I being a child of parents who in 1997 told my brothers and I that they were leaving Jersey to come to a place called The Villages ...we felt anger and were confused as to why they would leave us!

BUT then we visited TV and Totally Understood...now I own a home in TV...our family - grandkids included~ love love love to come and visit !

Moral of this Story....Have your kids come take a look and feel for TV ...that's all it will take for them to agree with your decision !

Ditto for Stroglass
 

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision.

Had very similar reaction. Pretty much are cut off, but we remind each other, it started with us as a couple 48 years ago, and we are happy together in our new lives, here in TV. It will end as it started, and we enjoy every single day.

This is one of the most interesting and " heart-felt " threads I have ever read on this site .

Well my son and daughter we're thrilled. They don't live close and we only see them once a year so it wasn't because we'd be far away. They say they will never visit that there is nothing for them to do here. After a few weeks of these comments I just said that I don't tell them where to live so they should just be happy for us becuase we're happy with our decision. I'm glad I downsized to a 2 bed because they won't be visiting. I hope maybe someday they will ask to visit and see why we're happy to be here.

How sad that adult children won't speak to their parents based on a decision about where their parents choose to spend their golden years. I would give just about anything to be able to pick up the phone and speak to my mom or see her in person no matter where she lived.

From a childs stand point, ...I was ecstatic that my parents were moving to the villages and going to enjoy the fruits of there labor I did miss stopping at their house on a Saturday afternoon for a beer with my father and bringing the grandkids by and after several years of not seeing them I took the kids down after my divorce and we all fell in love with the place I have since been back regularly and am planning on purchasing soon and living there in 4.9 years LOL ( I actually have it broken down to how many assigned 24 hr shifts I have left unfortunately it is still triple digit )

Me too!
My Mom has been gone 10 years and I miss her every day!

Thank you!
 

Reading this last night prompted me to send a note to my four kids, telling them that we expect to be selling the family home in a year or two. I said that I know how devastating that can be, as I felt totally betrayed when my mom sold our family home. At least I have given them notice and they'll have awhile to get used to the idea! They already knew that we are in love with TV and plan a move there as soon as is feasible.

Thanks TOTV for helping me start a difficult conversation.

Alanna

:gc:

My husband's daughter just visited for the first time. She didn't think she would like it and was "blown away" by all there was to do and the friendliness of everyone. She said she might even consider moving here when she's in her 70's.

It's clear from this thread that many of us have experienced unhappy attitudes from our children/families. If they would only come for a visit, they would see why we made this decision. It truly is a wonderful place to live!

I was planning to move here even if no one in my family ever spoke to me again! I knew in my heart that this was the best place for me to live in my "golden years!" And to further justify my decision, I met a wonderful man in church the very first Sunday I was here! We are truly happy together and never would have met if we didn't take the chance and move to The Villages!

A friend once told me, when our kids are grown, all we really have is each other! Don't depend on the kids, they are too busy with their own lives.

My children were thrilled when I moved here. They thought I was going to spend the rest of my life living 9,000 miles away in the Philippines. They were very happy that I decided to live so much closer to home.

My husband and I are moving there next week. I have two daughters and the oldest is so happy for us. The younger (34 yrs) is angry at me. She's happy yet she says in way she despises me for it even though she says she loves me. Says I'm deserting her and her husband and 2 little daughters. I tried to explain I will fly back to PA a lot to see them but it's not cutting the mustard. I only see her maybe 2 times a month and she is only 45 minutes from me. She claims it's bittersweet. So I truly understand where you are coming from. I almost called a halt to the move but a friend told me not to let her selfishness stand in my way to our happiness because we are getting older and older as each day passes and we deserve our time now. So grin and bear it. Que sera sera - what will be will be.

our children have never put pressure on us one way or another..when they moved from one part of the world to another none of them asked if it was ok, so when we move not going to ask how they feel.

I totally agree with you. Children are busy with their own lives and the world does not revovle around them. This person daughter needs to make a trip to TV and she will see why her parents are so happy to be here!!!

If she is not happy for her parents, then she is being selfish to her own desires and needs. She needs to be more mature and happy for her parent. I am sure she will come around, when she see's the beauty of TV, and it's friendly people. IMHO

We owe it to ourselves to be happy and free from our duties, that we performed for many years. We need to have a life of our own, with our own friends. This is our time, and the start of when children should be looking out for us, and our needs. Isn't 20 plus years enough of, "it's all about them".

"Don't worry, be happy", as the song says. :smiley:

BTW - I moved from Bridgeport,CT. Where in CT are you from?

My daughters moved before we did to Arizona so we felt that they left us. This of course made it easier to make the move from New York to Florida. They arent married and there are no grandkids. They love it Arizona and we love it here. They have nothing to be mad about because they left first. I may feel differently when grandkids are in the picture until then everyone is happy. They just came to visit for the holidays and can't wait to come back. When we lived in New York they were never anxious to visit because most of their friends had left the area.

I'm sad for your situation. Perhaps there is another underlying issue. Maybe your daughter is sad herself about where she lived or how her life is turning out. I think in time she will visit and fall in love with the Villages as you did. Good luck.

Just read every post in this thread for the first time, and have to say much of what I read is heart wrenching. My wife and I were considering the purchase of a home in TV but have now decided we will probably just rent for two or three months in the winter, as we have for the past three years. When we talked of purchasing a place in TV our youngest son (36) and his wife were not too happy (they have three YO twins) and the older son and our daughter were not thrilled, but would have accepted it. We have never planned to live full-time in TV as all three kids and the grand kids live within fifteen minutes of us, and my wife's elderly mother and maiden sister live about thirty minutes away. The only logical option for us, at least in our minds, would have been to maintain a home in Missouri as well as one in TV. I can certainly understand the difficulty and in some cases, guilt, for leaving family behind, and each person has to handle it in their own way. I think I would have been unconditionally happy for my parents had they chosen to move to a place like TV, but everyone handles things differently. It is really heartbreaking to think that a family can be irrevocably divided over something that should be seen as a deserved and positive life decision, but undoubtedly it can and does, happen. I pray that all of you who have experienced this difficulty will find a positive resolution with your loved ones.

it is your life. make the decision for yourselves. and if the other members of the family are not happy for you, that is just too bad. it is a problem that they are creating.

A wise and thoughtful post. Everyone has to do what is right for them.

Family is the most important thing is one's life, followed by friends. Some people don't want to leave their grandchildren, and who's to say, that decision is not their best one.

Hope to meet you in February, 2014.

What a well thought out post! :bigbow:

When we moved here 3 years ago, our daughter was very angry as well. Felt we were abandoning her and our two grandchildren (16 & 20) at the time. We had kept our home in NH and went back for summers, but she refused to come to visit us (even with free tickets). We finally got her down here last winter for a week and on the second night she said, "Okay, I get it. This place is amazing". But it was a tough 2 years of her not embracing our changes.
Now we are about to sell our home on a lake. It's where our grandchildren grew up so this is a toughie for all of us. Last summer we sat her down and offered to sell her the house at a very low price. We felt that she would inherit it when we die, so why not give her a fighting chance to own it now. She has a great job - and a wonderful partner - so they talked it through and decided for themselves that they didn't want it. When the last of their kids are out of college in 4 years, they want to travel. Great decision. My husband and I felt good about offering it to her and I know it went a long way toward mending of hurt feelings to do it. She realized how much we love her and wanted to include her in our decisions.
My only piece of advice (having lived through this) is to continue to call once a month and leave a message of love. Don't forget birthdays, etc - a Mother's love is forever... it's what we do. And our children will always be children at times such as this. Some embrace change, others do not.
But this I know. The clock is ticking on OUR lives right now. We've raised our children and deserve to experience all that retirement can give us here in TV. I'm so grateful and happy to be here - enjoying the fruits of our life labor with the man I love...

Our kids were thrilled for us. Of course they will miss us, and we them, but we all will adjust. They loving coming and we love going to them.

Four years ago, we offered to sell our home to our daughter and husband when we first moved here full time to TV (Referring back to my original post...she was very upset losing her childhood home to new buyers). They were upside down on their current home, at the time, and decided it wouldn't be a good idea even though we offered to help with not selling and renting it to them with hopes they could buy at a later date. Well, it's up for sale again. We let our daughter know and told her now would be a good time to buy since they are no longer upside down. She and her husband talked and decided against it. She has been given 2 opportunities to purchase her childhood home but it's not that important now and that makes me smile. Their visits here to TV have shown them what a wonderful place this is and they now understand why we moved, and they love it here themselves. They miss us not living closer and we miss not being able to have more time with them and the grandchildren yet time eases all pain. Our daughter flies down once a year, our grandsons fly down once a year and this year we are lucky to have the whole family in April...that makes twice this year! We also fly North when there's no snow...lol.

You all made me feel better about even thinking about moving to The Villages.

Our (4) kids seemed to think we were "cashing it in" and moving to someplace reminiscent of a nursing home! LOL!!!! It only took each of them one visit to "get it". I play softball 5 days a week- my husband plays water volleyball and is involved in The village Voices as well as the Brothers in Song- Invite your kids here- they'll understand!

My 30 year old son and his wife changed their mind on his 1st visit. They stopped by for a 2 day visit then went on a cruise. They were going to head back to Virginia after the cruise instead I got a call and they came for another visit. They love it! What's not to love?!?

Just a thought...If you can afford it, why not offer to pay for plane tickets for her to come and visit as her next birthday gift....

I too am having the same issues. My oldest daughter is thrilled I was able to make this move. Her kids are 15 and 12. My youngest daughter is angry with me. She has not interest in coming - says it's an old peoples place.......haha. Her children are little - 5 and 2. She also, like ConnecticutYankee daughter said, says I am abandoning my grandchildren. She puts me down a lot when I talk to her - says she loves me yet hates me in a way for doing this. She tells me she would NEVER do that to her children. I hate to talk to her on the phone anymore because it puts me on such a guilt trip. I didn't see her, her hubby or grandkids that much - maybe once a month??!! And they didn't live too far. Living here has made me happy. My husband and I do fun things - I just wish she would let up. Her new thing is on Facebook posting pics of her kids with the other grandparents. She states how much they love their Mimi and Pa. She is deliberately trying to hurt me. It works too but I too love The Villages and will persevere!! It is painful and I can sympathize!

We never told them... they are still looking for us!

:a20::a20:
You sound like my husband... "We moved and left no forwarding address!"

our children were supportive of whatever decision we were making; and that goes both ways as we raised them to make decisions on their own and for themselves. it is hard for me to believe that such families with such rigid interdependence exist.

Maybe this is oversimplifying. There are many different factors, genetic makeups, and personalities that go into making up a family. We have one very independent child and one homebody. Their personalities are so different. Not that either had a problem with our moving, but I'm saying that you can't paint every family with the same brush. Just because someone's child can't let go doesn't make that family dynamic wrong or flawed, or indicate that someone didn't do a good job of raising their children to be independent. Everyone's personality is unique.

Update as we are a week out from our move my daughter had another melt down and is not really saying much to me .she has not offered to come and see me before we leave .I did takethe45 min ride to her house last week to bring some thing I wanted her to have of her grandndfathers. She. Bearly said a word .my friends got togeather over the weekend but she told them it would cause her to much anxiety to be there.
Well needless to say I will be a full time villager as of 3/2 and she can either accept this or not

Hang in there, stroglass. She will probably come around. It just may take some time. At some point in your life, you deserve to do what's best for you, and that's what you are about to do. Fingers crossed for you and your daughter.:pray:

My heart aches for you and know in a couple years we may go through the same thing when we move. Is it possible for your daughter to come and visit soon? Maybe Easter. Once she sees the community and how happy you are, it may help her understand why it was time for Mom to open a new chapter in her book.

This can't be easy for either of you. Hang in there and continue to let your daughter know how much you love her, no matter where you call home.

Well, today is 3/2. Please let us know that you are settling in & having a great day.

We arrived as scheduled My daughter did call me for my birthday which was 3/1/14 .I will have to see how this plays out she is aware the door is open thank for all the concern and support

I'm very sad for anyone going through this.

I have noticed that the problem seems to be with Daughters,
not Sons. Hmmmmmm.......

It's hard letting go and knowing you're going to miss
someone. Your parents are a huge support system and
if they've been close it's hard to see them move away.
But kids need to be supportive of their parents decisions as we
are of their decisions.

I wish everyone going through this a happy future resolution.

We are not down here full time yet as we own two places. Our daughter rarely calls. It is like a form of punishment, so to speak, as if we've abandoned her and her children. We have supported our daughter with love, time and money throughout the years and it's like the door has been closed. We have done the same with our son. Both are educated and have held very good jobs for a number of years. Our son, on the other hand, contacts us pretty regularly to check up on us. I think that there comes a point whereas you realize your mortality. I believe our daughter is burying her head in the sand while our son, who has visited TV, wonders why we even go back up north. We love the lifestyle, have several friends and are quite active. I keep telling my wife that at our age, this is our time.