Quote:
Originally Posted by eweissenbach
I pretty much agree with this, we used to give our kids a slap on the butt to let them know that something was unacceptable, nothing really painful, but just to emphasize a point. If I were to start over again I would not use physical punishment for two reasons. First, I think it has been proven ineffective, and is more to release the frustration of the parent rather than make an impression on the child. Second, society's perception of what may constitute abuse has evolved in the last thirty years or so and one could end up in legal trouble for what some people used to accept as legitimate discipline. Sometimes I think parents today confuse discipline and physical punishment. Discipline can and must be administered if children are to learn good manners and right from wrong, but it can and should be accomplished without hitting or spanking. The problem with some parenting IMHO is that the parents assume that the kids need nothing but affirmation and positive feedback, and they don't strongly register their disapproval of improper behavior.
My mother never laid a hand on me that I can recall, but an expression of her disappointment in me for bad behavior was the worst punishment imaginable.
Studies have shown that most abusers were themselves abused, and there can be a fine line between discipline and abuse.
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As usual, you have a handle on the situation, Coach Ed, and have articulated it well. There was a time when Fred Rogers came out and said that many parents had misconstrued his mantra, "I like you just the way you are" as meaning they shouldn't discipline their kids. What he meant was everyone should be accepted despite physical or mental differences. He did not mean that everything a child does is to be accepted.
Parenting is not fun!
I am really enjoying our adult sons.