Would anybody care to weigh in on this?
 

I would like some opinions on an argu.. ah discussion that my wife and I are having. Let's see if I can explain this.

In a restaurant for dinner. There are two, three or four couples. As the pre-order discussion is had, it's said by someone (let's say me) "is anybody going to order an appetizer." Then all in attendance say "no."

Then I say, (example at BoneFish Grill) "I am going to have an order of the Bang Bang Shrimp" (which I love. That's the only thing there I really like)

Then, MY appetizer arrives, my wife thinks it's proper to share it around the table. I say it isn't.

Recently, six people, I was the only one to order a calamari appetizer. When it came, it got shared around the table, and by the time it got back to me, there were two little pieces left.

My position is that if they want something, they should order it. My wife's position is "what are you going to do, sit there and eat it in front of everybody without offering it?"

JLK

No brainer - who cares what the dish is called. If you are ordering it as your main meal then why would anyone consider it appropriate to share with you? We, quite often, order apps instead of entrees.

TH - I'll side with your perspective, without question.

Bill

How about asking "Is anybody interested in sharing an appetizer with me?" When they say no, than I see no need to pass.

Now, one clarification. I am talking about a true appetizer here. Not an entree. A dish ordered before the main course.. In this situation, we all have ordered an entree other than my appetizer.

Quite honestly, I'd be pretty ticked off if the others had said no to ordering one and then ate mine. However, I wouldn't want to just sit and eat in front of them, so I would offer to share. If they took me up on it, the next time I dined with this group, I'd simply state that it is their turn to order the appetizer, not simply ask if they wanted on. If the appetizer was going to be my main meal, I'd request the server bring it with the other dinners.

OH - a little different I think.

If I had said no to an app I wouldn't take any but if I had ordered one I'd offer (hoping no one would take any:))

An appetizer is meant to be shared - I would share it

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My feelings....
 

In MHO the offer was made and declined!

No need at that point to share; except the wife tells you to...married 39 years and haven't won one like this yet.

Next time order a couple for the table!

I agree with Chuck.
Although I certainly empathize with the poster...
I personally never order an appetizer that I don't expect to share, regardless.
Come to think of it...nor do I dine with anyone that I do not have full intent on treating anyway.

Must be nice. Please invite me out frequently.

I agree with the MAN for a change!
 

I agree with TH. If they have been asked if they want to order an appetizer together with you and they said "no", then they can watch you eat what you ordered for yourself.

But for the sake of marital peace and not embarrassing your wife, maybe you could do this:

So you don't get the almost empty plate with 2 pathetic morsels of YOUR appetizer left at the end of it, how about this when it's brought:

Put half or 1/3 of it on a separate plate and say, "If you'd like some of my appetizer, here is some of it to pass."

I agree with you since the topic of appetizers had been discussed before ordering. Sometimes I order an appetizer at Bonefish and split an entee with my wife and I intend to eat the entire appetizer. This is made clear to the table when we are discussing our dinner choices. Friends realize this is my dinner choice and do not expect me to share it.

You may appease your wife by saying you are ordering an appetizer for your self and if the table would like to share one, you will buy one for them.

Charlie

Exactly!!!! Everyone had the same opportunity as you to order an appetizer. If they wanted one even after you got yours, they could still have ordered one. Any time we are going to share with others at the table, it is understood before we order.

We're kinda picky folks any way. We don't usually share with anyone except with each other.

To a certain extent, such as splitting the tab evenly when it might be really be a 60/40 split or so, I do also. We have a long time lady friend who always gets a $60 or so bottle of wine and always gets the most expensive entree on the menu; however, when they visit our house her hubby always brings a couple nice bottles of wine.


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Wow ! this has all sorts of implications. The wife and I would have a serious discussion when we arrived home, especially if it were bang-bang shrimp at Bonefish ! If it is any consolation I've been there also and it is never win-win as is borne out by the earlier comments.

Let me see...'share' and Bonefish Grille 'Bang Bang Shrimp'...I'm sorry, those words don't even sound right together, they would have to get their own BBS because I ain't sharin' mine! :) That dish is addictive!

We'll be there Jan 8th - my phone # is 508-2......

Here's how it happens with my husband and me in similar situations. He would agree with you 100 percent. When he orders an appetizer and everyone else declines; it is his and his alone.

So when he orders a single appetizer and everyone else declines, I know from experience what is going to happen. So I order a couple of extra appetizers to have a variety and to allow sharing. It has happened many times with us. I love to watch people eat and enjoy themselves. It just seems so warm, secure and social to me to share food and break bread together. (I know, I know. If they wanted it they could order it. But I don't want to eat in front of people who aren't eating.)

It is something in me. Good or bad, I can't stand to think someone is hungry. I am the person who keeps heaping food on guests' plates and cooking way more than we need. I suppose it come from having seven brothers and sisters.

Maybe this would work...
 

Sometimes, no one wants to be the first to speak up and order an appetizer, especially if they think they might be the only one. So, if you want an appetizer, instead of saying, "is anybody going to order an appetizer," maybe try, "Should we order a few appetizers for the table?" People in social situations, like to be agreeable, so someone is likely to accent and you can take it from there.

p.s., Bang Bang Shrimp. Never had it. But now that some people raved, I must try it. :icon_hungry:

You could try having the appetizer brought at the same time as your meal this may resolve the issue but then again would it still be an appetizer?

This just occurred to me. If everyone feels that an appetizer should be shared or no one should have any, does that mean that if one person wants a dessert they have to share that too? Same difference, just on the other end of the meal.

:agree::agree::agree:

Yoda

Yes, desserts are also shared.


Red needs to start another poll.


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How long have you been married ? Wife is always correct !

You've got several questions going at once, some with different answers, so I think it is a matter of priorities.

First there is the question of "Manners" - yours and the others. I think good manners would say you make the offer to share and good manners would say the others would decline your offer. The problem with manners is that you control yours but can only observe others. You use good manners and make the offer and some of the others don't exercise the same good manners and accept, you end up with 'two small pieces'. Such is life. Life in not fair and birth is a terminal disease.

Then there is the question of etiquette - should you offer to share or not? I don't know, for sure. My suspicion is that etiquette is similar to manners.

Last is marital relations. Your bride wants you to make the offer. I thought I remembered somewhere that she is your bride of 39 years or so. That probably means she is a 'keeper'. In the interest of good marital relations, I would make the offer and smile!

So set your priorities. I suggest that good marital relations is a higher priority than the other two - but that is only my priority. Yours may be different.

I do very much like the one idea posted here of putting some portion of the appetizer (say about 1/3 of it) on a separate plate, offering to share and passing that plate. To me, that smacks of win-win all around.

When "she who must be obeyed" orders an appetizer as an entree we ask it to be delivered when dinners are served. I usually pass on apps if nobody else is going to order just to avoid this situation......

A simple solution might be to invite the entire group to select and share several different appetizers. Most often there will be quick agreement on which ones to order especially if the requester is an effective controller. Then the only issue that you will need to be concerned about is "double dipping"!

Sit on it and twirl, Chuck. I learned my lesson (maybe). I'll leave the polls to Tal.

BTW -- I hate to share my desserts. I don't mind someone asking for a taste so they can decide to order their own, but actualy sharing, um, NO! I am not passing my yummy chocolate whatever around the table for everyone to take a bite. You eat your dessert, I'll eat mine. If you want a taste, ask and I'll cut you off just enough so you can flavor but not so much that I feel like I didn't get enough. (One of the reasons why I rarely order a dessert.)

This is probably the best advice so far. Maybe I could say, "I would like to treat the table to some appetizers, what shall we order." Or, "Have you ever tried the Bang Bang Shrimp? I'd like to treat the table to some appetizers, I'll order a few for us."

In regard to being prepared to pick up the check for the table all the time, I believe that is a social blunder.

I like your idea on how to approach the subject of appetizers. That gives people the option of saying "yes, that sounds great", or to say "no, I don't think I want an appetizer". At that point you can say "OK, then I think I'll just order an appetizer for myself; it's really good, is everyone sure?".

I'm sure your wife, and mine especially, will find flaw in my thinking, but it's usually near impossible to ever be "right" in a dispute with the wife.

I think some people would love to have a bit of tasty appetizers, but are, frankly, too frugal to order extras. We eat out so often in TV, that it can get a bit expensive, but in order to develop and maintain the social circle that is key to our TV happiness, do so more that we would otherwise.

Putting myself on the other side of the question, if someone at the table asked if the group wanted to order appetizers and I declined, I would never expect someone who did order to share it with me. If the appetizer was passed around the table, I would still not take any. I had my chance to order one for myself, or to suggest we order a few to share around the table. Absent that, I do not partake of any appetizers. Same for deserts. I'm with Red. I'll give someone a small taste, but that's all.

Reminds me of a story about my folks. My dad would often order a desert and my mom would ask for a taste. (She was always on a diet.) Then another, then another until she had at least half his desert, if not more. He would just sit there and smile and watch her eat. The giveaway was that he would often order a desert she would like, so having only half or less was just fine for him and he loved watching her enjoy the desert.

:agree:

If your wife ordered a cocktail and no one else did, would she offer to share it with all?

We eat out a lot with various friends. We never had this problem. Maybe you need new dinner "partners" TH.
If someone in our party orders an appetizer it is theirs. If my wife volunteered sharing my appetizer (she wouldn't) I would order another.

I don't think I'll abandon my friends over an appetizer.

We have close friends that we vacation with and, therefore, we eat out alot. They are "appetizer" people---we are not. They always order appetizers and they offer to share but we decline. Sometimes we each order different appetizers so we can share them but if we do not order--we do not partake---simple as that. I would feel awful to realize that the appetizer "orderer" only ended up with a small portion.

Next time order a cup of clam chowder.

I totally agree. If I want an appetizer, say bang bang shrimp, I probably want more than one. So your approach would get me more than one. I would probably say that I really like them, so does anyone want to get a couple orders? Gotta go, think my wife is eating my chicken wings!:22yikes:

My parents and grand parents always taught me to offer to share food when others do not have their own to eat. I think a person should offer to share the selection even though the others declined to order their own selection. I usually only dine with friends or relatives so I would not want to treat them badly. Now if someone is taking advantage of the situation continously, you have the choice of deleting them from your dining partners list or if you value their friendship over the cost of the food, then live with it.

Just my thoughts. Others may have other ideas.