[eweissenbach]

My parents taught me to respect other people's opinions, even those that differed from mine, and try to find areas of agreement and commonality. That I should empathize with people who are of different persuasions and try to understand what in their lives makes them feel, think, or act the way they do. One story that I think illustrates the way I was brought up; I was about 10 years old and President Eisenhower was on the television, giving a speech. I was talking to someone else and said out loud - "He's an idiot" - referring to someone else we were talking about. My mother overheard me and thought I was saying that about the president, and gave me a stern lecture, saying that he was the president and should always be shown the proper respect, and never called names. Now I was well aware that my mother was a dyed in the wool Roosevelt democrat, and it struck me at the time, and has stayed with me to this day, that she was defending the honor of a president with whom she disagreed and opposed. I am glad I had the parental guidance that I had and wish more people had had the same.

[bandsdavis]

Originally Posted by redwitch

It's not the rudeness per se that bothers me. It's the absolute lack of tolerance for those that think, feel or act differently. I really don't get why it is that way. It would seem that it would be the exact opposite -- the older we get, the more accepting of others we get -- rather than the way it is.

Are we so afraid of change as we age? It is really because we've seen it happen over and over? I don't know. I just know that calling someone a name because they disagree with you is wrong. When you get upset because someone's nerves made them forget a line in a song just doesn't feel right to me. There just have been a lot of mean-spirited replies lately -- both here and in real life.

I just hope and pray I never get that way -- heck, I'm bad enough in my own way without having age make me worse.

Red, my old marketing professor told me many years ago that "An opinion firmly held is more important than facts any day." I think a lot of intolerance comes from people who hold opinions that they believe are facts. It is sometimes the expression of these "facts" around others who hold other "facts" equally as firmly that leads to negative feelings and intolerance. Many factors that others have mentioned can be the causes of this problem, but the problem is increased when we become older and have more and more of these "facts" in our minds.

B.

[eweissenbach]

Originally Posted by bandsdavis

Red, my old marketing professor told me many years ago that "An opinion firmly held is more important than facts any day." I think a lot of intolerance comes from people who hold opinions that they believe are facts. It is sometimes the expression of these "facts" around others who hold other "facts" equally as firmly that leads to negative feelings and intolerance. Many factors that others have mentioned can be the causes of this problem, but the problem is increased when we become older and have more and more of these "facts" in our minds.

B.

As a wise man once said...."Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however no one is entitled to their own facts."

[redwitch]

Ed, sounds like your mother and my father were raised by the same people. Like your mother, my dad was a true-blue Democrat (even in a very Republican County). Like your mother, he was not a fan of Eisenhower, even though Dad was 100% pro military (he really thought Stevenson was THE MAN!). My brother once called Ike a few choice names (forget what they were, but I know they weren't good). Dad sat him down and gave him a heck of a lecture on respecting the rank and the title, regardless of personal opinions. He also talked to him about respecting a man for his actions, that personal integrity was far more important than personal wealth. I overheard every word and it has stuck with me my entire life. (Thanks for a reminding me of a great memory!)

[2BNTV]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

A considered post that shows that you are not the center of your own universe.

I REALLY hope you will be my friend.

Sorry I couldn't respond sooner as they expect me to do work while I'm at work. LOL

I am honored to be your friend by your invitation a while back. Hopefully, I will meet you and your family when I am in TV permanetly.

I try to be considerate of other people and post my statements in a generic way so anyone does not feel I am attacking them.

I think if people had a serious problem in their life to deal with and wanted someone to have compassion for their problems they might have more compassion for other people and why they do what they do in their problems.

In New York, we use to say that "good people can spot good people a mile away".

Life is too short to be too little.

[2BNTV]

I remember Dale Carnegie writting in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" that you will see more smiling faces in the rice paddys of a poor nation than on Wall Street".

People are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
You can get a much better personal response from listening and saying you understand than telling someone how they can live their life better.

IMHO - You can't tell anyone something but you can inform them.

[katezbox]

Originally Posted by redwitch

Thank you all for your replies. I can't say I quite understand, yet, but it's given me some food for thought.

I'm one of those who has to state her opinion. Couldn't stop myself if I tried. It is a part of me, my core nature. I don't try to shove it in someone's face, I just let you know what I think. (Don't ever ask me if I like what you're wearing -- if I don't, I will tell you.)

Sometimes it is hard to live in a community where I see and hear people call others a name because their opinion is different. I'll be the one in the middle butting in and trying to stop the namecalling. I HATE it!!!! I hate blatent rudeness. I hate when someone acts like they're better than someone else because they think they have more. I LOATHE bullies in all forms.

I love TOTV and the people here. However, when people start getting mean, I don't get it. I used to enjoy the Political Forum. We'd get our viewpoints out with a lot of humor and fun thrown in. Then, it just became mean. The comments against Obama were over the top. The remarks against Palin made little sense. I left that forum and have not missed it. Occasionally, someone forgets these forums are not the political forum and acts as if it is. The namecalling starts. The pettiness is non-stop. The meanness is painful.

I love TV, the generosity of the people here, the willingness to laugh at one self, all of it. But, I've seen some of the meanest people I've ever been around here. If you don't agree with their religious, political, social beliefs, you're absolute slime and they let you know it. I find these people to be very small and I truly feel sorry for them, but I don't understand them at all.

I try to let my world grow. It was always a very black and white world (Aspies are that way -- there's right and there's not right and you have to correct the not right.) I'm learning there are grays everywhere. I can't say that I embrace the grays, but at least I understand they exist.

And, Bill, yes, I like rap. Actually, I love rap. When Jess was about 12, she got into emo music. I don't handle emotions well (again, an Aspie trait) and I found the music to be poppish, syrupy drivel. To get her away from it, I introduced her to rap. I taught her the history of the music; what the lyrics meant, the good and the bad of those lyric;, where a curse word was used to be effective and have meaning, where it was used just because the rapper could. I also love jazz, classical, tenors singing opera and I used to love the oldies, but TV OD'd me on that one. My favorite music is blues.

I have people in TV I consider my friends. I accept them as they are -- my sweet, innocent angel lover; my angry, hurt ex-military wife; my "leader of the pack" (always giving, always accepting, always kind); my man-hunting, goofy buddy; my friend who thinks God is the answer to all problems and tries to steer everyone to her church; my buddy who truly accepts everyone into his group and has the patience of at least 3 saints with Ghandi thrown in for good measure; even my ultra-conservative neighbor with the heart of gold. I don't try to change them. I accept and love them for who they are. So, if I can do it with a true affliction that makes it even harder for me to understand emotions, why is it so hard for a "normal" to accept others without being mean? See, I still don't get it. lol

Wonderful post!

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by redwitch
Thank you all for your replies. I can't say I quite understand, yet, but it's given me some food for thought.

I'm one of those who has to state her opinion. Couldn't stop myself if I tried. It is a part of me, my core nature. I don't try to shove it in someone's face, I just let you know what I think. (Don't ever ask me if I like what you're wearing -- if I don't, I will tell you.)

Sometimes it is hard to live in a community where I see and hear people call others a name because their opinion is different. I'll be the one in the middle butting in and trying to stop the namecalling. I HATE it!!!! I hate blatent rudeness. I hate when someone acts like they're better than someone else because they think they have more. I LOATHE bullies in all forms.

I love TOTV and the people here. However, when people start getting mean, I don't get it. I used to enjoy the Political Forum. We'd get our viewpoints out with a lot of humor and fun thrown in. Then, it just became mean. The comments against Obama were over the top. The remarks against Palin made little sense. I left that forum and have not missed it. Occasionally, someone forgets these forums are not the political forum and acts as if it is. The namecalling starts. The pettiness is non-stop. The meanness is painful.

I love TV, the generosity of the people here, the willingness to laugh at one self, all of it. But, I've seen some of the meanest people I've ever been around here. If you don't agree with their religious, political, social beliefs, you're absolute slime and they let you know it. I find these people to be very small and I truly feel sorry for them, but I don't understand them at all.

I try to let my world grow. It was always a very black and white world (Aspies are that way -- there's right and there's not right and you have to correct the not right.) I'm learning there are grays everywhere. I can't say that I embrace the grays, but at least I understand they exist.

And, Bill, yes, I like rap. Actually, I love rap. When Jess was about 12, she got into emo music. I don't handle emotions well (again, an Aspie trait) and I found the music to be poppish, syrupy drivel. To get her away from it, I introduced her to rap. I taught her the history of the music; what the lyrics meant, the good and the bad of those lyric;, where a curse word was used to be effective and have meaning, where it was used just because the rapper could. I also love jazz, classical, tenors singing opera and I used to love the oldies, but TV OD'd me on that one. My favorite music is blues.

I have people in TV I consider my friends. I accept them as they are -- my sweet, innocent angel lover; my angry, hurt ex-military wife; my "leader of the pack" (always giving, always accepting, always kind); my man-hunting, goofy buddy; my friend who thinks God is the answer to all problems and tries to steer everyone to her church; my buddy who truly accepts everyone into his group and has the patience of at least 3 saints with Ghandi thrown in for good measure; even my ultra-conservative neighbor with the heart of gold. I don't try to change them. I accept and love them for who they are. So, if I can do it with a true affliction that makes it even harder for me to understand emotions, why is it so hard for a "normal" to accept others without being mean? See, I still don't get it. lol

Wonderful post!


I tried to copy Red's post with Kate's agreement...above (Wonderful post!)

I treasure you more every day, Red...and as always Kate, I love your attitude!!

[thistrucksforyou]

]

Originally Posted by redwitch

i've noticed this here and throughout tv. I hate when people start name-calling or denigrating someone because someone has a different viewpoint. I always thought that as people age, they would become more tolerant of others. They've made mistakes and should understand others will, too. They did stupid things when young and should help youth grow, not condemn youth for growing up and being different. I don't get it.

It seems that some think that getting old gives them the right to be downright rude. They're mean to store clerks. They yell at someone who gets in their way or goes too slow for their tastes. I don't get it.

I have asperger's (high-functioning autism). I have a tendency to blurt out what i think but i do try to not be hateful or hurtful. I don't judge you for having different political views than i do. I do judge your words and actions. If you accuse someone of "pandering" because they have a different opinion than you, you lose my respect. If you can't understand that even a professional can muck up a song out of nerves, you appear to have a mean streak. If you berate the checker at the grocery store for not being to accept your coupon, you appear overbearing and rude. If you honk because someone isn't moving fast enough for you, you appear arrogant and impatient. If you put down teens because they hang around the squares in groups, don't dress like you think they should, play music you don't like, then you appear small-minded.

Why is it so hard to let others be different from you as you age? So what if i don't share your political viewpoint? So what if i like happen to like rap music and you don't? So what if someone isn't as fast as you? Why is it okay for you to say what you think and feel, but not someone else? What happened to respect, tolerance? I really don't get it.

[Challenger]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

Originally Posted by redwitch
Thank you all for your replies. I can't say I quite understand, yet, but it's given me some food for thought.

I'm one of those who has to state her opinion. Couldn't stop myself if I tried. It is a part of me, my core nature. I don't try to shove it in someone's face, I just let you know what I think. (Don't ever ask me if I like what you're wearing -- if I don't, I will tell you.)

Sometimes it is hard to live in a community where I see and hear people call others a name because their opinion is different. I'll be the one in the middle butting in and trying to stop the namecalling. I HATE it!!!! I hate blatent rudeness. I hate when someone acts like they're better than someone else because they think they have more. I LOATHE bullies in all forms.

I love TOTV and the people here. However, when people start getting mean, I don't get it. I used to enjoy the Political Forum. We'd get our viewpoints out with a lot of humor and fun thrown in. Then, it just became mean. The comments against Obama were over the top. The remarks against Palin made little sense. I left that forum and have not missed it. Occasionally, someone forgets these forums are not the political forum and acts as if it is. The namecalling starts. The pettiness is non-stop. The meanness is painful.

I love TV, the generosity of the people here, the willingness to laugh at one self, all of it. But, I've seen some of the meanest people I've ever been around here. If you don't agree with their religious, political, social beliefs, you're absolute slime and they let you know it. I find these people to be very small and I truly feel sorry for them, but I don't understand them at all.

I try to let my world grow. It was always a very black and white world (Aspies are that way -- there's right and there's not right and you have to correct the not right.) I'm learning there are grays everywhere. I can't say that I embrace the grays, but at least I understand they exist.

And, Bill, yes, I like rap. Actually, I love rap. When Jess was about 12, she got into emo music. I don't handle emotions well (again, an Aspie trait) and I found the music to be poppish, syrupy drivel. To get her away from it, I introduced her to rap. I taught her the history of the music; what the lyrics meant, the good and the bad of those lyric;, where a curse word was used to be effective and have meaning, where it was used just because the rapper could. I also love jazz, classical, tenors singing opera and I used to love the oldies, but TV OD'd me on that one. My favorite music is blues.

I have people in TV I consider my friends. I accept them as they are -- my sweet, innocent angel lover; my angry, hurt ex-military wife; my "leader of the pack" (always giving, always accepting, always kind); my man-hunting, goofy buddy; my friend who thinks God is the answer to all problems and tries to steer everyone to her church; my buddy who truly accepts everyone into his group and has the patience of at least 3 saints with Ghandi thrown in for good measure; even my ultra-conservative neighbor with the heart of gold. I don't try to change them. I accept and love them for who they are. So, if I can do it with a true affliction that makes it even harder for me to understand emotions, why is it so hard for a "normal" to accept others without being mean? See, I still don't get it. lol

Wonderful post!


I tried to copy Red's post with Kate's agreement...above (Wonderful post!)

I treasure you more every day, Red...and as always Kate, I love your attitude!!

Wish I had said that!

[Russ_Boston]

Red - never knew you had Aspergers.

I think you see the "get off my front yard, you young whipper snappers!" attitude more on a relatively anonymous forum like TOTV than you do in person.

My attitude has always been that we can only live for today and go forward. But many people as they age need to feel that things were "better in the day". It's part of life and aging called the reflective period. I personally don't mind it as long as it doesn't become mean spirited.

If you go back into the archives of TOTV you can find articles about such things as: Why don't men remove their hats in a restaurant, don't they have an manners; Rap music sucks; They don't make good movies anymore; etc. etc.

I just think things change, not better, nor worse. Just change.

[graciegirl]

[quote=Russ_Boston;331205]Red - never knew you had Aspergers.

I think you see the "get off my front yard, you young whipper snappers!" attitude more on a relatively anonymous forum like TOTV than you do in person.

My attitude has always been that we can only live for today and go forward. But many people as they age need to feel that things were "better in the day". It's part of life and aging called the reflective period. I personally don't mind it as long as it doesn't become mean spirited.

If you go back into the archives of TOTV you can find articles about such things as: Why don't men remove their hats in a restaurant, don't they have an manners; Rap music sucks; They don't make good movies anymore; etc. etc.

I just think things change, not better, nor worse. Just change.


I try to think that this day holds the opportunity to be the best one in my life.

[Russ_Boston]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

I try to think that this day holds the opportunity to be the best one in my life.

Nice!