Talk of The Villages Florida - how did you children react to your moving

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- - how did you children react to your moving (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/villages-florida-new-members-forum-115/how-did-you-children-react-your-moving-94929/)

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Originally Posted by brightspot01 (Post 780510)

Our daughter wasn't so upset with our move from Michigan down here to Florida as she was with us selling her childhood home...the one she grew up in, matured in, dated in, got married in. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

Although she is in her 30s, to this day, she cannot drive past the house she grew up in and the one we sold. That saddens her more than our move. What's ironic is that the young family who bought our home is about her (and her husband's) age and I know they would get along, like each other, and even become socially involved together. However, she refuses to meet them because she wants nothing to do with going back into her home with someone else living there but us!

She loves it here in The Villages and our birthday present to her, every year, is to fly her down for a "getaway". She totally understands why we moved yet it doesn't heal her pain of not having her childhood home there for her to come to.

Our son and family live in Leesburg so he, obviously, has no problem with our move...LOL! We love to babysit the grands whenever we can!

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Originally Posted by rockyisle (Post 806696)

When we moved here 3 years ago, our daughter was very angry as well. Felt we were abandoning her and our two grandchildren (16 & 20) at the time. We had kept our home in NH and went back for summers, but she refused to come to visit us (even with free tickets). We finally got her down here last winter for a week and on the second night she said, "Okay, I get it. This place is amazing". But it was a tough 2 years of her not embracing our changes.
Now we are about to sell our home on a lake. It's where our grandchildren grew up so this is a toughie for all of us. Last summer we sat her down and offered to sell her the house at a very low price. We felt that she would inherit it when we die, so why not give her a fighting chance to own it now. She has a great job - and a wonderful partner - so they talked it through and decided for themselves that they didn't want it. When the last of their kids are out of college in 4 years, they want to travel. Great decision. My husband and I felt good about offering it to her and I know it went a long way toward mending of hurt feelings to do it. She realized how much we love her and wanted to include her in our decisions.
My only piece of advice (having lived through this) is to continue to call once a month and leave a message of love. Don't forget birthdays, etc - a Mother's love is forever... it's what we do. And our children will always be children at times such as this. Some embrace change, others do not.
But this I know. The clock is ticking on OUR lives right now. We've raised our children and deserve to experience all that retirement can give us here in TV. I'm so grateful and happy to be here - enjoying the fruits of our life labor with the man I love...

Four years ago, we offered to sell our home to our daughter and husband when we first moved here full time to TV (Referring back to my original post...she was very upset losing her childhood home to new buyers). They were upside down on their current home, at the time, and decided it wouldn't be a good idea even though we offered to help with not selling and renting it to them with hopes they could buy at a later date. Well, it's up for sale again. We let our daughter know and told her now would be a good time to buy since they are no longer upside down. She and her husband talked and decided against it. She has been given 2 opportunities to purchase her childhood home but it's not that important now and that makes me smile. Their visits here to TV have shown them what a wonderful place this is and they now understand why we moved, and they love it here themselves. They miss us not living closer and we miss not being able to have more time with them and the grandchildren yet time eases all pain. Our daughter flies down once a year, our grandsons fly down once a year and this year we are lucky to have the whole family in April...that makes twice this year! We also fly North when there's no snow...lol.

You all made me feel better about even thinking about moving to The Villages.

Our (4) kids seemed to think we were "cashing it in" and moving to someplace reminiscent of a nursing home! LOL!!!! It only took each of them one visit to "get it". I play softball 5 days a week- my husband plays water volleyball and is involved in The village Voices as well as the Brothers in Song- Invite your kids here- they'll understand!

My 30 year old son and his wife changed their mind on his 1st visit. They stopped by for a 2 day visit then went on a cruise. They were going to head back to Virginia after the cruise instead I got a call and they came for another visit. They love it! What's not to love?!?

Just a thought...If you can afford it, why not offer to pay for plane tickets for her to come and visit as her next birthday gift....

I too am having the same issues. My oldest daughter is thrilled I was able to make this move. Her kids are 15 and 12. My youngest daughter is angry with me. She has not interest in coming - says it's an old peoples place.......haha. Her children are little - 5 and 2. She also, like ConnecticutYankee daughter said, says I am abandoning my grandchildren. She puts me down a lot when I talk to her - says she loves me yet hates me in a way for doing this. She tells me she would NEVER do that to her children. I hate to talk to her on the phone anymore because it puts me on such a guilt trip. I didn't see her, her hubby or grandkids that much - maybe once a month??!! And they didn't live too far. Living here has made me happy. My husband and I do fun things - I just wish she would let up. Her new thing is on Facebook posting pics of her kids with the other grandparents. She states how much they love their Mimi and Pa. She is deliberately trying to hurt me. It works too but I too love The Villages and will persevere!! It is painful and I can sympathize!

We never told them... they are still looking for us!

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Originally Posted by TNLAKEPANDA (Post 834328)

We never told them... they are still looking for us!

:a20::a20:
You sound like my husband... "We moved and left no forwarding address!"

our children were supportive of whatever decision we were making; and that goes both ways as we raised them to make decisions on their own and for themselves. it is hard for me to believe that such families with such rigid interdependence exist.

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Originally Posted by travelguy (Post 834347)

our children were supportive of whatever decision we were making; and that goes both ways as we raised them to make decisions on their own and for themselves. it is hard for me to believe that such families with such rigid interdependence exist.

Maybe this is oversimplifying. There are many different factors, genetic makeups, and personalities that go into making up a family. We have one very independent child and one homebody. Their personalities are so different. Not that either had a problem with our moving, but I'm saying that you can't paint every family with the same brush. Just because someone's child can't let go doesn't make that family dynamic wrong or flawed, or indicate that someone didn't do a good job of raising their children to be independent. Everyone's personality is unique.

Update as we are a week out from our move my daughter had another melt down and is not really saying much to me .she has not offered to come and see me before we leave .I did takethe45 min ride to her house last week to bring some thing I wanted her to have of her grandndfathers. She. Bearly said a word .my friends got togeather over the weekend but she told them it would cause her to much anxiety to be there.
Well needless to say I will be a full time villager as of 3/2 and she can either accept this or not

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Originally Posted by stroglass (Post 834544)

Hang in there, stroglass. She will probably come around. It just may take some time. At some point in your life, you deserve to do what's best for you, and that's what you are about to do. Fingers crossed for you and your daughter.:pray:

My heart aches for you and know in a couple years we may go through the same thing when we move. Is it possible for your daughter to come and visit soon? Maybe Easter. Once she sees the community and how happy you are, it may help her understand why it was time for Mom to open a new chapter in her book.

This can't be easy for either of you. Hang in there and continue to let your daughter know how much you love her, no matter where you call home.

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Originally Posted by stroglass (Post 834544)

Well, today is 3/2. Please let us know that you are settling in & having a great day.

We arrived as scheduled My daughter did call me for my birthday which was 3/1/14 .I will have to see how this plays out she is aware the door is open thank for all the concern and support