Oh boy, it's complicated. When I was in 5th or 6th grade the teacher gave our class an IQ test. I liked it; I saw it as a fun challenge. Eventually the teacher came over to me to tell me the result. She said, "you have a higher than average IQ, you should be getting much better grades." I had a C average on my report card. So the conclusion that teachers naturally come to is that the student is lazy or unmotivated. But that is not always the case.

It took me many years to realize that what I lacked was concentration-endurance. And I had to figure it out for myself. My way of learning is to absorb things slowly but completely and take frequent breaks to think things through. In classes where teachers practiced non-stop-fast-talking, all I heard was bla, bla, bla, bla.

Once a person comes to realize exactly what their deficit is, then they can find ways to compensate and thrive.

My motivation was to get the hell out of there. I hated high school and everything that went with it. So I did the best I could to get decent grades and get it over with as fast as humanly possible. Sort of like swallowing a very disagreeable tasting medicine.

Ditto for me and my 2 sisters, and my 2 children, and now it appears our 4 grand children are on the "expectations" path. All of us as adults have been very successful in life and all believe we've had, and offered, loving family lives. No divorces either, we are, for example, coming up on our 50th in a few months.

My motivation was having a good time. High school was the vehicle to be able to connect with people and enjoy myself. I was kind of a pain to the teachers (and my parents as well)! But I guess I learned a few things along the way as well.

I really had no desire to go on to college but my dad forced me to - I had no choice. He said he never had the chance to go back when he was that age but he was going to see to it that I went. I finally got my motivation going in my sophomore year of college - my grades to that point were "o.k." but not good enough to allow me to be able to do my student teaching in my senior year. So I started applying myself a whole lot more and everything ended up working out fine.

Point is that it took me being beyond high school to finally get in the groove. Keep pointing your son in the right direction - continue giving him encouragement and reinforcement. Stay involved with him and what he does - that interest will help him immensely. JMHO!

Bill :)

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Never went to high school !!

I was homeless at age 14. I lived on the streets ,ate out of garbage cans at restaurants and slept anywhere I could. The winters were so cold ,I would find apartment buildings and find a way to access the basement tunnels with steam pipes. ,I did work on construction jobs here and there when work was available. I tried to join the army but they wouldn't accept me due to a heart problem.




That was 55 years ago !

I too was poor...maybe thats why I have two graduate degrees and am working at 59 when I could comfortably retrire for some time. I put my diplomas up on the wall so the kids could get a sense of our expectations...

I have 2 grown boys - they couldn't be more different! Child #1 was unmotivated in school, did enough to get by in high school, and flunked out of college. Child #2 was Valedictorian of his class, graduated from Purdue University in Mechanical Engineering with a perfect 4.0 grade average. Child #1 got a factory job where he excelled, advancing to a training position and earning a good living. He lives on 10 acres in the country and is as happy as a clam. Child #2 works for an engineering consulting firm, lives in Chicago's near North Side and is also happy.

Bottom line is we love them both and have come to the realization that a parent's role is to help the child find their own way in life and not to dictate what they do. It is hard when a child does not do what we hope for, but the important thing is to let them know that you love them, and you are there if they need you.