:girlneener:

Belly laugh; but perhaps we are on the same wavelength.

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”

Genie: "I shall grant you three wishes."

Me: "Great, I wish for a world without lawyers."

Genie: "Your wish is granted...you have no more wishes."

Me: "But, you said I had three wishes."







Genie: "So sue me." :D

I will have to remember that one.

Love it!

:1rotfl:

I'm just catching up, reviewing jokes. This is a good one. :girlneener:

After a really bad round, the golfer spots a lake at the 18th hole. He says to his caddy, "I thing i'll drown myself." The caddy answers, "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."

Another golfer had 160 yard shot to the hole. He says to his caddy, "do you think I can get there with a 5 iron." His caddy responds, "eventually"

I love this one. :ho:

My wife and I saw a doctor to help us with memory issues. He suggested we write things down to help our recall.

That evening, while in bed, my wife asks me for a dish of vanilla ice cream. She suggests I practice by writing it down. “No way! I can’t forget that” was my reply. As I left the bedroom, she asked for whipped cream also. I said ok and she again asked me to write it down. My reply was the same. I reached the kitchen and I heard her ask for a cherry on top. Again she asked me to write it down, but I told her “I got it, vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

Ten minutes later I returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. She replied, “I told you, you should have written it down. You forgot my toast.”

Things that make you say What?

❗️I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

❗️We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

❗️I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

❗️ My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

❗️ I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

❗️ The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....

❗️ When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

A buddy and his proctologist friend go out to play a round of golf. After the first hole they realize that they forgot a pencil to write down the scores so the proctologist's buddy says to him "Hey, let me use that pen in your pocket" Proctologist hands it to him and the guy says, "This isn't a pen, its a rectal thermometer." Proctologist apologizes, reaches in his pocket again and hands him another pen. Guy gets it and says again, "this isnt a pen either, it too is a rectal thermometer. Proctologist puts it back in his pocket and says, "Dang, some ahole has my pen"