How do you wish to be addressed, madame

[blueash]

An interesting piece on Slate Advice for men: How do you refer to a gentleman whose name you don’t know? - Slate Magazine (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/gentleman_scholar/2013/08/advice_for_men_how_do_you_refer_to_a_gentleman_who se_name_you_don_t_know.html)
leads me to seek your input. The gentleman scholar who penned this piece was responding to a query from a man who was irked at a store clerk using the term "young man" when he obviously is not a young man. Even better than the piece are the comments. I was surprised that most women preferred "ma'am" to miss or ms.
A typical comment was this one:
"I'm 58 and have been married for 30+ years. Lately I've noticed a trend of younger people in stores, restaurants, etc. calling me "Miss" and I find it unnerving. Yes, it's kind of strange when people start calling you ma'am, but I got used to it in my late 20s, and I am so far from being a Miss now that it almost feels like they're ridiculing me"

We have plenty of servers and clerks who face this dilemma. What do you prefer to be used and what makes you unhappy? I found it strange that I have been called "baby" twice in the past week by 20-something servers. I bit my tongue and did not reply with a "mama" back at them.

[graciegirl]

Goddess is fine.

I think hottie is used too much.

Do not, unless you plan to sing with the sopranos in the choir, call me

Grandma.

[DougB]

Beats some of the names I've been called.

[skyguy79]

I'm not a woman, but if I were you could simply address me by saying "Hey toots! What's kick'n?" Seriously, I myself wouldn't get upset by the usage of such terms so long as they're not outright insulting. About a week ago someone addressed me as "young man." I didn't react to it or feel upset by it at all. Once they left us however, I said to my wife... "Now I know that I really am a senior citizen!" As I've said many a times... "I don't care what you call me so long as you don't call me late for dinner!" :D

[Uptown Girl]

Ma'am is perfectly fine to use- traditional manners in the South, yes?

Kind of a generic way to show respect- by someone who may not know your last name- or know if you are married or single.

More appropriate at our age than "Miss' would be. Never liked Ms.

Sir is my preference for use in male counterpart situations.

REALLY don't like more familiarity, unless someone knows me personally, or I give them permission to do so.

[Barefoot]

I'm not a woman, but if I were, you could simply address me by saying "Hey toots! What's kick'n?"

That would be fine with me. I'd prefer to be addressed with humor. "ma'am" makes me feel like I'm past my expired date.

It must be hard to know how to address an older woman. Obviously what one person feels is respectful, another would find unpalatable. But it's not a big deal to me, I assume all greetings are well intentioned.

[graciegirl]

That would be fine with me. I'd prefer to be addressed with humor. "ma'am" makes me feel like I'm past my expired date.

It must be hard to know how to address an older woman. Obviously what one person feels is respectful, another would find unpalatable.

Just smile when you say it and look directly at my eyes.

[perrjojo]

Just don't call me Sweetie or Baby unless you are my Mother or Lover...

[asianthree]

i, as well as my children have "yes mam" to our elders or out of respect, no thinking just comes out

[Schaumburger]

Just don't call me Sweetie or Baby unless you are my Mother or Lover...

:agree: In the early 1980's at my first full-time job at a bank in the Rogers Park neighborhood of Chicago, the driver who delivered for Deluxe Check Printers would drop off the day's delivery of checks at my desk. The first time he called me "honey" I let it go. The second time he called me "honey." I said, "Please address me by my first name." The third time he called me "honey" I said, "If you address me as 'honey' one more time, I will be calling your employer." It never happened again in the remaining 2 years I worked at the bank.

[Pturner]

There used to be a clerk at the Kroger in my neighborhood in Atlanta who said to every customer with a smile, "thank you young lady," or "thank you young man". Didn't matter if you were 9 or 90. She was sweet and personable and sincere and everyone loved her.

Often, I think it's not what you say but how you say it.

[uujudy]

My twenty-something hairdresser calls me 'Miss Judy'. I think that might be a southern thing?
A young restaurant server called me 'Honey' this week. That means I'm really, really old... right? lol

The only thing I really dislike being called is 'You Guys' by restaurant servers, as in, "Are You Guys ready to order?" or "Are You Guys doing ok?" (I think that means, "Do you both need more drinks?") Surprisingly, I hear "You Guys" most often at the nicer restaurants! Maybe that's why I dislike it so much. When I'm all dressed up and eating in a fancy place I don't want to be addressed as 'You Guys'.
Madame & M'sieur would be more appropriate, don'tcha think? :laugh:

[billethkid]

I guess it is easier being a guy because sir always works.....and in formal settings your highness.

I think what is important is the intent of the provider. It is not reasonable to expect any to attempt determining who is a miss, mrs, mz or whatever.

Smile and acknowledge the intent of the service provider.

btk

[bluedog103]

Goddess is fine.

I think hottie is used too much.

Do not, unless you plan to sing with the sopranos in the choir, call me

Grandma.

Now that's funny Gracie. You really made me chuckle with the last line.:loco:

[CFrance]

Ma'am is perfectly fine to use- traditional manners in the South, yes?

Kind of a generic way to show respect- by someone who may not know your last name- or know if you are married or single.

More appropriate at our age than "Miss' would be. Never liked Ms.

Sir is my preference for use in male counterpart situations.

REALLY don't like more familiarity, unless someone knows me personally, or I give them permission to do so.

My husband and I agree with this. It seems to have started with banks--tellers calling you by your first name. It rubs us the wrong way. Unless we're long-term customers with an establishment, it's like they're reading our first name off of a credit card or check or computer screen. Maybe we're serial killers cashing a bogus check. "Thank you, Cyndy..."

If I'm not introduced by someone using their first name, I don't presume to use it.

[Suzi]

Ma'am is fine. Honey or sweetie is sorta OK from a female waitress, teller, saleswoman (mostly because I believe they are trying to be endearing). But, absolutely never from a male waiter, salesman, doctor etc. I do not liked to be called by my 1st name by ANY of the above people. And if someone really wants to p*ss me off, shorten my given name. Only my family and very, very, very close friends have permission to shorten my name. In fact, if I answer the phone and someone calls me by my shortened first name, I'll likely hang up.

[graciegirl]

Ma'am is fine. Honey or sweetie is sorta OK from a female waitress, teller, saleswoman (mostly because I believe they are trying to be endearing). But, absolutely never from a male waiter, salesman, doctor etc. I do not liked to be called by my 1st name by ANY of the above people. And if someone really wants to p*ss me off, shorten my given name. Only my family and very, very, very close friends have permission to shorten my name. In fact, if I answer the phone and someone calls me by my shortened first name, I'll likely hang up.


So...um...I take it your last name isn't um...Q?

;)

[CFrance]

Ma'am is fine. Honey or sweetie is sorta OK from a female waitress, teller, saleswoman (mostly because I believe they are trying to be endearing). But, absolutely never from a male waiter, salesman, doctor etc. I do not liked to be called by my 1st name by ANY of the above people. And if someone really wants to p*ss me off, shorten my given name. Only my family and very, very, very close friends have permission to shorten my name. In fact, if I answer the phone and someone calls me by my shortened first name, I'll likely hang up.

Is your shortened first name the same as your screen name, Suzi? I have a good friend named Suzanne and have always known her as Suzi. But I can't imagine some stranger calling her Suzi.

[Suzi]

You crack me up. You not only are smart, but really funny too. I'm often chuckling when I read your posts. Since I have outlived most of my small little family, I have very few people anymore that call me Suzi. Hubby rarely calls me anything but "babe" or "toots". He introduces me by my given name. Therefore, if someone were to call me Suzi, I guess I would think that they were trying to be too familiar (fresh) with me.

I think of myself as normal in every other way though.

[DougB]

Ma'am is fine. Honey or sweetie is sorta OK from a female waitress, teller, saleswoman (mostly because I believe they are trying to be endearing). But, absolutely never from a male waiter, salesman, doctor etc. I do not liked to be called by my 1st name by ANY of the above people. And if someone really wants to p*ss me off, shorten my given name. Only my family and very, very, very close friends have permission to shorten my name. In fact, if I answer the phone and someone calls me by my shortened first name, I'll likely hang up.

Suz, I hate when people shorten my name also. I would never do that

[Suzi]

What would Gracie say....oh yeah "boy howdy". Opened a can of worms, didn't I. Guys always find that little sore spot....and go after it. Yeah, my husband would too. OK Doug, I'll give up early.

[Lbmb24101]

Here, soecially at codys, sakura and tgif, servers have called ys honey.
I think i am ok w it but, depending on the tone the ' honey' is said. For me, it is thw TONE in which it is used
At times, it has bothered me.

[Uptown Girl]

I do know a lady whose given name is Honey.
(Just thought I'd throw that one in)

[Halibut]

I've noticed that a lot of clerks and servers (young or old) around here work in "hon" or "sweetie" somewhere in conversations to both me or my wife: "Thanks, sweetie. You have a nice day!" or, "The doctor will be in shortly, hon." I don't mind it and have, as an inside joke to myself, starting calling them "dear" in return.

Otherwise, I prefer my first name to be used instead of "sir" and kind of don't like being addressed as "Mr. Something" at all. Maybe because the only people who "Mr." me are telemarketers.

But then, I was raised in the very casual-verging-on-hippy Chico, CA, where everyone called people by their first names (or just "hey, man") and there was nary a ma'am or sir to be heard. It comes off as insincere or pompous to me, although I know it's not meant that way.

Someone called my older sister ma'am once when she was in her early twenties and she nearly decked the guy. I still remember that!

[CaptJohn]

The shortened version of Suzi is Su. See? :laugh:

If you don't know my name you can call me Captain, although I prefer Admiral!

[bluedog103]

I do know a lady whose given name is Honey.
(Just thought I'd throw that one in)
I did too. Her friends called her Ho

[bluedog103]

The shortened version of Suzi is Su. See?
So?

[kittygilchrist]

I am a Miss, and don't like being called Mrs.---
southern respectful youngsters used to use the proper title and last name, but now seem to prefer the first...as in Miss Kitty.

[CFrance]

I am a Miss, and don't like being called Mrs.---
southern respectful youngsters used to use the proper title and last name, but now seem to prefer the first...as in Miss Kitty.

Hmm... when I was student teacher in Atlanta in 1969, it was customary for kids to call their teachers Miss plus their first name, even if the teacher was married. My dil's students call her Miss Jodi even though she's a Mrs.

When we were getting our FL drivers licenses and car registration here last month, the lady called me Miss Cyndy and my husband Mr. Raymond. We thought it was a southern custom. Yes? No?

[Schaumburger]

Hmm... when I was student teacher in Atlanta in 1969, it was customary for kids to call their teachers Miss plus their first name, even if the teacher was married. My dil's students call her Miss Jodi even though she's a Mrs.

When we were getting our FL drivers licenses and car registration here last month, the lady called me Miss Cyndy and my husband Mr. Raymond. We thought it was a southern custom. Yes? No?

One of my coworkers in my company's corporate office in Houston who I deal with a lot via e-mail and telephone always calls me "Miss Laura" when we speak on the phone. So maybe it is a southern custom?

[Villageswimmer]

I think you're right; seems to be a southern thing. I find it kind of charming.

[jblum315]

Maam will do. Your Excellence would be better. I absolutely loathe honey and sweetie from anybody. I don't like being called by my first name by people who don't know me, especially on the phone. at the bank, etc. At my doctor's office it's OK. The last time I was in hospital they asked me how I would prefer to be addressed - first name or Mrs. B. . . I opted for the latter and by god, it worked.
A little curtsy would be nice too.

[graciegirl]

Maam will do. Your Excellence would be better. I absolutely loathe honey and sweetie from anybody. I don't like being called by my first name by people who don't know me, especially on the phone. at the bank, etc. At my doctor's office it's OK. The last time I was in hospital they asked me how I would prefer to be addressed - first name or Mrs. B. . . I opted for the latter and by god, it worked.
A little curtsy would be nice too.

And DON'T call her Jeann-ie. ;)I asked first but sometimes forget. She IS a sweetie though.

[rubicon]

It seems based on the various responses that a person can't win no matter how he/she addresses a person.

When I lived in Memphis a secretary explained that her husband referred to her as Miss Barbara. And children in Memphis responded with Yes, sir and yes mam. It appears this is a common practice in the south

In my personal view its not what one says but how they say it. If its done with respect then it doesn't manner to me.

Further sales people , etc are taught that people like to hear their first names spoken. apparently based on some of the responses that is not always true.

I do believe that men should not greet women whom they do not or hardly know with "darling". Now that is too personal.

[kittygilchrist]

Hmm... when I was student teacher in Atlanta in 1969, it was customary for kids to call their teachers Miss plus their first name, even if the teacher was married. My dil's students call her Miss Jodi even though she's a Mrs.

When we were getting our FL drivers licenses and car registration here last month, the lady called me Miss Cyndy and my husband Mr. Raymond. We thought it was a southern custom. Yes? No?

Atlanta might be a bit more urban south than I know about, but in my rural FL schools we said Miz and last name, didn't need to know if they were married, as Mrs. and Miss were (sensibly) articulated the same.

Mrs. - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mrs.) contains southern pronunciation...

Mrs, pronounced as misses, sounds like the plural of miss, which is silly.
so back to madame and the French derivation of Mrs., short for mistress, how we collapsed that into misses to mean wife, I don't know...but the original, mistress, now means an unwife. :loco:

Online Etymology Dictionary (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=Mrs.)

[jblum315]

occasionally you hear Madam, which always sounds odd to me with its unseemly other meaning.

[JeffAVEWS]

I'm military (and Mother) trained, it's "Sir" or "Ma'am".

[asianthree]

raised using miss and their first name no matter who it is,,,so my great aunt is called miss margaret....

[CaptJohn]

It seems based on the various responses that a person can't win no matter how he/she addresses a person.
Becomes obvious after a few reads, doesn't it? it's such a personal thing to each individual and how they were raised.

When I lived in Memphis a secretary explained that her husband referred to her as Miss Barbara. And children in Memphis responded with Yes, sir and yes mam. It appears this is a common practice in the south
Being a Southerner, I can say, "Yes, sir and yes, mam" is common. It's the way we were raised. The military likes it too!

In my personal view its not what one says but how they say it. If its done with respect then it doesn't manner to me.
So very true!

Further sales people , etc are taught that people like to hear their first names spoken. apparently based on some of the responses that is not always true.
I was taught this when I entered the real estate business in 1971. It was very difficult for me when I was dealing with people older than I was (and most were), since I was only age 23 and raised to respect older people by using their last names.

I do believe that men should not greet women whom they do not or hardly know with "darling". Now that is too personal.
Agree and if your spouse ever says "Yes, Dear or No, Dear", you're in trouble! :laugh:

[CFrance]

I agree with jblum. I really don't like people I don't know (tellers, sales clerks, doctor's staff) calling me by my first name.

Neither does my husband, although he thinks it's funny when someone "Huns" him, as he calls it. He would rather be called Hun than Raymond by a stranger. They always get it wrong anyway, 'cause he goes by the name Ron.