how did you children react to your moving
 

My married daughter will not speak to me due to this move. Can you share your family reaction to your decision :rant-rave:

I think it made our older daughter sad for awhile and our almost adult grandchildren, but we said to them, we are close to seventy, if we don't do it NOW, when will we do it? We would like to go where we can be busy and involved and be with our peers. You are working and going to school and we hate to leave you but our home will always be your home too.

It was very HARD to see their sadness, very hard and almost a deal breaker.

I think with Skype it is a little easier.

They just love you, but need to love you a little harder now and a little more unselfishly.

Our. children were thrilled for us!

Same here. All it took was one visit for our youngest to see what a wonderful place it is. Both of our daughters (27 and 30, and married living their own lives) are very happy for us. We're not there yet (but will be starting in January), and we talk about it with them frequently. They even hum the Villages jingle from the promo video. :pepper2:

One son is living in Australia, so he's used to only seeing us once or twice a year. The other one is in Grand Rapids, an hour from where we lived in MI. No grandchildren, so no accusations of "abandoning the children." Frankly, the GR kids are so busy with their work, we talked on the phone more than we saw them. (Birthdays, holidays and Sunday lunches.) They were sad to see us leave but understood we wanted to get out of the cold and have activities.

I think it was harder for us to leave our son and DIL. Your daughter will come around. She can't give you the silent treatment forever. Kids need to push you away and go off and have their own lives, but they want you to stay put and be their security blanket. Hang in there!

both boys are out of state...our daugher and only grandkids are 5 minutes away...when my husband come's part time they will be 18, 15, and 12.. i will be her for 5 more years so by then it will have settled in and ok with the move..doing the move in stages helps

What is wrong with living where one wants to live?

It's a free country! Many people have fought and died for the freedom to choose where to live.

Time heals....
 

It makes me sad to hear that your relationship is tainted by this move. Was your daughter dependent on you for things while you were there, for instance babysitting grandchildren? Did she visit you frequently and did you live close to her? These may be some reasons she is angry about your move.

You can tell her that now she has a beautiful place to visit and vacation. I will bet once she sees how happy you are here then her attitude will change. This is a big adjustment for everyone. Please give it some time and try to talk to your daughter. Once she gets use to you being here she will come around.

My mom was hurt that I moved (I lived close and she is 86) but she is use to it now and comes once a year to visit. Would she like to have me back home...yes she would, but she has always said you gotta live your life because you never know when the last day is here and life is too short. Best of luck to you!

My husband and I bought in April, came down for a couple weeks in July and have been down this time for a couple months, leaving December 1st. We have been married only 2 years. He is from Florida and I am from Michigan. We are lucky enough to split our time between the two states. The one thing I always say in cases like this is that your children don't hesitate moving from their parents. Not for one second! Why then, do they hate it when we do the same?

My daughter did't speak to me for 3 months. She hasn't been here yet, and shows no interest in coming down. My son and daughter-in-law drove me down and they love it! They are both 50 and would move here in a minute. I think the quote above explains my daughter's reaction! She said I was abandoning my grandchildren……who are now 14, 16, 18 and 20! They all have their own lives and are too busy to call/text/skype Grandma!!

She's no longer angry and accepts my move. We talk all the time. If she ever comes down, I know she will see why I made the move. My health has improved and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I LOVE THE VILLAGES!!!

Our daughter (34 at the time) came to TV for a visit and she wanted to retire too. The other three kids fell into line...

Exactly what Deanna had said just before we bought....if not know...when???
Our grandchildren (20,18,14) are just too busy for Grandma and Papa. We're fortunate enough to own two homes however 'dark and dreary' is the norm up north right now and Christmas cannot come soon enough. Our daughter has come to TV once. She's the oldest child but yet has come to grips with reality and mortality. Our son, who does realize the aforementioned, helped us make the decision when he visited and asked us what we were still doing up in VT. The big move has yet to be made.

The first time our [only child] Son visited, he told the Grandkids that when Grandma and Grandpa are gone, this will be their vacation home.

He gets it & loves it here! ha ha ha

Refusing to speak says "stay away". But yet the person wants you to come to their terms and conditions. Not a good way of accomplishing unity and harmony.

Sounds like a control thing. Wait and let her come to you, not the other way around. She'll come around.

It's your life.

We moved to TV 9 months ago. We have 5 children. Our two sons and two daughters are very happy with our decision and are looking forward to visiting. Our oldest daughter has not talked to us since January when our house went under agreement. We constantly called her and will not answer the phone or return our calls. Before we left we took everyone out to dinner to say goodbye. She did not come. When we left the next morning at 6:00 am, she called and yelled at my husband about not being invited to the dinner. He replied that he left 14 messages and called her everyday for a month. She told us to have a good life without her where ever we go. We have not heard from her since and she still does not answer the phone. Our youngest, who is in college has been trying to communicate with her through Facebook. She reads the messages but never replies. We just keep her in our prayers and hopes that she makes a decision to come back and be part of the family

When your children are children, your life belongs to them. Once they are grown, you life becomes your own once again. That's the way it works. Period.
Don't let yourself be manipulated by the selfish and passive-aggressive behavior of others.

The behavior your oldest daughter is exhibiting maybe be more than her parents moving to another state, does she struggle in other areas? Mental health issues may be undermining her ability to reach out to you.

If your child is not speaking to you because you moved to TV, then there is more to it than just geography. Perhaps a lack of maturity on her part. When I asked our children if they minded that we were moving, they were surprised that we would ask that question. I would not dis-suade them from relocating any more than they would do the same to us.

Thats why we didn't tell them! They still don't know we are gone and its been 2 years :o

Ha ha! That's what my husband tells people... We moved and didn't leave a forwarding address!! :shrug:

If I had a child who said that they would not speak to me because I moved, I would simply send them a copy of my new will which removed them from an inheriting.

We have an only child. When we began seriously looking we called him to tell him.

Was he upset? Yes! We moved him to Tampa when he was 13, his
new wife's family lives right up the road.
When he comes home from N.Y. his room is still intact and his life
here is the same.

He has since been up to T.V. And can now see why we love it so much.
He is having a hard time because HIS life won't be as easy and he
LOVES our Tampa house.
But he does realize we need to live our own lives and make our own choices.

It's always hard to be the one left. Your Parents are a comfort and
support system - no matter how old you get.

I wish you luck and hope your Daughter comes around!

Well said!

We moved here in June. After reading some of the sad and/or negative reactions of adult children when told about moving to The Villages, I feel very fortunate that our children's reactions were absolutely positive. Our children and grandchildren were all at least five hours from our "up north" home so we didn't see them as often as we would have liked anyway.

Our daughters visited us here in The Villages about a month ago to see for themselves what made mom and dad do something so spontaneous and uncharacteristic. They fell in love with our new home and The Villages just as we did. The older grandchildren asked their parents for cash for Christmas so they could visit grandma and grandpa.

Our son and his family are coming at Christmas time and can't wait to see and experience our new life.

I hope everything works out for you. Moving is stressful enough even with supportive children.

My husband and I have two sons and two daughters. Our oldest daughter refused to speak to me for a few months prior to our moving. It was so hard for me but the die was cast. Our home up North was sold and it was time for us to move. I became extremely depressed and second guessed myself asking my husband what could I have done. The truth is my relationship with my daughter was always difficult and this was just another reason for her to feel I was abandoning her. I have three grandchildren from this daughter so her life is very busy. A year has passed and we are on speaking terms. She has visited with the family twice since I've been here and each time she visits has been difficult. The quality of my life and my husband's life is greatly improved and if I had to do it over again I would still make the same decision.

Our daughter wasn't so upset with our move from Michigan down here to Florida as she was with us selling her childhood home...the one she grew up in, matured in, dated in, got married in. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

Although she is in her 30s, to this day, she cannot drive past the house she grew up in and the one we sold. That saddens her more than our move. What's ironic is that the young family who bought our home is about her (and her husband's) age and I know they would get along, like each other, and even become socially involved together. However, she refuses to meet them because she wants nothing to do with going back into her home with someone else living there but us!

She loves it here in The Villages and our birthday present to her, every year, is to fly her down for a "getaway". She totally understands why we moved yet it doesn't heal her pain of not having her childhood home there for her to come to.

Our son and family live in Leesburg so he, obviously, has no problem with our move...LOL! We love to babysit the grands whenever we can!

Wow!

So many different reactions. You know what??? We are actually adults, not just parents and grandparents.

We need to remain active, social and involved. If you build your life around your children, they will grow up and become independent some day. You will be the one left behind and lonely.

One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated.

TV offers so very much to enrich our lives in retirement and the opportunity to meet new people and create new relationships, new activities to try and a structure to provide networking and friendship.

3 of our 4 kids are thrilled for us. The daughter who lives in Ca, not so much. She realizes that we won't be as accessible as we have been. But she is happy that we found a place that we love in which to start our retirement. She will just miss us, so we will have to visit more often.

I see more cross country flights in our future, but also fun vacations here for the families and especially the grandkids. Can't wait to take the little ones on their first golf cart ride. What better place to entertain your kids and grandkids!!!

Embrace change and I bet your kids will turn around and realize that you have made a decision that will enrich your lives. And you know what.....We all deserve that after raising our kids and devoting years to our family and careers.

I work with new moms and their premature babies. The "maternal guilt" comes with that first baby and never really leaves.... that is reality. But after your work as a Mom is done and your kids are parents, (or adults at least) you do have the right to put yourself and your marriage first and have the opportunity to really ENJOY your golden years. Guilt Free!! And that is what they would want for themselves, and if they really look at the situation objectively, they will want that for you too.

Love a great spot to vacation
 

My only daughter, who lives in Raleigh, loves to come and visit us. We knew when she was a junior in high school that we would be moving to florida when she graduated from college so it wasn't a shock when we did. What made it easier is when she moved out first! She moved from NYS to Raleigh so she didn't feel like we left her. I'm not sure I could have made the move until she was out on her own which is why it was good that she moved to Raleigh first. Now she, her husband and our granddaughter can't wait to come and visit us and we love that they have such a beautiful place to vacation. When my grand baby gets old enough we will have her spend some time with us in sunny Florida! Thank goodness for FaceTime!!

We were supposed to tell our children?

My children would have preferred that I not leave where they could all see me daily in the old family home.

However, there was no anger towards me in making the move.

I surmise that your daughter's anger toward you is based upon her perception that you have taken something away from her (companionship) or by relocating you have abandoned (rejected) her.

Her refusal to speak to you is childish and an attempt at controlling you. Knowing that probably doesn't help much. Perhaps other family members, or even her husband, can explore her feelings with her and find a path of reconciliation.

I hope things improve for you.

This is the most insightful and useful comment I've seen on TOTV:

"One of the reasons the TV appealed to us so much is that we watched our widowed Moms. They each became lonely and bitter as the world kept spinning and their world got smaller and smaller.

My Mom still lives alone, and very lonely, in the home in which she raised us. Her life revolves around FOX news and the Weather channel. Her friends have passed away or are no longer healthy enough to socialize and she is a very lonely, bitter person.

I did not want to turn into my mom, or to leave my husband isolated." (Post #28)

That's what we saw and still see in our parents and older friends, too. And, they claim to know all about what's "crappy" about Florida and The Villages....without ever having been here to see what a difference in attitude and vitality TV residents have.

When we left to come down for our Lifestyles visit a little over a year ago, our son (only child) said, “don’t buy a house this trip.” LOL! On the second day we were here, we bought a house. Our son called that evening and said, “so, what did you do today?” I really wanted to say, “we bought a house”… but I didn’t. Upon our return back north, we kept it a secret for a few days. I felt so guilty. I finally told my husband that we needed to tell our son as he is our only child (40 yrs old) and I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep this from him. A week went by before we told him. He was shocked and probably a little hurt. We asked him not to tell his wife just yet. A month went by. As we were traveling in the van, headed to the airport for a family vacation to Disney, our daughter-in-law started naming all the “projects” she had lined up for "MA and PA" (as the grands call us) to do now that we were both retired. I finally had to tell her that we bought a house in The Villages and we would be spending the winter in FL. At first she was speechless (which is very hard for her), and then she was mad. However, it was our son she was mostly mad at for not telling her!

A year has gone by and we have since bought 2 more houses in TV. We sold our first house and moved into a bigger house. No doubt our son thinks we have lost our minds for sure! He and his family visited for Easter last year and enjoyed it here. They are now coming for Thanksgiving and probably Easter as well. The grands (4 & 7), can't wait to get here to swim! We will go north for Christmas. It’s tough to be away from them, but I know we have to do this while we can still enjoy ourselves. My husband and I have worked hard and our time is now. :pepper2:

I pray that in time your daughter comes around and realizes how happy you are here in TV.

Good Luck!

Thank you all for you comments. I was thinking I was the only one this happened to.
She has of coursed told me I how hot it gets in fl and how I will be boarded with retirement that my hand will be golfing and I will be left alone. I tried to explain this place even ask her to explore the web site.
I lost both my parent 2 yrs ago after caring for them for a long time they never got to live the dreams they had for retirement because of health issues. Will not let that happen to me and my husband so the villagers is right for us .I was a single parent and she has no contact with her father so I understand that she may feel alone but she is married with he own life and lives an hour away now. We speak everyday but don't see each very often because she works and has a busy life so this reaction took me by sunrise

You've been on the right track all along. Enjoy your new life about to begin!

Exactly
 

That exactly described my mother in her final years. We tried to encourage her to go to the senior center, ect. But she isolated herself n when she could no longer walk far due to copd and she never learned to drive she had a lonely life. That was my motivation for moving here. My son is a senior in college and has no interest in living in our old community so he did not care. It's important to stay active as we age and this place is designed to make that easy to do.

Perhaps you might ask her how she would feel about having to move away from you due to a job transfer which would leave you in NJ without her and without your home in the villages.

When my mom sold the family vacation home [oceanfront cottage on the jersey shore] it devastated me - it truly broke my heart and my spirit! While i understand why she did it, that did not make it easy for me to accept; nor will i ever forgive her for doing it. BUT, it never stopped me from speaking to my mom or loving her. I hope she can come to grips with the situation and you will still enjoy your daily phone calls. Remind her that she will be little more than an hour plane ride from you! ;)

My daughter is 35 single and has a 7 year old daughter. The deal was we are going. You can stay in NY or come with us and we will put you in an apt. She came and we did. Six months later my adult son moved down. They do not like it here. My husband and I were so happy in the beginning. Now it seems that they need us to be involved in their every day drama and we don't want to be. Sometimes I envy people whose children stop talking to them!!!!!!!

I made a LSV three years ago, and ask my only child to come up for a visit with my granddaughter. He said, "this place is perfect for you". He was, and still is very happy for me, now that I am a resident. Rivet, rivet.

I think your daughter is a person who feels hurt that you won't be there to do, for her. Psychologically speaking, it probably feels to her, that you have died and left her. In reality, that's not true.

My dad retired and stayed in his home, he got depressed and went straight downhill, in a relatively short period of time. For a man who was always on the go, he went to doing nothing, and passed away before he should have. IMHO

My mom used to say that you half to make a life for yourself and not cling to your children for company and vica versa. We deserve to be free after many years of sacriice in doing for others. Any children, who are not happy for us, needs to get with the program. IMHO

I pray, that in time, your daughter comes around and realizes how happy you are here in TV. :pray:

BTW - What's the story with the house you were purchasing?

update
 

Just wanted update this thread My daughter and I are now talking not sure that every thing will be said and done but she did agree to have me bring something's I wat to give her to her this weekend well its a start:a040:

That's good to hear! Hang in there... I bet she will come around.