Seriously overweight

[westcoast]

I have a friend who is obese and has very bad eating habits. I feel
he is killing himself. So many health issues because of it. I am asking
what might be available in this area for someone in this condition.
Something more than a weight loss program would be needed.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

[sunnyatlast]

Amongst the usual methods people will reasonably recommend, consider this obesity as an emotional and psychological problem, as well as a physiological and aesthetic one.

This book provides insight to what I have seen in the behavior patterns feeding friends' and relatives' obesity and other eating disorders.

See "When Food is Love" by clicking this icon: http://www.amazon.com/When-Food-Love-Exploring-Relationship/dp/0452268184/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434826505&sr=8-1&keywords=when+food+is+love

[dbussone]

I have a friend who is obese and has very bad eating habits. I feel

he is killing himself. So many health issues because of it. I am asking

what might be available in this area for someone in this condition.

Something more than a weight loss program would be needed.



Any suggestions would be welcome.


It sounds like your friend might require several resources. 1) a good physician who can deal with related medical issues, 2) a nutritionist who can coach him and educate your friend about foods and their preparation, & 3) a good psychologist who can help him understand the underlying cause of his poor eating habit, then work to correct those issues.

Your friend is fortunate to have your concern. It is a difficult circumstance to deal with. At some point a good Bariatric surgery program may be helpful but he needs to correct the basic issues first.

Good luck!

[CFrance]

It sounds like your friend might require several resources. 1) a good physician who can deal with related medical issues, 2) a nutritionist who can coach him and educate your friend about foods and their preparation, & 3) a good psychologist who can help him understand the underlying cause of his poor eating habit, then work to correct those issues.

Your friend is fortunate to have your concern. It is a difficult circumstance to deal with. At some point a good Bariatric surgery program may be helpful but he needs to correct the basic issues first.

Good luck!
I agree with all this, but I might add that if your friend is not committed to doing anything about his condition, nothing may change.

[dbussone]

I agree with all this, but I might add that if your friend is not committed to doing anything about his condition, nothing may change.


That probably should have been point #1 in my post. Excellent!

[hulahips]

I just had a friend visit who is 59 and because of her weight in extremely poor health. She could barely do anything. There is so much help out there today ex weight watchers, tops, food addict groups, tons of books and info but the person must want to lose weight.

The real culprit often is lifestyle. This friend eats poorly you stated and probably doesn't exercise. If you want to keep your friend, its probably best to say nothing unless they ask you for help. People know they need to lose weight but its easier to sit in a chair, take meds then it is to eat healthy and get to the gym. No pain, no gain as they say

[Barefoot]

If he is willing to see a Psychologist, that would be a good first step.
However I've rarely seen a man who seeks out counseling unless a woman has a gun to his head.
I have friends who attend Weight Watchers, and swear by it. Not only to lose weight, but to maintain the weight loss.
They tell me that the WW Program teaches you how make good nutritional choices.
Perhaps you could phone around and find a WW group that has some male members.
I think there are also TOPS groups in The Villages.
Losing weight in a supportive group environment often helps people stay on the lifestyle changes necessary.
Most of all, he won't change unless he is committed to losing weight.
All your good intentions in the world won't change him, it has to come from within.

[Floridagal]

I found out that when an overweight person is ready to loose weight he/she has to be ready on there own. All the nagging and telling him/her what to do and not do will not work. I found this out with my husband. He was extremely over weight and one day he just decided to loose the weight. He joined the gym, watched what he ate and he lost 100 lbs in one year. He told me he would never put back that weight and so far it is over two years and he has not put back a single pound. Now I'm telling him he is getting to skinny...lol

[Abby10]

There are several OA (Overeaters Anonymous) group meetings in and around The Villages area. I believe I saw them listed in the rec news, but you can also locate them by searching their website. It is a 12 step program similar to AA and NA with lots of support from others who understand the situation and the process. Many psychologists recommend programs like this for people who have failed with other weight loss methods. I hope your friend seeks help, but only he/she can make that decision. It's so kind of you to care.

[manaboutown]

OA can help but find meetings where most of the folks are not still obese. If the long time regulars at a meeting are obese they are not in recovery.

I found three in TV. https://www.oa.org/membersgroups/find-a-meeting/

[kcrazorbackfan]

I agree with all this, but I might add that if your friend is not committed to doing anything about his condition, nothing may change.

It all starts with that person wanting to commit to losing the weight. By chance, my wife and I have seen a person the last couple of days in the back seat of a 4 person cart that needed the entire seat because he was so big. And what was he doing tonight at Brownwood? Sitting in the back seat of the cart eating a huge pizza.

[tippyclubb]

It all starts with that person wanting to commit to losing the weight. By chance, my wife and I have seen a person the last couple of days in the back seat of a 4 person cart that needed the entire seat because he was so big. And what was he doing tonight at Brownwood? Sitting in the back seat of the cart eating a huge pizza.

He was doing what made him happy. What's wrong with that?

Westcoast I agree with others it has to be a decision your friend makes. When and if that time comes he will need your support.

[Abby10]

It all starts with that person wanting to commit to losing the weight. By chance, my wife and I have seen a person the last couple of days in the back seat of a 4 person cart that needed the entire seat because he was so big. And what was he doing tonight at Brownwood? Sitting in the back seat of the cart eating a huge pizza.

To me, that is so sad. I know to some what you describe seems incredulous, to others it may seem to be what makes him happy, and still others see it as an addiction/disease just like alcoholism or drugs. No matter which way you look at it, it can be life threatening and I get the feeling that is what the OP is concerned about for his/her friend. I hope, if it is his desire to do so, that he finds the proper help and support that he needs. No one can do this for him. Praying for your friend, westcoast.

[Abby10]

OA can help but find meetings where most of the folks are not still obese. If the long time regulars at a meeting are obese they are not in recovery.

I found three in TV. https://www.oa.org/membersgroups/find-a-meeting/

You are so right, manaboutown. Be it changing the way you eat or increasing your exercise/activity, it's best to be around those who are actively doing it and will be a motivation to you not a deterrent. May be necessary to check out several different meetings to find the right fit. Thanks for adding the link.

[rjm1cc]

I have a friend who is obese and has very bad eating habits. I feel
he is killing himself. So many health issues because of it. I am asking
what might be available in this area for someone in this condition.
Something more than a weight loss program would be needed.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

Hopefully the person is not the cook or shopper. If true work on a better home diet. If there are no cookies in the house then they won't be eaten. If the person wants cookies let them go out and buy. Be careful on the type of restaurants they go to. This might help a little.

[graciegirl]

There is a dear good person who used to post on this forum a lot and has struggled with serious weight issues. I want him to know that many see the real person and the funny quick person and the caring heart and good citizen that he is.


I understand all of the ways that he has tried to recover his health and want him to know that we care about him and pray for him and hope he knows he matters to us.


It is very easy to dismiss and judge others, but serious weight issues are very involved and difficult.


Gastric by-pass is only for those healthy enough to withstand the operation and the side effects.


I will say one more time. I don't care if you are gay or straight, young or old, funny or serious, well educated or not, rich or poor, fat or thin, religious or not, If you are nice to me, I will be nice to you.


As we get older we keep learning that a board always has two sides.

You are a good person, Westcoast.

[vette]

I have a friend who is obese and has very bad eating habits. I feel
he is killing himself. So many health issues because of it. I am asking
what might be available in this area for someone in this condition.
Something more than a weight loss program would be needed.

Any suggestions would be welcome.

I truly commend you for your concerns about your friends health/weight issue. HOWEVER, until your friend makes up his/her mind to do something about it, there's not much you can do. . . Be supportive, not an enabler. Try to avoid making food/eating part of your routine with him/her. Instead of going out for diner suggest a movie, a game, a walk. While it's ok to express your concerns DON'T be a nag. Often that is counterproductive.

Unless you're a skinny minny ;-). Ask if your friend would join you going to check out a weight loss club. Say u are concerned about YOUR weight. There are several here in TV.

Obesity is a serious health issue but as others here have posted it usually has little to do with self control and just overeating.

[Abby10]

There is a dear good person who used to post on this forum a lot and has struggled with serious weight issues. I want him to know that many see the real person and the funny quick person and the caring heart and good citizen that he is.


I understand all of the ways that he has tried to recover his health and want him to know that we care about him and pray for him and hope he knows he matters to us.


It is very easy to dismiss and judge others, but serious weight issues are very involved and difficult.


Gastric by-pass is only for those healthy enough to withstand the operation and the side effects.


I will say one more time. I don't care if you are gay or straight, young or old, funny or serious, well educated or not, rich or poor, fat or thin, religious or not, If you are nice to me, I will be nice to you.


As we get older we keep learning that a board always has two sides.

You are a good person, Westcoast.

What you say is so true, Gracie. I feel the empathy and compassion in your post. It is people like you and westcoast who make the world a better place. No one knows the pain and struggle some people go through with weight issues and that goes for those who struggle to keep weight on their bodies as well. I have had a couple of people in my lifetime as well who were seriously overweight. Both of them were 2 of the smartest and kindest people I have ever known. One, unfortunately died a premature death due to complications as a result of her obesity. The other, who at one point was bedridden because of it, is determined not to let that happen to her and has lost a massive amount of weight through gastric bypass and the support of a 12 step program. People who struggle with this have enough problems without having to deal with the judgment of others. Love your philosophy highlighted above and worth repeating.

[Barefoot]

People who struggle with this have enough problems without having to deal with the judgment of others. So true in many aspects of life. "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins".

[queasy27]

I was with a friend recently at a fast food restaurant and she made a joking remark about an overweight woman at the next table not needing to be here. Why? She was eating the same thing my friend was -- a burger and fries. I don't know the woman's life or struggles and can't find it in my heart to begrudge her a meal. It's so easy to gain weight as we age and even 2 pounds a year over a couple of decades adds up.

Forty years later, I still remember a homily by a priest in the Newman center when I was in college. He was discussing kindness and I was idly nodding my head in agreement until he got to the part where he said we need to take the more difficult path and extend kindness, not only to our friends and family, but to people we don't like. Aw, man! But I don't like those people.