[blueash]

An interesting piece on Slate Advice for men: How do you refer to a gentleman whose name you don’t know? - Slate Magazine
leads me to seek your input. The gentleman scholar who penned this piece was responding to a query from a man who was irked at a store clerk using the term "young man" when he obviously is not a young man. Even better than the piece are the comments. I was surprised that most women preferred "ma'am" to miss or ms.
A typical comment was this one:
"I'm 58 and have been married for 30+ years. Lately I've noticed a trend of younger people in stores, restaurants, etc. calling me "Miss" and I find it unnerving. Yes, it's kind of strange when people start calling you ma'am, but I got used to it in my late 20s, and I am so far from being a Miss now that it almost feels like they're ridiculing me"

We have plenty of servers and clerks who face this dilemma. What do you prefer to be used and what makes you unhappy? I found it strange that I have been called "baby" twice in the past week by 20-something servers. I bit my tongue and did not reply with a "mama" back at them.

[graciegirl]

Goddess is fine.

I think hottie is used too much.

Do not, unless you plan to sing with the sopranos in the choir, call me

Grandma.

[DougB]

Beats some of the names I've been called.

[skyguy79]

I'm not a woman, but if I were you could simply address me by saying "Hey toots! What's kick'n?" Seriously, I myself wouldn't get upset by the usage of such terms so long as they're not outright insulting. About a week ago someone addressed me as "young man." I didn't react to it or feel upset by it at all. Once they left us however, I said to my wife... "Now I know that I really am a senior citizen!" As I've said many a times... "I don't care what you call me so long as you don't call me late for dinner!"

[Uptown Girl]

Ma'am is perfectly fine to use- traditional manners in the South, yes?

Kind of a generic way to show respect- by someone who may not know your last name- or know if you are married or single.

More appropriate at our age than "Miss' would be. Never liked Ms.

Sir is my preference for use in male counterpart situations.

REALLY don't like more familiarity, unless someone knows me personally, or I give them permission to do so.

[Barefoot]

Originally Posted by skyguy79

I'm not a woman, but if I were, you could simply address me by saying "Hey toots! What's kick'n?"

That would be fine with me. I'd prefer to be addressed with humor. "ma'am" makes me feel like I'm past my expired date.

It must be hard to know how to address an older woman. Obviously what one person feels is respectful, another would find unpalatable. But it's not a big deal to me, I assume all greetings are well intentioned.

[graciegirl]

Originally Posted by Barefoot

That would be fine with me. I'd prefer to be addressed with humor. "ma'am" makes me feel like I'm past my expired date.

It must be hard to know how to address an older woman. Obviously what one person feels is respectful, another would find unpalatable.

Just smile when you say it and look directly at my eyes.

[perrjojo]

Just don't call me Sweetie or Baby unless you are my Mother or Lover...

[asianthree]

i, as well as my children have "yes mam" to our elders or out of respect, no thinking just comes out

[Schaumburger]

Originally Posted by perrjojo

Just don't call me Sweetie or Baby unless you are my Mother or Lover...

In the early 1980's at my first full-time job at a bank in the Rogers Park neighborhood of Chicago, the driver who delivered for Deluxe Check Printers would drop off the day's delivery of checks at my desk. The first time he called me "honey" I let it go. The second time he called me "honey." I said, "Please address me by my first name." The third time he called me "honey" I said, "If you address me as 'honey' one more time, I will be calling your employer." It never happened again in the remaining 2 years I worked at the bank.

[Pturner]

There used to be a clerk at the Kroger in my neighborhood in Atlanta who said to every customer with a smile, "thank you young lady," or "thank you young man". Didn't matter if you were 9 or 90. She was sweet and personable and sincere and everyone loved her.

Often, I think it's not what you say but how you say it.

[uujudy]

My twenty-something hairdresser calls me 'Miss Judy'. I think that might be a southern thing?
A young restaurant server called me 'Honey' this week. That means I'm really, really old... right? lol

The only thing I really dislike being called is 'You Guys' by restaurant servers, as in, "Are You Guys ready to order?" or "Are You Guys doing ok?" (I think that means, "Do you both need more drinks?") Surprisingly, I hear "You Guys" most often at the nicer restaurants! Maybe that's why I dislike it so much. When I'm all dressed up and eating in a fancy place I don't want to be addressed as 'You Guys'.
Madame & M'sieur would be more appropriate, don'tcha think?

[billethkid]

I guess it is easier being a guy because sir always works.....and in formal settings your highness.

I think what is important is the intent of the provider. It is not reasonable to expect any to attempt determining who is a miss, mrs, mz or whatever.

Smile and acknowledge the intent of the service provider.

btk

[bluedog103]

Originally Posted by graciegirl

Goddess is fine.

I think hottie is used too much.

Do not, unless you plan to sing with the sopranos in the choir, call me

Grandma.

Now that's funny Gracie. You really made me chuckle with the last line.

[CFrance]

[QUOTE=Uptown Girl;732425]Ma'am is perfectly fine to use- traditional manners in the South, yes?

Kind of a generic way to show respect- by someone who may not know your last name- or know if you are married or single.

More appropriate at our age than "Miss' would be. Never liked Ms.

Sir is my preference for use in male counterpart situations.

REALLY don't like more familiarity, unless someone knows me personally, or I give them permission to do so.[/QUOTE]

My husband and I agree with this. It seems to have started with banks--tellers calling you by your first name. It rubs us the wrong way. Unless we're long-term customers with an establishment, it's like they're reading our first name off of a credit card or check or computer screen. Maybe we're serial killers cashing a bogus check. "Thank you, Cyndy..."

If I'm not introduced by someone using their first name, I don't presume to use it.