Mutual respect

[Sassafrass67]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

[Grandfinch]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:
We have been coming here for ten years. Bought and live here now for over 5 years. I always smile and wave at the same time. Almost always receive a return friendly greeting. So for us it is the worlds Freindlyist Home Town. :a040:

[CathyandSteveG]

wow...how would anyone know exactly how old you are? and why would it matter?

I dont like reading things like this.....

[Doro22]

People usually ignore me also when I go to my local pool. I don't know why.

[Mr.Big]

I find most people in TV very friendly. Yet, like everywhere, there are "grumps". Just ignore them; you will find many friendly people in TV. Age doesn't mean anything to me , except that I am getting old!

[fred53]

You will come across curmudgeons...and without seeing and meeting you I could not offer any explanation as to why you have received less than neighborly greetings...perhaps one of you(or both)has a plethora of tattoos(just saying)...perhaps one of you wears your shorts so that your undies show....sure folks shouldn't be judged by their appearance, but first impressions matter to many...

The fact is you could just be unlucky...been here a few years and while quite a few people wave and smile just as many do not...I do not base my opinion on who I pass in TV's, but who I actually meet...in a older aged community many folks suffer from physical and mental problems and are preoccupied dealing with those....before you judge them know what they're going through...eg: don't be upset if you don't get a wave and a smile...

[Villager Joyce]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

You asked so I will give you my observations. My husband and I are old enough to collect Social Security (oh happy days). We smile, wave or speak to everyone we see. More than half respond in kind. The others don't. IMHO a small number of the younger people in TV are real quick to throw out the "we are young and nobody likes me" card. The majority of the younger people on this forum are fabulous with interesting and current thinking. The others aren't. Some people, young and old, are crabby not friendly people. We are all not "your" stereotype old farts. We have lived interesting lives, done things we should and should not have done.

[Roaddog53]

We call them "Walters" from Jeff Dunham's puppet. The looks on their faces are priceless. My wife looks very young for her age and she gets the look, even some remarks as we call it like "What are you doing here?" But I would think in general many people smile or wave. If not just move on and enjoy it here anyway. Don't let them bring your friendliness down to their level.

[redwitch]

Many pools are very cliquish. Your best bet for meeting people at pools is to go to the newer ones. The problem with that is most of those folks want to meet people in their own neighborhood. Another issue at the pools if you're younger is jealousy-- some women don't want to be reminded of what their bodies used to look like.

When I first moved here, everyone waved to each other. Now, not so much. Don't let that stop you. There's still enough of us around who will happily return the wave.

Two easy ways to join in a conversation -- give a sincere compliment, ask a question. I've found this works beautifully at the squares, the pool, restaurants, even some of the more "closed" clubs.

Don't give up. It took me about a year to find folks who would accept me as I am and probably two more years before I really called anyone a friend.

[Brendanyc]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

I am surprised by your "unwelcome wagon". Both my husband and I are in our early fifties. He 52 and me 51.... although I look significantly younger! LOLOL In any case, we have been welcomed by our local community (street) and I frequent the Bonita pool and everyone has been warm and welcoming. I have been told that there are other pools within the neighboring villages that are not as "warm and fuzzy" and do tend to be clicky but I have not gone to them so that is simply what others have told me. Sometimes when residents see people who look significantly younger they assume (wrongfully so) that one is visiting. I have found that introducing myself, telling others that I am a permanent resident, and then asking for advice (about anything... and believe me the list is long) goes a long way.
Don't ever let others change who you are. Keep waving and offering a daily hello. Sometimes people just need a "gentle" reminder. It is what makes the TV the absolute best place to retire!!!
CONSIDER THIS A WARM WELCOME!!!!!! ;););):bigbow::bigbow::bigbow:

[PammyJ]

I have experienced lots of friendliness here! Unless I am a really old looking 51 year old and they think I should be here.....hmmmmm!

[Sassafrass67]

Tattoos.......we don't have. We just want to blend in and meet friends for when we can move here full time. We Just gauge this feeling on our relationships with neighbors and friends at home. We have a very fun neighborhood back home and enjoy "wine nights on the porch". We will just keep waving and hope to meet friendly people in the future. We do appreciate the recommendations of restaurants and contractor services. :coolsmiley:

[Sassafrass67]

Thank You To Everyone for their advice. It Took me three years to Join TOTV, I enjoy keeping Up with the community, we really cannot wait to spend more time here.

[Brendanyc]

Tattoos.......we don't have. We just want to blend in and meet friends for when we can move here full time. We Just gauge this feeling on our relationships with neighbors and friends at home. We have a very fun neighborhood back home and enjoy "wine nights on the porch". We will just keep waving and hope to meet friendly people in the future. We do appreciate the recommendations of restaurants and contractor services. :coolsmiley:

I have no tattoos either, however, I have been known to have a mohawk in my earlier days created at "Astor Place" in NYC. LOL.... My mamma always told me.. "Do what you want. Wear what you want. Shave what you want (inclusive of hair), BUT don't do anything permanent." I've lived by the recommendation!!!! LOL

[Sassafrass67]

Thank You FoR the Welcome

[Villager Joyce]

Tattoos.......we don't have. We just want to blend in and meet friends for when we can move here full time. We Just gauge this feeling on our relationships with neighbors and friends at home. We have a very fun neighborhood back home and enjoy "wine nights on the porch". We will just keep waving and hope to meet friendly people in the future. We do appreciate the recommendations of restaurants and contractor services. :coolsmiley:

Go to your computer right now and print off 10 invitations to come to your house this evening for wine night. Deliver your invitations to your next door and across the street neighbors. See what happens. We all had a back home. Something's good,some not so. If you want this to be your home, it is up to you to make it your home. Compare it to back home where it was better, it won't happen unless you remember the good and the bad. Lecture over....at least for now.

[hulahips]

Don't give up. When we first moved in I was 55, hubby 57. We were so thrilled to be here we joined every club. The very first club we walked in, I'll never forget. It was the NY club and I couldn't wait to meet everyone, see where they were from etc.. Hubby had stopped at a table to talk to a fellow he knew. I proceeded to walk up to a table of about 4 couples, introduced myself, (l am very friendly) and they sat there staring at me like I had two heads. I thought hmmm not to friendly so grabbed hubby and moved on to table no 2. Well we had a blast, ended up sitting with them and are still friends. Go to clubs of interest to you, keep hitting pools, and you will find friendly people. I make it a point that whenever we are out at club or dance if I see a couple sitting alone go always invite them to join us! No one should ever sit alone in the villages!

[graciegirl]

Go to your computer right now and print off 10 invitations to come to your house this evening for wine night. Deliver your invitations to your next door and across the street neighbors. See what happens. We all had a back home. Something's good,some not so. If you want this to be your home, it is up to you to make it your home. Compare it to back home where it was better, it won't happen unless you remember the good and the bad. Lecture over....at least for now.





Listen to this advice from Villager Joyce. It is a wonderful way to get to know people.


As has already been said, there isn't anyway most people can tell if you are in your forties or fifties or sixties. It is ONLY when age is made an issue here, or anywhere, you will get reactions. You have to be a friend to make one. Waving isn't enough

Plus if you have been reading the forum for awile,try to meet in person two recent posters with similar concerns. They are MCV2015 and Coralblue.

[dewilson58]

I am surprised by your "unwelcome wagon". Both my husband and I are in our early fifties. He 52 and me 51.... although I look significantly younger! LOLOL In any case, we have been welcomed by our local community (street) and I frequent the Bonita pool and everyone has been warm and welcoming. I have been told that there are other pools within the neighboring villages that are not as "warm and fuzzy" and do tend to be clicky but I have not gone to them so that is simply what others have told me. Sometimes when residents see people who look significantly younger they assume (wrongfully so) that one is visiting. I have found that introducing myself, telling others that I am a permanent resident, and then asking for advice (about anything... and believe me the list is long) goes a long way.
Don't ever let others change who you are. Keep waving and offering a daily hello. Sometimes people just need a "gentle" reminder. It is what makes the TV the absolute best place to retire!!!
CONSIDER THIS A WARM WELCOME!!!!!! ;););):bigbow::bigbow::bigbow:

I too am sub-55 and look much younger than I am (not as young looking as Brendanyc). I see some grumps and some clicks at the pools..........but I don't think it's related to my age. With 100,000 people, there are going to be all types. The grumps and clicks just stand out more. What I have found are the neighborhoods are great places with great people. We love all our neighbors we have met. Than with friends, we have gone to other neighborhoods and found more great people. It just continues to grow.

OP............Don't let a few paint the picture of the village.

[rjm1cc]

I think you could find the same problem in other over 55 communities so I would not rule out the Villages on this. In my area the youngest is 56 and the oldest is almost 90. We all get along. However most of us moved in at the same time so it could be a little different when you did not "grow up" with your neighbors. Again I think you could find the problem in any community.

[cms36]

I'm 53, wife is 44. We are still visitors but every pool visit has been filled with hellos all around, long conversations.

[cquick]

I'm sorry you have felt unwanted. But I think it will improve. And I agree with some of the other posters that some people are just more outgoing than others. I like to wave at people when I am in my neighborhood, but not usually when I am driving on the main roads, just because it's so busy.

But I hope as you live here longer, you'll start to see the same folks hanging out at your local pool and rec center and the shuffleboard and pickleball courts. Then you'll feel more involved.
:)

[justjim]

We have been in TV nine years. Part-time residents do have a more difficult time "fitting in" so to speak. We have been both full-time and part-time so speak from Experence. Also some neighborhoods are more friendly than others.

I would suggest that you join the local social club in your neighborhood even if you are part-time. Inviting the neighbors living close by for some beverages is another good idea.

Golfing is a good place to find friendly people too---so is pickelball.

[tomwed]

I wave to everybody because I can't remember anybody and don't want to offend.

[pbkmaine]

I second the idea of giving a party or having an open house. We have done that every time we have moved and it has helped to ease the process. If your neighborhood does not have a monthly card game or driveway party, start one. Try out any activities that look interesting. Try more than one.
I live in on a super friendly street, but a friend of mine in the same village says no one on her street talks to anyone else. It has been my experience that every group needs a "switchboard" - a person or people who make sure everyone keeps in touch. That person could be you, if you choose.
As far as age goes, I am 58. I have neighbors who range in age from 55 to 90. Once you get to know each other, it does not seem to make a difference. My 80-year-old next door neighbor can run rings around me.

[DonH57]

We call them "Walters" from Jeff Dunham's puppet. The looks on their faces are priceless. My wife looks very young for her age and she gets the look, even some remarks as we call it like "What are you doing here?" But I would think in general many people smile or wave. If not just move on and enjoy it here anyway. Don't let them bring your friendliness down to their level.

I think the very same thing every thing every time I meet a village curmudgeon. There's a Walter.:laugh:

[sunnyatlast]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

Since your entrance was preceded by 10 years of coming to stay with your in-laws, "their kids" is probably the impression formed by the neighbors and friends of your in-laws, and I'd suspect that is how you met people before buying a place. Depending on where you bought, that could well be the impression formed of you by the neighbors and people at the pool: "somebody's KIDS".

When I look at homes with newcomers/friends wanting to buy, I look at the county land records/appraiser website and see how many of the neighboring homes have been sold in the last 12-20 years if the homes are that age. If most have not sold to new owners in the last 4-5 years, I would look elsewhere for a neighborhood/street where a good number of homes have recently sold. I'd also go for a walk there, to talk with neighbors and see if there are neighborhood socials and a "switchboard" person who builds and keeps a neighborhood contact list.

We're not afraid to move somewhere else here in TV. It's a low-risk thing to do that can make a big difference for you.

[Barefoot]

Also some neighborhoods are more friendly than others. I would suggest that you join the local social club in your neighborhood even if you are part-time. Inviting the neighbors living close by for some beverages is another good idea. Golfing is a good place to find friendly people too---so is pickelball.

Some adult pools are friendlier than others. So why not try different pools until you find some chatty people?
I don't think it's an age thing, there are lots of younger people living in The Villages.
Once you are full-time residents, you'll probably join a lot of activities and make friends there.
Inviting people on the street over for wine is a great idea.
Have you tried going to the Meet-N-Greets at Crispers on the third Friday of the month?
Don't be discouraged, it takes time to make good friends.

[jbdlfan]

Since your entrance was preceded by 10 years of coming to stay with your in-laws, "their kids" is probably the impression formed by the neighbors and friends of your in-laws, and I'd suspect that is how you met people before buying a place. Depending on where you bought, that could well be the impression formed of you by the neighbors and people at the pool: "somebody's KIDS".

When I look at homes with newcomers/friends wanting to buy, I look at the county land records/appraiser website and see how many of the neighboring homes have been sold in the last 12-20 years if the homes are that age. If most have not sold to new owners in the last 4-5 years, I would look elsewhere for a neighborhood/street where a good number of homes have recently sold. I'd also go for a walk there, to talk with neighbors and see if there are neighborhood socials and a "switchboard" person who builds and keeps a neighborhood contact list.

We're not afraid to move somewhere else here in TV. It's a low-risk thing to do that can make a big difference for you.

There is some validity to this idea of how you are perceived by some as your parent's kids. We experienced some of the same stuff. We have found a great group of folks with like ages and interests. We come from similar backgrounds and experiences so it is very nice. Some will be rude but hey, it's every where.

[rubicon]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:


Dear Sassafrass67: don't take this too personally but quite frankly I don't trust anyone under 65:D:D

[Fraugoofy]

I love everyone's perspective on TOTV. I purposely do NOT go to a certain Village pool because it is too noisy with useless chatter. I enjoy quiet so I go to the pool one Village away and love it there! I have found people to be friendly and welcoming but I am sometimes the stand offish one. I do warm up eventually!!

[graciegirl]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

Mutual Respect.
I think the title of your first post is not what you are explaining in your post. It does not appear that anyone is disrespectful to you. It appears you are disappointed that the other people are not acting friendly back, not waving back. The fact that you are ignored is simply because they don't know you . If you introduce yourself and find nothing in common than nothing comes of a friendship.. I don't see how you would conclude it is due to your age or due to their age..

So many people are new here, no one knows for sure who is newer unless you communicate that. They may think you are ignoring them.

[manaboutown]

Possibly TV has grown so much it may not have that small town ambience anymore, or at least as much as it once had. I grew up in and still spend a lot of time in a comparatively rural state. In the smaller towns people seem friendly, smile, wave and so on. In its largest city they behave more like big city folks anywhere in the world.

From what I have read age can be a factor in being accepted in 55 and over communities, especially for "trophy wives" who tend to not be made welcome. Since I am approximately the median age in TV I find its residents are quite friendly to me.

Within TV I have noticed some areas appear to have a greater percentage of older residents whereas others, especially the newer ones, comprise predominantly comparatively younger residents. If I were younger I imagine I might be happier in a newer section which would likely contain more peers within my age range.

[perrjojo]

We have a Very young new neighbor. She comes to the pool and has an amazing body. She is warm and friendly and is now a regular member of some of our regular groups. There is no age or body envy. She is fun to be with and the only thing I wonder is why she enjoys us "old ladies" so much.

[tippyclubb]

We have been visiting in laws for just about 10 years and purchased a vacation home 3 years ago here in TV. I have been reading Talk of the Villages for advice on restaurants, landscapers etc. The issue that concerns me is that being in our late 40s and early 50s we are not made to feel welcome by our fellow Villagers. We wave, which I thought was the polite thing to do in America's friendliest home town, just to be ignored. When we go to the pool we are basically ignored. We are not your stereotypical "problem" adult children living here. We add to the economy, we maintain our home and you won't find us being obnoxious town squares. What exactly are we not doing correctly.:spoken:

It takes time to make friends here, just like anywhere else. Keep smiling and being friendly and say hello to everyone. Some people will ignore you, but for those that don't that could be the start of a friendship. Get some calling cards made up and hand them to people you enjoyed talking with. We did that and had a few people call us to meet for dinner.

This forum is also a great way to meet people. If there's people on this forum you'd like to meet send them a private message asking to meet for lunch. I did this and made several good friends.

The monthly meet and greet at Chrispers is another good way to make friends. You should attend the next meeting in July. You will find a lot of friendly people there.

Don't get discouraged, keep being your friendly self and you will make friends in time. If you like we can set a day and meet for lunch. PM me if your interested.

[Villager Joyce]

There have now been two references to trophy wives on TOTV. Manaboutown Said they tend not to be made welcome. Why would we know or care unless ....

[graciegirl]

There have now been two references to trophy wives on TOTV. Manaboutown Said they tend not to be made welcome. Why would we know or care unless ....



Sweetie is a trophy husband.

[Villager Joyce]

My husband prefers to be thought of as a "boy toy"!

[Blessed2BNTV]

Sweetie is a trophy husband.

Hey I have one of those too!

[asianthree]

Our oldest son came for a visit and found some just plain grumpy to him. He realized then that their first question was are you looking to buy, and you know you can't bring you kids with you.

He would smile and say I am a doctor looking for a vacation home that I can play golf and enjoy spending time with my dad. And yep I am bringing my kids here for the whole summer. (And no he never said they only have golden fur babies.). But he said the looks were priceless

[Greg Dion]

My wife and I are also in the 40 and 50's group and I agree there are people who don't smile and wave, but I would bet they didn't smile and wave wherever they came from. We have never had an issue with anyone treating us differently because we are younger, in fact, most of the time, we are welcomed even more. Just try and put yourself out there and try and to be extra friendly, it will pay off!!!! There are so many GREAT people here!!

[Sassafrass67]

i can kind of understand not wanting to trust right off the bat, however we chose to purchase a home in the Villages in large part because we appreciate the standards, quality of life and the safe community. That is really why I named the first post mutual respect. My grandparents raised me so I have a huge amount of respect for my elders. We smile, hold doors open and obey the rules here, it would be nice if some of the less trusting Villagers could just give new people a chance. I am sure we can make friends here, already have with neighbors. I understand cliques, it's part of life, raised two sons to treat others the way they wanted to be treated, you know, the "Golden Rule". YES, there are very nice Villagers, I just did not understand the Cranks. We will try to be here for a Crispers meeting and yes we do plan on having new friends over for wine and snacks.........just as soon as the driveway and lanai has cured so we can get patio furniture out of our living room!:)

[CathyandSteveG]

I guess i look at it a bit differently. My husband and i have lived in our home 24 years....we have NEVER spoken to our next door neighbors.

I am not moving to the villages to make friends...I am moving to the villages to enjoy the rest of my life with the man i love.

I am a very friendly person...and if you want to speak to me or wave to me...I will absolutley be friendly to you....but if none of you ever speak to me...oh well.

I will go to the pool with my husband...i will go out to eat with him....i will drive around and enjoy my life with him.

I quite frankly am not worried about making friends...i will be with my best friend and i cannot wait to enjoy retirement with him.

For those who have issues with younger or more beautiful ladies...trophy wives....how petty and ridiculous. I am what i am....i am not trying to impress anyone else....and if you dont like me oh well....your loss.

Life is too short to worry about crap like this....

[sunnyatlast]

I guess i look at it a bit differently. My husband and i have lived in our home 24 years....we have NEVER spoken to our next door neighbors.

I am not moving to the villages to make friends...I am moving to the villages to enjoy the rest of my life with the man i love.

I am a very friendly person...and if you want to speak to me or wave to me...I will absolutley be friendly to you....but if none of you ever speak to me...oh well.

I will go to the pool with my husband...i will go out to eat with him....i will drive around and enjoy my life with him.

I quite frankly am not worried about making friends...i will be with my best friend and i cannot wait to enjoy retirement with him.

For those who have issues with younger or more beautiful ladies...trophy wives....how petty and ridiculous. I am what i am....i am not trying to impress anyone else....and if you dont like me oh well....your loss.

Life is too short to worry about crap like this....


Amazing.

[graciegirl]

If you want friends you can find them here.

If you don't want friends, well that is hard to understand, and this isn't the best place, because people will try to befriend you.

People of all ages and all kinds of personalities live here. You get out of life what you put into it most times.

I think most people move here because it is an over 55 retirement community for active older adults. No one should be mad at us because that comprises the majority of people. If someone is fixated on youth and beauty, usually that means they are somewhat immature. People can be immature at any age. People drift toward people with like values but respecting everyone seems to be a very strong value here.

I would not move to a college town and wonder why people weren't wanting to pal around with me. I would get to know them one person at a time and soon they would find how much we have in common.

None of us have ever been this age before and we are learning as we go along.

May we all live here for a thousand years and find joy and peace and laughter.

[Villager Joyce]

I guess i look at it a bit differently. My husband and i have lived in our home 24 years....we have NEVER spoken to our next door neighbors.

I am not moving to the villages to make friends...I am moving to the villages to enjoy the rest of my life with the man i love.

I am a very friendly person...and if you want to speak to me or wave to me...I will absolutley be friendly to you....but if none of you ever speak to me...oh well.

I will go to the pool with my husband...i will go out to eat with him....i will drive around and enjoy my life with him.

I quite frankly am not worried about making friends...i will be with my best friend and i cannot wait to enjoy retirement with him.

For those who have issues with younger or more beautiful ladies...trophy wives....how petty and ridiculous. I am what i am....i am not trying to impress anyone else....and if you dont like me oh well....your loss.

Life is too short to worry about crap like this....

Well, well, well. I have tried over and over to say what I want to say, but not have the post removed. Good luck with life.

[Taltarzac725]

i can kind of understand not wanting to trust right off the bat, however we chose to purchase a home in the Villages in large part because we appreciate the standards, quality of life and the safe community. That is really why I named the first post mutual respect. My grandparents raised me so I have a huge amount of respect for my elders. We smile, hold doors open and obey the rules here, it would be nice if some of the less trusting Villagers could just give new people a chance. I am sure we can make friends here, already have with neighbors. I understand cliques, it's part of life, raised two sons to treat others the way they wanted to be treated, you know, the "Golden Rule". YES, there are very nice Villagers, I just did not understand the Cranks. We will try to be here for a Crispers meeting and yes we do plan on having new friends over for wine and snacks.........just as soon as the driveway and lanai has cured so we can get patio furniture out of our living room!:)


I have heard that some pools are very cliquish but they might warm up to you. It does not seem to have anything to do with age though just who they are familiar with in their clique.

We have been here since June 2005 or so and find most people very friendly for the most part. There are the occasional lousy drivers, seat hogs of various kinds like I had at the Old Mill Playhouse when seeing "Jurassic World" yesterday, bitter cranky people of various ages, etc.

Good luck at Crispers and the TOTV meetings. I have been to a few of these and have found the people there fun to meet. Always get a kick out of KathieI and her friends.

I am one of those problematic kids of long term Villagers myself but I do try hard to get along with people of all ages.

[Grandfinch]

I was too busy with family and especially work in my previous life to focus on friends. However, since living in The Villages, we both have made many of what I call lifelong friends. Not knowing your nieghbors in your working years is quite normal in my opinion. Here, you need to purposely avoid having friends not to have lots of them. That is perfectly OK if that is what you want, but the availability of having many friends is very good.

[Sandtrap328]

I was too busy with family and especially work in my previous life to focus on friends. However, since living in The Villages, we both have made many of what I call lifelong friends. Not knowing your nieghbors in your working years is quite normal in my opinion. Here, you need to purposely avoid having friends not to have lots of them. That is perfectly OK if that is what you want, but the availability of having many friends is very good.

Good post and absolutely true. It was downright amazing to see the people come by your lanai just to talk with you.

[tippyclubb]

I guess i look at it a bit differently. My husband and i have lived in our home 24 years....we have NEVER spoken to our next door neighbors.

I am not moving to the villages to make friends...I am moving to the villages to enjoy the rest of my life with the man i love.

I am a very friendly person...and if you want to speak to me or wave to me...I will absolutley be friendly to you....but if none of you ever speak to me...oh well.

I will go to the pool with my husband...i will go out to eat with him....i will drive around and enjoy my life with him.

I quite frankly am not worried about making friends...i will be with my best friend and i cannot wait to enjoy retirement with him.

For those who have issues with younger or more beautiful ladies...trophy wives....how petty and ridiculous. I am what i am....i am not trying to impress anyone else....and if you dont like me oh well....your loss.

Life is too short to worry about crap like this....

Wow, is all I can say without being rude. However, I'm sure your post offers nothing to Sassafrass question.

[CFrance]

I have heard that some pools are very cliquish but they might warm up to you. It does not seem to have anything to do with age though just who they are familiar with in their clique.

We have been here since June 2005 or so and find most people very friendly for the most part. There are the occasional lousy drivers, seat hogs of various kinds like I had at the Old Mill Playhouse when seeing "Jurassic World" yesterday, bitter cranky people of various ages, etc.

Good luck at Crispers and the TOTV meetings. I have been to a few of these and have found the people there fun to meet. Always get a kick out of KathieI and her friends.

I am one of those problematic kids of long term Villagers myself but I do try hard to get along with people of all ages.
No, you are one of the gems of long-term Villagers!

[CFrance]

If you want friends you can find them here.

If you don't want friends, well that is hard to understand, and this isn't the best place, because people will try to befriend you.

People of all ages and all kinds of personalities live here. You get out of life what you put into it most times.

I think most people move here because it is an over 55 retirement community for active older adults. No one should be mad at us because that comprises the majority of people. If someone is fixated on youth and beauty, usually that means they are somewhat immature. People can be immature at any age. People drift toward people with like values but respecting everyone seems to be a very strong value here.

I would not move to a college town and wonder why people weren't wanting to pal around with me. I would get to know them one person at a time and soon they would find how much we have in common.

None of us have ever been this age before and we are learning as we go along.

May we all live here for a thousand years and find joy and peace and laughter.
Nail. On Head.

[CathyandSteveG]

Funny the reactions i have received from my post. Some good some disappointing.

I dont know if i worded it in incorectly and some misunderstood what i was trying to say so i will attempt to clarify.

As we approach retirement....we have looked at what is important to us...where do we want to settle...what do we want to do the rest of our lives?
The most important thing for us is of course being together. We like to drive our convertible, we like to go to the beach, we love to vacation, we enjoy fine dining and good wine.

So TV offers wonderful ammenities....good weather, close proximity to beaches, to cruise ships, to disneyworld.

Never once in our contemplating our retirement and move have we thought....where is the best place to make friends. Now for some of you....that may be your number one priority....and thats wonderful! But we are not terribly social....we are friendly, we are funloving....but making friends with others is not the top reason we have chosen TV.

This thread has covered many areas of discussion.....age discrimination, looks discrimination etc. I am not a trophy wife, I am not young. I want to be accepted for who i am. I dont look at someone and judge them based on their looks. I think tatoos were even brought into this discussion....that might offend people and thats why no one waved back.


so if my post offended you...i apologize...because that was never my intent. and for those of you who wrote to me and told me you felt the same way i do...thank you.

Someone called me a piece of work....I am not sure why but i do understand we are not all the same and not everyone clicks.

Again i am deeply and sincerely sorry if i offended anyone....I will now go silently back to my corner.

[graciegirl]

Funny the reactions i have received from my post. Some good some disappointing.

I dont know if i worded it in incorectly and some misunderstood what i was trying to say so i will attempt to clarify.

As we approach retirement....we have looked at what is important to us...where do we want to settle...what do we want to do the rest of our lives?
The most important thing for us is of course being together. We like to drive our convertible, we like to go to the beach, we love to vacation, we enjoy fine dining and good wine.

So TV offers wonderful ammenities....good weather, close proximity to beaches, to cruise ships, to disneyworld.

Never once in our contemplating our retirement and move have we thought....where is the best place to make friends. Now for some of you....that may be your number one priority....and thats wonderful! But we are not terribly social....we are friendly, we are funloving....but making friends with others is not the top reason we have chosen TV.

This thread has covered many areas of discussion.....age discrimination, looks discrimination etc. I am not a trophy wife, I am not young. I want to be accepted for who i am. I dont look at someone and judge them based on their looks. I think tatoos were even brought into this discussion....that might offend people and thats why no one waved back.


so if my post offended you...i apologize...because that was never my intent. and for those of you who wrote to me and told me you felt the same way i do...thank you.

Someone called me a piece of work....I am not sure why but i do understand we are not all the same and not everyone clicks.

Again i am deeply and sincerely sorry if i offended anyone....I will now go silently back to my corner.





Please don't go anywhere. Many of us have been unclear and struck someone's else's nerve. Until the future generations can allow us to have an ap for clairvoyance we are stuck with words.


For now we humans not only misunderstand but differ and expect too much of each other and don't try very hard sometimes to overlook in others what is similarly missing in ourselves.


Sermon over.


Please stay. We need you here to make us think.


And we all need others. Someday the one we cherish will leave us. Or we will leave them and they will need others to help them get through.

[Sassafrass67]

I appreciate all of the insight, we did not purchase our retirement home in The Villages just to make friends, when I did my original post I was really just wondering why there were so many grumpy people that find it hard to smile and wave especially when they live in such a beautiful community. As ironic as it sounds, yesterday morning we were packing up about to head home and were approached by several neighbors we had not had the opportunity to meet. The best way we just found out to meet people is to have your driveway surfaced! When we come back in July we are going to host a "wine" down Wednesday on the lanai. I hope everyone here lives life they way they want to and fully enjoy even the little things such as acts of kindness. We always try to pay it forward!

[looneycat]

I appreciate all of the insight, we did not purchase our retirement home in The Villages just to make friends, when I did my original post I was really just wondering why there were so many grumpy people that find it hard to smile and wave especially when they live in such a beautiful community. As ironic as it sounds, yesterday morning we were packing up about to head home and were approached by several neighbors we had not had the opportunity to meet. The best way we just found out to meet people is to have your driveway surfaced! When we come back in July we are going to host a "wine" down Wednesday on the lanai. I hope everyone here lives life they way they want to and fully enjoy even the little things such as acts of kindness. We always try to pay it forward!

it seems that as we age the only thing we have, that still grows, is conservatism, don't mistake the walters as grumps but rather those who are being asked to change and fear it. once you are a 'known quantity' people will warm up. I still enjoy waving to everyone as I drive thru the most beautiful hometown in america. :wave::wave::wave:

[Villager Joyce]

Please don't go anywhere. Many of us have been unclear and struck someone's else's nerve. Until the future generations can allow us to have an ap for clairvoyance we are stuck with words.


For now we humans not only misunderstand but differ and expect too much of each other and don't try very hard sometimes to overlook in others what is similarly missing in ourselves.


Sermon over.


Please stay. We need you here to make us think.


And we all need others. Someday the one we cherish will leave us. Or we will leave them and they will need others to help them get through.

My comments are to cathy, not gracie.
You bragged about not EVER speaking to a neighbor of more than 20 years because you live with the love of your life. Hard to misinterpret that statement.
Cathy, I hope you read, really read, Gracie's last paragraph. Problem with a one trick pony (Steve) is when/if something happens to the pony you are alone. No friends. No neighbors who care. No one to help you get through it. As a fellow human being, I hope you get it. Alone is a big word to swallow.

[queasy27]

I understand cliques, it's part of life, raised two sons to treat others the way they wanted to be treated, you know, the "Golden Rule". YES, there are very nice Villagers, I just did not understand the Cranks.

You don't understand people not wanting to wave or smile? I grew up largely in a big city and it wasn't normal or expect to interact with strangers on the street. I'm naturally inward-focused and kind of don't notice people anyway, but I would never say hello out of the blue. It would make me uncomfortable.

Never once in our contemplating our retirement and move have we thought....where is the best place to make friends. Now for some of you....that may be your number one priority....and that's wonderful! But we are not terribly social....we are friendly, we are funloving....but making friends with others is not the top reason we have chosen TV.

I agree and share your motivation for moving here, along with siblings being here first. I only know one another person on my block and, out of choice, don't participate in any neighborhood get-togethers. I would consider it intrusive for anyone to come to my house uninvited. Despite any opinions to the contrary, I am happy and have all the social interaction I personally need.

I think most people move here because it is an over 55 retirement community for active older adults. No one should be mad at us because that comprises the majority of people.

Absolutely right, but I'd also hope that Villagers are still able to accommodate people who don't fit that norm.

[CathyandSteveG]

I was not bragging about not speaking to the neighbor on my left for the past 24 years...I was making an observation.....i was making a point...that sometimes...no matter how long you live somewhere people just do not make a connection. I made friends with the neighbors on the right...very good friends.....but the folks on the left...I do not even know their names. Now let me further explain....we live on 10 acres that is totally wooded on the perimeter...we do not even SEE our neighbors. The folks on the left....had no kids for my kids to play with...the folks on the right did.

My world has always been my family....my husband is my best friend...we have been married since we were 17 and 19....he was in the military....so our bond is very deep...all we had was each other. We lived far from family and friends.

It is a very scary thought for me to lose him....one of the reasons why our commitment in our retirement is to spend as much time together as we possibly can. Does that mean we will not be friendly to others? Does that mean we won't make friends with people? of course not! Does it mean that making friends is my number one priority? no.

I was saddened that the op felt left out....that she felt rejected. I would NEVER do that to another person. If she waved to me ...I would wave....if she came to me and started a conversation...I would talk with her.

Again...I apologize....you misunderstood....i get it. You have no way to know what i meant because you dont know me. I hope now you understand a bit better. Chances are...when i get to TV...if i get to TV...our paths will never cross. I live in a very small community....I certainly have never met everyone.....and in a city of 114,000....i wont cross paths with thousands and thousands. But i will cross your path here.....and i dont want to offend anyone here.

[graciegirl]

You don't understand people not wanting to wave or smile? I grew up largely in a big city and it wasn't normal or expect to interact with strangers on the street. I'm naturally inward-focused and kind of don't notice people anyway, but I would never say hello out of the blue. It would make me uncomfortable.



I agree and share your motivation for moving here, along with siblings being here first. I only know one another person on my block and, out of choice, don't participate in any neighborhood get-togethers. I would consider it intrusive for anyone to come to my house uninvited. Despite any opinions to the contrary, I am happy and have all the social interaction I personally need.



Absolutely right, but I'd also hope that Villagers are still able to accommodate people who don't fit that norm.



You and I are very different, but as Mr. Rogers says; We are BOTH special.

Sometimes I just don't live up to Mr. Rogers. I get all ****y.

[l2ridehd]

Most of those that don't wave in return are just close to being blind and don't see you. I remember in my younger days, I would be driving and meet my sister coming the other way and wave to her and she would NEVER wave back. I used to wonder what she was P-Oed about. Well later on I learned she was having sight issues and just could never see the person in the on coming vehicle. More then likely in TV that is a much bigger issue. People can't see or hear as well as they used to. So they avoid conversation, don't return waves and seem to be more isolated. So it's not a friendliness issue, it's a aging issue.

[graciegirl]

Most of those that don't wave in return are just close to being blind and don't see you. I remember in my younger days, I would be driving and meet my sister coming the other way and wave to her and she would NEVER wave back. I used to wonder what she was P-Oed about. Well later on I learned she was having sight issues and just could never see the person in the on coming vehicle. More then likely in TV that is a much bigger issue. People can't see or hear as well as they used to. So they avoid conversation, don't return waves and seem to be more isolated. So it's not a friendliness issue, it's a aging issue.



And don't forget that many of us who retired in our sixties and moved here had already been suffering some hurtful age bias from some younger people who didn't recognize that we were really just the same inside as younger people. I moved here hoping to be looked at and smiled at by all residents, younger and older, because like everyone else, I want to be liked and accepted. It hurts to read in an over 55 community that new and younger residents don't want to live near the older folks

I have NO idea how I got to be this age. It happened so quickly.

[Challenger]

And don't forget that many of us who retired in our sixties and moved here had already been suffering some hurtful age bias from some younger people who didn't recognize that we were really just the same inside as younger people. I moved here hoping to be looked at and smiled at by all residents, younger and older, because like everyone else, I want to be liked and accepted. It hurts to read in an over 55 community that new and younger residents don't want to live near the older folks

I have NO idea how I got to be this age. It happened so quickly.

"How come you don't say howdy, when I say howdy" Brer Bear story by Uncle Remus---- I know, no longer politically correct.