I don't want to harp on this... you already know that her question was meant to intimidate you. But if it bothered you that she jumped on your offer 'to go to the next row next time', remember that you GAVE her the choice of directing your placement or not..... you can't be upset that she didn't make the choice you hoped.

Anyway..... have a beautiful day!

just to ease the tension
 

I assumed she would want me to move next time, I made the offer to just clear the obvious tension. Good grief, we have enough tension in this world. I think besides being told that it was her spot, it was the attitude that this was "their class" and they wanted to keep it small, so "outsiders" really aren't welcome. We have all been new people at some time, whether it was the new kid in school, or new to a town, or new to TV. I have so enjoyed meeting new people in the different classes. Usually people go out of their way to make you feel welcome. I try to at least smile when I see new people or say hello. One of my favorite sayings is, "there are no strangers here, only friends we haven't met." We never know when a small act of kindness could make someone's day.

I've observed this kind of attitude elsewhere in T.V. as well. Have heard conversations of folks going to neighborhood pools only to be asked "if they are snowbirds", as if there's an "ownership" of some. If one thinks about it...it's childish behavior and unbecoming of individuals to act like this. I agree with one other poster here---it's a type of bullying!!!!!

My, my, my---my thought is LIFE is much too short to be so unkind, much less this out-spoken. It seems that most in T.V. are highly educated and have lived a good life elsewhere so my question is, were they like this in their jobs, neighborhoods etc. elsewhere?? Why does this attitude seem so pervasive here and I'd not experienced it so much where we moved from??
To be quite honest it has been shocking!!

I have to agree Jen. And as Doctor Phil says " The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior".

I know of a fairly popular woman who is a friend of a friend and she bullies everyone she meets. She manipulates and uses power tactics to get things her way. I wonder constantly WHY she has any aquaintances at all, but she doles out favors and gives gifts and arranges fun happenings.
The smart people quit and leave her group but she still has many followers. I met her once and I ran....not walked away from anything she had any dealings with.

I don't like mean. And I don't like selfish. And it isn't that I haven't been both and still am at times, but at least I am ashamed when it is pointed out to me.

I think that the behaviors that we see like this here have won these people some things. It is called "Winning Through Intimidation" and I plan to read that book sometime.

Now this does not mean that I don't agree with all of you who say you need to speak up and stand on your own two feet and act like an adult. But there is a difference in that. That is healthy. Pushing people around to see them pushed is just not right.

Someone help me down off this soap box.

And Jen...Hugs.

Overcrowding
 

Its all about overcrowding. We have been here long enough to see the personality of this place change. Once everybody exchanged name cards, made friends with everybody, and there was enough parking spaces, chairs, exercise spots, dancing floor room to dance etc.etc.etc.
Then the building went on steroids and all that changed. I know this will get the "everything is perfect" posters to attack me but it is just too overcrowded here in the winter.
About 4 years ago when half of my wife's exercise class was turned away all winter because not enough spots, she stated her own class.(mainly to know she would have a place on stage!) Now her class is turning people away.
It is rough out there and people do resent snowbirds but...its the nature of the animal world to fight if there is overcrowding.
Once again," the all is is perfect" crowd will hate to hear this but the other smaller developments all around us are much friendlier and none of this tension. When you move to Del Webb or Stonecrest it is a more peaceful existence. It is also true is they come here for our entertainment and restaurants.
So save the attacks because I still live here for the level of sports but my wife would move in a minute. We always talk about the good old days before this place was overcrowded.
Everyone have a great day and I mean it. We are all lucky to be out of the northern winters.

Thank you for your honest opinion. As a "maybe" TV candidate, it is good to hear this. I really like TOTV, sooner or later it all comes out.

You are spot on and it is only going to get worse.

I had a friend that told me she moved 20 times. I replied by asking what states she has moved to and which of these states she liked the most. She replied by telling me she had not moved away from the area ever but that everytime she could look out a window and could see a neighbor she sell and built a new home.

Interesting perspective.
 

I LOVE to go to the places that everyone else goes to. The crowded restaurants are crowded for a reason. A packed concert is packed for a reason. The Villages have a lot of people for a reason.

That's not to say that it's for everyone, but for me. The more people who are there, the more I like it!

When hubby and I are looking for a new place to eat... We look for the one that has a line! YOU know the food is going to be good!

I can't wait to get to TV!!!! There's a reason so many people are trying to get there!!! :ho:

Most likely because there is more than one golf course and more than one recreation center! Oh, thats right Stonecrest did add another executive course.

springfield, From at TV wannabee: You sound like a great person, and I would be glad to have you as my next door neighbor or fellow class participant if I ever move to TV. I hope you have a more positive experience in your exercise class in the future. :wave:

After reading this topic for a few days now I have had the converstation about what to do and what to say over and over in my head. I always have the best conversations with myself AFTER the event has taken place as to what to do and what to say. I hope I would say, "I'm sorry, I didn't know we had assigned spots" and then stand there and see what happens. If the person didn't move I would probably slink away and have a really good conversation with myself as to other clever things to say---which I would never do.

thanks!
 

I have met so many cool people in the classes. When I meet uncool people, it kind of takes me for a loop. You just pm me when you get down here. The responses have helped me reinforce in my mind that rudeness and "me, me , me" is not what we are all about. Perhaps the powers that be can remind people of that. Hope you turn from a wannabe to a TV-er.

If my mom was here, she'd tell them .... um, I can't say what she'd tell them. But she certainly wouldn't move over just to give a "spot" on the floor to someone else! First come first served! Unless you have your name written in magic marker on the floor!:)

You are right of course. But then I will have ruined the whole time there thinking about it and being all annoyed and wondering how else I could have handled it. WHY do people do stuff like that????

Of course we always think of the BEST responses AFTER the fact! We know, if it happens again, we know what we would say or do. Only, it never happens again and all those GREAT responses just fade away. Like my daddy used to always say.... A good girl scout is ALWAYS prepared!

Plain and simple, Dear Gracie.... they do it because they want to.

Be rasied a Military brat then serving 20 in the military, I have a huge number of acquiences and just a few friends. When you move every three years or so, you don't get pushed around much as you learn you have to stand your ground or get run over. I just don't run over to easy. I am not pushy, try to be friendly, but when you push me for no reason, you quickly find that I don't push, but being 6 foot 225 pounds and ugly not many want to mess with me. *S* Don't let rude bullying people push you, once you stand up to them they slink away as the skunks they really are.

...

[QUOTE=Figmo Bohica;407586[quote]
Impressive vitae.

Thanks Bogie - there's my new word for today! :read:

:thumbup:

Bill :)

Hi Springfield,
Thank you for posting this, as it gives others a chance to be forewarned/forearmed for a similar experience.

When I'm faced with the need for a quick response, my first thoughts are "do the right thing" and "first, do no harm". A funny or clever response might be ideal, but isn't necessary if one sticks to these two principles.

Yielding the spot fails on both counts. It is harmful to the community to enable a bully. In my mind-- unless you are in danger-- it is always wrong to enable a bully. Not letting the bully prevail is "the right thing to do" because you help enforce fair-play not just for yourself but for others. Another way to look at this is, "what if everybody responded as I did?" If everybody enabled the bully, (s)he will continue to run roughshod over people, to the detriment of not just you but everyone else. If everyone failed to yield the spot to the bully, the entire community would win! Therefore, it's the right answer.

Base your action on these principles and not yielding the spot to the bully becomes a no brainer. Now, coming up with a funny comeback or one that diffuses the situation would be nice too, but is not necessary. You've done no harm and done the right thing, one that would work great if everyone responded the same way.

That said, I probably would have laughed and said, "Cool! May I kindly borrow your 'Rules Don't Apply to Me' license. I actually had to get here early for this spot!... By the way, my name is ..., Nice to meet you."

If the person response with his/her name, change the subject to a pleasant chat.

Yup, WHY do people do stuff like that.....is the biggest question :ohdear:

They do it because they are pushy and they like feeling "important" by pushing other people around.

Has anyone ever told the instructor of this problem, so that the instructor makes an announcement saying "the rule is first come, first served......nobody gets priority seating"?

It sounds like more classes should be using a "take a number" and wait in line at the door, in that order, system.

In a "Walk off the pounds" class...no instructor, just a tape...but I suppose you could ask the person who starts the tape to make that announcement.

Everyone should read PTurner's post above. I know that I will now see that giving in just makes it harder for other people. I will just stand my ground in a polite sort of way while my blood pressure goes up.

bump

Take a number? Tell the front desk? Come on this is not third grade. Handle this yourself. Just say No. Its not that hard. I always feel the least said is the best way in these situations. Just say No

As a future Villager, this whole thread bothers me. It seems like there is a real attitude toward those who are snowflakes, snow birds, renters, new Villagers. Have people forgotten that at one point they were the new kid on the blocK? Or that at one point, they rented?

Let me live here but you stay out, stay home, don't move to MY neighborhood, etc. I mean really, "It is THEIR pool????" Are you :censored: kidding me? Unless the pool is in your backyard, it isn't yours. Get over it or I might just pee in "YOUR" pool for spite.

Maybe I need to look for another place to live where I would be welcomed? I realize that not everyone is like that. I can get a pretty good sense of who I would like to meet and who I would avoid just by reading comments. I also realize that people are people no matter where you live.

I'm just saying.....

Oh, dear Gracie, NEVER let other people dictate how your day will be! You are too sweet to have that happen. When other people begin their first conversation with you by being rude, THEY have set the standard for the conversation. You don't have to be rude back at them, but you must be firm and convincing that they do not have control over you or your day! It's a shame that you had to leave an art class because of others' rudeness. I have not seen your art, but know others who have seen and enjoyed it. Just continue to be your "Gracie" self.

My husband is a paying member of "Gold's Gym", he enjoys the "Spinning Classes", well his first or second time in class he got there early and choice a cycle and had it all adjusted to his liking, when another participate came up to him and said "I'm sorry sir but I had that cycle/bike reserved", well unbeknownst to him there is a clipboard at the front desk where a person(s) can reserve a bike/cycle, I'm sure this is all legal and proper, however it's just another way of encouraging the "entitlement" attitude of this world we live in, whatever happen to "first come, first served". He came home and told me about it and was kind of joking about it, but I could tell he felt like he had done something wrong and committed a crime against this person, like he trespassed on "their property", oh well, "just another country heard from".

American Sign Language helps!
 

My hearing impaired friend taught me to sign:

What are you trying to tell me?
Works for me every time.

Now we're talkin'...
............I mean signin'

Love this answer! :)

Was it actually a "reserved" list or just a sign in sheet for the next available when all were busy? That's done here during peak times and the people just use something else until that particular piece of equipment is available.

A reserve list.

I've lived here for over three years and still feel that TV is friendly.
I thank God every morning for the privilege of living here. In the past
we've lived in resort areas and learned to time our outings so that we
avoid crowds during prime time. Everything I want or need is only a cart ride away and that includes international art instructors. When I read the negative comments I wonder if we live in the same community;:ohdear: as a senior I've learned that life is what you make it. Because we feel so blessed we want to convey to wannabes that there are people here who love their life here but aren't as vocal as the nay sayers. :a040:

I've lived here for 5 years this week as a matter of fact, and I, too still am thrilled when I am out and about. I wave. Sometimes people don't wave back, but what the heck, maybe they will the next time someone waves at them. Did people wave at others in the communities they came from? Maybe, but then again, maybe not. Is it more crowded? Yes it is, but I've lived in areas that were terribly crowded in the summer and other areas that were crowded in the winter. Guess one just gets used to it and makes adjustments. It's a large community and over time, things do change and either we make adjustments of some sort, or ......


I don't attend some of the classes that are crowded so I don't have that frustration. Even though there's lots of traffic, it's not at all like traffic in cities many of us worked in and lived in. We can always use a golf cart as an alternative to our cars.

TV is a beautiful community, well laid out. Traffic has increased in our community, but as our community grows, so do the surrounding communities. Not all of the traffic is necessarily our own. Restaurants are crowded seasonally...heck, it was the same in communities everyone came from. Trying to eat out on the weekends wasn't easy...restaurants were crowded!

Things are always changing, here and where we lived. Everyone wants peace, quiet, the good old days. Here we have a chance for peace and quiet, but sometimes the good old days were better in our memories than they were in reality.

Everyone wants something different in their retirement years. Here I've found exactly what I want. A beautiful community with many opportunities for fun, learning, physical activity, making friends, enjoying wonderful neighbors who are like family....that's a special blessing when so many of us are so far away from our own families. I'm happy to be a member of TV community.

Still happy to be away from cold and snow
 

Thanks Kathy. I'm not a naysayer and neither is Kathy. We are both realists.
I've been here since 2004. It is just a fact that the population has grown and grown fast. My wife and I are in a ton of sports and clubs. (Enjoy them in the summer) Winter is getting tougher and tougher. The more active you are, the more you notice this.
A few examples but there are many more.
Check the statics on golf cart accidents, and car accidents.
People are being turned away from classes. My wife's exercise class has people come an hour early to get a number and stand in a line with that number for an hour to be to let in when the class starts. People who get there a half an hour before class get turned away by the dozens because the class is at capacity. That goes on in all the popular classes. Now that's overcrowding.
I play in three major sports and its getting so you get no play time because there is just too many guys, now that's overcrowding.
Golf and tee times...we play outside the Villages in the winter.
Hours of wait time at every restaurant and sometimes you just are told you can't be served.
Yes Kathy, everybody use to wave and said Hi. We had great times and everybody was your friend. Not anymore. We don't even go to the special events at the squares anymore because it is so crowded. Our friends feel the same way.
I know this is the honeymoon board.( mainly new people here) You are suppose to just love the Villages and all is perfect. Well, it was a much more perfect a few years ago.

I appreciate what you and Kathy are saying. We are weighing all this. Thank you.

The big test on "politeness" and "reserving your spot" will come this Thursday at Spanish Springs. That is Oktoberfest - parade and all. And, for the second time (first time at Spanish Springs) there is only one parade and that will be at SS. Italianfest had only one parade but that was at LSL, and the weather was less than totally cooperative. Anyway, 8 AM or so on the 27th and I'll bet you dollars to donut holes you can go to the town square as SS and you will already find some "reserved" places on the square and maybe at the eating tables in the streets. The real "fun" (make that "Confrontations") will start later in the day, say around 2 to 3 PM and increase in frequency until the parade actually starts at 4 PM. In the past, I have seen near fist fights over "reserved seating" (the Entertainment Department will tell you there is no such thing at either square but they do nothing to enforce that). This year, I predict it will be more than "near" fist fights, especially if we have beautiful weather and large crowds.

Well said Pooh...great attitude!