After going back and re-reading EVERYTHING on how this all got started I feel like I overstepped my bounds with my vent. Sorry about that, didn't mean to cause negativity. I love TV and wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Although I do not post very often and am mainly a "lurker" I am real and not a trouble maker on TOTV. Everyone is right, there are cliques everywhere and I have come so very far regarding being strong and persevering in my endeavors into all the activities I want to get involved in. I have even started to control my over sensitivity. That is a whole different story!!!!!!

I am from the Minneapolis MN area and you haven't overstepped anything. As you know the only cliques in Minnesota are the DFLers and the Republicans...the rest of Minnesota is one big happy family and very inclusive
that is why they refer to it as " being Minnesota Nice.":D

So from one of those Minnesota Nice people cliques by definition exclude people. I am still reeling from cliques that kept me at bay in high school.
I" I never met a person I didn't like.":thumbup:


The End

Clique
 

A clique , is an inclusive group of people who share interests, views, purposes, patterns of behavior, or ethnicity. A clique as a reference group can be either normative or comparative. ...

Everyone says it like it's a bad thing. It's not good or bad...It just is.

First I think EVERYONE KNOWS that Sky was trying to be funny with this post by now.

Regardless... My life is nothing but cliques. I have my dog group, I have my girlie girl group, I have my work group, I have my book group and so on. I doubt if everyone will fit into all if any of my "cliques". Why would you want to! I belong to a lot of "cliques" as do most of you. I'm not very good at belonging to one "clique" so don't try to make me!:D

Most of us have been here long enough to know who is who. Sky, Bill, Pturner are the funny ones, gracie is the gentle soul with the kind word (while she can be funny as well) , Kathi (don't know how she has her name) is the gatherer, she brings everyone together... I think you see what I mean. We all have our different personalities. We aren't going to all fit in each others groups.

It's not meant to be mean...

For example, after this post started, I reached out to several of you in a PM offering friendship. Know what??? Not one person responded. I'm not offended (to be honest, I totally understand, but that's another thread) but to my point... You clearly didn't want me in you Clique while you complained that you yourself were left out. We are all left out of a group at one time or another... Why would you even want to be in a group that would doesn't want you.

There are people on here that are trying to cause trouble. That BTW was why Gracie questioned someone identity because she caught it. Don't be fooled by the posters who come on here only when something like this gets started and takes your side... But is NEVER here when we are all getting along! They don't care about you, they are just playing with you...

Well... I've put in my 2 cents for today... after the market crash... maybe 1 cent.

Now... can we talk about that handshake????:D

angiefox your words were eloquently stated and so very true.

Hi SSmith,
My sense is that it is rare here. The other side of the story needs telling:

Shortly after we purchased in an established neighborhood (Springdale), we visited the neighborhood pool. Everyone we spoke to there was welcoming, telling us about clubs we might enjoy, etc. One couple mentioned that they were dining that evening at one of their favorite restaurants and invited us to join them!

Just yesterday I took a water aerobics class for the first time. It was crowded and hard to see the instructor. A woman who had been going to this class for four years helped show me how to do certain things if I struggled. She was so nice and assured me that she was new once too. I didn't own some optional equipment and another women told me she never uses hers anymore, so could have it. After the class, a few more women introduced themselves and welcomed me. It was amazing. I cannot wait until I can pay it forward!

And then there is the incomparable KathieI. When we first moved here she organized 2 meet and greet lunches for me. I met and have continued to meet the nicest people here.

Perhaps there are cliques here, but I haven't found them yet. We're seniors for crying out loud. Cliques are for kids. Oh wait... that was Tricks. :D

Chuck ~~
 

Chuck~
Bambi loves roses ~~ the only way I know to keep deer out of the garden is to fence-it-in with "deer fence", which I have around my rose garden. Otherwise they get into everything. They're very cute, but carry deer ticks so that's not a good thing!

CIB - There are a couple of relatively new posters who are already part of this fictitious inner circle. They are already FB friends as well. Gracie, Kathie, Red, SamHass, Katezbox, Pturner, Rhonda (remember her?) and many others I wish I had the time to list have all held meet and greets in person for newbies when they visit. These people are gracious beyond belief. They all came out to meet me in 2007 soon after I joined the forum. I had four lunches with new friends when we came to our house in May.

Please newbies don't listen to this jibber/jabber about cliques and inner circles. It's like Nessy, it doesn't exist.

Angie -- you have one cent. . . after today I have 1/2 of one cent :( . This better not delay my eventual move to TV. I may have to vote Republican next year. . .please don't move this to the political forum.

Pturner -- what a nice uplifting post! Thank you for posting this.

All these posts are making ME feel a whole lot better. I know that almost everyone I know well tries so hard to make newcomers feel welcome, not only on here, but of course in the reality of day to day living in The Villages.

It seems that the people who post positively most of the time...We can't all be positive about everything, those are the ones who come to the meetings at Crispers that Kathie and all of the rest have arranged over the years, and the other meetings not at Crispers times that many people have tried to do to catch the ones who are new and won't be here at Crispers time.

The "smile-ier" folks come to places where they can meet people in person and arrange to meet others in person on their own.

I have NEVER EVER met any of the more consistently negative posters in person. Makes me wonder if they are the "T" word. Don't cha know.

There are some PILLS among us, and we all have PILL days and sometimes the printed word just doesn't show our true intentions.

Please any of you who have any reservations, please come here and see how friendly this beautiful place is.

AND I don't work for the developer.

Gracie. Who tries to be nice, and sometimes fails.

Wait a minute, what happened to TV being about the friendliness of the people. Isn't this why you move to TV? I know we have been looking forward to being able to enjoy some of the many activities we see listed when we come to TV, and it appears you are saving, that probably won't happen, unless we fight to get in?? Because that would totally be a deal breaker for me. My husband and I are are both on the shy side, and if this is true, this is not the place for us.

Lee in Tampa, for now.

It is, It is, IT IS!

This thead was meant to be a joke.

There has been a full moon or somethin' going on around here. Just read the last few posts just before the one you just made.

You will love it here. Drive over soon and see it one more time.

NO, I don't work for the developer. I don't work at all.

Lee, while I like reading TOTV to find out various things like tried and true service providers (home improvement, handymen, painters, etc.) and retail/restaurant reviews, a few negative posters here on TOTV are not representative of the whole of TV nor is it representative of your new TV neighborhood nor the people who gather at the recreation facilities/activities for a given sport or activity. We bought a CYV in a 3-year-old neighborhood, and as soon as we looked at the CYV the second time, all our neighbors came over to say hi and welcome us into the neighborhood. We are still amazed at how we soon had more friends after several weeks of owning our place and not even living full-time here yet, than we had after years in our last place in the midwest.

We are constantly busy with a full social calendar of things to do with our neighbors, their friends, friends of friends, people we meet at the town squares in the evening, and friends in our home state clubs,etc. Everywhere we go in TV, people are extremely friendly and welcoming. It's only about once in 4 months that we encounter a person who does not want to talk and be friendly (or acts like you have no right to start a conversation with them...seeming downright rude), but we figure that is because they come from a place where people simply do not "neighbor" or they're just bitter and "who needs 'em anyway?".

PTurner's post above about being new to the water aerobics class is pretty typical, I'd say, about joining in on recreation and other activities. Let's face it.....most of us are parents and we women, especially, are used to caring for others and we remember what it was like being "the new kid in school" or moving and taking our own kids to a new sports team or whatever practice. And.......

We all remember what it was like stepping up to the golf tee after having only a few beginner lessons/clinics, and not wanting to look like a total moron (which in golf....can last for the next 30 years.....looked like a moron teeing off just yesterday!)

As for this "clique" thing being discussed here, I think it has more to do with identities of posters and those of us who do not want to put our personal information and identity out here. Unknown identities here sometimes get questioned.....but there are good reasons to remain anonymous.

Many of us are not retired yet, and are employed or looking for a job, and we do not want our opinions--especially the political ones--scrutinized by our boss or potential employer who is vindictive. (I've had very few bosses who are NOT vindictive.) It's very easy to google somebody and read about them if you are an employer ready to hire somebody, and for years now, there have been advisories in business journals about "mining companies" that gather dirt about a person online in social networking sites, and then that information is kept in databases for paid background checking.

I can't imagine for even 2 seconds putting my picture and name, etc. here, and I don't like Facebook for that reason either, even though a person can keep their info as closed and private as they want. There are always hackers and break-ins to Facebook pages. Just the other day, I got a private message from a Facebook friend (or at least the hacker USED my FB friend's account), and the thing was so full x-rated filth that I wanted to vomit. I reported it to FB and closed off my info and privacy settings even more.

If I were you, I would rely on what I see in the actual neighborhood where I'm considering buying...go for a walk there in the evening or early morning, and talk to people who are out talking in the driveways, walking their dog etc. Also, go to the neighborhood pools and just lounge for awhile....that is one of the best places to meet people! I think most people like to meet the new people moving in, and it's interesting to learn about the experiences of people moving here from so many varying places.

Thank you to both you and Gracie for your posts. We are actually coming up tomorrow for a full week, and then for the rest of the weekends in August, so we can really go to the rec centers and the neighborhood pools, etc. We plan on going to every open house we can find, to get a "real" look at the kind of things we have been looking at pics of on the internet. This is our fifth trip and we are probably going to have our house sold by next spring. We are going to buy as soon as we find that "wonderful" home, and live in a small apartment here until we retire for good in 2013 (as least I will). My husband may work a couple more years remotely from the Villages. We get nervous when we see these posts about it being so hard to become a part of things, because it's high on our list of reasons for coming . . . we've worked odd hours all our lives, and now it is going to be time to be social and meet people. We have looked at ALL the other developments in Florida, I think, and NONE can offer us what the Villages can. The convenience of doctors, hospital, restaurants, shopping, Spanish Springs, Katie Bells (visited for lunch on life style visit and stayed all afternoon listening to the wonderful singer); LSL (my favorite place, I think). We were up for the pro-am bowling tournament in April, we are avid bowlers, another reason to come, and on and on. Finding it hard not to buy our home now and start enjoying, but two mortgages does not appeal to my hubby!!

Thanks for your reassuring posts.

Lee and Richard in Tampa.

:BigApplause::BigApplause::BigApplause::BigApplaus e:

I love The Villages - nuff said!!!:thumbup:

You are on your way! Just think "Forward....Forward...Forward"!

Moved here long before TOTV. Easiest way to make friends is go to what interests you. I have golf friends, volleyball friends, baseball friends, church friends, pool friends, basketball friends, gym friends and live in a very close neighborhood full of friends. Probably one of the best places to make friends is to volunteer. Many more friends than I can keep up with and the one reason I really like it here.
That being said, there are unfriendly neighborhoods and cliques trying to take over some pools, clubs boards etc. I highly recommend you knock on doors and check out neighborhoods and hang with people who make you feel good and share your interests. There are neighborhoods that get together once a week and neighborhoods that are very cold.
Don't anybody feel that totv is the best or only way to make friends. This board actually has a history of a clique. Read the posts on" Enough." In this group, many were banned and started their own board. I believe their board didn't last. I also believe most are back on here with new names.
So I say to each- you have a right to post -your experiences and opinions are just as valid as any ones. I had Gracie mock me with the help of her friends and Russ tell me I was wrong. I decided right then that I would not accept chastisement from these people. My biggest strength Is not letting others decide my feelings. I volunteer alot and that's what makes me feel good, along with some Gold in Senior games and many real face to face friends. So message is...Everyone has a right to their experiences and opinions. Now off to one of my volunteer groups and a total detachment from people who have judged me on here. Don't worry-it is easy to make face to face friends who share your interests here.

I cannot and will not say you haven't experienced what you have stated nor will I criticize what you have stated in this post. I agree with parts of your post and I disagree with others, but I emphasize that this is normal in any social forums.

However, what I will state is that I have been on TOTV only one or two months less than you have and have posted considerably more, but have not experienced what you state you have. I've been counseled by the admins more than once and suspended without reason or explaination, but looked at it as positive feedback!

I've made several friends and had many positive feedbacks on my posts, both open and private with nearly no negative reactions. I've only met a few TOTV members in person and no more than once for any of them. I've been made happy at times and aggrivated at others, but have rarely complained even when it was warranted to do so.

With that being said, I can't help but wonder why I have not even come close to experiencing what you have expressed when I have been at least four times more active than you. There must be a reason for that, but I do ask others out there NOT to offer me any negative answers in response to that! If you must respond, then please do it through a PM. It's NOT my intention to attack Mr. Wilson or influence others to so. He has as much right to express himself as any of us do and I do look forward to injoying his positive contributions to this forum as much as anybody elses!

Something I have learned is when a person says "I cannot and will not say....." They have already said it. Just my opinion.

Not really sure what your point is either.

Larry. I have sent you a P.M. asking you to share where it was that I mocked you. (This is the SECOND time you have said that) I stood for Russ when you and he were fussing about baseball try outs.

I said something like...I think the world of you Russ. But I didn't say anything that I remember that was mocking and if I did I owe you an apology.

I just went back and read pages of my posts, and heavens knows I post a lot...and the only thing I can find is that post where I said I just love ya Russ Boston...in the middle of your disagreement with him about softball try-outs. I really believe that you have me mixed up with someone else in your mind.

After I sent the P.M. I decided to ask you what I said that was mocking.

I have feelings too. But, I am often wrong and if I am I owe you an apology.

Gracie

Gracie, I don't think you owe him anything. Just saying, that's all.

Didn't think I need to say it Larry but yes I can make friends outside of TOTV. Has happened and will happen even more after I move perm (in January I think). Maybe we could be friends.

You're probably right George. I just "might" have told someone something similar in the past to indicate that I won't doubt them or flame them because of what they stated! I don't specifically remember if I have, but I just might have! On the other hand, if I misunderstood exactly what you mean't by your opinion, then I guess it's a case of not getting your point.

As for your not getting "my" point, well I don't get what it is that you don't get and even if I did I'm not sure I would even be able to explain whatever it is so that those who do not get it would get it. I guess that we'll just have to agree that we don't get each other!

Skyguy,

I thought your poll was funny and not meant to be malicious. Heck, we all have some people we just click with, some posters posts we enjoy more than others and that's how it is here and throughout cyberspace.

When anyone new moves into an area, they are the new guy and sometimes it takes a while for those of any particular group to "share" with the newbie. It's not unique to the message board, to this community...it's like that everywhere. When we all lived in our various communities before this one, that same issue, being the new guy, was something that had to be dealt with and it was. We all have friends in our former communities...and it took a while. Might just take some time, here, too.

Generally, I've found that people will be generous and giving to new comers, though I'm sure there are some who could be more guarded when it comes to being outgoing and giving. Things could change with them...we have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Soon, they could be offering help to the new guy/gal and be happy doing so.

I didn't respond earlier because I was at the supermarket watching tomatoes ripen beyond belief.... :D

It seems that Skyguy posted this poll as a joke, but opinions will vary as to whether or not there is really a clique, simply by its definition. You can say a clique is a group of people with similiar interests, but in the context it has been generally used, clique implies exclusivity i.e. not all are included. There have been instances on this forum for example, where one of the regulars posts something, and if someone disagrees, other computer friends of that person go on to back up their friend. I always laugh about it and think "there they go again, circling the wagons". And interestingly enough, a few times people I've never even met have pm'd me and said the same thing, so I guess I'm not the only one noticing it. I've seen posters attacked in various threads, accused of being someone else, accused of being an infiltrator, of not living in The Villages, of trying to sabotage the Villages simply because they state something they saw, something they experienced, or just voice a concern. The IRS thread really brought some of that out. People that have legitimate concerns have been lambasted as though they were un-American. You won't see a lot of those negative posts because many of them have been deleted by the Administrators. But time after time, the same group of people jump on and pat each other on the back or pick on some unlucky poster who made the mistake of posting something the group disagreed with. Clique? You can call it what you want, but I personally wish people would stop with the accusations and name calling, and learn to play more nicely. Everyone is entitled to respect.

Pooh, I hear what you're saying, especially about "new guys." When I joined I spent several weeks just lurking trying to familiarize myself with some members of the forum.

When I began posting I noticed that the doors of acceptance were not opening right away. At the same time I realized that this was the natrure of things... you know... caution by some folks who don't know you and don't open up to you until they get a feel for who you are and what your personality is. With some patience and understanding the doors started to slowly open and they still are quite nicely.

Unfortunately, a very few join do so with ill intent or with the idea that everybody's arms are and should be wide open, but thankfully that's not the nature of most new people. With the latter, if they meet up with a few that are not so open and ready to send out the welcome wagon, they sometimes feel hurt and take it personally, and without realizing it, put up a foot and act like a member of a swat team, proceeding to attempt to break down the door without having enough patience for acceptance to occur naturally. Wrong move! It only results in bad feeling and manifests itself in reactions that they don't expect, and as such, interpet as unfriendly.

Anyway, most anyone can be accepted by others and feel like they're welcome if they are patient and don't push. However, display a negative or pushy personality, then it becomes hard for them to ever be accepted. (Note that there are NO individuals, intended or implied, in what I just stated) I have noticed though that here on TOTV that many veterans of the forum can bring themselves above all that and be warm and welcoming! And that's a feather in their cap!

There isn't going to be a secret handshake.... Is there????:cry:

Keep changing cereals till you find the one with the secret decoder ring.

:D:D:D:D

No handshake, but an anthem.... :D
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N-h4D-wSak[/ame]

If you get to know it first will you show me?

But I will go and tell everybody...just so you know.

This place is meant for sharing.

It makes me sad to think that even one person who thinks they might want to live here could be turned off and turned away by any of the behavior seen on this forum in the last couple of days.

No, we aren't perfect here. But we are grown ups and I would bet that every single one of us has had our share of pain, sadness, worry and bad things.

Usually that breeds compassion, and I see a lot of it here.

I wish I could share this forum and this place with everyone. It is so beautiful, even in this heat, the flowers are changed out again, and in the evenings a breeze ruffles the palms as the ice clinks in our cool drinks on our lanais.

Do I have to bring out my "troll" thread??? :024:

I know... Wait..... You'll see!:D

[QUOTE=Larry Wilson;377788]

Moved here long before TOTV. ...... This board actually has a history of a clique. Read the posts on" Enough." In this group, many were banned and started their own board. I believe their board didn't last. I also believe most are back on here with new names.
So I say to each- you have a right to post -your experiences and opinions just as valid as any ones.
----------------------------------------------------

It is true that there was a time that some members were banned, probably 2009, not sure why. It is true that another Board was started. But most members are not back on TOTV with new names. They have migrated to Facebook and are very happy there. I agree that every member has a right to post experiences and opinions. Posters on TOTV tend to be be newbies and are ultra positive. Nothing wrong with that. If some posters have negative comments or experiences, their input is valuable also and they shouldn't be mocked. Just my personal opinion.

I've had a request this week from a user to remove their membership as a result of perceived negative comments. Everyone's thoughts, comments, and feedback are appreciated but respect for each other is paramount and comments should be directed toward a topic and not another user in any way.

I believe this thread has lived it's usefulness and is now closed.