[The Village Girl]

OK so someone started to post this earlier. I think it's an interesting topic,

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_new...next-pregnancy

Could you consider having that many children? Even if you could afford it?

Do you think you can give the time needed to your children if you had that many?

Do you think they are raising these children, or are their children raising these children?

How many children are enough?

[CarolSells]

I used to have a sign on my fridge that said, "You can't scare me I had teenagers!".

I did raise two wonderful sons, albeit as a single parent, which is a bit different but I honestly don't know how they do it! Maybe having so many is actually less dramatic.

To each his own, of course, but I worry about the long term effects on these children of these reality shows. And the recently posted photos of their stillborn child (although clearly none of my business) is slightly disturbing because it seems like some things deserve a bit of dignity and privacy.

But I'm not always in step, wrinklie that I am.

[momesu]

Originally Posted by CarolSells

I used to have a sign on my fridge that said, "You can't scare me I had teenagers!".

I did raise two wonderful sons, albeit as a single parent, which is a bit different but I honestly don't know how they do it! Maybe having so many is actually less dramatic.

To each his own, of course, but I worry about the long term effects on these children of these reality shows. And the recently posted photos of their stillborn child (although clearly none of my business) is slightly disturbing because it seems like some things deserve a bit of dignity and privacy.

But I'm not always in step, wrinklie that I am.

Agreed! I raised 3 and that was plenty for me. At that point their father and I were out numbered......

I feel for anyone that suffers a miscarriage as my first pregnancy ended in one and it is not easy to deal with the emotions that come it losing a child. I can't even imagine posting pictures of the lost child for strangers to gawk at. That is beyond my comprehension. For me that would reduce the child to a thing not a precious loved and lost baby.

Suzanne

[jane032657]

I raised three university educated, professional, children of my own, much of the time as a single mom. I also fostered 55 special needs and high risk children over a time period of 12 years, inclusive of children with autism, severe behavior, drug addicted, invovled in the sex trade, and children from abusive homes.

What I have seen is that there is a wide range of capacity among parents, no matter how many children. And many children means that other children carry responisbility, there is no way around it. There are pros and cons, but I think if there is love in the heart of parents and enough abillity financially, emotionally, physically and personally, then that is what the deciding factor is, for one or ten children. We do not get to choose what type of family we are born into, but parents should make the choice of what type of life they are going to offer to their children, before they have them. And future parents need to be open to the fact that children come with different personalities, needs, and challenges, and one better be prepared to meet those challenges because those children are your children and they need all the love and support you have to give.

There is no one answer, but I do think looking at your own capacity to give life to or to take on children through fostering or adoption is critical so that you are prepared for what being a parent entails forever. It is the hardest job, the most rewarding job, the most important job and requires no training, certification, classes, preparation, or pre qualification. Giving life is easy, maintaining and nurturing the life of a child is a never ending responsibility.

[CarolSells]

Originally Posted by jane032657

I raised three university educated, professional, children of my own, much of the time as a single mom. I also fostered 55 special needs and high risk children over a time period of 12 years, inclusive of children with autism, severe behavior, drug addicted, invovled in the sex trade, and children from abusive homes.

What I have seen is that there is a wide range of capacity among parents, no matter how many children. And many children means that other children carry responisbility, there is no way around it. There are pros and cons, but I think if there is love in the heart of parents and enough abillity financially, emotionally, physically and personally, then that is what the deciding factor is, for one or ten children. We do not get to choose what type of family we are born into, but parents should make the choice of what type of life they are going to offer to their children, before they have them. And future parents need to be open to the fact that children come with different personalities, needs, and challenges, and one better be prepared to meet those challenges because those children are your children and they need all the love and support you have to give.

There is no one answer, but I do think looking at your own capacity to give life to or to take on children through fostering or adoption is critical so that you are prepared for what being a parent entails forever. It is the hardest job, the most rewarding job, the most important job and requires no training, certification, classes, preparation, or pre qualification. Giving life is easy, maintaining and nurturing the life of a child is a never ending responsibility.

Thank you so much for your lovely post and for all of the love and nurturing that you gave all of these children. They were all certainly lucky to have had you in their lives. My hat is certainly off to you.

[ilovetv]

I think this reality show stuff is sick. It seems to bring out the worst in people.....like an insatiable appetite for attention, and idolatry.

God commands, "thou shalt have no other gods before me". Sometimes people construct other types of "golden calves" that they put first in their lives.....like money, power, drugs/alcohol, celebrity status, and power to reproduce.

[BostonCelt]

Originally Posted by jane032657

I raised three university educated, professional, children of my own, much of the time as a single mom. I also fostered 55 special needs and high risk children over a time period of 12 years, inclusive of children with autism, severe behavior, drug addicted, invovled in the sex trade, and children from abusive homes.....

NowTHAT'S a hero, folks......IMHO....

[jblum315]

Whatever became of OctoMom?

[Happinow]

Jane, you are a wonderful woman! Bless you. I had one healthy child, a girl, 21 years ago. I knew right after I had her that one was enough. (I can still recall the 36 hours of labor) I love her with everything I am and am grateful to have experienced motherhood. For me, I can't imagine any more than one child. When I bundle all of the joy, headache, heartache, sleepless nights, teenage years and adolescence, i'm glad for just one. Nobody can take those years away from me and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but it was enough for me. As for the Duggars, I think it's wrong to sensationalize having 21 children. Although it seems to work for them, I keep thinking about all women who can't have children and then go back to the Duggars with 21. I think they have about 18 kids many. Just my opinion, I'm not right nor am I wrong.

[graciegirl]

I personally could not handle that many children and I think that if I had more than four I would not be taking REALLY good care of them. I worry too much, I am too perfectionistic and would make my children and myself crazy.(We had two and the second one had a number of serious health issues) Henry was involved in his job and was away a goodly amount of time when the children were small and the raising of them was put in my hands most of the time.

I think that the Duggars are true to their beliefs and there are a good number of people that believe as they do. I am a Catholic and in years past, many Catholics had really large families and felt it was right to do so.

Whether it is the best situation for a child or for a family depends on the folks who make up that family and their ability to handle all of the challenges and problems and opportunities that raising a large family entail, not the least of which is to feed and clothe and educate them.

I love children very much and have very high expections for doing a good job at parenting. I couldn't do it. The children would be short changed if I was the mother of 19, although I am sure I would love every one of them.

It takes a lot more than love.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by jane032657

I raised three university educated, professional, children of my own, much of the time as a single mom. I also fostered 55 special needs and high risk children over a time period of 12 years, inclusive of children with autism, severe behavior, drug addicted, invovled in the sex trade, and children from abusive homes.

What I have seen is that there is a wide range of capacity among parents, no matter how many children. And many children means that other children carry responisbility, there is no way around it. There are pros and cons, but I think if there is love in the heart of parents and enough abillity financially, emotionally, physically and personally, then that is what the deciding factor is, for one or ten children. We do not get to choose what type of family we are born into, but parents should make the choice of what type of life they are going to offer to their children, before they have them. And future parents need to be open to the fact that children come with different personalities,
needs, and challenges, and one better be prepared to meet those challenges because those children are your children and they need all the love and
support you have to give.

There is no one answer, but I do think looking at your own capacity to give life to or to take on children through fostering or adoption is critical so that you
are prepared for what being a parent entails forever. It is the hardest job, the most rewarding job, the most important job and requires no training,
certification, classes, preparation, or pre qualification. Giving life is easy, maintaining and nurturing the life of a child is a never ending
responsibility.

Jane, you are a very good person. I admire you.

[jane032657]

Thanks for your kind comments. Really the purpose of my post was to say that children bring challenges and anyone thinking about having one, ten or beyond my understanding, nineteen, need to be prepared to lovingly address the needs that their children will have. And heaven knows all children bring suprises! Wonderful and sometimes, well, not what was in our picture of parenthood. Most of the children I fostered came from homes that could not provide the initial nurturing the children needed, let alone the oppositional behavior that developed later; or the behaviors and special needs that overtook their lives; or they could not face up to the early violations their children experienced and later acted out on. Sometimes I think having unusually large number of children becomes like an addition, trying to fulfill an empty spot in someone's being that never does get fulfilled until they face why the emptiness is there.
One of the best stories I have is when the parents robbed a bank in Alberta, then came into British Columbia and were arrested. They had their four year old son with them. When the child was brought to our home, at Easter weekend, he had all new clothes, toys and a backback...at least they shared their heist and ensured their son was well dressed before coming into foster care.

[DaleMN]

Simply put....they are idiots.

[The Village Girl]

Originally Posted by DaleMN

Simply put....they are idiots.

And.... we've got a winner!!!!

I don't know if it's "they" as much as her! I don't hear him say too much.

But someone needs to get a grip!!!!

She says the whole family wants more children. All of them? Every child? Really? For those of us who have raised children, you know how hard it is to get two children to agree on breakfast much less another child!

I love dogs, but if I had 20 dogs in my home, someone would come and take them out of the home! And, I think God wants me to have those dogs!

Can someone say, BATS@#T CRAZY????

[BostonCelt]

Originally Posted by The Village Girl

And.... we've got a winner!!!!

I don't know if it's "they" as much as her! I don't hear him say too much.

But someone needs to get a grip!!!!

She says the whole family wants more children. All of them? Every child? Really? For those of us who have raised children, you know how hard it is to get two children to agree on breakfast much less another child!

I love dogs, but if I had 20 dogs in my home, someone would come and take them out of the home! And, I think God wants me to have those dogs!

Can someone say, BATS@#T CRAZY????

I've never seen the show...and probably won't....so I don't know....but what if they're raising good, happy, healthy future productive members of society, should we hang them anyway? Or just stay with judgmental namecalling?

Just curious...