Friends Support (Or Don’t) Move To The Villages
 

I’m just 9 days away from my move from Colorado until I close on my new home in TV. I’m a little surprised I am receiving some guilt trips (both passive and a few very direct) from long time close friends about leaving Colorado. There is a sense of betrayal and disloyalty I am receiving from more friends than I though I would. This is zapping a little bit of my joy and excitement of moving to the TV next week - although I knew they would be saddened (I am too), I thought they would be more supportive of my move, and of course I have a guest room for friends to visit, and will be flying back to Colorado a few times a year to visit them and spend Thanksgiving. Would like to hear any comments from those of you, and how you handled the move away from friends to TV.

Moved from Colorado 17 years ago and all is good down here in TV. I don't think real friends would be doing this to you. Perhaps they are just jealous as you will not be freezing your behind of this year. Looking back, I see that Colorado is not what it used to be as it has become unaffordable for most. We won't even go into the politics. Welcome to FREE FLORIDA.

I do believe jealousy is at the root, as you stated - I was fortunate to have retired young (friends are all still working) - and I know many of them would like to make the move away from Colorado (getting crowded on the front range, and as you said the political changes, that we will not get into) - maybe their resistance shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. They see the excitement and enthusiasm I have for TV, maybe I am too much of a “cheerleader”, and the fact they still are unable to retire, as much as they would like to, and move someplace warm to move to depresses them.

Would real friends try to make you feel guilty? Real friends should be happy for you. Find better friends.

What does FREE FL mean?

My first thought was “Free Florida” is FREE from SNOW but then that’s just me.

Good friends are like John Mac Arthur churches - hard to find. You should stay where they are.

Any move from your home state is hard regardless of what your friends/neighbors think or feel.

Just follow your gut feeling and make the move, besides, there's new friends to be made in TV.

The only thing that I miss moving here from Wisconsin is the cool fall weather, dairy farms, corn fields, and pine forest.

Why should you care what your friends think (maybe they're just jealous)? If you can't do what you like and rely on friends making you feel guilty there are more issues involved. Maybe getting some "professional help" would be best to overcome your feelings. Maybe feeling guilty leaving grandkids or other family makes a little sense but "friends" not supporting your life change shows what kind of "friends" they are. They should be cheering for you not sending you on a guilt trip. Shame on THEM.

I’d save the shame bit, people are entitled to their emotions when a good friend moves away. Losing a good friend to a distant move is like dealing with a death. You may cross paths again when visiting and FaceTime but the whole dynamic of the friendship has changed, there’s no more hanging out with together, socializing at functions…. it’s over.

I’d let your friends grieve and not blame it on jealously. You’re moving to Florida, not some exotic location.

That’s a lot to miss.:cryin2:

We faced some of the same, not only from a couple of longtime best friends, but also from one of our kids. It was really surprising from the kids because they hadn’t lived near us for nearly 10 years but they assumed we would move to where they were when we retired. They didn’t take it well when we told them we had other plans.
Have honest conversations with them. Maybe tell them directly that you are surprised by their reactions and ask why they aren’t being supportive. Sometimes people don’t even understand why they are reacting a certain way until forced to confront it and think about their feelings. If their reasons are rooted in the fact that they will be missing you and can’t imagine not being able to see you, accept that as love and have discussions about how the friendship will continue. If it’s about jealousy then that’s their problem. You can’t control how other people feel.
If they are REAL friends they will come around in time, especially once they see that you are happy.

We have three types of friends, the ones that are jealous, the ones that also got a place in Florida, and the ones that got a place in Arizona. If someone doesn’t support our decision to have a home in the Villages, then they aren’t real friends. The biggest problem is the jealous friends always want to come to the Villages to visit and golf and sometimes the requests can be a little overwhelming.

It's always easier for the person going than the person staying

You are off on a new adventure, and likely to make lots of new friends, while they are stuck doing "same old, same old" and have lost a "local" friend

They are feeling down. Best to forgive (and forget) their negativity and keep them as friends.

They will miss you and they are hurting about that I imagine.

Just remember you can make new friends but you can't make new old friends. Sad but true...

When we decided to sell our family home and move to TV no one was jealous, they thought we were crazy to leave a beautiful State and settle in Florida. There used to be a saying "Florida is for the newly wed and the nearly dead". You don't hear that much any more.

put your big boy pants on....
 

[QUOTE=Michael 61;2161076]I’m just 9 days away from my move from Colorado until I close on my new home in TV. I’m a little surprised I am receiving some guilt trips (both passive and a few very direct) from long time close friends about leaving Colorado. There is a sense of betrayal and disloyalty I am receiving from more friends than I thought I would. This is zapping a little bit of my joy and excitement of moving to the TV next week - although I knew they would be saddened (I am too), I thought they would be more supportive of my move, and of course I have a guest room for friends to visit, and will be flying back to Colorado a few times a year to visit them and spend Thanksgiving. Would like to hear any comments from those of you, and how you handled the move away from friends to TV.[/QUOTE

you make friends and you lose them. the good ones you never lose. I've lived the world over. don't sweat your insecurities and embrace the challenge. it's either that or move to California, Oregon or Washington. :-)

Do I understand that you are feeling guilty because you may change your plans because other people are making life decisions for you....really? If your friendship is so important to them then why aren't they moving with you? When we came here out kids weren't happy, but too bad for them...it's our life and we live it as we choose. The kids got over it and so will your friends, especially if you are as important to them as you think you are.

I heard Florida referred to as God's Waiting Room and people on cruises as the newly wed, nearly dead and overfed which on several cruises I have taken proved to be true.

Correct about the newly dead. Bet that the newly weds is now much lower, especially in TV.

Guilt is a subtle but (sometimes) weapon used by people to hurt or control others.

Go through a checklist; will leaving harm anyone- or just leave them lonely for your companionship? Are there responsibilities that will shift from you to others when you leave, leaving them with a burden that should be yours- in other words do others have to unfairly pick up work or duties that are clearly yours? Are you leaving something important undone that was up to you to bring to a conclusion?

Ask yourself if you have done anything to hurt these people- other than wishing to relocate. As long as you are harming no one you have nothing to feel guilty about. Millions of people relocate every year. One of our friends cried when we told her we were moving, but she understands it is OUR Life and OUR Future OUR Decision.

You can't be made to feel guilty without your consent. If someone tries to send you on a Guilt Trip don't pack your bag for them

Hi Brother - thanks for referencing an older post of mine - since that post I have done extensive homework on the churches in the area, and visited and found an excellent church in Winter Garden that I look forward to attending. Would not have purchased a home in TV without having a potential church home already picked out.

Five very close couples, 2 were so happy we had choose a active lifestyle, community, they each came on lifestyle visit and bought their own home.
Third couple who still live in our old neighborhood, choose to break ties, with all couples.

Last couple very angry we had all abandoned them, angry words, and bad feelings all around. So it’s almost December they are now sitting in 22° weather with snow.

All of a sudden the 3 couples in TV, that they threw away have now become very important to them. So on a weekly basis they text or email, missing everyone, wanting to come and stay for a month or so.

Not happening in our household, maybe they’ll have more luck with the other two couples.

You do realize from Brownwood to Winter Garden is 40 miles one way. Dec - March traffic is not like Colorado - well maybe like Denver when the Broncos play a home game.

No newly dead in TV either as there is no cemetery here.

Actually there is a very old cemetery in TV, or TV had to build around, it’s off Cherry Lake Road CR100, one can see it from Stillwater trail . Few years ago a society was looking for volunteers, to uncover grave sites.

Yep - all taken into consideration, I drive further to church now than when I move to TV - Trust me, this decision was made with lots of prayer and planning.

To me, this is a no brainer. No one has a right to control your decision to move to another area of the country. It is totally your decision. If you don't want to leave your friends, then don't move. But, they don't get a vote.

[QUOTE=asianthree;2161200]Actually there is a very old cemetery in TV, or TV had to build around, it’s off Cherry Lake Road CR100, one can see it from Stillwater trail . Few years ago a society was looking for volunteers, to uncover grave sites.[/QU

Yes it is an old cemetery predating TV, adjacent Caroline, part of an old black community. As far as I know it is not part of TV. Cherry Lake Cemetery in Florida - Find a Grave Cemetery

I was going to basically say the same thing.
They’re sad to see you go.

They want to stay a MONTH or so? No thanks. :ohdear:

I was shocked and saddened by the reaction I received from what I thought were good friends when we moved to TV. It does appear that jealousy over early retirement and the reputation TV has for being wealthy. One individual said TV is for people that “hit the lotto”. It took me a year, but now I see these people were not who I thought they were in the first place. Sad, but better to find out, I guess. We love Florida and TV.

We moved from CA. We couldn’t take not going to the movies anymore (shutdown), most churches still not allowing indoor service (we left in May of 21), and sitting in smelling parking lots to eat because indoor eating was forbidden. When we started to drive across the country we realized how captive we had been. Hope that helps to answ your question.

Your gonna fly now
 

you have many good postings here to advise you.
Living here is a choice, not a sentence. You can always change your mind. Dont confuse home sickness with freedom's call to new adventures.

I did the same 17 months ago.
I'm sure your friends weren't calling everyday to go do something. Well, here they will.
So much to do. Be it sports, crafts, 💃 dancing. Classes for everything.

Don't be surprised come February , some of these "friends" want to come for an extended visit.

I totally disagree. First of all, good friends don't guilt trip you, secondly, friends are very easy to make if you're open to it. The Villages is one of the best place I know to socialize and find all types of people and mentalities. Congratulations for your early retirement and enjoy your move.

I think everyone knows what free Fl means! Just think.

I went thru the same thing. They are just jealous. Once you are here the sting you feel will go away.

We got the same thing when leaving California but glad we did. Your friends will get over it and be glad to visit you in the winter when it starts snowing in Colorado.