Retirement Panic

[TrudyM]

Anybody experience emotional / mental shutdown when facing retirement?How did you get past it?
Did you deal with all right away or put off the decisions that could wait.

Husband is going to hit the retirement button next Thursday.
We are both having Panic attacks. :faint: Usually I handle all paperwork, plans, logistics etc. for our marriage unit. However my brain has shut down. I pulled out my retirement preplan file done back in 2006 when he first qualified for his early pension and we considered retiring to the villages (I had been offered a job there-- long story). I realized none of the steps to take are now applicable.

I have been sitting around for a week in a state of total brain freeze.:sad: The to do list is so long I don't know where to start. I keep thinking I am forgetting something vital that will create a mess.
I sit and read post after post here thinking it will give me an emotional boost and get me back in action. Nothing.

How did you handle it when it was you retiring?

[l2ridehd]

Trudy, it will work out fine. Everyone has some degree of fear, emotional ups and downs, and other angst when going through this. Go back to your plan, update if it no longer applies, change it if necessary. Do a 30 day, 90 day and 1 year plan and that helps many folks put it in perspective. Decide the top 10 things you want to do or accomplish and write them down. Go over them together and prioritize them. Be sure to include some fun things in the list.

A new phase of life is beginning. Embrace it and enjoy it.

[gomoho]

Do it if you can so if you don't and it's too late you have no regrets!!! My husband and I kept telling ourselves we want to be young enough and healthy enough to enjoy our retirement.

[buggyone]

Do whatever you think is best. My wife and I retired on the same day. No panic at all. We had financially planned our retirements so there are no money problems. If money is your worry, perhaps it is best to continue work. If it is just worrying about what you will do, you will adjust quickly. Moving to a retirement community and continuing work takes 99 percent of the fun out of retirement. You will be working while all your friends are enjoying retirement.

[TrudyM]

Do whatever you think is best. My wife and I retired on the same day. No panic at all. We had financially planned our retirements so there are no money problems. If money is your worry, perhaps it is best to continue work. If it is just worrying about what you will do, you will adjust quickly. Moving to a retirement community and continuing work takes 99 percent of the fun out of retirement. You will be working while all your friends are enjoying retirement.

It isn't money I have figured that even if we don't list and sell the house we can get by. I don't know what is causing the panic, it's like when you leave the house and you know you turned everything off but still feel like you forgot something.

[perrjojo]

Anybody experience emotional / mental shutdown when facing retirement?How did you get past it?
Did you deal with all right away or put off the decisions that could wait.

Husband is going to hit the retirement button next Thursday.
We are both having Panic attacks. :faint: Usually I handle all paperwork, plans, logistics etc. for our marriage unit. However my brain has shut down. I pulled out my retirement preplan file done back in 2006 when he first qualified for his early pension and we considered retiring to the villages (I had been offered a job there-- long story). I realized none of the steps to take are now applicable.

I have been sitting around for a week in a state of total brain freeze.:sad: The to do list is so long I don't know where to start. I keep thinking I am forgetting something vital that will create a mess.
I sit and read post after post here thinking it will give me an emotional boost and get me back in action. Nothing.

How did you handle it when it was you retiring?

I understand your feelings...been there, done that! I know it is silly but here is what I always told my children when they were over stressed...how do you eat an elephant ? One bite at a time! Just keep taking that bite and the next one will fall in place.

[janieb]

It isn't money I have figured that even if we don't list and sell the house we can get by. I don't know what is causing the panic, it's like when you leave the house and you know you turned everything off but still feel like you forgot something.

not to make light of your post, but it reminded me of when we sold our house in MN and were leaving to head to MI, we had already backed out of our driveway when we realized we had left our little dog in the empty house all alone.
When I retired, I did not feel panic but it was weird to me that they collected my employee badge, computer and corporate credit card and when I left, I could no longer just walk into the building without stopping at the guard's desk and getting an escort, this is after working there for 34 years.

[asianthree]

big deep breath...do yoga...see someone...it shall pass...as i always say

do not worry about things you can not change

[CFrance]

Think about the type of people you are. My husband worried about what he would do when he retired. I knew he is the type of person who would go find things to do once retirement hit. He is not the type of person to sit around. And he did find things to do.

You will still be the same people you are now. If you're planners, you'll still be planners. If you're physically active, you'll still be that. Whatever. Don't worry. Your retirement doesn't have to be totally planned out from the get-go. It can evolve.

[manaboutown]

I have retired three times. This is not a joke. The first time I ran into a woman I had dated in high school in the pro shop of my country club. She told me I was to young too retire. The pro, a guy I knew from high school was setting me up with 75 year olds on Wednesday mornings for foursomes. I was 35 and realized I was on a work break. I went back to work, retiring again in 1988 at age 46. Then, I had a great opportunity in 1990 and moved to SoCal for a great job. I eventually retired in 1994 at age 52 and never looked back. It just takes some adjustment. The reason I worked was so I could retire young and beat "the system". I could hardly wait to put on a boiler suit, jump in the motorhome and hit the road, which I did for a while.

[ivanhoe]

Anybody experience emotional / mental shutdown when facing retirement?How did you get past it?
Did you deal with all right away or put off the decisions that could wait.

Husband is going to hit the retirement button next Thursday.
We are both having Panic attacks. :faint: Usually I handle all paperwork, plans, logistics etc. for our marriage unit. However my brain has shut down. I pulled out my retirement preplan file done back in 2006 when he first qualified for his early pension and we considered retiring to the villages (I had been offered a job there-- long story). I realized none of the steps to take are now applicable.

I have been sitting around for a week in a state of total brain freeze.:sad: The to do list is so long I don't know where to start. I keep thinking I am forgetting something vital that will create a mess.
I sit and read post after post here thinking it will give me an emotional boost and get me back in action. Nothing.

How did you handle it when it was you retiring?

I'm not really getting it but the "To do" list should be very short.
You should be lining up your income sources and watching to see them post to your accounts. Then living with it for a few months at least.
Go to diner , movies relax...unless you are leaving businesses or jobs you love to go to...that's different.

If it's fear of activities in retirement... you are looking at the right place to come to live...go for it! There's work too should you wish to.

I retired May 1, 2012 and the wife January 1 after moving here..there are no regrets so far. We both wonder at the 40 years we put into working.

Try to relax; this phase will pass.

[Uptown Girl]

Your retirement doesn't have to be totally planned out from the get-go. It can evolve.

:BigApplause:

[JP]

Not to be too flippant but people have been retiring for years and everyone gets through it. What else can you do? It sounds like you are both great planners and everything is in order. I think everything will work out fine for you both and you will look back and think, "I should have retired sooner!"

[Barefoot]

Sometimes you just have to make a blind leap of faith, and trust in the Universe. I realize it's a trite thing to say, but just remember: When one door closes, another opens.

You will be just fine. We've all been there and experienced retirement in different ways. I jumped in with blind faith and never looked back. Fireboy planned and fretted and budgeted and worried and second-guessed himself. And he has never been happier.

I bet 99.9% of us are so happy to be retired. :highfive:

[TrudyM]

Thanks for the support.
I have always been a planner.
A little bit of a control freak.
I just can't shake the feeling that something is being missed.
I am sure you are all right and this too will pass.

[keithwand]

I quit working at 48 (11 years ago) and the time has flown so don't wait until you can't enjoy it.
Was it too young; maybe; oh well.

[ivanhoe]

I just can't shake the feeling that something is being missed.


Something is...a good restful retirement for both you and your husband..but it's coming soon.

[batman911]

We were concerned with retirement as well because we both like our jobs and will miss the challenge. That was overcome when we started to prep our home for sale and are now so busy, and taking lots of leave, that we are gradually becoming disengaged from being consumed by our jobs. Our goal has changed to getting the house sold, packing and moving. Moving is hard work but we have our eyes fixed on the prize, our new home waiting for us in TV.

[Shimpy]

At some time in your life you have to make a decision that you are going to retire. I know it's hard to give up those big pay checks every week but you got to ask yourself if you want to retire NOW or be carried out of your workplace feet first. I chose to give up those checks and have never regretted it.
Best of luck to you!

[KEVIN & JOSIE]

At some time in your life you have to make a decision that you are going to retire. I know it's hard to give up those big pay checks every week but you got to ask yourself if you want to retire NOW or be carried out of your workplace feet first. I chose to give up those checks and have never regretted it.
Best of luck to you!

So true. Everytime I second guess myself, I think of family and friends who never got the chance. We are all blessed that we got the chance.

[asianthree]

our budget is as if we were retired...the rest put away...we take six to eight weeks and see how it goes...last year i wanted to go back to work after two weeks..husband at 5 weeks...trying again this year...i think we are just dipping our toes in until ready for full time

[manaboutown]

All my life I have been a saver, investor and planner. I think sometime in my mid forties I realized that the older I became the more valuable or precious the time I had remaining would become since there would simply be less of it. I also was observing my parents age, especially my father who was 43 when I was born. I came to understand and accept that my physical and mental abilities as well as my energy would diminish as time passed. After extensive thoughtful consideration and preparation I decided to retire as early as I felt sufficiently financially secure. That was 20 years ago at age 51 and so far so good.

[l2ridehd]

Almost everyone here tells you they never regretted retiring when they did. Almost no one will tell you they wished they had worked longer. There are always a few exceptions, but for a planner like you, the never regrets will be closer to none.

[Villages PL]

Anybody experience emotional / mental shutdown when facing retirement?How did you get past it?
Did you deal with all right away or put off the decisions that could wait.

Husband is going to hit the retirement button next Thursday.
We are both having Panic attacks. :faint: Usually I handle all paperwork, plans, logistics etc. for our marriage unit. However my brain has shut down. I pulled out my retirement preplan file done back in 2006 when he first qualified for his early pension and we considered retiring to the villages (I had been offered a job there-- long story). I realized none of the steps to take are now applicable.

I have been sitting around for a week in a state of total brain freeze.:sad: The to do list is so long I don't know where to start. I keep thinking I am forgetting something vital that will create a mess.
I sit and read post after post here thinking it will give me an emotional boost and get me back in action. Nothing.

How did you handle it when it was you retiring?

I don't think it matters much how we handled it because everyone is different. You're having "panic attacks" and "brain freeze" and that means your not ready to make any big change. I think you should just stay put until both of you feel comfortable with getting started on your "to do list." Eventually, when the time is right, everything will fall into place.

[Schaumburger]

Today I had lunch and went to a flea market with a couple of long time friends (married couple). The wife and I worked together for almost 15 years. He retired 14 years ago at the age of 55 (got a very good retirement offer from his former employer Ameritech, now called AT&T). She retired from my company about 11 years ago. I asked them if they missed working as both retired before the age of 60. Both said they missed a "few" with the emphasis on the word "few" co-workers, but not the jobs themselves, and they never looked back.

[TrudyM]

Ok it finally came to me.
I have been feeling like I was forgetting something and it's been since the beginning of May and I couldn't think of what it was and as I said I was beginning to panic. That I left the stove on feeling. Thought I was just having retirement anxiety. Nope I forgot something.

Husband had a little retirement benefit from a previous employer that he couldn't get until 65 which I had completely forgotten about. I knew I was missing something but couldn't figure out what it was.

My old computer had crashed and I didn't have those files, my son came over this weekend took the old hard drives I had saved and found an old computer a friend had in a closet they would work in and retrieved my old files and moved them to a flash drive. Just in case going over my old plans would help me feel better. There it was a little bitty pension from 1980. It is not a lot of money just a little bit every month, but I new I was forgetting something and I just couldn't remember what it was.

Moral of the story if you don't like paper always back up to an external drive because down the road your memory might not be what it use to be.

[kbace6]

Ok it finally came to me.
I have been feeling like I was forgetting something and it's been since the beginning of May and I couldn't think of what it was and as I said I was beginning to panic. That I left the stove on feeling. Thought I was just having retirement anxiety. Nope I forgot something.

Husband had a little retirement benefit from a previous employer that he couldn't get until 65 which I had completely forgotten about. I knew I was missing something but couldn't figure out what it was.

My old computer had crashed and I didn't have those files, my son came over this weekend took the old hard drives I had saved and found an old computer a friend had in a closet they would work in and retrieved my old files and moved them to a flash drive. Just in case going over my old plans would help me feel better. There it was a little bitty pension from 1980. It is not a lot of money just a little bit every month, but I new I was forgetting something and I just couldn't remember what it was.

Moral of the story if you don't like paper always back up to an external drive because down the road your memory might not be what it use to be.

Way to go! I hate it when that hapens.

:BigApplause:

[coolkayaker1]

You will think I'm making this up, but I'm not: my last day at work is tomorrow, Wednesday, July 10! I have gone to college, grad school and worked continuously since age 18. I decided to pull the plug now; I will turn 49 in August. I have run every financial calculator online, twice each, and spoken to my financial guy at length several times, and decided "what the hey".

I can't say I have any experience at retirement yet; you are all sages to me, with experience and wisdom. I respect that greatly.

I'm taking the tact that a few others have mentioned to me: do something "big". A long-term project that is fulfilling emotionally, takes effort and time to complete, requires dedication and self-imposed discipline, and make it a "mission".

For me, I'm writing a full-length manuscript of publishable quality (well, two really--one a medical thriller involving the US Govt, and the other a literary fiction work about a man who has lost it all--and I pray that it's not an autobiography!). I love writing, and will treat this like a "job", but one where I'm chief cook and bottle washer. I'm inspired in the morning and love solitude--although I will be writing in coffee shops and library most of the time--and will spend at least four hours a day at it.

The contribution I can make to TrudyM, and this works for only some, I think, is to pick something "big"--write a publishable novel, run a marathon for the first time, RV to every state in the nation, open an orphanage in Ecuador, win Nathan's national hot dog eating contest--and work to accomplish it.

If we first place one large rock in a big clear glass jar, the tiny rocks will work themselves in around it and the jar is destined to be full.

Sometimes it helps to begin with that large rock.

:smiley:

[Schaumburger]

coolkayer, Congratulations to you on your impending retirement!

[senior citizen]

So many of you sound like early retirees. Most fortunate circumstances.

My husband, a workaholic, retired at age 66. The entire process of shutting down his business was exhausting, to say the least. It took him awhile to regain his stamina.

Self employed folks do not travel the same path as those who retire from big corporations. Clean off the desk and "out of there" vs. literally shutting down an entire business and disposing of everything which is part and parcel of that business. Also, no pensions to fall back on.

The old joke about husbands , retired with time on their hands, now trying to tell the wife how to run her kitchen, her entire home, etc...........is no fable. It's the truth.
They are used to being in charge of their domain, whatever that might have been.

For the wife, who might have run a small business from the home........the schedule is now changed with "more mealtimes" for hubby........but for a homemaker, it's still the same old same old.......with husband at home 24/7. Kids long gone, graduated from university, married, with children. Not living in area.

We are both the same age, so both retired at age 66......two years ago.
We didn't rush into any major decisions that would change our environment, but did "explore" our options..........we discuss it all the time.

We never had a retirement plan, but money is not an issue. Slowly but surely, we are "on our way".......just don't believe in rushing......or repenting at leisure.

The rain which has been inundating our state, unprecedented as our governor said this morning.........with towns' neighborhoods (not in flood zones) being covered in mud from the flash flooding this spring and summer............has made up our minds for us. Climate change in general has made up our minds. Now, this past week or so we've gone through 90+ degree days and 70+ degree nights with HIGH HUMIDITY, so we don't need another trip to TV to let us know that we can survive as long as we have air conditioning, which we do have up here...........still better than ice and snow and bone chilling cold.

I told hubby that the first thing I will sign him up for is the Deep Sea Fishing Club.

[coolkayaker1]

I like that deep sea fishing club idea.

[LuauLinda]

I am having retirement panic also but it is not for myself; my husband is 12 years older than I am and he is retiring but I can't yet. I feel a wide range of emotions about it that make me feel guilty, because of course I want my husband to retire, he is 66 after all! But I am at the peak of my career salary wise, unfortunately with no benefits or pension. My husband is self employed and also has no pension. I can support us both with my salary and I feel the need to keep "padding the 401K". This means he will be moving into our new home (as of August 15) after we sell our house here in Atlanta, but I will stay here and continue working at my job. If I am able to find a job at the same salary in Florida I will take it but that is unlikely. My husband and I each went through divorces before meeting 16 years ago and have put our 5 children through college. I guess I never thought about what we would do when he reached retirement age and wanted to move to Florida to golf and play his ukulele! Is anyone else in a similar predicament? Any "commuter marriages"? I would drive to TV on Thursday afternoon and leave Sunday. Is this a crazy plan or what? I will live in a small apartment during the week or ...... cardboard box in woods?

[ssmith]

I knew something was up....you and I have talked before. I was impressed by your planning.

Glad you were able to find what was nagging at the back of your consciousness.

Enjoy.

[crummybuttons]

Anybody experience emotional / mental shutdown when facing retirement?How did you get past it?
Did you deal with all right away or put off the decisions that could wait.

Husband is going to hit the retirement button next Thursday.
We are both having Panic attacks. :faint: Usually I handle all paperwork, plans, logistics etc. for our marriage unit. However my brain has shut down. I pulled out my retirement preplan file done back in 2006 when he first qualified for his early pension and we considered retiring to the villages (I had been offered a job there-- long story). I realized none of the steps to take are now applicable.

I have been sitting around for a week in a state of total brain freeze.:sad: The to do list is so long I don't know where to start. I keep thinking I am forgetting something vital that will create a mess.
I sit and read post after post here thinking it will give me an emotional boost and get me back in action. Nothing.

How did you handle it when it was you retiring?
we were so excited about retiring after working our butts off for so many years. After 1 year in TV.....we got the itch and we both went back to work. I can't sit still....

[graciegirl]

You will think I'm making this up, but I'm not: my last day at work is tomorrow, Wednesday, July 10! I have gone to college, grad school and worked continuously since age 18. I decided to pull the plug now; I will turn 49 in August. I have run every financial calculator online, twice each, and spoken to my financial guy at length several times, and decided "what the hey".

I can't say I have any experience at retirement yet; you are all sages to me, with experience and wisdom. I respect that greatly.

I'm taking the tact that a few others have mentioned to me: do something "big". A long-term project that is fulfilling emotionally, takes effort and time to complete, requires dedication and self-imposed discipline, and make it a "mission".

For me, I'm writing a full-length manuscript of publishable quality (well, two really--one a medical thriller involving the US Govt, and the other a literary fiction work about a man who has lost it all--and I pray that it's not an autobiography!). I love writing, and will treat this like a "job", but one where I'm chief cook and bottle washer. I'm inspired in the morning and love solitude--although I will be writing in coffee shops and library most of the time--and will spend at least four hours a day at it.

The contribution I can make to TrudyM, and this works for only some, I think, is to pick something "big"--write a publishable novel, run a marathon for the first time, RV to every state in the nation, open an orphanage in Ecuador, win Nathan's national hot dog eating contest--and work to accomplish it.

If we first place one large rock in a big clear glass jar, the tiny rocks will work themselves in around it and the jar is destined to be full.

Sometimes it helps to begin with that large rock.

:smiley:


I like the way you think. You will add so much to The Villages and I hope you will find a lot of joy and fulfillment here.:BigApplause: