Funny lines from books you’ve read

Funny lines from books you’ve read

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Funny lines from books you’ve read
  #1  
Old 05-20-2019, 12:33 PM
Bjeanj Bjeanj is offline
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Default Funny lines from books you’ve read

Just reading what I call a “beach book” called Whiskey for Breakfast, by Liliana Hart.
“The woman was somewhere between twenty-two and seventy-two. There was too much plastic surgery getting in the way to make an accurate guess, and I was thinking we’d probably have to chop her in half and count her rings if we wanted to know her real age.”

Have you read something that tickled you?
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  #2  
Old 05-21-2019, 04:39 PM
JGVillages JGVillages is offline
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Can’t remember the name of the book or publication, but when Gary Player (hall of fame professional golfer) was asked “ When did you know it was time to retire from the Senior Tour”, his reply was “I knew it was time to retire when I could hear my drives land”.
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Old 05-21-2019, 04:48 PM
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fw102807 fw102807 is offline
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I love Alice in Wonderland as it has so many interesting quotes.
“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
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  #4  
Old 05-21-2019, 07:13 PM
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My favorite line, although I don't remember the source, was "I don't want YOUR best, I want THE best!" to an employee. Was there a book called The Assistant? It may be from that! Yes, Bernard Malamud, I read it in college!
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  #5  
Old 05-21-2019, 10:58 PM
fishon fishon is offline
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“Grand Contested Election for the Presidency of the United States ‘Whaling Voyage by one Ishmael ‘BLOODY BATTLE IN AFFGHANISTAN”

Excerpt From: Melville, Herman. “Moby Dick.” Oxford Text
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  #6  
Old 05-22-2019, 09:46 AM
Bjeanj Bjeanj is offline
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These are great! Will have to find the book The Assistant.
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  #7  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:17 AM
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CFrance CFrance is offline
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I don't know if it's from a book or a column. Dave Barry:

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

also...

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
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Old 05-22-2019, 11:20 AM
Bjeanj Bjeanj is offline
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Really funny. And accurate.
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  #9  
Old 05-22-2019, 11:57 AM
mixsonci mixsonci is offline
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IN the movie (I assume it's also a book), Philadelphia, there is a line that Denzel Washington says to Tom Hanks character after he decides to take his case about the early AIDS epidemic, he says "OK, now explain it to me in detail as if I were a six year old", I never forgot that line because it's so true if you want people to really understand something, explain it simply and in detail.
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  #10  
Old 05-22-2019, 12:05 PM
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More Dave Barry: Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Also, concerning dogs: You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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