Talk of The Villages Florida - Hitting, Slapping Children

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Time well spent in raising children

Every child is different and every child needs to be raised differently. Some are little angels, others, the devil incarnate. Some can simply be told not to do something, some need to be physically restrained to stop them. There is a range of intellectual ability. There is a range of emotional stability, a range of compliance and defiance, all kinds of differences. Each needing different rearing techniques. "One size doesn't fit all." IMHO of course.

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Originally Posted by joerocker (Post 814726)

Correct. In my teaching/coaching career I was able to observe the behavior of many siblings, presumably raised the same way, in the same environment, by the same parents, and often there would be one or more who were far less respectful and far more incorrigible than the other or others. I also observed some children from the most disfunctional, in some cases criminal, alcoholic, drug addicted, and abusive families, who were model students and citizens. I also observed children from warm, adoring, nurturing families who were virtually uncontrollable and disrespectful. Before you judge parents by their children, or vice versa, you might spend a few years in education and get a real life look at what you observe. Lila and I raised three children all three of whom had different needs, personalities, and behavior, and all of whom turned into successful, and stable, adults despite a few minor bumpy roads as they matured.

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Originally Posted by duffysmom (Post 813857)

Is it possible to raise a child and not put your hands on them when they misbehave.

My father beat me bad once when I was young for getting kicked off the school bus and I never forgot or forgave that beating. I learned from it and I never touched my own son when he was growing up.

A serious breach of trust in childhood never goes away, no matter all the good that surrounds it. Sad how one dissonant chord can ruin the whole tune.

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Originally Posted by Rc Moser (Post 814370)

IMO majority or large part of America kids are spoiled little brats, most never worked day in their life and wouldn't know what to do without their electronics' gadgets . IS that their fault IMO no lack of thing to do and parents maybe?

Course my kids and grandbabies don't fit into that. They're little Angel's.:1rotfl:
Now with that out of the way I wonder why I see so many misbehaved children these days? :1rotfl::blahblahblah:

With the threat of felony charges you really can't spank (hands only course no stick or ruler like teachers use to use in school in my day let alone the big paddle the principle had ) or you take chance of loosing you child in todays society.

IMO it's generation thing loosing family value's which IMO started late 60's and slowly gotten worse for the majority with no dad's or even mommy around (due to working) this is what you get. Street corner or School raised Kids or mainly play ground raised kids.

IMO we could learn a lot from the Chinese when it comes to child care/manner's (course I sure they have their problems also?, But I rarely seen it) and throw the Dr. Spock book away and start over??:read::D

There's big rumor that the author of dr. spock book didn't even have kid??? Please somebody tell me this isn't true?

Too much of any kind of punishment becomes useless IMO. I seen both sides too much spanking and too much time out's with worse results. What's the correct answer? I think when you misbehave when you was small either you recognized it was wrong or you didn't.

If you didn't IMO you turned into little bullies or tantrum drama queens which leads to bigger misbehavior? Once you get there now what? I just glad My child was not little monster and usually the threat of punishment 99% time took care of the problem. Course some will say threats would be mental punishment?? But wouldn't time out fit into that category??

IMO at the end of the day really hard Question/answers which ever side of the river you on?

You are right. Any form of punishment becomes useless when overused. I can count on one hand the times I can remember being spanked. My brother a little more. Once we got the message, it would only take "the look" to shape us right up. By the time we were teens, our punishment took on totally different forms. We didn't know terms like "grounded or timeout". Instead, it was "You're not going anywhere until I say so", or "You are not having friends over or talking to anyone on the phone". (We only had one phone and our conversations were limited, too.)

I always took the time to explain to my boys why they were not allowed to do some of the things that their friends did or why I did or didn't want them to do something. I always hated the phrase, "Because I said so", which my mom would often use and vowed not to do that to my kids.

Both my boys are retired Navy and said that you could tell the ones that had had discipline and responsibilities growing up from those who didn't. They either could not adjust to being told what to do or had a hard time doing so. (I think the same holds true for other occupations, as well.) When the youngest one first went in, he said in one of his very first letters home, "Now I fully understand why Dad always said that he would tell us only one time to do/not do something. Thanks, Dad."

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Originally Posted by eweissenbach (Post 814746)

Very wise words.

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Originally Posted by senior citizen (Post 814598)

ditto.

Many of the most violent kids I have ever encountered had ZERO discipline of any form. They "ruled the roost" and expected the same once they left home. They were the ones who later abused their parents and anyone else they so chose.

There is an absolute difference in abuse and discipline.

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Originally Posted by dillywho (Post 814772)

I think there's a point being missed here. It's not only the kids who got beat who grew up to be fine, upstanding citizens. It's also the ones whose parents demanded respect from them, demanded they respect others, and followed through with their non-corporal punishments.

Every kid has a different level of emotional tolerance, and physical punishment can demean and humiliate some kids. Why take the chance when there are emotionally kinder ways to discipline a child?

My mother was mentally unstable and had terrible anger issues that she visited upon my brother and me, both physically and emotionally. I vowed never to put our kids through that. One of ours was not an easy child to raise, but nevertheless we used other forms of discipline, and he was never disrespectful to us or his teachers. After he "came through the other side" of his teenage years, he said to us, "I can't believe you and Dad didn't strangle me in my bed!"

The other one was a piece of cake to raise. They both turned out the same--responsible, caring adults.

That's our story.I'll never be in favor of corporal punishment.

OP'S question can easily be answered with a yes. That being said, one type of discipline does not fit all. Have you noticed? Kids are very different---even raised by the same parents with the same love and attention.

Divorce and single parenting has taken its toll on kids today. That is not to say that "good" kids cannot come out of these situations---its just makes raising these kids more difficult and complicated. I know this to be a fact from my families experience with divorce and raising kids in a single parent environment.

Unfortunately, more that 50% of marriages end in divorce and too many times kids take the "brunt" of these divorces. With parents living in two different households, it makes it very difficult to discipline the children in a consistent and effective manner. It's complicated.