Making Friends

[Bosoxfan]

I was wondering if there are people (like me) having problems making friends here in the villages? I am very active in softball and have a lot of friendly acquiaintances at the field but don't seem to be included in other activities.I golf ,love pickleball ,enjoy bowling,cycling and I hear lots of conversations amongst guys about meeting later for golf ,pickleball etc. but these invites are never directed at me.I have tried to be included by stating my interest in these activities to no avail. All I can think of is I'm relatively young(54) & recently went back to work nights...I don't know..if someone has suggestions ..I'm open...Thanks!

[angiefox10]

They are making plans with people they have already made a connection with. Now... it's up to you! You need to make call and ask them to join you for dinner, golf, etc.

It's hard! But someone has to do it! We tend to hang with people we already know because it's comfortable. So... we need to make new friends we are comfortable with.

I know you from here and another networking site and know you are a great guy! When you step out! You will have so much going on in your life, you won't be able to keep up!

[vj1213]

Are there any men's golf league's in Amelia (I know here in Buttonwood there are several (as well as ladies leagues) that play on different days. Or you could talk to your neighbors and start your own group like they did in our neighborhood. There are lots of people playing pickle ball at 7:30 am every day at Fishhawk (just drop by and they will work you in)
Yesterday, we happened to play golf with someone staying on the Lifestyle program, we were having a cook-out for our neighbors so we invited them to come back and see what life is actually like in TV. They were able meet 35 of our neighbors and experience a party in the middle of a cul-de-sac. (You can come hang out in our neighborhood...always something going on) The night before we went out to dinner with 22 of our neighbors.
Oh, and by the way I am your age and work part-time, it doesn't matter.

[redwitch]

I know I'm not the easiest person to know and have learned to live with that a long time ago. When I first moved here, I felt like you -- kinda left out even in activities that I was participating in. It took some time, but I was finally accepted. I also learned to come out of my shell and invite people to join me. That helped a lot. Now, I have people I call true friends here, people I do stuff with and acquaintances. It makes for a social life that suits me perfectly. So, swallow hard and start doing your own inviting -- it really does make a difference.

[ducati1974]

As a fellow Mass native, Bosox fan & golfer I'll be happy to play with you and get to know you when I move there, hopefully 1/1/13. Our house is on the market now and we already own there. I'm about the same age as you too. Wish me luck!

[bandsdavis]

As a fellow Mass native, Bosox fan & golfer I'll be happy to play with you and get to know you when I move there, hopefully 1/1/13. Our house is on the market now and we already own there. I'm about the same age as you too. Wish me luck!

OK, Bosoxfan and ducati1974, I'll be the third in the foursome when we get there as well. Whenever the house in VA sells. Until then we can all watch the Sox and commiserate! Hang in there, buddy! :MOJE_whot:

B.

[Mudder]

Bosox, I think maybe it's because you're from Wosta and they can't understand you when you speak! Only kidding. We already knew several people when we moved here so that made it easier. We both play alot of sports and those people have become wonderful "friends" on the playing fields, courses, courts, etc...we we do tend to socialize with the people we already knew. How about joining The Red Sox Nation club ?

[nkrifats]

OK, Bosoxfan and ducati1974, I'll be the third in the foursome when we get there as well. Whenever the house in VA sells. Until then we can all watch the Sox and commiserate! Hang in there, buddy! :MOJE_whot:

B.

Need a fourth? Moved here from RI

[Bosoxfan]

As a fellow Mass native, Bosox fan & golfer I'll be happy to play with you and get to know you when I move there, hopefully 1/1/13. Our house is on the market now and we already own there. I'm about the same age as you too. Wish me luck!

Good luck ducati...pm me when you get here we'll play some golf or pickleball

[Barefoot]

I was wondering if there are people (like me) having problems making friends here in the villages? I am very active in softball and have a lot of friendly acquiaintances at the field but don't seem to be included in other activities.I golf ,love pickleball ,enjoy bowling,cycling and I hear lots of conversations amongst guys about meeting later for golf ,pickleball etc. but these invites are never directed at me.I have tried to be included by stating my interest in these activities to no avail. All I can think of is I'm relatively young(54) & recently went back to work nights...I don't know..if someone has suggestions ..I'm open...Thanks!

Is that your dog in the picture? If so, do you take him to a dog park? That can be a great way to meet new friends. We take our two dogs daily to Doggie Doo Run Run on CR 101. It is a very social place, and everyone has love of dogs in common.

[CarGuys]

I was wondering if there are people (like me) having problems making friends here in the villages? I am very active in softball and have a lot of friendly acquiaintances at the field but don't seem to be included in other activities.I golf ,love pickleball ,enjoy bowling,cycling and I hear lots of conversations amongst guys about meeting later for golf ,pickleball etc. but these invites are never directed at me.I have tried to be included by stating my interest in these activities to no avail. All I can think of is I'm relatively young(54) & recently went back to work nights...I don't know..if someone has suggestions ..I'm open...Thanks!

I'll hang out with ya! I want to get back into cycling. I need to work back into it slow. The body isn't Tour de France material anymore. Maybe that Harley is part of the reason. Doc say's time to pedal.

[Bosoxfan]

OK, Bosoxfan and ducati1974, I'll be the third in the foursome when we get there as well. Whenever the house in VA sells. Until then we can all watch the Sox and commiserate! Hang in there, buddy! :MOJE_whot:

B.

Thanks guys

[graciegirl]

Bosoxfan. I think you are a great person from every single thing you have written.

Our Welcome mat is always out.


Have a little get together at your place and just buy some snacks and drinks at Publix and invite a few folks over.

[RichieB]

Thanks guys

From reading your posts, I never thought that you'd have trouble making friends.

I will look you up whenever we get to TV, as long as you don't mind a couple of NYY's. :smiley:

[Bosoxfan]

I'm finding this to be a very interesting thread.First off thank you to all for your feedback.What's interesting is there have been over 1100 views with 13 posts and 4 of them are mine.I've actually received more pm's than there are posts...interesting!!

[mgjim]

Bosoxfan,

I'm sure you know about the connection between the Red Sox and Minneapolis Millers in the late 50's and the current co-location of the Red Sox and Twins in Fort Myers. If you ever want to go to a game together, let me know. I'll be in The Villages as early as February 2013.

Jim

[angiefox10]

I'm finding this to be a very interesting thread.First off thank you to all for your feedback.What's interesting is there have been over 1100 views with 13 posts and 4 of them are mine.I've actually received more pm's than there are posts...interesting!!

I would be interested to know what you find "interesting".

[Tweety Bird]

I am touched to hear about a man reaching out..that is sooo sweet. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[frannieb]

I enjoyed reading these posts too as we will be staying for a couple of months in Amelia. We don't come down with a group so can be hard to get to know people. Crispers was very nice to attend.

[Barefoot]

I'm finding this to be a very interesting thread.First off thank you to all for your feedback.What's interesting is there have been over 1100 views with 13 posts and 4 of them are mine.I've actually received more pm's than there are posts...interesting!!

I think you're receiving more Personal Messages than posts on your thread, because people want to personally and warmly reach out to you!

[hedoman]

What is real here is that you don't MAKE friends you DEVELOP friendships. We have ben here full time for 7 months and never thought we'd be able to get over missing the lifelong friends we left behind. In a short time we both have developed friendships that are as meaningful as those we left behind. Good friends, those who would give you a kidney if needed.

TOTV has descended from a once proud information sharing forum to a "wannabe amatuer comedy hour" with OP's asking a reasonable question and the responses being vain attempts at humor from everything from golf cart accidents to death in the villages..... sad state of affairs

Good luck in finding a true friend here......

[Bill-n-Brillo]

Hedoman - so are you saying there should be no humor on TOTV?

And I'm not real sure about why you feel it's going to take luck to be able to develop true friendships with anyone on TOTV. Plenty of good quality people here as far as I'm concerned!! :coolsmiley:

Bill :)

[graciegirl]

What is real here is that you don't MAKE friends you DEVELOP friendships. We have ben here full time for 7 months and never thought we'd be able to get over missing the lifelong friends we left behind. In a short time we both have developed friendships that are as meaningful as those we left behind. Good friends, those who would give you a kidney if needed.

TOTV has descended from a once proud information sharing forum to a "wannabe amatuer comedy hour" with OP's asking a reasonable question and the responses being vain attempts at humor from everything from golf cart accidents to death in the villages..... sad state of affairs

Good luck in finding a true friend here......

I have found several good true friends on this forum who have become integral parts of our lives. You can just tell by how people post on here if you would like them or you hope they aren't building on YOUR street. Hedoman...I wish you and the missus lived on our street.

You are right about the inappropriate humor. I hope I haven't attempted levity in serious situations.

I think if we would only post what we in normal situations would say "in person" than all of the gooniness on here would disapate. Personally I think that in the last couple of days there have been people who have assumed another identity on here and are deliberately baiting people.

There sure have been some posts that have taken in a bunch of people...in my very humble opinion.

I love TOTV. It is like an interactive newspaper...or it usually is anyway.

[swimdawg]

I have found several good true friends on this forum who have become integral parts of our lives. You can just tell by how people post on here if you would like them or you hope they aren't building on YOUR street. Hedoman...I wish you and the missus lived on our street.

You are right about the inappropriate humor. I hope I haven't attempted levity in serious situations.

I think if we would only post what we in normal situations would say "in person" than all of the gooniness on here would disapate. Personally I think that in the last couple of days there have been people who have assumed another identity on here and are deliberately baiting people.

There sure have been some posts that have taken in a bunch of people...in my very humble opinion.

I love TOTV. It is like an interactive newspaper...or it usually is anyway.


Good post, Gracie!

It's early in the day.........but you do get the Swimdawg Post of the Day Award. :eclipsee_gold_cup:

[Midvale]

Interesting thread! Guess I will find out for myself 12 days from now; I don't know anyone down there. I figure I'll meet people at the pools, squares & taverns (and when I get lost in my golf cart).

[gm1180]

I'm finding this to be a very interesting thread.First off thank you to all for your feedback.What's interesting is there have been over 1100 views with 13 posts and 4 of them are mine.I've actually received more pm's than there are posts...interesting!!

I confess that I am a lurker here and am one of the 1100 views. Hubby and I are very interested in life at the Villages since we are looking for a fun place to retire to in 4 - 5years. Your post hit home with me because I am worried about pulling up roots and moving to a place where I know no one. So, I have nothing to add but thanks for the post and to all who have answered.

[Finallyfree]

My husband and I arrived here 2 1/2 weeks ago. We have met several nice folks at the square, water volleyball and other places. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there. We are currently renting a patio villa not where we will be building so that makes it a little difficult to meet neighbors, etc., but we are not complaining. We are loving it here. Let us know when you get here, we newbees can create our own group😉

[CarGuys]

I confess that I am a lurker here and am one of the 1100 views. Hubby and I are very interested in life at the Villages since we are looking for a fun place to retire to in 4 - 5years. Your post hit home with me because I am worried about pulling up roots and moving to a place where I know no one. So, I have nothing to add but thanks for the post and to all who have answered.

Welcome to TOTV- Hi!

Were just looking Forwards not backwards! Thanks for lurking around! I think ,many of us started TOTV that way.

But I could and have been know to be wrong. Halo fell off years ago.

[hedoman]

I have found several good true friends on this forum who have become integral parts of our lives. You can just tell by how people post on here if you would like them or you hope they aren't building on YOUR street. Hedoman...I wish you and the missus lived on our street.

You are right about the inappropriate humor. I hope I haven't attempted levity in serious situations.

I think if we would only post what we in normal situations would say "in person" than all of the gooniness on here would disapate. Personally I think that in the last couple of days there have been people who have assumed another identity on here and are deliberately baiting people.

There sure have been some posts that have taken in a bunch of people...in my very humble opinion.

I love TOTV. It is like an interactive newspaper...or it usually is anyway.

Thanks Gracie. As you can tell I am becoming very dissillusioned by TOTV. Ask a question and it gets answered then ravished by inapproprite attempts at being funny OR folks guess at the answer and give wrong information. As much as I admire some folks on TOTV such as yourself I would never go to Crispers due to some of the attacks I have seen on TOTV. Meeting in person may just inspire me to tell some just what I think of their "opinions"
I'll make my own popcorn and koolaid thanks



B&B:I am not saying it takes luck to make friends Heck we talk to everone everywhere we go as this IS the friendliest hometown. True friendships develop over time, same as meeting and marrying my wife. True friendships are out there just don't force the issue

[Schaumburger]

My husband and I arrived here 2 1/2 weeks ago. We have met several nice folks at the square, water volleyball and other places. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there. We are currently renting a patio villa not where we will be building so that makes it a little difficult to meet neighbors, etc., but we are not complaining. We are loving it here. Let us know when you get here, we newbees can create our own group😉

:agree: with Finallyfree (love that name). Newcomers probably have to put themselves out there maybe more than they are used to if they don't know a lot of people in TV. I'm a wannabee, but during my visits, I try to make it a point to engage people in conversation when I'm in TV, especially to get feedback about what TV residents like and dislike about TV. Not always the easiest thing to do, especially since I'm not an extremely extroverted person, but I've had some great conversations during my visits to TV. And I will be back in June to talk to more Frogs.

[Bosoxfan]

I want to thank you all for the responses here & in my mail box.For those of you who say I should "put myself out there" my response is I have .I've hande out cards asking people to call if they would like to play pickleball or golf.I don't know what else to do .Guess it is what it is..thanks!!

[ssmith]

Sooo how ya doing Bosoxfan? I have moved several times and it does take awhile.

I read your post about giving the cards. I think you need to be a little more out there. I mean you should make definite plans. Like do you want to do something later today...how about the square. I guess what I am saying is that if you hand out the cards it just does not seems as approachable...like you are waiting on them ....when you need to be the one to be more specific. Just my thoughts.

Mind you, I have been worried too about a possible move and making lasting type close friends. My girl friend says " There are those who are friendly and those who want to be friends". The point is you need to be the 2nd type and find those also.

[bestmickey]

I want to thank you all for the responses here & in my mail box.For those of you who say I should "put myself out there" my response is I have .I've hande out cards asking people to call if they would like to play pickleball or golf.I don't know what else to do .Guess it is what it is..thanks!!

Hmmmm, just wondering. Are you a really good athlete? Perhaps your level of play intimidates people? Just a thought. I'm just a short time visitor. Otherwise, I'd invite you to golf (if you had patience since I'm not very skilled). During my current visit, I've met quite a few nice couples and singles who signed up with my sister and I for our golf times. Met a real nice fellow today (Chuck) who is a newbie living in Sanibel. IF he should read this, perhaps he will send you a PM to hook up for golf.

Love your German Shepard. My mom had one when she was young. She loved that dog. Just hang in there. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll find some friends!

[hotrodgirl]

I am also a TV wannabe and have lurked on TOTV. I am coming in just a few days for a Lifestyle Preview Plan, and was reading with interest one of the posts regarding dog owners. It concerned me because I have 2 myself and heard so many negative things on the post. I wondered just how friendly people really are in TV. However, I soon decided I was the only person to make the decision to come there, and it would be unjust to base any decision upon a few posts. Those who had a different opinion are certainly entitled to that, and may very well be wonderful people. Who am I to judge without experiencing it for myself? Just walking up to someone to ask a question and introduce yourself is an avenue for interaction. I wish you much luck there, and now believe after so many nice posts in return, that people are indeed friendly and relaxed. I'm sure if you ask someone to come over for drinks or play a game of golf, they would respond affirmatively! Life is short. Enjoy and get out there! We make our own happiness and a positive attitude makes for a pretty wonderful life!

[KathieI]

Bosox,,, I don't play golf, nor tennis, nor pickleball.... but I do socialize and DANCE!!!! :pepper2:

So whether you are single or NOT, you're welcome to join me and my crowd any evening at any of the local joints. I'm a great ice-breaker and can introduce you to a load of guys who are really nice and social.

Come join us for a beer on Saturday night at 6pm at Waterfront hotel. I'll be there with a bunch of friends and I'll be happy to introduce you. Even to people I DON'T know!!! LOL...

[rhsgypsylady]

I am new as well and agree that Kathie is the person to introduce you to people. She has introduced me to a few (at Waterfront). I plan to be there again Saturday night for some more introductions. I too LOVE TO DANCE!! I also agree that you have to put yourself out there. By that I mean go to places, engage in conversations, participate in activities, be outgoing and not bashful. I'm not saying you're not doing these things; you probably are. I've only been here a week and feel like I will continue to have to put myself out there now and in the future to meet friends now and to meet future new friends. It's an ongoing process and one that takes time. As Hedoman said, "friendships develop over time".

As for inappropriate responses on TOTV, I take them with a grain of salt. I ignore the bad stuff and soak up the good stuff. Here again, I agree with Gracie, TOTV is a wealth of information. Even though I just arrived here, I've been reading TOTV for 2 years and know of no where else where I could have learned what I have learned about TV.

Bosoxfan - I wish you and any new Villagers, as well as myself, good luck in enjoying life here and meeting new friends. PS - if you're a dancer, I could use a dance partner!

[Pturner]

I want to thank you all for the responses here & in my mail box.For those of you who say I should "put myself out there" my response is I have .I've hande out cards asking people to call if they would like to play pickleball or golf.I don't know what else to do .Guess it is what it is..thanks!!

Hi Bosoxfan,

I too am a fan of your posts (and your dog :)). SSmith makes a good point. Handing out cards is a great start, but does put the onus on the other person to take the initiative to set up plans. Perhaps you could do the inviting.

It's wonderful that you have received a lot of PM's. You have made a personal request and TOTVers are once again coming through, responding back to you in a personal way. Perhaps your OP was just what you needed to get the ball rolling. I hope so!

BTW, the Turners would love to meet you when we're in town.

[CaptJohn]

This whole thread has been a refreshing, positive, informative and pleasant read, don't you think?
:laugh:

[graciegirl]

Remember when you first moved in? The G's signaled that we were coming by to see you and you had house guests.

Then the whirlwind stuff that happens here, just happens here, you get diverted, sidetracked, involved with stuff and it is another day put to bed.

We sure would like you to come up our way and have something cold to drink.

Hope to see you at Crispers.

Hugs and warm wishes to a very nice person. One of my favorite posters on this forum.

[Dirigo]

Hi Bosoxfan,

I too am a fan of your posts (and your dog :)). SSmith makes a good point. Handing out cards is a great start, but does put the onus on the other person to take the initiative to set up plans. Perhaps you could do the inviting.

It's wonderful that you have received a lot of PM's. You have made a personal request and TOTVers are once again coming through, responding back to you in a personal way. Perhaps your OP was just what you needed to get the ball rolling. I hope so!

BTW, the Turners would love to meet you when we're in town.

PT invited the lovely Diane and I to join a group of people for supper at RedSauce around New Years. We had not met the wonderful PT and Mr. PT at that time, we only knew each other through TOTV. Everyone had a great time with people they had never met, and the lovely Diane and I have made great friends with a couple we met there that night.

Making a reservation for 10 for people who (mostly) didn't know each other was a risk for PT, but she was a fabulous host and the evening was a lot of fun. Thanks for inviting us PT.

PT-When are you coming back down to TV?? I'm sure we'd all like to see you more often down here.

[Pturner]

PT invited the lovely Diane and I to join a group of people for supper at RedSauce around New Years. We had not met the wonderful PT and Mr. PT at that time, we only knew each other through TOTV. Everyone had a great time with people they had never met, and the lovely Diane and I have made great friends with a couple we met there that night.

Making a reservation for 10 for people who (mostly) didn't know each other was a risk for PT, but she was a fabulous host and the evening was a lot of fun. Thanks for inviting us PT.

PT-When are you coming back down to TV?? I'm sure we'd all like to see you more often down here.

Oh my, thanks for your lovely post! How cool that you made a lasting friendship from the evening, as that was my wish for all newbies who attended. You see, the incomparable KathieI did this for me when I was new and I was just paying it forward.

We'll be down the end of this month and definitely want to see you and the lovely Diane. I'm sending you a PM.

[msllicata]

I was wondering if there are people (like me) having problems making friends here in the villages? I am very active in softball and have a lot of friendly acquiaintances at the field but don't seem to be included in other activities.I golf ,love pickleball ,enjoy bowling,cycling and I hear lots of conversations amongst guys about meeting later for golf ,pickleball etc. but these invites are never directed at me.I have tried to be included by stating my interest in these activities to no avail. All I can think of is I'm relatively young(54) & recently went back to work nights...I don't know..if someone has suggestions ..I'm open...Thanks!

Hi Bosoxfan,

I am also new to the villages, and I am younger then most, I also am from MA. I don't golf or know how to play pickleball, but I like alot of other things. If you want someone to do things with just let me know.

Looking to meet new friends.

[Bosoxfan]

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

[murray607]

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

Hey Bosox. If you want someone to golf with, my wife and I will be there early January until end of April.

My wife used to play softball and wants to get back into playing again. We haven't tried pickleball yet, but are willing to try.

We did establish some contacts during our LSV last November on golf courses and will be following up when we return.

And my wife is a Sox fan..................can't wait until tonight's game and Boston get's their first home WS title since 1918!!!!!.

pm me if you are interested in meeting up for golf, chat, coffee, cigar in January............Jim & Karen Murray

[John_W]

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

Do you play softball on a neighborhood team? I play SS for Tamarind Grove, if you're at Saddlebrook this Saturday look me up at 9:45 on field 3. What team do you play for?

I also play golf, normally twice a week but since the green fees went 10/15 we've scaled back to once a week on a championship and then maybe an excutive. I'm in Tamarind Grove and I play with my neighbor who is also a Red Sox fan. I'm an Orioles/Ravens fan, but we get along, it's really the Yankee and Steeler fans we have to tolerate. We could make it a threesome sometime. Our biggest problem is he works 2 or 3 days a week and we have to plan golf around his schedule.

I also went to Pickleball 101 this morning at Sterling Hgts., I'm looking to get into that as well. I don't know why I've waited so long, been here 2-1/2 years. Going to buy shoes and a racket tomorrow. I really liked what we did there today. I'm kind of athletic, so I pick things up pretty quick.

[kittygilchrist]

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Some of us need medications to stabilize the emotions. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

[SALYBOW]

When you hear people talking about doing different activities ask it thay ever need subs and offer to be a sub. You could also try to set something up with them with you included.
It can be hard to get into a group but it sounds as if you have a foursome going just from this post. Good Luck.

[2BNTV]

Have you tried joining clubs like the Boston RedSox Club?

I am a Yankee fan and I enjoyed going to the Yankee fan club in TV. I understand the Boston Redsox club has a thousand members. :smiley:

[irishamr]

I for one, agree with you. Have been here 5+years and have no friendship base. To me, The Villages is the most unfriendly place.

[Bruiser1]

Bosoxfan,

I'm sure you know about the connection between the Red Sox and Minneapolis Millers in the late 50's and the current co-location of the Red Sox and Twins in Fort Myers. If you ever want to go to a game together, let me know. I'll be in The Villages as early as February 2013.

Jim

Nice Avatar/logo.

You may be interested in Joining the Minnesota Club. We took a trip Fort Meyers to see the Twins vs some team from New York City. I can't remember their name but it was the same team that Billy Martin came from
(and Roy Smalley & Graig Nettles went to).
It was a lot of fun and you are right on top of the action. :wave:

[JP]

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

Right on Kitty! I couldn't agree more.

Almost everything that happens to you is self induced. If you don't like how things are going, change yourself, your attitude, and your behavior or find someone to help you do it.

[ilovetv]

It sounds like team sports choosing their team members here have not changed since we were in jr. high and some of us were always the "loser" nobody wanted on their team.

I don't rely on sports or other activities for friends here or anywhere, because people are territorial and somewhat cliquish by nature. They have their pals and favorites who will come to their beck and call.

My friends are neighbors who are right here in our courtyard villas, where people are out in their driveways conversing and admiring/petting each others' dogs. No need to "break into" a group this way, because we're already "in" it by just walking out the door, and we get probably 6 emails per week from neighborhood social planners about events we can do together, like driveway parties and golf scrambles.

Maybe moving to a friendlier, less pretentious neighborhood is in order?

Also, taking classes is a great way to meet other people with like interests and intellect.

[manaboutown]

Making new friends, or at least acquaintances is a snap for some folks and difficult for others. If a person has moved a few times during their lives and made friends at their new locations it should be easy to do so in The Villages. If a person is quiet and shy making new friends can be difficult.

On my last visit I made a new friend before I even got out of my rental car. It was 10:00 pm. A guy was walking his dog and I was trying to find my rental house using my GPS. He noticed me and came over, said "Welcome to The Villages" and pointed out the house. We had quite a conversation until the property manager showed up and let me in. I got to know him over the time I spent there. Nice guy!

[dotti105]

Kitty, I think you gave some sound advice based on your experience both professionally and personally. And I feel that you presented it thoughtfully and with sensitivity.

Bosox, you will be our neighbor when we get our house built and we can't wait to meet you and your wife! I think you are 1 door down from us. We will be one of the last houses built and will need some help getting settled in and learning the ropes.

We are anxious to meet you and I bet you won't have any trouble getting Bill to join you for golf and we would love to do dinner. Let's plan on it!

[graciegirl]

I think that people post on here according to their life experiences and I also think that our level of comfort with others is pretty much pre determined at birth. Some people find it easy to interact with others and some don't. I found a very strange combination when teaching that most shy children are usually stubborn and they have at least one parent with the same difficulty. I found that backed up when I read the epoch book called Shyness by Phillip Zimbardo.

That said, we do NOT all carry with us the same criteria for friends, some are only comfortable with a certain flavor and some like and enjoy pretty much everyone.

I have found that my offers to get together with people who post on here that they are lonely have had no success. I recognize loneliness and I am SO blessed to have not one but two compatible and enjoyable housemates.

There is a valid recent study that says that seniors have more depression than the general population and it may be linked to low levels of Serotonin. I also feel that many people do NOT seek treatment for sadness as they feel it is a character weakness.

I know that many kind and warm and loving people stand at the ready to reach out and welcome anyone who is having a bit of problem finding nice folks to talk to.

We are all the same people we always were for the most part, only older and we all need people to care about and to care about us.

Kitty's assumption that some need professional medical help is valid. We have had at least two suicides in the last few months in The Villages.

[Barefoot]

I'm going to say this to nobody in particular on the subject of making friends in TV. I'm someone who knows what it is to avoid social contact and isolate oneself due to anxiety, depression, low self esteem.

If I thought TV would fix me, it has not. Wherever I go, there I am. What TV has done is give me every possible opportunity to overcome social avoidance by taking risks. It's working for me.

If it isn't working for you after you've done all you know to do to get friendships going, and you are not able to take risks to engage with people, I speak from experience professionally and personally when I suggest counseling. Some of us need medications to stabilize the emotions. Or you can go on like that forever thinking it isn't you.

It's a wise woman who knows herself. Your post was honest and heartfelt.

[kittygilchrist]

Interesting thread! Guess I will find out for myself 12 days from now; I don't know anyone down there. I figure I'll meet people at the pools, squares & taverns (and when I get lost in my golf cart).

so Midvale posted this over a year ago. He's here now, and I call him Ron and have gotten to know him through singles events at our homes and eating out. Hey Ron, you are so funny! :-D

[Midvale]

STILL getting lost...

so Midvale posted this over a year ago. He's here now, and I call him Ron and have gotten to know him through singles events at our homes and eating out. Hey Ron, you are so funny! :-D

[Barefoot]

Well it' a year and a half later & not much has changed.If I want to golf I go by myself. Once in a while I'm invited to join in but only as a last resort.Still love the lifestyle!

Do you go to the dogpark, DDRR? It's a great place to meet like-minded people.

[Jejuca]

Bosoxfan - I think I understand what you are saying. There is a difference between acquaintances and real friends. Acquaintances are people I know from around The Villages - stop and talk to or play a game with - and then we go our separate ways. Friends are the people I hang out with!
Guess you are celebrating today:).

[Bosoxfan]

Bosoxfan - I think I understand what you are saying. There is a difference between acquaintances and real friends. Acquaintances are people I know from around The Villages - stop and talk to or play a game with - and then we go our separate ways. Friends are the people I hang out with!
Guess you are celebrating today:).

Thanks..you're right I have plenty of acquaintances but no real friends. Maybe I'm oversensitive but when I see groups of people that I golf with regularly exclude me when snowbirds return friendships I thought were developing aren't. Oh well as I said I love the life!

[DianeM]

:BigApplause:I for one, agree with you. Have been here 5+years and have no friendship base. To me, The Villages is the most unfriendly place.

:BigApplause:

[Barefoot]

I for one, agree with you. Have been here 5+years and have no friendship base. To me, The Villages is the most unfriendly place.

Because The Villages is marketed at "the friendliest hometown", I think that some of us have unrealistic expectations. We hear about other people instantly fitting in, and going on cruises and out every night with their friends, and living in each other's pockets. So we are disappointed if we don't instantly make deep and lasting friendships. Some people are able to do that, but for a lot of residents, it takes time and patience. And putting themselves out there.

[murray607]

Because The Villages is marketed at "the friendliest hometown", I think that some of us have unrealistic expectations. We hear about other people instantly fitting in, and going on cruises and out every night with their friends, and living in each other's pockets. So we are disappointed if we don't instantly make deep and lasting friendships. Some people are able to do that, but for a lot of residents, it takes time and patience. And putting themselves out there.

Sometimes we must look at ourselves.

"How to win friends and influence people" Dale Carnegie, Simon and Schuster 1936 with many re-prints............

It may not have all the answers, but it will get you thinking and put a whole new perspective on life.

Sometimes WE need to change and not expect those around us to change. If we we keep giving off the wrong signals then we need to explore what it is we are not doing right. It takes very little to turn people off and often being aware of ones behaviors and being prepared to change them is all that is needed.

At one time I was told that I was critical and I took it to heart. Then I realized, people are right, I am sometimes critical. So, I took it on myself to change. The reaction to the change was amazing. People who tended to avoid me in case I would act my usual way, all of a sudden warmed up to me (I think, or maybe they just tolerate me more) but it resulted in more friendships.

At home, I have my usual golf group they are acquaintances not friends. But we do have a small social circle which although not extensive, is enduring and sincere, these are our true friends.

My son has a good friends first name as his middle name. And their daughter has my wife's name as a middle name. We are traveling 2500 miles next summer to our friends', daughter's wedding. Even miles apart friendships have endured and I am not on Facebook!. Our friendships are unconditional.

[Bosoxfan]

Bosoxfan - I think I understand what you are saying. There is a difference between acquaintances and real friends. Acquaintances are people I know from around The Villages - stop and talk to or play a game with - and then we go our separate ways. Friends are the people I hang out with!
Guess you are celebrating today:).

That's what I don't have people to just hang out with. Yes celebrating the Sox

[cquick]

I was wondering if there are people (like me) having problems making friends here in the villages?All I can think of is I'm relatively young(54) & recently went back to work nights...I don't know..if someone has suggestions ..I'm open...Thanks!

You sound like a lot of fun, and I think you are right about the reasons it might be a little more difficult for you. You are young (not relatively either!) and you still work. And you play sports, so you are very active....I am sure you'll make friends soon.

I have one suggestion....join a service club like the Lions or the Moose or the American Legion etc. I can't think of any others right off the top of my head. but that's a good way to make friends.

[tippyclubb]

I read your post long ago when you first posted it and it saddens me to read you still have not made friends. You seem like a wonderful person.

When we arrive in 11 months I will contact you. We will be in the same situation with no friends. Perhaps we can go out to eat and have a few beers.

My husband wants to learn to golf so maybe you can show him the ropes. I read you like to bowl and my husband is an excellent bowler so that is something you can do together.

[Jejuca]

Bosoxfan - the only other thing I can add is that I also come from the northeast. I have lived in Florida for 25 years. I have found the definition of "friend" very different in Florida than the one in New York.
But - different doesn't mean bad - just different. We are a little older than you but if you ever want to get together just let us know.