Oh my, thanks for your lovely post! How cool that you made a lasting friendship from the evening, as that was my wish for all newbies who attended. You see, the incomparable KathieI did this for me when I was new and I was just paying it forward.

We'll be down the end of this month and definitely want to see you and the lovely Diane. I'm sending you a PM.

Hi Bosoxfan,

I am also new to the villages, and I am younger then most, I also am from MA. I don't golf or know how to play pickleball, but I like alot of other things. If you want someone to do things with just let me know.

Looking to meet new friends.

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

Hey Bosox. If you want someone to golf with, my wife and I will be there early January until end of April.

My wife used to play softball and wants to get back into playing again. We haven't tried pickleball yet, but are willing to try.

We did establish some contacts during our LSV last November on golf courses and will be following up when we return.

And my wife is a Sox fan..................can't wait until tonight's game and Boston get's their first home WS title since 1918!!!!!.

pm me if you are interested in meeting up for golf, chat, coffee, cigar in January............Jim & Karen Murray

Do you play softball on a neighborhood team? I play SS for Tamarind Grove, if you're at Saddlebrook this Saturday look me up at 9:45 on field 3. What team do you play for?

I also play golf, normally twice a week but since the green fees went 10/15 we've scaled back to once a week on a championship and then maybe an excutive. I'm in Tamarind Grove and I play with my neighbor who is also a Red Sox fan. I'm an Orioles/Ravens fan, but we get along, it's really the Yankee and Steeler fans we have to tolerate. We could make it a threesome sometime. Our biggest problem is he works 2 or 3 days a week and we have to plan golf around his schedule.

I also went to Pickleball 101 this morning at Sterling Hgts., I'm looking to get into that as well. I don't know why I've waited so long, been here 2-1/2 years. Going to buy shoes and a racket tomorrow. I really liked what we did there today. I'm kind of athletic, so I pick things up pretty quick.

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Some of us need medications to stabilize the emotions. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

Making friends
 

When you hear people talking about doing different activities ask it thay ever need subs and offer to be a sub. You could also try to set something up with them with you included.
It can be hard to get into a group but it sounds as if you have a foursome going just from this post. Good Luck.

Have you tried joining clubs like the Boston RedSox Club?

I am a Yankee fan and I enjoyed going to the Yankee fan club in TV. I understand the Boston Redsox club has a thousand members. :smiley:

I for one, agree with you. Have been here 5+years and have no friendship base. To me, The Villages is the most unfriendly place.

Nice Avatar/logo.

You may be interested in Joining the Minnesota Club. We took a trip Fort Meyers to see the Twins vs some team from New York City. I can't remember their name but it was the same team that Billy Martin came from
(and Roy Smalley & Graig Nettles went to).
It was a lot of fun and you are right on top of the action. :wave:

Right on Kitty! I couldn't agree more.

Almost everything that happens to you is self induced. If you don't like how things are going, change yourself, your attitude, and your behavior or find someone to help you do it.

It sounds like team sports choosing their team members here have not changed since we were in jr. high and some of us were always the "loser" nobody wanted on their team.

I don't rely on sports or other activities for friends here or anywhere, because people are territorial and somewhat cliquish by nature. They have their pals and favorites who will come to their beck and call.

My friends are neighbors who are right here in our courtyard villas, where people are out in their driveways conversing and admiring/petting each others' dogs. No need to "break into" a group this way, because we're already "in" it by just walking out the door, and we get probably 6 emails per week from neighborhood social planners about events we can do together, like driveway parties and golf scrambles.

Maybe moving to a friendlier, less pretentious neighborhood is in order?

Also, taking classes is a great way to meet other people with like interests and intellect.

Making new friends, or at least acquaintances is a snap for some folks and difficult for others. If a person has moved a few times during their lives and made friends at their new locations it should be easy to do so in The Villages. If a person is quiet and shy making new friends can be difficult.

On my last visit I made a new friend before I even got out of my rental car. It was 10:00 pm. A guy was walking his dog and I was trying to find my rental house using my GPS. He noticed me and came over, said "Welcome to The Villages" and pointed out the house. We had quite a conversation until the property manager showed up and let me in. I got to know him over the time I spent there. Nice guy!

Kitty, I think you gave some sound advice based on your experience both professionally and personally. And I feel that you presented it thoughtfully and with sensitivity.

Bosox, you will be our neighbor when we get our house built and we can't wait to meet you and your wife! I think you are 1 door down from us. We will be one of the last houses built and will need some help getting settled in and learning the ropes.

We are anxious to meet you and I bet you won't have any trouble getting Bill to join you for golf and we would love to do dinner. Let's plan on it!

I think that people post on here according to their life experiences and I also think that our level of comfort with others is pretty much pre determined at birth. Some people find it easy to interact with others and some don't. I found a very strange combination when teaching that most shy children are usually stubborn and they have at least one parent with the same difficulty. I found that backed up when I read the epoch book called Shyness by Phillip Zimbardo.

That said, we do NOT all carry with us the same criteria for friends, some are only comfortable with a certain flavor and some like and enjoy pretty much everyone.

I have found that my offers to get together with people who post on here that they are lonely have had no success. I recognize loneliness and I am SO blessed to have not one but two compatible and enjoyable housemates.

There is a valid recent study that says that seniors have more depression than the general population and it may be linked to low levels of Serotonin. I also feel that many people do NOT seek treatment for sadness as they feel it is a character weakness.

I know that many kind and warm and loving people stand at the ready to reach out and welcome anyone who is having a bit of problem finding nice folks to talk to.

We are all the same people we always were for the most part, only older and we all need people to care about and to care about us.

Kitty's assumption that some need professional medical help is valid. We have had at least two suicides in the last few months in The Villages.

It's a wise woman who knows herself. Your post was honest and heartfelt.

so Midvale posted this over a year ago. He's here now, and I call him Ron and have gotten to know him through singles events at our homes and eating out. Hey Ron, you are so funny! :-D

STILL getting lost...

Do you go to the dogpark, DDRR? It's a great place to meet like-minded people.

Bosoxfan - I think I understand what you are saying. There is a difference between acquaintances and real friends. Acquaintances are people I know from around The Villages - stop and talk to or play a game with - and then we go our separate ways. Friends are the people I hang out with!
Guess you are celebrating today:).

Thanks..you're right I have plenty of acquaintances but no real friends. Maybe I'm oversensitive but when I see groups of people that I golf with regularly exclude me when snowbirds return friendships I thought were developing aren't. Oh well as I said I love the life!

:BigApplause::BigApplause:

Because The Villages is marketed at "the friendliest hometown", I think that some of us have unrealistic expectations. We hear about other people instantly fitting in, and going on cruises and out every night with their friends, and living in each other's pockets. So we are disappointed if we don't instantly make deep and lasting friendships. Some people are able to do that, but for a lot of residents, it takes time and patience. And putting themselves out there.

Sometimes we must look at ourselves.

"How to win friends and influence people" Dale Carnegie, Simon and Schuster 1936 with many re-prints............

It may not have all the answers, but it will get you thinking and put a whole new perspective on life.

Sometimes WE need to change and not expect those around us to change. If we we keep giving off the wrong signals then we need to explore what it is we are not doing right. It takes very little to turn people off and often being aware of ones behaviors and being prepared to change them is all that is needed.

At one time I was told that I was critical and I took it to heart. Then I realized, people are right, I am sometimes critical. So, I took it on myself to change. The reaction to the change was amazing. People who tended to avoid me in case I would act my usual way, all of a sudden warmed up to me (I think, or maybe they just tolerate me more) but it resulted in more friendships.

At home, I have my usual golf group they are acquaintances not friends. But we do have a small social circle which although not extensive, is enduring and sincere, these are our true friends.

My son has a good friends first name as his middle name. And their daughter has my wife's name as a middle name. We are traveling 2500 miles next summer to our friends', daughter's wedding. Even miles apart friendships have endured and I am not on Facebook!. Our friendships are unconditional.

That's what I don't have people to just hang out with. Yes celebrating the Sox

You sound like a lot of fun, and I think you are right about the reasons it might be a little more difficult for you. You are young (not relatively either!) and you still work. And you play sports, so you are very active....I am sure you'll make friends soon.

I have one suggestion....join a service club like the Lions or the Moose or the American Legion etc. I can't think of any others right off the top of my head. but that's a good way to make friends.

I read your post long ago when you first posted it and it saddens me to read you still have not made friends. You seem like a wonderful person.

When we arrive in 11 months I will contact you. We will be in the same situation with no friends. Perhaps we can go out to eat and have a few beers.

My husband wants to learn to golf so maybe you can show him the ropes. I read you like to bowl and my husband is an excellent bowler so that is something you can do together.

Bosoxfan - the only other thing I can add is that I also come from the northeast. I have lived in Florida for 25 years. I have found the definition of "friend" very different in Florida than the one in New York.
But - different doesn't mean bad - just different. We are a little older than you but if you ever want to get together just let us know.