[pauld315]

We have a neighbor here in NC who lost his job last year. He still has not been able to find a job that pays anywhere near what he used to make but he is working everyday. He is a very proud man and doesn't like to ask others for help. Now, his wife has left him and their children and she has moved back to Canada. He is trying the best he can and is coping with keeping his kids calm. I don't know how you do that when mom abandons you but he is trying.

As you can imagine, he really is broke and dealing with a very tough situation. To top it off, it is Christmas. I would love to try to help him out somehow but as I said he does not accept help easily because of his pride.

Does anybody have any suggestions on how I could somehow make their Christmas better without him really knowing who did it ? I just hate to see kids especially have to go through a Christmas like this and i would love to help out somehow.

[redwitch]

That poor man! He's lucky to have you as a neighbor. (Something tells me he's a pretty good neighbor, too, or you wouldn't want to help him.)

I would go with honesty. Give him the money, gifts, whatever, and tell him he can pay it back when he gets back on his feet or by helping you with things that need to be done after the winter. I know if I were in his shoes, I would refuse an outright gift, but if it were couched as a semi-loan, I would accept for my child. I would not feel good about it, but I would want my kids to have a Christmas.

Another thought is to ask him to PLEASE let you take his kids shopping for a gift. I had a friend who did this for a family in California who were much like your neighbor. Their children were grown, no grandkids and they truly loved shopping with/for kids. So, to them, it was not doing a favor for their friends, it was a way to get into the Christmas spirit and keep some of their traditions alive.

Another thing you could do is pay his utilities for a month or two. This can easily be done without him knowing who did it snd, I'm sure, would be a great help. Leave a gift card or two on his door (but he may not use them if he's really proud).

Good luck and bless you for your kindness. May you keep the spirit of Christmas with you always and may your neighbor soon find a way out of this hole. Prayers are going up.

[bkcunningham1]

pauld315, order a few gifts online and have them delivered to his home UPS. Most online gifts offer a place for the gift card, put "from Santa." Sorry Red, but I wouldn't suggest letting the man know, he most likely won't accept.

Or even leave the presents wrapped on the doorstep with a note that he is to pass on the love from the heart of Santa.

People like you keep my faith in all things good alive. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you. May you be repaid tenfold. You are the very image of the Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus editorial:


You, my friend, are Santa Claus.

[redwitch]

BK, I like the idea of online shipping (so long as the return address doesn't have the purchaser's name on them). Wished I'd thought of it.

I did think of just leaving gifts on his doorstep but if he's really proud, he might get upset if the kids found the gifts before him and he had no choice but to accept them. This might cause some major resentment.

Paul, I forgot to ask you -- is he a member of a church? Do you think he would accept anything from his church? You could easily contribute to that if he does attend and would accept.

[ljones190]

For many years at my work the employees have adopted a family or two at Christmas time. The families come from a employee who knows someone that has a hardship similar to the man referred to above. We tell the employees the ages of the children, male or female and sizes of each. The employees give toys, clothes, food and cash. The company then matches the amount with a check. Maybe you can start a new tradition at your place of employment in NC. As I age I feel much better giving to the needy or sending money to a charity then buying gifts for family members. Just a thought. I think is great that you want to help this family.

[K9-Lovers]

One year, we sent a needy family a money order by mail with no return address.

[brostholder]

Originally Posted by pauld315

We have a neighbor here in NC who lost his job last year. He still has not been able to find a job that pays anywhere near what he used to make but he is working everyday. He is a very proud man and doesn't like to ask others for help. Now, his wife has left him and their children and she has moved back to Canada. He is trying the best he can and is coping with keeping his kids calm. I don't know how you do that when mom abandons you but he is trying.

As you can imagine, he really is broke and dealing with a very tough situation. To top it off, it is Christmas. I would love to try to help him out somehow but as I said he does not accept help easily because of his pride.

Does anybody have any suggestions on how I could somehow make their Christmas better without him really knowing who did it ? I just hate to see kids especially have to go through a Christmas like this and i would love to help out somehow.

It's ok to have your pride, but swallowing your pride for the happiness of your children is not something to be ashamed of. I am sure that he would collect cans from the side of the road if that was what it took to keep his kids fed. As his friend, I think you should talk to him and explain that when friends, neighbors, and even strangers offer to help, it is done out of love, not pity. And the best way for him to deal with his pride is to "pay it forward" once he gets back on his feet. I think we all understand (or at least I hope we do) that sometimes bad things happen to good people. He and his kids will be in my thoughts and prayers, and please message me privately if I can make a contribution to his families Christmas. It would make my holiday richer, not poorer.

[scrapple]

It doesn't matter what form the help comes in--if it hurts his pride, it will hurt his pride. We had tragedy in my family when I was about 16 years old. My Dad died of untreatable cancer 6 months later. He was a very well liked good old truck driver. We were strapped with bills, sad, had a few really lean years. A distant cousin and his wife never had children and would dress up as Mr and Mrs Santa and take toys to needy children every year. They never came to our house before because we always managed (a really depressed area in PA to begin with). But that year Mr and Mrs Santa came and for a few moments we all believed, including Dad, because there was joy in our house and the Spirit of Christmas came. We each got a toy, I think Dad got a case of Genny and mom a bottle of Seagram's 7.
We would find money left for us and extra milk delivery, groceries on the porch, etc. I think the Christmas event opened my Dad's eyes up that we needed help. And it made an impression on me. I bet the utility bills could get paid, that's a great idea.

[pauld315]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. Some of my other friends have also offered up some. We will do some of these things suggested. Honestly, I have never been in this position before.As one poster said, as you age you become more charitable and more willing to help, especially when all your own kids are grown. Will let you all know how it works out.

[spk7951]

We have done a couple of things to help family in tough times.
A couple of times we contacted town hall to see about quietly paying a property tax bill and found the staff very accommodating to our request. Another time my sisters and I bought numerous Christmas gifts for our cousins six children. Since she and her husband were out of work the kids would have had nothing but we showed up Christmas eve with bags of presents for them.

[rjm1cc]

I think paying the utility bills is a good way to go. It will give him more cash each month to buy what he needs on his own.
If he is active in a relgiious or similar group you might be able to give that group items to give to him and that might make it a little easier.
If you or people you know hire help once in a while maybe he could fit the bill.