Is change good?

Is change good?

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  #11  
Old 10-30-2018, 07:56 AM
retiredguy123 retiredguy123 is online now
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If religious beliefs are not a consideration, then I think that marriage is not a good idea for seniors. Too many legal issues. You can live together, be as committed as you want to be, and handle all legal, housing, and financial agreements without getting married.
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  #12  
Old 10-30-2018, 08:32 AM
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How and where do you find your sense of self, happiness and fulfillment? That is where you should be.
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  #13  
Old 10-30-2018, 09:39 AM
VILLAGERBB VILLAGERBB is offline
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Smile Wonderful News!

Chacha,
I am so happy for you! Thank you for sharing your personal situation. I would love to know more about your reservations. Please feel free to send me a note. I definitely understand your feelings and would be glad to give you my thoughts.


Quote:
Originally Posted by chachacha View Post
most of you know that I have identified as a single for most of my life and have had a very happy and fulfilling life here in The Villages. during the past year i have been seeing a very good man, a widower, who wants us to get married...this has caused much anguish and upheaval as well as excitement and anticipation. the thought of changing one's entire lifestyle at this age is daunting. yet the prospect of a good companion during one's last years offers some allure....i thought it might generate some interesting debate among the singles who read this forum as to whether or not they would ever consider marriage again.... i hope someone will start the conversation....
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  #14  
Old 10-30-2018, 11:00 AM
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Starting a conversation with TOTV members may or may not be helpful. But the person with whom you really need to talk is your intended. There are many ramifications to cohabitating as well as marriage.

I have attached a pdf of an extensive “Pre-Marriage Awareness Questionnaire”. While some of the questions may not apply, there are many others that should spark the conversation that you should be having with him.

The questions fall into the categories of Communication, Religion/Spirituality, Cleanliness, Pets, Family/Children/Parenting, Romance/Sex, and Finances

https://www.premarriagequestionnaire...stionnaire.pdf
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  #15  
Old 10-30-2018, 12:45 PM
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i love all the comments and please keep them coming...i am not exactly asking for advice, just want to spark a debate on the forum and give food for thought to everyone who reads it....i especially love the quote about marrying the one you can't live without. and i would have to say to the post about where do i feel most alive and myself, is when i am in Italy! so that is not likely to happen on a long term basis Madelaine Amee you really struck a chord with me, thank you! now let's hear from a few others!
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  #16  
Old 10-30-2018, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BK001 View Post
Starting a conversation with TOTV members may or may not be helpful. But the person with whom you really need to talk is your intended. There are many ramifications to cohabitating as well as marriage.

I have attached a pdf of an extensive “Pre-Marriage Awareness Questionnaire”. While some of the questions may not apply, there are many others that should spark the conversation that you should be having with him.

The questions fall into the categories of Communication, Religion/Spirituality, Cleanliness, Pets, Family/Children/Parenting, Romance/Sex, and Finances

https://www.premarriagequestionnaire...stionnaire.pdf
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  #17  
Old 10-30-2018, 01:31 PM
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Madelaine Amee Madelaine Amee is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chachacha View Post
i love all the comments and please keep them coming...i am not exactly asking for advice, just want to spark a debate on the forum and give food for thought to everyone who reads it....i especially love the quote about marrying the one you can't live without. and i would have to say to the post about where do i feel most alive and myself, is when i am in Italy! so that is not likely to happen on a long term basis Madelaine Amee you really struck a chord with me, thank you! now let's hear from a few others!
Thanks Cha. I have been married for many years, but this subject comes up often with my friends who find themselves left alone and lonely, but you have got past the "lonely" stage and, quite honestly, do you want to start living with someone again .... doing their laundry, cooking, cleaning, having to consider someone else's feelings, getting used to living with another human? Difficult situation and I hope I am never faced with it although I know what I would do .... My ideal situation would be to have a female companion who wanted to travel to the same places I did, who could afford to live the way I can and just wanted a warm body in the house to say HI once in a while. Without my husband I could probably be a happy hermit so I may not be the best person to be talking about this subject.

I really hope this post continues, it is interesting to see others views.
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Marriage ??
  #18  
Old 10-30-2018, 02:03 PM
Brawnwy123 Brawnwy123 is offline
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Default Marriage ??

[QUOTE=manaboutown;1594559]As I see it, Dianne, you are fortunate. My suggestion is you pray about it.

A comment about this:

Hi, I am a lucky guy since my wife has put up with me for 43 years. I can tell you my thoughts, briefly. It is not a 50/50 relationship. I think it goes like this: 20/80, 30/70, 50/50, 60/40 etc., etc. Get the picture? It is a two way effort and when it is time for your effort, get it out and make it work. It is not always easy. I will also estimate that the woman makes the marriage work, more than a man. Not sure why, just an opinion. Maybe that is why they are mothers? And maybe this? You ALWAYS have to be fair, disagree yes, but be fair. You might just wonder somewhere, where is the fair part right now? Have you ever rowed a boat? Go do it, it will not work to go anywhere if one person only rows one side, that means going in circles. It is not always a smooth road, you may have to develop good shock absorbers and softer springs and then realize, the road is not always what you wanted. Keep in mind, BE FAIR ! Again, I am very lucky and she is a wonderful person, (most of the time).
Good luck to you and yours.
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  #19  
Old 10-30-2018, 02:08 PM
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Will you still be able to swing, that's the question.
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  #20  
Old 10-30-2018, 03:25 PM
Bonnevie Bonnevie is offline
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" the thought of changing one's entire lifestyle at this age is daunting. yet the prospect of a good companion during one's last years offers some allure..."

I guess I don't understand why you can't have the second without the change. Many, many couples in TV are living together or are exclusive with one another without marriage. for many it's a financial thing...marriage would cause a forfeiture of spousal pension or soc. sec. Why does he want marriage. As others have said, at this stage of our lives there could be real consequences of being legally bound to someone where there is a greater chance of illness in our future. Do you each have children? that often adds to the stress of marriages and resentment. So I guess I'm saying do the old pros and cons list. I personally think a committed, exclusive relationship whether you live together or not would be best. I would not give up your house.
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