Talk of The Villages Florida - The Tone of TOTV and A Bit of Boomer's Bio

Talk of The Villages Florida (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/)

- The Villages, Florida, General Discussion (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/villages-florida-general-discussion-73/)

- - The Tone of TOTV and A Bit of Boomer's Bio (https://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/villages-florida-general-discussion-73/tone-totv-bit-boomers-bio-316483/)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boomer (Post 1904434)

...I saw a thread, since closed, that brought homophobia to the surface with certain posters -- some of whom surprised me. As a longtime secondary teacher, I have wept for students who have committed suicide because of feeling their homosexuality could never be accepted by their families. I am grateful to see how times have changed for so many people. That has saved, and will continue to save, lives...

I've been on TOTV almost everyday for the past ten years, I read topics that appeal to me and make comments. I usually try and make comments that are helpful from my experiences here. I just looked a the threads I commented on the past week. They are;

Background music on TV too loud

Outdoor kitchen remodel

Comcast alternative

Golf cart windshields different styles

Sheepie

Right of way

Golf lessons

How's Ken doing

Recreation centers and themes

He's back... Go Jordan Spieth

Gift card scam

No fee ATM

Where can I find out about the cost of living in TV

Is it me or does two lane roundabout don't work?

Burger King 466A

The only topic that I can remember in recent days that pertains to your post about homophobia, is one that has been removed so I can't add a link, I could not find it after searching. However the basic premise of the post was:

I used to like THE GOOD DOCTOR until last night. No more. Talk of racial prejudice not enough but now they have to add 2 gay guys kissing and

In your opinion this is homophobia, I read it as a viewer is disturbed with a prime time TV show and for reasons they find disturbing. Unfortunately for you, America is a free country, and everyone doesn't have to embrace your ideaology of what is normal behavior.

Could not agree more with your comments. Respect is lost😡

Quote:

Originally Posted by sail33or (Post 1904753)

I am on many Forums (College, Former Employer, Organizations, etc)

I am on TOTV primarily to get the flavor of entertainment, travel, local sight seeing, restaurants, new businesses, life in The Villages, etc.)

And I can say that all of them have matched the Country in forming into 2 extreme sides(political sides). The sides are so extreme that all rules of fair play or respect are 100% gone. And everything (and I mean everything) has become political. Medicine, Opinions, Gender Identification, Climate, Fossil Fuels, Media, Race, I could name basically every subject in the dictionary are all now political and thus subject to one side attacking the other. If there is razor wire around the Capitol then there is razor wire between these two sides. I will not predict an outcome or suggest remedies because "There are two extreme sides and no need talking to the razor wire topped wall."

Gotta tell you...i agree.

Who would have thought that a pandemic would turn into political divide ?

However, will not give in to deceit and hate

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boomer (Post 1904434)

:):ho:For the past several days, I have watched TOTV descend into a maelstrom, and I am starting to have no hope for the forum that has been a part of many of my mornings since 2007. I am in the habit of giving the opening page a scroll and posting, if finding a topic I want to be a part of.

I am not big on the number of posts. In fact, when I was nearing 100 posts, all those years ago, I sent a PM to Mr. Tony, the owner and admin, asking him to please delete some of them. I laugh about that now, but then, I was blushing to think how habit-forming TOTV was becoming for me.

Now, almost 14 years later, I have barely passed 4000 posts, and I admit, I also find that number to be a bit embarrassing because it represents time I could have used cleaning off my desk. But I have been holding onto the excuse that I write posts like some people crochet or do puzzles -- a hobby.

Like so many of you, I found TOTV when I was looking for anecdotal information about life in TV. I could find advertising, but that was it. A tenacious search led me to TOTV when it was in its infancy. In those days, we had some ups and downs, but the overall tone was helpful -- and often, just plain fun.

I know TOTV has changed owners since, possibly more than once. TOTV sold for the first time in 2011. I am completely serious when I say that had I known in time, I might have bought it. (I could envision possible tax write-offs -- along with maybe using my energy to sell ads from my office-in-the-home or by driving around in my white Honda with the Florida plates to corner the ad market. (I spent 35 years pitching literature so I must have been thinking maybe my experience could have been transferable. sigh)

We eventually bought a house in Hadley. But had my original impression of TV been the one now often put forth on TOTV, I never would have wanted to buy. We kept our Ohio house. Thank goodness.

I have debated about whether to write this because I am to the "what's the point" stage. There are probably those among us who, like me, have noticed that we have lost a lot of our posters who had been contributing helpful posts and fun, too, for a long time. (I think they must be smarter than me because I have been continuing to hang around.)

The overall tone of TOTV this past week has been over-the-top with ugly stuff. Although I do not personally know most of you, I have been horrified to see the deluge of hatred, the bigotry, the complete arrogance -- including the irony of the name-calling that one name-caller, in particular, would see as elitist -- if someone disagreeing would say the same things. I have seen the self-righteous flaunting of a version of "religion" twisted into having nothing to with kindness, mercy, love, and peace. (Remember that guy Jesus?)

I saw a thread, since closed, that brought homophobia to the surface with certain posters -- some of whom surprised me. As a longtime secondary teacher, I have wept for students who have committed suicide because of feeling their homosexuality could never be accepted by their families. I am grateful to see how times have changed for so many people. That has saved, and will continue to save, lives.

This morning -- in the email notice sent out to us a few times a week from TOTV -- there were at least 3 threads headlined that were destined to invite more ugly stuff. I had to wonder if those choices were made by an algorithm or were those kinds of threads chosen on purpose by an actual person -- for a numbers game.

As I end this saga, if you are still reading, may I suggest that you read "Declaration of Conscience" -- a classic speech given by Margaret Chase Smith on June 1, 1950, which she ends by calling out "The Four Horsemen of Calumny -- Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry, and Smear."

Boomer

PS: I am not kidding myself that anyone will actually do that homework assignment I just gave -- or even kidding myself that this thread will last -- or kidding myself that anybody is still reading this -- but I just had to say my piece -- or was it peace?

PPS: I don't know how that hat-tipping emoji ended up at the beginning of this post. I can't make it go away. I don't know how. So I guess I will just have to consider my hat -- and my hand -- tipped.

PPPS: Damn. And now a smiley face emoji has appeared out of nowhere. I must be bumping stuff because I am on my laptop. Believe you me, I am not smiling right now -- although I do feel better.

I read the whole thing through. It was somewhat interesting. I joined because I wanted to find out more about TV Landers, as you did. And the CV plague kept me mostly at home and close to a keyboard. I do NOT like the name-calling of individual posters. I can live with the name-calling of outside officials and others if I think that they are dishonest and deserve it. Poster to poster is too personal for me. I will criticize them, but in polite terms. I also give them "kudos" when I think they deserve it. I confess that I am not 100% appropriate for 100% of the time - sorry!

As to TOTV topics.......some are so bland and have zero EDGE that they are POINTLESS and I mark them as "terrible". Also, the topics that only apply to a few TV Landers (like 2%) I consider pointless. I DO enjoy topics that are controversial, that have an edge. I learn more about the posting people from the heavyweight "tough " topics than the lightweight topics - such as classics like "what kind of candy bar do you like? Why is the sky blue? Do you prefer daisies or roses? And etc.

Unfortunately, the topics with an edge are the ones likely to get closed. I know there MUST be standards in all aspects of society, but I have seen threads closed just as they started to get interesting. And I could not detect where excessive insults were given out to close the thread. Thread closing seems to have little rhyme or reason? That is NOT my call so I can live with it. Summary.....I see value in controversial threads. I learn more from those. They are MORE worth my time spent reading them and responding to some of them.

Boomer, You are one of my favorite posters ever, particularly because of your humor. I was introduced to Carl Hiassen because of you and have just finished laughing my way through Squeeze Me. That said, I so identify with the crux of your post. Thirteen years ago we had decided we wanted to move to The Villages. I was doing consulting work and was flying most every week. After I finished my work, my indulgence in my hotel room was to log onto TOTV and read the friendly posts and sense the excitement of the newbies who had just moved in. When we moved here in 2008 I had friends already and still hang with some of them today. I went to Crispers to meet many of the posters. We are in a different era and have to hope that the kindler gentler responses will win out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlieo1126@gmail.com (Post 1904759)

Boo hoo yes people say disgusting things on here,, but for somebody to feel there being bullied or attacked by a stranger that they don’t know, well if your that sensitive perhaps you should try scrapbooking or flower arrangements instead of having your feelings hurt on this site

People post their opinions in opinion fora like these. They are not anonymous opinions attributed to thin air. They are opinions of actual people, regardless of what name they assign themselves on the forum. When you dismiss those opinions, you are not dismissing random words on a website. You are dismissing the words of an actual person. You are basically telling that person that their words don't matter. Their thoughts don't matter. Their opinions don't matter - and THEY don't matter.

Perhaps instead of being a bully, you might try scrapbooking or flower arrangements instead, and try to be a productive human being.

See what I did there?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boomer (Post 1904434)

To begin, people do seem to feel comfort from confirmation and agreement of their beliefs and emotions by others, so I am in complete agreement with you. One of the "originals", I had no idea TOTV changed "owners", or even the structure of the "business'.

As I remember, shortly after our home was finished, many of us received invitations in the mail to attend a meeting of sorts at a restaurant similar to panera's but another name, located in the same plaza as Publix on 466 (Mexican restaurant now in the same location). Seems a community bulletin board social media page was being formed, and yes, as it evolved, what a wonderful communication tool for those of us who had just built new homes in the "new' villages of Tall Trees, Bonnybrook, Ashland, Lynnhaven, etc. and were anxiously awaiting "news' on the land designated to become Lake Sumter Landing !

We used this on line "life line', to get the news of the villages, and by "news", what buildings under construction might be ? Which restaurants were coming ?, has anyone been able to get close enough to see what was going on at the "yet to be" Lake Sumter Landing ?

Facebook was not the rage then, and the vile, nasty, underbelly of this tech communication "revolution" had not yet exploded, so TOTV's was fun, novel, delightful way to meet others, find new friends, form golf groups, get acquainted. The change in tone and temper was very gradual, and frankly, engaging in the beginning. Added to friendly posts such as " caution when using the gate into _____, seems it was hit by a car last night and is not working", or, yes, Comcast is out in our village too, seems a cable was hit during all the new construction". But as time went on, and the area became established, controversial topics began to appear and were, frankly, a welcome addition.

Far from the vile name calling and self righteous, narrow view, stances so often found today (as you pointed out), the discussion was lively and most of all, was great for we retirees who may not have the opportunity to discuss and debate deeper, more intellectual topics such as government, economics, international politics, and many others as we may have had in our former career environments. View points were far more respectful, and I for one learned from and was fascinated to see the thoughts, opinions, and beliefs of others communicated in a generally cogent manner.

But things did disintegrate, again as you pointed out, and life was more interesting than reading online drivel from ''some" who were obviously fighting to preserve their own sense of importance, and others who seemed to delight in being the on line "expert" in a variety of subjects, and yet others, seemed to be greatly entertained by sitting back and "watching" this "on line-circus" .

Still, other very kind, helpful, individuals, who seemed to have a variety of skills, continued to help all of us out with things like: sprinkler system is not coming on as scheduled, any suggestions on what to check, or anyone have some good tips on repairing lanai screens ?

But as Facebook rose in popularity, and we were too engaged in sports and hobbies to really get into the "social media" craze, TOTV's became a rare part of our routine and gradually tapered to no activity. It was the isolation of Covid, and the wildly diverse "facts' flying of what was really happening IN the villages, at the Villages hospital, and the lack of information in our only "news' paper (?), that I migrated back to TOTV's for information and even communication, discussion. For a period, even people in our own immediate neighborhood were no longer outside, not out watering flowers, or raking leaves, no longer just neighbors out, chatting on drives and lawns, more like a strange science fiction like atmosphere where, if you approached your mailbox, others with gloves, masks, and even plastic shields on some, backed away and sat on their golf carts or in their cars until the neighbor they formerly exchanged cookies or banana bread with, or borrowed the proverbial cup of sugar from, left the mail station. Covid changed everything, including the human kindness of one community member to another. And on line, with the anonymity it provides, very ugly things began to happen. No more understanding and RESPECT for those who do not think exactly like themselves.

One wrote a wish for someone to actually DIE for the "sin" of taking the wife for a nice anniversary dinner INSIDE a restaurant. Actually wished death by saying "glad to enjoyed the dinner, did you get a side of Covid with that too" ! ! ! WHAT kind of deep, dark, vile hate could prompt someone to go to a computer, go to the trouble to turning it on, logging in, etc. to write such an awful thing ?

I could not forget that, I asked my self for weeks, does that come from FEAR from the write who actually is living in fear for their own life ? Does it come from jealousy from a person who WISHED they had the "courage" to go out for a nice anniversary dinner, but is so fearful that it would end in death, they have to mock others in an attempt to validate their own irrational fears (irrational if they were taking the proper precautions of of course), but even so, why not allow others the dignity of "so happy to see your post of a normal, heart warming activity like an anniversary dinner, in these grim times." But no, hate, trying to make a husband feel he was trying to kill his wife by taking her for a special dinner, etc. Just the worst of human words and behavior to fellow humans !

In closing, your engaging post did get me to read ALL the way to the end, and yes, I AM very familiar with Margaret C. Smith's iconic speech so you are not alone, and not alone in noting the history and changes in what is still a great way to share tips, experiences and news of the community, but also have become the mainstay of what may be some very sick, or fearful, or emotionally needy people. My adult children are, of course, FB regulars, yet understand my lack of interest in spending my TIME on FB when I could be reading one of the stack of new books waiting for me, or playing golf or bocce, but when I related that I had, after YEARS of no longer reading TOTV's, taken up once again the habit of coffee and the social bulletin board in the mornings !

Quote:

Originally Posted by VApeople (Post 1904743)

Yeah, I used to be passionate about things.

"Ah but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now."

Besides, if we leave a perfect world for our children, they will get really bored.

LOL, love it !

Quote:

Originally Posted by stebooo (Post 1904683)

Boomer, I think TOTV has become another victim to the already scorched image called social media.

i'm not so sure about that. as long as there are mindful posters like some here, we won't ever stoop to that level. yeah, we've come close, lol, but we are far away from the name-calling, spiteful ignorance & flame wars found in general social media, inc. FB. we have gracie, bucco, dewilson and other REALLY COOL people here! (sorry if i forgot someone), but THESE are the posts i read, for info, yes, but also wisdom, & @ times a bit-of snark. this forum welcomed me when i 1st arrived from a frozen north, & helped me merge into a new & wonderful lifestyle I wish i had been part of longer.
some peeps will always spread negativity, it's prob part of their mindset. i bite my tongue & just go to the next post, usually by village tinker where i can learn real-life useable info to add to the daily life we love so much:icon_wink:

So many people fail to read the post before

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrangeBlossomBaby (Post 1904795)

they jump , I was expressing the point using a little humor that if you feel bullied or attacked by a perfect stranger maybe your in the wrong site , the response was a perfect example of why you can’t let things brother you on here , I don’t care what someone says to me on here , this site is sometimes informative, sometimes vicious, but mostly entertaining, not to.be taken personal and I forgive all the people who bully me and attack me even when they made me cry

Part of the reason there are fewer people is because there are so many Facebook pages. I guess I don’t read everything you do as I have not seen anything much different. There are those talking about taxes but that does not effect me so I don’t really follow it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathyspear (Post 1904473)

I left Facebook for more or less the same reason, Boomer. At first it was a nice place to reconnect with old high school friends and see pics of the young'uns that live in other parts of the country. Then everything got ugly and political to the point where it wasn't enjoyable any more. I miss some of the groups that I followed on there but I don't miss the nastiness (and I suspect my blood pressure has come down a bit).

The whole COVID thing has maybe contributed to people being a little testier than in the past. Who wants to hear that you are a selfish ***** because you refuse to wear a mask or lock yourself in your house AFTER being vaccinated. I keep thinking that some day this will be a thing of the past but will anyone still be around at that point?

kathy

BINGO ! Covid, while it has brought out (in our neighborhood at least) "some" exceptionally kind, caring, neighbors who do not hesitate to help others and don't act like Covid is like leprosy and refuse to even look at their neighbors, in general, it has changed people and not for the best. From my professional education and career, I can tell you of all human emotions, fear is the root of so much irrational behavior and as bad as this all is, so was small pox, polio, and many others, yet, never in my life time have to many allowed this to turn them so vile and judgmental and and disrespectful. For example, if your neighbor has decided going to church in person is what is right for them right now, and you have decided it is not right for YOU right now, why the HATE and public mocking ? If you prefer Coke, and your neighbor prefers Pepsi, why HATE them for that ? ? No, there is something wrong deep inside when people feel this COMPULSION to shame and defile those who do not think EXACTLY as they do.

Reading now. Thank you.

As I end this saga, if you are still reading, may I suggest that you read "Declaration of Conscience" -- a classic speech given by Margaret Chase Smith on June 1, 1950, which she ends by calling out "The Four Horsemen of Calumny -- Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry, and Smear."

Boomer

[/QUOTE]

Boomer, I sympathize with your disappointment. I backed away from TOTV as a regular poster and moderator because the toxicity and ever-present vitriol became overwhelming.