[Northerner52]

We older parents have to get over it. The kids are not disrespectful.

[retiredguy123]

Originally Posted by Northerner52

We older parents have to get over it. The kids are not disrespectful.

They may not be disrespectful, but the OP's children obviously did not know how to communicate with their father.

[asianthree]

Our boys send a funny card for all holidays, call, and on either Father’s or Mother’s Day or birthday come for a 10 day visit. Middle child sends a digital as does her children. The digitals are always entertaining, and the oldest grand is web design so digitals are one of a kind.

Either way we are glad to hear from all no matter what mode they use. There are some who’s children only call when they need something

[CFrance]

Originally Posted by jane032657

To help cheer your husband up, tell him he got phone calls and not texts. Phone calls take real time. And they are personal. Hearing the voice of your child no matter how old is the best next thing to being there.

I so agree with this. My kids call/Facetime me on my birthday and Mother's Day, and I'm a happy camper. Facetime is the part of the digital age I so appreciate, not digital cards..


But Madelaine... tell your sons, Send a card to your father, for Pete's sake. Tell them it's important to him, and they should make the effort. In my opinion, digital cards are impersonal and meh. They say I don't have time to make an effort. Go to the store once, buy a bunch of cards, order stamps online, keep everything on hand. All these kids have calendars on their phones that can alert them to send one of these cards. If it means a lot to their father, it's so little effort to do something nice.

[Aces4]

Originally Posted by Madelaine Amee

My husband has just had a birthday. We have two sons who run their own businesses and are extremely busy. This year they both opted to send their Father digital birthday cards and I can tell that he is not impressed. He is not a techy, and they KNOW this, and I know he would much sooner have had a card telling him that he is the best Father in the whole world than a digital card on the computer.

Interested in your opinion on this. Is he being overly sensitive, or are they being uncaring?

So how would you handle this?

I will tell you gently, he is being far too sensitive. This reminds me of my uncle, in the late eighties, bragging to everyone how he finally found a new car WITHOUT air conditioning. He couldn’t understand why anyone would have that feature in their car. What it boiled down to is the fact he wasn’t able to adjust to changing times.

It becomes more difficult to adapt to change as we age. Currently, there is a session planned in The Villages on the future of trash management because there are major issues since China will no longer accept recyclables from the USA. Less trash was generated with the online cards, yippee.

An online card and best of all, a phone call, are wonderful recognition of a birthday. Celebrate the fact his sons love him and try to remember we will see many changes in the way our children live their lives versus our younger lives. Please wish your husband a belated happy birthday from the online crowd!

[Boomer]

I have never liked those cybercards.

Madelaine, I was glad to read that your husband also got a phone call. I do like phone calls.

There are a couple of people who send online cards to me every birthday. These are people I rarely see or talk with. I suspect it is not their own remembering but the computer having been set a long time ago to send out a card on the date plugged in one time, a while back. I think when those cards first became available, there were people who became quite enamored of them and set up everybody they knew to get one on their birthday.

(But, Madelaine, your sons came through with a phone call so that made it OK. )

Boomerosaurus

[DAVES]

Originally Posted by Madelaine Amee

My husband has just had a birthday. We have two sons who run their own businesses and are extremely busy. This year they both opted to send their Father digital birthday cards and I can tell that he is not impressed. He is not a techy, and they KNOW this, and I know he would much sooner have had a card telling him that he is the best Father in the whole world than a digital card on the computer.

Interested in your opinion on this. Is he being overly sensitive, or are they being uncaring?

So how would you handle this?

There is book where the thought is don't sweat the small stuff-in the end it is all small stuff.

From your post your husband got the cards so it went fine.
They remembered his birthday. Being ticked off on your birthday, that is a crime.

Far as a card. My cousin who I have had little contact with. Her husband at age of 50 had a heart attack and died. It crossed my mind to go to the funeral but decided not to. Whatever excuses I used cost, time, not close to them etc. I waited several days, collected my courage and called his wife, my cousin. I had to explain who I was. She directly told me, an important call was coming in and she would call me back. She never did call back. I SENT HER A CARD. I HAD MY WIFE PICK IT OUT.
and I remembered why I did not like her parents,or her brother.
I did not have any opinion about her positive or negative-TILL NOW. I DID SEND HER A CARD a wasted dollar or two.

My suggestion, take hubby out on a nice date. People are not perfect-except for me and then if you do not ask people who know me.

[Nucky]

You know something Madelaine Amee, a lot of people would find a E-Card to be fine. It is the way of the world nowadays. And there is part of the problem. Electronics. I am part of the problem as I am on something way too much of the time.

Here's the way I set it up with my Three Boys, Approximate Ages 38, 34 and almost 27. I sat them down before we move here and told them how much we loved them but that their job now was to raise their families on their own. If a major issue came up that they could count on us as always. I also told them that their share in the "WILL LOTTERY" is totally up to them. The main requirement was to never forget their Mother on any Holiday or Birthday and that each year for a small fee I could adjust the amount and position of each of them based on my perceived treatment of their MOM. What a Genius move that was. Not only did we get Promoted from King & Queen Babysitters to Grandmother & Grandfather but the attention to the one who gave her Blood Sweat and Tears to them has been at a Top Shelf Level. The Youngest Guy who didn't need the motivational speech will be coming to visit for the 5th time this weekend and the other two "Flintstone Heads" have improved greatly. I totally deny that any motivational class was ever given by me.

I love them all and they all have superb wives and the grandchildren seem to be doing well also. Amazing stuff. The Birthday and Mother's Day Cards are Strickly Hallmark and always include a Handwritten letter with their innermost thought.

Seems like the oldest one who was mad at us for "Leaving Them" has grown up and his Little Children Love Him, he reunited with his Mom at about the two-year mark with a surprise visit to our home in The Villages. He's still mad at me thats why he's in the Third Position with his shares going into a trust for his Children. He'll be getting Zero.

Hallmark cards matter to some people but the one who counts to me would never devise a plan as I did. Tough Tarts, my wife is Happy and whatever it takes that's the way its gonna be while I'm alive.

[retiredguy123]

Originally Posted by Nucky

You know something Madelaine Amee, a lot of people would find a E-Card to be fine. It is the way of the world nowadays. And there is part of the problem. Electronics. I am part of the problem as I am on something way too much of the time.

Here's the way I set it up with my Three Boys, Approximate Ages 38, 34 and almost 27. I sat them down before we move here and told them how much we loved them but that their job now was to raise their families on their own. If a major issue came up that they could count on us as always. I also told them that their share in the "WILL LOTTERY" is totally up to them. The main requirement was to never forget their Mother on any Holiday or Birthday and that each year for a small fee I could adjust the amount and position of each of them based on my perceived treatment of their MOM. What a Genius move that was. Not only did we get Promoted from King & Queen Babysitters to Grandmother & Grandfather but the attention to the one who gave her Blood Sweat and Tears to them has been at a Top Shelf Level. The Youngest Guy who didn't need the motivational speech will be coming to visit for the 5th time this weekend and the other two "Flintstone Heads" have improved greatly. I totally deny that any motivational class was ever given by me.

I love them all and they all have superb wives and the grandchildren seem to be doing well also. Amazing stuff. The Birthday and Mother's Day Cards are Strickly Hallmark and always include a Handwritten letter with their innermost thought.

Seems like the oldest one who was mad at us for "Leaving Them" has grown up and his Little Children Love Him, he reunited with his Mom at about the two-year mark with a surprise visit to our home in The Villages. He's still mad at me thats why he's in the Third Position with his shares going into a trust for his Children. He'll be getting Zero.

Hallmark cards matter to some people but the one who counts to me would never devise a plan as I did. Tough Tarts, my wife is Happy and whatever it takes that's the way its gonna be while I'm alive.

I think that is a great idea. I don't have children, but I have never understood parents who feel obligated to leave all of their money to their children equally (or at all), regardless of how selfish and irresponsible they have been toward their parents.

[Aw Man]

Originally Posted by Madelaine Amee

My husband has just had a birthday. We have two sons who run their own businesses and are extremely busy. This year they both opted to send their Father digital birthday cards and I can tell that he is not impressed. He is not a techy, and they KNOW this, and I know he would much sooner have had a card telling him that he is the best Father in the whole world than a digital card on the computer.

Interested in your opinion on this. Is he being overly sensitive, or are they being uncaring?

So how would you handle this?

If my son and daughter did this to my wife and IF my wife was upset about it, I would call both of them and let them nicely know that in the future a nice birthday card and personal note would make Mom much happier on her birthday.

However, if they chose to ignore my advice on future Mom birthdays, so be it.

I can also say that I'd never, never, even consider threatening to disinherit them if they failed to follow my advice. I can't see any good coming from such an action.

[Madelaine Amee]

So many replies, for which I thank you. My other half is fine with everything ..... it's like water off a ducks back .... at the time it was kind of a slap in the face, but after the boys called him and spent a LOT of time on the phone with him he was OK. They both wanted his advice about problems in their respective businesses, that made him feel necessary in their lives.

NUCKY, I am the reverse of you ..... the boys HAVE to respect and take care of their Father. I have a great relationship with them on a different level than the one they have with good old Dad! But, I have to say one thing to you .... Please, please do not differentiate between your children in a will. I am the product of an extremely bitter family feud caused by a vicious and jealous grandmother changing a will to leave nothing to her only female child and then different amounts to five grandchildren. Then to top that off, my husband's very wealthy Father left one of my son's out of his will because he thought I liked that child better. My husband had to put that right, but that boy knows to this day that his Grandfather did not like him. We got over it by telling the kids the old man had dementia, plus he had written up five different wills and each will got successively more weird which helped with the dementia diagnosis.

Families, what you going to do?

[Aces4]

Originally Posted by Madelaine Amee

So many replies, for which I thank you. My other half is fine with everything ..... it's like water off a ducks back .... at the time it was kind of a slap in the face, but after the boys called him and spent a LOT of time on the phone with him he was OK. They both wanted his advice about problems in their respective businesses, that made him feel necessary in their lives.

NUCKY, I am the reverse of you ..... the boys HAVE to respect and take care of their Father. I have a great relationship with them on a different level than the one they have with good old Dad! But, I have to say one thing to you .... Please, please do not differentiate between your children in a will. I am the product of an extremely bitter family feud caused by a vicious and jealous grandmother changing a will to leave nothing to her only female child and then different amounts to five grandchildren. Then to top that off, my husband's very wealthy Father left one of my son's out of his will because he thought I liked that child better. My husband had to put that right, but that boy knows to this day that his Grandfather did not like him. We got over it by telling the kids the old man had dementia, plus he had written up five different wills and each will got successively more weird which helped with the dementia diagnosis.

Families, what you going to do?

Your statements are eloquent and poignant. Many families are decimated by the blackmailing parents over estates.

Our parents let us know they loved us all over the years and even though some of us spent more time and energy with them in their later years, everything was doled out equally. What a blessing, large family and everyone is still talking. Worth a lot more than any estate and that’s what our parents fostered in us. Bless them!

[Nucky]

Originally Posted by Madelaine Amee

So many replies, for which I thank you. My other half is fine with everything ..... it's like water off a ducks back .... at the time it was kind of a slap in the face, but after the boys called him and spent a LOT of time on the phone with him he was OK. They both wanted his advice about problems in their respective businesses, that made him feel necessary in their lives.

NUCKY, I am the reverse of you ..... the boys HAVE to respect and take care of their Father. I have a great relationship with them on a different level than the one they have with good old Dad! But, I have to say one thing to you .... Please, please do not differentiate between your children in a will. I am the product of an extremely bitter family feud caused by a vicious and jealous grandmother changing a will to leave nothing to her only female child and then different amounts to five grandchildren. Then to top that off, my husband's very wealthy Father left one of my son's out of his will because he thought I liked that child better. My husband had to put that right, but that boy knows to this day that his Grandfather did not like him. We got over it by telling the kids the old man had dementia, plus he had written up five different wills and each will got successively more weird which helped with the dementia diagnosis.

Families, what you going to do?

Point well taken. It would be understood by everyone in the family why I would do this with the Oldest Guy. He is a great person and gets along fine with everyone except anyone in a position of authority. He's been that way since he was little. If I do hurt him when then the end comes it really won't be fair cause eternity is a long time so you are definitely correct. Hopefully, we live so long that we burn up every single nickel!

The Posts you start are always thought-provoking and I'm a fan! Good Job.

[Madelaine Amee]

Originally Posted by Nucky

Point well taken. It would be understood by everyone in the family why I would do this with the Oldest Guy. He is a great person and gets along fine with everyone except anyone in a position of authority. He's been that way since he was little. If I do hurt him when then the end comes it really won't be fair cause eternity is a long time so you are definitely correct. Hopefully, we live so long that we burn up every single nickel!

The Posts you start are always thought-provoking and I'm a fan! Good Job.

Our older boy is, or was, the image of that .... what a pain in the neck he was to bring up safely .... Now he is my best friend, but when he was growing up I would have gladly adopted him out.

As for a Will, we researched heavily before making a Will and decided on a Revocable Trust. Everything we own gets divided right down the middle. Nothing to the wives or children, that is their responsibility, not ours.

[ColdNoMore]

I personally couldn't imagine being so petty, as to trying to manipulate my children...with threatening their inheritance.

But maybe that's just me.





Then again, I've always told them to live their lives with the idea of doing what's necessary in taking care of themselves and their own kids, because my attitude was..."may the last check bounce."


Boy are they going to be surprised.