to date and keeping it on a friendship level unless and until someone just takes your breath away, sometimes unexpectedly. dating only one person inevitably leads to feeling smothered or pressured or taken for granted unless you are in love with that person. my definition of dating is dinner and a movie and nice conversation, staying out of the bedroom.

[Doctommft]

Originally Posted by manaboutown

I would be quite interested in reading about the actual dating histories of these authors as well as how and why they qualify as "experts"? What are their Curricula Vitae?

manabout...

I am a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) and worked pro bono in a church singles program (over 1000 members which 75 to 150 attended any one Friday meeting. I also worked in a Divorce Recovery Program. Both were done over a 14 year period where I was a group leader, speaker on several topics, trainer for group leaders, and the go to guy for the attendees needing extra help. Volunteered help to all military veterans that attended the Divorce Recovery Program. For the Singles Ministry, I designed and made presentations on singles topics, lead a group from 10 to 35 persons, and encouraged interest groups (computer, photo, etc.)

My dating experience should not be of interest to you unless you attend a group that I lead (I have volunteered on this site for two different subjects). As a group leader or facilitator, I believe in my disclosure. If it is dating, then I would disclose my dating experience.

Now you have one "expert's" experience. I suggest that others consider disclosure but only in the safety of a professionally run group.

QUOTE: It takes courage to understand.

[2BNTV]

I think most people who be better served, if they worked on improving and understanding themselves.

Dating is the proces to getting to know someone, to see if a possiblility of a future relationship is there.

Most people just need to put themselves out there, as your future intended, won't be coming in a mailbox. You can find a lot of people just by living your life, if you are willing to say hello. Half the world is waiting for the other half to say hello.

You can find anyone, anywhere, grocery store, book stores, gyms or at a sports bar. If you have the courage to speak up, and are willing to take the risk of rejection. Most people are afraid of rejection.

Live your life and make something happen, if one wants to.

Nuff said.......

[katerogers]

Tom,

If you really want to put together a discussion group on dating, the best way to get people together is to post a thread offering it on a specific date, time and place and then ask for a PM for those who would like to join in. I'm afraid just throwing it out there will not get the best result. There are a lot of activities in the Villages and we tend to get wrapped up in them, unless we know the when and where something is being offered. Just a thought...

Katie

[maybe]

I am not sure how well a discussion group that would include personal histories would safely benefit people if it is comprised of people from an internet web site that is open to the world. Participants need to feel comfortable, and that would be hard enough in any group that includes a mix of strangers and friends, but add in the internet posting element, and the risks are multiplied. Maybe what I have said is just my lawyer side thinking, but we cannot ignore the internet element here.

[Mr.Kris]

Originally Posted by chachacha

definition of dating is dinner and a movie and nice conversation.

Ah yes. The definition. How many men (me) and women have been tripped up by the definition (mixed signals)?

I started to put down my definition of dating, and then I realized it was too personal to put on a public forum.

Not that everyone wouldn't understand and accept my definition. But it would be like putting "my heart upon my sleeve for the (jack)daws to peck at."

[Bay Kid]

Originally Posted by 2BNTV

I think most people who be better served, if they worked on improving and understanding themselves.

Dating is the proces to getting to know someone, to see if a possiblility of a future relationship is there.

Most people just need to put themselves out there, as your future intended, won't be coming in a mailbox. You can find a lot of people just by living your life, if you are willing to say hello. Half the world is waiting for the other half to say hello.

You can find anyone, anywhere, grocery store, book stores, gyms or at a sports bar. If you have the courage to speak up, and are willing to take the risk of rejection. Most people are afraid of rejection.

Live your life and make something happen, if one wants to.

Nuff said.......

I find the fear of rejection makes me stay home all too often. Looking for the perfect mate, or close, I feel eludes me everyday. There is the fear of finding someone only to find we aren't right for each other. I was engaged for several years only to find it wasn't me that interested her.... Glad I waited. Oh well, I will keep trying.