Is change good?

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  #1  
Old 10-29-2018, 08:31 PM
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most of you know that I have identified as a single for most of my life and have had a very happy and fulfilling life here in The Villages. during the past year i have been seeing a very good man, a widower, who wants us to get married...this has caused much anguish and upheaval as well as excitement and anticipation. the thought of changing one's entire lifestyle at this age is daunting. yet the prospect of a good companion during one's last years offers some allure....i thought it might generate some interesting debate among the singles who read this forum as to whether or not they would ever consider marriage again.... i hope someone will start the conversation....
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  #2  
Old 10-29-2018, 10:52 PM
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As I see it, Dianne, you are fortunate. My suggestion is you pray about it. The answer will come.

I believe that if the right person came along I would remarry.
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  #3  
Old 10-30-2018, 04:20 AM
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Not until he is properly vetted by a committee. You are an amazing girl.

Just kidding of course. We Gantners wish you every happiness. I hope you will not leave us, but sometimes we must follow our hearts.
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  #4  
Old 10-30-2018, 06:48 AM
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Why not live together? This will give you both time to adjust to changes in your daily living. One of you could rent out your home during this living together trial period. or you could rent a home together and both of you put your homes up for rent a new place to start your life together. There is no hurry, is there? At least you will be able to adjust from single life and your daily routine, while keeping your finances separate for a bit.
  #5  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:10 AM
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I have a friend in a similar situation. They live about 2 hours away from each other. I'm not sure that they would consider living together before marriage as an option. They are doing just as manabouttown suggested, praying about it, both individually and together.

Chachacha, you are someone who I have admired for all the years I have been on here. I wish you nothing but the very best in your decision. You deserve it.
  #6  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:16 AM
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There is a very well know quote:

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
  #7  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fw102807 View Post
There is a very well know quote:

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
I love that!! Among couples I have known quite well over the years, I have not seen a distinct correlation in marriages staying together because they lived together before marriage. Having said that, your quote says it all so beautifully.

Great thought for the OP to consider.
  #8  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chachacha View Post
most of you know that I have identified as a single for most of my life and have had a very happy and fulfilling life here in The Villages. during the past year i have been seeing a very good man, a widower, who wants us to get married...this has caused much anguish and upheaval as well as excitement and anticipation. the thought of changing one's entire lifestyle at this age is daunting. yet the prospect of a good companion during one's last years offers some allure....i thought it might generate some interesting debate among the singles who read this forum as to whether or not they would ever consider marriage again.... i hope someone will start the conversation....
Cha, no where in your post do you say that you want to marry him. You say it causes excitement and anticipation, but no where do you give a reason to marry him. Give this one a whole lot of thought before you jump into a legal situation.

Whatever you decide I wish you happiness. I have followed your posts over the years and have seen you turn the singles scene into a really happy place to be and given many lonely people somewhere to belong.
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  #9  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fw102807 View Post
There is a very well know quote:

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
Great quotation and very true ...........
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  #10  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fw102807 View Post
There is a very well know quote:

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
I was going to say this but also echo the "praying about it " as well. God has said Himself it's not good for man (woman) to be alone. BUT don't do it if it's not a good match and you don't have a peace about it.
  #11  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:56 AM
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If religious beliefs are not a consideration, then I think that marriage is not a good idea for seniors. Too many legal issues. You can live together, be as committed as you want to be, and handle all legal, housing, and financial agreements without getting married.
  #12  
Old 10-30-2018, 08:32 AM
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How and where do you find your sense of self, happiness and fulfillment? That is where you should be.
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Not sure if I have free time...or if I just forgot everything I was supposed to do!

  #13  
Old 10-30-2018, 09:39 AM
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Smile Wonderful News!

Chacha,
I am so happy for you! Thank you for sharing your personal situation. I would love to know more about your reservations. Please feel free to send me a note. I definitely understand your feelings and would be glad to give you my thoughts.


Quote:
Originally Posted by chachacha View Post
most of you know that I have identified as a single for most of my life and have had a very happy and fulfilling life here in The Villages. during the past year i have been seeing a very good man, a widower, who wants us to get married...this has caused much anguish and upheaval as well as excitement and anticipation. the thought of changing one's entire lifestyle at this age is daunting. yet the prospect of a good companion during one's last years offers some allure....i thought it might generate some interesting debate among the singles who read this forum as to whether or not they would ever consider marriage again.... i hope someone will start the conversation....
  #14  
Old 10-30-2018, 11:00 AM
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Starting a conversation with TOTV members may or may not be helpful. But the person with whom you really need to talk is your intended. There are many ramifications to cohabitating as well as marriage.

I have attached a pdf of an extensive “Pre-Marriage Awareness Questionnaire”. While some of the questions may not apply, there are many others that should spark the conversation that you should be having with him.

The questions fall into the categories of Communication, Religion/Spirituality, Cleanliness, Pets, Family/Children/Parenting, Romance/Sex, and Finances

https://www.premarriagequestionnaire...stionnaire.pdf
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  #15  
Old 10-30-2018, 12:45 PM
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i love all the comments and please keep them coming...i am not exactly asking for advice, just want to spark a debate on the forum and give food for thought to everyone who reads it....i especially love the quote about marrying the one you can't live without. and i would have to say to the post about where do i feel most alive and myself, is when i am in Italy! so that is not likely to happen on a long term basis Madelaine Amee you really struck a chord with me, thank you! now let's hear from a few others!
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