Compulsive non-stop talkers drive me crazy!

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  #16  
Old 11-03-2013, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Villages PL View Post
Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.
From your handle and this I assume you work at a library and have a lonely library user. I had a stalker Gail P. while I was on the reference desk at the University of Minnesota Law Library in 1989-1990. I helped her whenever she had questions but that's all. She would sit and stare at me for hours. There was nothing that the Library Administration could do even though she had previously to me chained herself to a U of Minnesota professor's desk because she was in love with him. Doubt if he even knew her all that well. She followed my girlfriend Jennifer V. home one night after I had returned to the SF Bay Area for the 1989 Christmas break leaving my live-in girlfriend to her work and other stuff. Still there was not much the University would or could do. Gail did not lose interest in me until Jennifer V. left for her clerking for an Iowa judge after graduating in 1990 from the U of Minnesota Law School. Then I assume Gail went to the next victim of her obsessions. She seemed to like the attention and the ability to cause a ruckus within the University of Minnesota. We, of course, and the Law Library staff documented everything as much as possible and my girlfriend even gave the Law Library Director at that time, M. Kathleen Price, quite a piece of her mind about Gail P. and her antics especially after Gail P. followed her home. That really scared my girlfriend Jenny quite a bit.

If this man is just a lonely library user it does not sound like there is much you can do. Maybe tell him you have to go somewhere else rather than home so you do not have to offer him a ride. To a boyfriend's house for instance. To a Red Hat meeting. If he is more of a stalker like Gail the law seems to offer quite a bit more in protection than when Jennifer and I went through in 1989-1990 in our ordeal with Gail P. Just tell him you have errands to run or whatever if he persists with unwanted attention then you probably could get a work place restraining order. Document everything with time date and what he did if he is a serious problem like Gail P.

I will bet that some of the Florida libraries have had problem patrons which the library staff have had to get work place restraining orders against for some reason or another. Not sure if talking too much would qualify though. He just sounds like a lonely man.

If you are just a library patron like this lonely man, then I would just alert the library staff about him if he is a real problem for you. He just sounds like a lonely man.

This might be of help-- http://www.uflib.ufl.edu/ps/Circ/cir...ltpatrons.html

Last edited by Taltarzac725; 11-03-2013 at 09:02 AM.
  #17  
Old 11-03-2013, 08:41 AM
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I understand. Grandchildren are a big topic. I have one myself. You have to excuse yourself and leave. I know your grandchild is brilliant beyond words and is in all the right classes, but Although I am happy for you, I really have no interest unless I know you personally.
Yes, I agree. I don't want to know about your grandchildren, unless it's short and sweet and perhaps they are in some major performance. And, I agree with you missy pie, if I know you, the. Go ahead and chat away. There is then a connection.
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Old 11-03-2013, 08:42 AM
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Maybe he has Asberger's, a form of autism. Folks with this don't have the social cues that most of the rest of us do. OR maybe he has a form of dementia. There could be many reasons for this behavior that make him seem strange. I think perhaps you need to make some firm bounderies from now on.
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Old 11-03-2013, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted by graciegirl View Post
I had never thought about calling the police on my friends who are motormouths.

I will have to think about that.
Social skills are so important. As in, perhaps, take turns exchanging chat? The other day I was going into a club waiting outside. She just went on and on. I got up from my chair and said I needed to stretch!
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by nitehawk View Post
How about non-stop posters they drive me crazy --- Quality not Quantity
I have two friends who do not take turns. They fail to get the clues that others send out. I know that speech therapists recognize this as a problem for some and work with people to correct it. It probably falls into some unknown category of skills or lack of them like reading faces and body language. Our Helene is very good at both but had trouble academically. She can TELL how you are feeling about things by looking at your face and demeanor. A gift some have and some don't.

Sometimes when I get a call from one of these two friends, I put it on speaker phone and do the dusting.

We all have our problems. Sweetie has me.




OH. You meant me, didn't you Nitehawk?
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  #21  
Old 11-03-2013, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Villages PL View Post
Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.
And they call it puuuppyyy looooovve!
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by NotGolfer View Post
Maybe he has Asberger's, a form of autism. Folks with this don't have the social cues that most of the rest of us do. OR maybe he has a form of dementia. There could be many reasons for this behavior that make him seem strange. I think perhaps you need to make some firm bounderies from now on.
I agree! My heart breaks for these people. They have the need to have friends just like we do, but have difficulty doing so because of their lack of social skills. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience to listen to them. I agree with the boundaries being set. This is such a hard call on what to do. I hope you find the solution that you are comfortable with.
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:26 AM
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Personally, I would be firm with this person and ask that he leave you alone, to give you space and the freedom to do what you want. If he doesn't listen, I would get a restraining order of protection unless he is just a lonely person and harmless.

Everyone should have the freedom to do what they want, with whom they want and whenever they want at this stage of our lives. Anything less is infridgement of your happiness.
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:32 AM
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OP, I am a little confused, which is an improvement over most days. Are you saying that you are OK with sharing time and space with this person but you just want them to quit talking so much or do you want them out of your life completely?
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Old 11-03-2013, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Villages PL View Post
Well, it's a long story. He knew me but I didn't know him. He saw me in the library one day and waited for closing time. When I came out he started talking out loud as I passed him. I turned to see if he was talking to me and there was no one else around. So I figured he was talking to me. I went over to see what it was he was talking about and he was just commenting on an ad he saw in the paper. We talked for a while and eventually he said he knew my neighbor. The point of all of this is that he wanted a ride home.

So, you know, this being America's friendliest hometown, I gave him a ride. And that's how it all started. Then he kept showing up whenever he needed a ride. After the second time I told him I couldn't give him anymore rides. But that doesn't stop him from showing up. And he just starts talking as though I don't have anything better to do than listen to him.
What would bother me more than his constant talking is the fact that he "waited until the library closed and then as you came out he started talking out loud to get your attention w/the motive that he wanted to have you give him a ride in your car. RED FLAG......
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:10 AM
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Last edited by Villages PL; 11-04-2013 at 04:07 PM.
  #27  
Old 11-03-2013, 10:12 AM
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Default If you need this, here is some more information.

Kinds of Restraining Orders | LegalMatch Law Library

I really doubt if this is anything but a man who likes to talk and is looking for someone just to listen. I have had that happen a lot at various places here in the Villages especially. If it is more then I would definitely get the library involved as much as possible. Above is a link to kinds of restraining orders if it comes to that.

If criminal plotting or any kinds of actions are occurring on library property I would certainly inform them about your suspicions. They could be held liable if they knew about it or should have known about it.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Taltarzac725 View Post
From your handle and this I assume you work at a library and have a lonely library user. I had a stalker Gail P. while I was on the reference desk at the University of Minnesota Law Library in 1989-1990. I helped her whenever she had questions but that's all. She would sit and stare at me for hours. There was nothing that the Library Administration could do even though she had previously to me chained herself to a U of Minnesota professor's desk because she was in love with him. Doubt if he even knew her all that well. She followed my girlfriend Jennifer V. home one night after I had returned to the SF Bay Area for the 1989 Christmas break leaving my live-in girlfriend to her work and other stuff. Still there was not much the University would or could do. Gail did not lose interest in me until Jennifer V. left for her clerking for an Iowa judge after graduating in 1990 from the U of Minnesota Law School. Then I assume Gail went to the next victim of her obsessions. She seemed to like the attention and the ability to cause a ruckus within the University of Minnesota. We, of course, and the Law Library staff documented everything as much as possible and my girlfriend even gave the Law Library Director at that time, M. Kathleen Price, quite a piece of her mind about Gail P. and her antics especially after Gail P. followed her home. That really scared my girlfriend Jenny quite a bit.

If this man is just a lonely library user it does not sound like there is much you can do. Maybe tell him you have to go somewhere else rather than home so you do not have to offer him a ride. To a boyfriend's house for instance. To a Red Hat meeting. If he is more of a stalker like Gail the law seems to offer quite a bit more in protection than when Jennifer and I went through in 1989-1990 in our ordeal with Gail P. Just tell him you have errands to run or whatever if he persists with unwanted attention then you probably could get a work place restraining order. Document everything with time date and what he did if he is a serious problem like Gail P.

I will bet that some of the Florida libraries have had problem patrons which the library staff have had to get work place restraining orders against for some reason or another. Not sure if talking too much would qualify though. He just sounds like a lonely man.

If you are just a library patron like this lonely man, then I would just alert the library staff about him if he is a real problem for you. He just sounds like a lonely man.

This might be of help-- Circulation Manual: Dealing with Difficult Patrons and Disruptive Behavior
I'm just an occasional library user but that doesn't help me much.

Last edited by Villages PL; 11-04-2013 at 03:59 PM.
  #29  
Old 11-03-2013, 10:31 AM
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Villages PL depending on what desired outcome you seek there are a number of options for you. No interest in this person tell him so as tactfully as you can. don't mind this person except for his obsessive talking tell him so and set some boundaries. Curious about why he is an obsessive talker ask him why tactfully. Finally if you just want to ignore him then avoid the places he frequents. All this speculation bout who is he and what motivates his action is well specualtion
  #30  
Old 11-03-2013, 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Villages PL View Post
The person who made that suggestion (sueandskip) is very perceptive and not far from the truth. At one point, based on what this person was saying, I suspected a connection to "organized crime". He brings up a certain subject every time he comes around. Let's just say it's very unsavory but I hesitate to give too many details as someone is likely to recognize who I'm talking about. Then they might tell him and he might decide to retaliate. My neighbor, who he says is his friend (just like he claims me as his friend), had damage done to his house last year.

So, yes, I did talk to someone because I wanted it to be on record just in case something bad happens to me. You know how people always say that someone should have said something when people go off and do something? They want to know why no one ever spoke up. Of course I was told that nothing could be done until something happens. Maybe my suspicions are dead wrong but I think he is trying to sell something and it isn't drugs. He has already told me a story about a police officer accusing him of it. I may have said too much already. Enough said.
From my experience, people with real ties to organized crime don't blab about it to casual "friends". Jerky guys trying to impress a girl will allude to being connected.

Maybe he likes you or maybe he's just a bit loopy.
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