[Lil Dancer]

Originally Posted by brightspot01

Lil Dancer

I was avoiding this thread because I also was very embarrassed about my dad. He was a junior high school business, math, typing teacher. He walked to the beat of a different drum. He wasn't concerned about style, being accepted by students, or fitting any mold. He was just himself and very happy who he was.

He wore big wide ties when skinnier ones were more fashionable. In fact, I don't think he ever wore a skinny tie in his life. Junior high kids can be so cruel. They wrote him nasty notes about the way he dressed. I never thought he dressed that badly...he wore slacks, dress shirt and tie to work every day. But the kids focused on his wide ties.

What made me so embarrassed was that his junior high kids and the junior high I went too all joined together in one high school. When classmates found out that I was his daughter, all they could talk about were his ties and how out of fashion he was. They actually told me that generations are not always indicative of previous generations and I had out-shined him by miles....based solely on those darn ties he wore!

Isn't it sad that teenagers focus on such petty things when judging others? All I know is that I was so embarrassed because I was young, naive, and still developing into the person I am today.

Now, as I look back, I appreciate his nonconformity. He definitely had a mind of his own and I think I'm a lot like him.

Ask Susan...I wear mainly skorts...I don't care. She once asked me if that is all I wore. Laughing, I love her soul! Guess I can compare my skorts to my dad's ties.

Let me add my favorite memory...5th birthday...dad kneeling on one knee and sitting me on the other knee then singing "Happy Birthday" to me. That was special! It doesn't take a lot to make me happy or to stamp a memory in my mind.

Kids can be cruel without meaning to be. Thankfully we've grown out of that stage and can look at things with a little more perspective.

[nONIE]

After reading Bright's and Lil Dancers posts I felt I had to comment also. I too was so embarassed by my dads way of dressing. He was Old country and didnt come to America until his late teens. For some reason he never felt the need to conform to this country's way of dress and he spoke with a heavy accent. At times I wouldnt even walk down the street with him because of my embarrassement. I would walk in front or behind him so people wouldnt think we were together.

There is a huge ache in my heart when I think how I acted when I was around him in public. The truth is he was the kindest, most loving and self sacrificing man I have ever known. It wasant until many years later that I realized that. If only I could just take my selfish, childish actions back, . I am so sorry dad, I love you so much, and am proud to be your daughter. You are a king among men in my eyes.

[Rokinronda]

Nonie and Bright, Don't be so hard on yourselves. My kids always avoided being seen with me when they were teens. Ducking in the car (I was even embarrassed in the junk I drove!). Walking behind. Sitting far far away at the beach, etc.. It didn't hurt me one bit. What teen wants to be seen w/mom or dad??? It is typical behavior and accepted as such. Now they and their friends always want me around. Minus stirrup pants and the POODLE doo!! egads, what was I thinking!

[redwitch]

I think our parents understood our embarassment as we were teens. My mother had a heavy German accent, could not drive, loved talking to herself, would actually (GASP) step dance when a car went by with a loud radio. I wanted to die.

My daughter has actually gotten out of the car and walked 5 miles in 90 degree heat rather than be seen with her mother bopping to the music in the car. Didn't bother me in the least, except to give me a good chuckle.

I think that as long as there have been parents, there have been teens ashamed of them. It goes with the age and the trying to be grown up while being afraid of adulthood. Good parents (and we are a very lucky group that our parents were in fact good ones) understand this, chuckle about it, sometimes use this embarassment to have some fun at their kids' expense.

So, if you were embarassed, forgive yourself. Your parents did a long, long time ago just as you have forgiven your children their transgressions.

[nONIE]

Thanks Red, I have had a heavy heart about this for a long time! Your post has really helped.

I was also so surprised to hear that others were embarassed of their parents. I had no idea!!!

[redwitch]

Nonie, I truly love you! You make me smile so very, very often. Have no fear, dear one, I doubt you will find a teen alive who isn't ashamed of his/her parents -- past, present or future. American kids are just more open about it -- they will walk behind their parents, they will be more vocal about things. It really and truly is part of growing up and beginning the process of leaving the nest (much easier to do if you no longer have your parents on a pedestal and see some of the foibles).

[graciegirl]

I too have been avoiding this thread, not because of being embarassed of my father but never quite knowing him and always wondering why he didn't love me as much as the children with his second wife.

My mother died at my birth and her parents raised me. My father remarried a beautiful woman when I was two who really didn't like children that much but had them because of being Catholic.

They were party goers and givers, and never once did I even spend the night with them until my grandparents died. Fortunately I was 18 and going off to college and really never lived with them except for a short time as I got married after college. The short time was awful as any unwanted person will tell you.

I have a lot of baggage from that experience, but turned it into what I hope is a positive one loving deeply and by being very involved and interested in my own children and grandchildren.

Life has a way of working out, and anyone who has ever experienced sadness and pain and worry is better able to understand the human condition and other people.

[nONIE]

Graciegirl,

I find it truly amazing but wonderful the way we open up to each other in this forum. Who would have thought that we could make such great friends without even meeting .I feel so blessed and happy to know all of you. just feeling a little mushy this morning and wanted to let you sistah's all know how much you mean to me. Life certainly is good with all of you in it! :-*

Gracie, my mother had a very similiar story to yours. Growing up was a nightmare for her but it caused her to be bitter and hostile her entire life. I just wanted to congratulate you for turning this terrible experience around and becomming a loving person because of it. That took great effort and courage on your part. :bigthumbsup:

[Rokinronda]

Originally Posted by Nonie

Graciegirl,

I find it truly amazing but wonderful the way we open up to each other in this forum. Who would have thought that we could make such great friends without even meeting .I feel so blessed and happy to know all of you. just feeling a little mushy this morning and wanted to let you sistah's all know how much you mean to me. Life certainly is good with all of you in it! :-*

Gracie, my mother had a very similiar story to yours. Growing up was a nightmare for her but it caused her to be bitter and hostile her entire life. I just wanted to congratulate you for turning this terrible experience around and becomming a loving person because of it. That took great effort and courage on your part. :bigthumbsup:

I love the stories and want to thank TOTV for bringing us together!! What a wonderful place with such wonderful people!!! Life gets better every day!

[renielarson]

Is this tell the truth time? Maybe it's time I opened up and talked. Like self-therapy.

I not only avoided this thread because of the way the students treated my father but also because of the way my father treated my mother and sisters.

He was emotionally ill.

I'll never forget the time he got so mad he threw my mother across the bed and tried to strangle her. I, only about 4 at the time, crawled up and wedged myself between him and my mother. I kicked my legs with all my might against him...to ward him off. To this day I give myself credit for him retreating and running out of the house.

Then there was the time my dad went outside to go somewhere and he accidently ran over our beloved cat. Upon his return to the house to tell us of what had happened, he snapped. He grabbed my sister by her throat and tried to strangle her. Although this behavior was usually bestowed only upon my mother, this was the first time for him to do this to my sister. My mother stepped in immediately, between the two of them, and told him that if he ever ever attempted to harm one of her children again she would absolutely kill him. She meant it!

That was the last time he did something violent...I was about 13 years old.

I thank God that I was spared and he never did or attempted to do anything to me. However, I can't erase the memories of what he did to my mother and sisters.

[graciegirl]

Oh Bright.

None of us can know how hard that was for all of you. It is easy to see that in you in bred compassion and caring and sensitivity to others.

This is a good place. We are all grown up and safe and in Paradise. We will band together against any future hurts.

It is a privilege to know you wonderful women.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

My dear Bright,

As I read about what happened to you, tears swelled up in my eyes and a lump was in my throat. You, your sister and Mother were to hell and back. You were very brave at 4 years old. You may have saved your Mother's life or lessened the injuries that would have been inflicted on her as you said.

I am not surprised you can not erase the memories of what you saw, heard and your own feelings. You were traumatized at a very tender age.

I can understand your feelings and where you are coming from.

HB

[renielarson]

Perhaps my life experiences influenced my non violent nature related to all beings. Perhaps that's why I'm so in tune to children with problems...a way to heal myself.

I also wonder why I become easily defensive regarding some posts. Perhaps it's my self-preservation kicking in.

Anyway...when I post...keep in mind it's just brightspot....and forgive me when I'm defensive, sarcastic, aggressive, or just downright mouthy.

[Rokinronda]

Gracie, Nonie, Bright, Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs.I thought that I had the most disfunctional family. I never talk about when I was young. Bad memories. I felt so bad reading some of your stories. Mine seem trivial. My mom hit my dad over the head with a pan that she keeps to this day. It has a huge dent. Dad was knocked out, then thrown out. Fighting in our house was a weekly thing for 13 years. Dad would gamble his paycheck, playing poker and Mom would struggle to pay bills. They drove each other to drink and were out of control. Then they divorced. After the divorce they were much nicer to each other. They just could not live together. Mom worked 3 jobs to keep the house and I was responsible for my sister, cooking, and cleaning. Mom still thanks me for all I did to help. I forgot and forgave many moons ago. I grew up too fast. God sent Ed to me when I was 16. He also had seen constant fighting. I guess many of us saw terrible things. I know it made us better, stronger, very loving, compassionate people. My children were never subjected to that kind of terror. Heck we wouldn't even argue in front of them. The cycle was broken. Thanks for a great place to vent.

Wow :'(
I also have my stories. As some of you know, I was raised with no running water or electricity. I also had two retarded sisters and a very selfish Dad. I was crazy about him the first 13 years of my life because he had all the power. Then I started to realize he would never spend a penny on his family. All we did was work. His kids were slaves. He had issues. I hated him for years and it is only with time that I have forgiven. It was a kind of healing for me to say good things about him for the first time again.( when I started this thread. ) So wow...I really thank you all for sharing your hearts. I feel so much closer to everybody. Life hands all of us battles...it is so nice not to feel alone!
Thanks again.