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Talk of The Villages Florida (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/)
-   Just For Fun (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/just-fun-109/)
-   -   The Joke Thread (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/just-fun-109/joke-thread-259747/)

ColdNoMore 04-04-2018 08:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Polar Bear (Post 1529890)
Yes. We do get cold. :D
Is that why you moved from Barrow...to The Villages? :D

l2ridehd 04-04-2018 08:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeanFL (Post 1529881)
How does Hooters screen applicants for an interview?

They give them a bra and ask them "Can you fill this out"?
Not true. They ask them to stand up straight, don't move your feet, and then ask what color shoes they are wearing.

DeanFL 04-04-2018 09:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by l2ridehd (Post 1529897)
Not true. They ask them to stand up straight, don't move your feet, and then ask what color shoes they are wearing.
I guess (not to be sexist) this applies to fat guys applying to be a Greenskeeper too.

tomwed 04-04-2018 11:23 AM
What kind of homes do Irish Villagers prefer?

Patty O'Villas

billethkid 04-04-2018 05:15 PM
A blond city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her,

'The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail
into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail,
she tells him,
'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know.
How would you know this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

Amy turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder......

'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

Ecuadog 04-04-2018 05:27 PM
Now... that's funny.

ColdNoMore 04-05-2018 09:02 PM
A lawyer joke.
 
One day a guy found a genie lamp and rubbed and POOF!, the genie popped out. The genie said that he would give the guy three wishes but that he was a lawyer’s genie and whatever he got every lawyer got double.

First, he wished for 10 million dollars POOF! he has ten million dollars but every lawyer in the world gets 20 million!

Second, he wishes little world peace POOF! he has it. Every lawyer in the world gets...Utopia!

Third and last, he wished to donate a kidney....so every lawyer in the world had to donate both of their kidneys!

ColdNoMore 04-06-2018 08:36 PM
I think this joke was written...by a Villager. :1rotfl:




A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, I don’t care” said the waiter with a smile, “We don’t even have an air conditioner!”

Mrs. Robinson 04-07-2018 01:11 AM
So Bad, It's Funny!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdNoMore (Post 1530809)
I think this joke was written...by a Villager. :1rotfl:




A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, I don’t care” said the waiter with a smile, “We don’t even have an air conditioner!”
I think you are correct!
It could qualify for the groaner of the week! :girlneener:

CFrance 04-07-2018 06:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by billethkid (Post 1530170)
A blond city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her,

'The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail
into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail,
she tells him,
'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know.
How would you know this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

Amy turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder......

'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
Good one!

CFrance 04-19-2018 07:28 AM
Spaghetti
 

A man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin
his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she
would go to Italy to secretly have the child... If she stayed in Italy to
raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned
18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And write '
Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child support
payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,
'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife
watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.'

Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.

Taltarzac725 04-19-2018 08:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CFrance (Post 1534671)

A man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin
his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she
would go to Italy to secretly have the child... If she stayed in Italy to
raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned
18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And write '
Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child support
payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,
'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife
watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.'

Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
That one I really like. Thanks.

Ecuadog 04-19-2018 09:32 AM
Excellent. Thanks.

Nucky 04-19-2018 10:28 AM
CFrance, you retain the crown.

ColdNoMore 04-21-2018 07:59 AM
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?


Make me one with everything.


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