This is such a tender subject. One so many of us face here in The Villages. We don't spend enough time talking between the two of us, (other than a persurary passing comment) that we are not giving our significant others some peace after our passing. My own circumstance depends on my personality. I am somewhat a loner, so am comfortable being alone. I crave the companionship of an animal (a feline) so would search out a new pet as I would not be traveling as much. He would search out another relationship, I am ok with that, I understand his needs.

My deepest concern is that my contribution to our core family is passed on to those that I want. I have seen too many inheritances go to a new spouse/family that did not have "ownership"). That has been taken care of.

Navyvet - be sure to analyze the financial stability of the CCRC before you commit to anything. Many are fine but more than a few are on shaky enough ground that I would be worried. If the CCRC goes belly up so does your contract and all of the money that you invested. Not trying to scare you, just giving a friendly reminder to do your research.

I would talk to a lawyer about possibly setting up a trust.

I would definitely stay. I told my husband I wanted us to get settled here so than when one of us goes, the other left behind won’t be lonely. We would have great health care already set up. This place is Paradise to both of us. Both of us said we would keep our home. It’s sits on a pond and we really enjoy the birds.

I would move back home and winter here.

My husband and I have discussed this subject. I’m not sure we have the same ideas on what we would do when the other passes. Personally, I think TV would be a great place for a single person. There are so many opportunities to do things you like to do, try things you’ve wanted to try, travel and meet new people. However, those aren’t the things I’m thinking about. My thoughts run more to....do I want to remain in this house? Do I want to downsize to a smaller individual home, giving up well known friends and neighbors that may provide needed moral support? Would I be better off in a condo or apartment? If I sold the house, rent wouldn’t be an issue, if something breaks or needs replacing, you just call the landlord. I feel that senior women are so vulnerable in so many ways. We don’t have the strength to do things that might me easy for a larger, stronger male. Would I feel safer if I was surrounded more closely by more people? I think it’s a very individual decision that has to be made based on personal preferences, finances and health. Everyone grieves differently and I’ve always been told that you should wait at least a year to make any significant changes.

Not so.. it is difficult for singles to meet contrary to the supposed men/women ratio.

I would stay. There are so many clubs and activities to get involved in. There are many singles here and people are friendly and want to meet others. You have to make an effort to make it work! You can always visit family but I feel it’s important to have your own life!

I’ve been a widow for five years. Three years ago I suffered a major health scare. After that I realized life is short - I better enjoy the rest of it. I came down here last winter and checked out The Villages and decided to move here which I did in June. Terrible timing because of Covid. So far, I have found The Villages to not be a great place for a widow. I’m hoping it’s different when clubs and activities resume. My neighbors for the most part have not been friendly. No parties, etc. like I understand other neighborhoods have. I am very outgoing and social and I’m finding it to be difficult. I won’t go to bars or dancing at the squares by myself. Also, I realized I moved too far away from my kids since Covid is making travel difficult. I’ll give it a year and if I feel the same way I’ll move back west.

Two years ago, my spouse of 37 years decided to pass to California as I guess since I was no longer making money, but rather spending it, the gig was up. I bought back half the house from her that I had already paid for once, stayed and have never regretted it. This place is awesome!!!

For me it will depend on how much support I have in the villages, if have a few good friends I could depend on in time of need, I would definitely consider staying but likely would down size. I am new and only 62 so I have a lot of acquaintances but I haven’t had anyone wanting to be a close friend. My husband is still working and I spend a lot of time alone in the house. I have some mobility concerns so I don’t just mosey around alone.

Surprise! I stayed!
 

Moving to The Villages was my husband's idea. Then he got sick with a degenerative brain disease complicated by Parkinson's. I was amazed how helpful and thoughtful Villagers were. I never went anywhere that someone wouldn't offer to help me move my husband. Neighbors were always checking on me and encouraging me. My husband died nearly seven years ago and I am still here. I remember thinking that if we had to grow old, this was a good place to do it since The Villages provides everything you need to delay the process. That hasn't changed. I love the availability of music and art and the long winters of New England discourage me to make a move. Since my adult children are spread out, this works for me. Who knew?

I was a Realtor here with Re/Max and we always suggested to our clients not to make any drastic moves for at least a year. Just to make sure you really want to move back north.

Definitely
 

But I'd get a smaller place - bills with no vegetation - rocks. Can't beat the weather.

Villas - hate spell check that changes it to bills????

It will be better when all the clubs and activities are going. The recreation centers are a great place to make new friends. I've lived here 10 years and have noticed the stress of COVID has taken a toll on people here during this pandemic. It's understandable. It WILL be better.

My wife and I were just talking about this the other day. We are planning our move to the Villages for next year. She asked me what I would do and I said that I would stay. I look forward to the life that want to build there. It not be something that I would want to stop living. She said that she did not know what she would do. I think she would go back and forth.

These are definitely unusual times. Have seen numerous articles about how the whole pandemic restrictions thing is especially difficult for extrovert people. For introverts, homebodies, and those with anxiety disorders, it has been less of a drastic change. Some people handle being alone better than others and are not necessarily lonely. Some people can't handle being alone at all and need to be out doing things constantly. Me, I'm never bored. I always know how to amuse myself.
:)

I have no idea, and also hope it is many years before I have to nmake a decision like that. Perhaps I will get lucky and go before him.

This has been a really interesting thread. Condolences to all those who have suffered the loss of their spouse and many thanks for taking the time to share your experiences with us.

Recently I had a health scare and asked the hubs if he would move back up north if I died. He said YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE ANY TIME SOON and for now, at least, that turned out to be the case. :)

We had been snow birds for several years before moving to TV full-time. My sister and her hubby lived here already. Had that not been the case we would have settled in Pinellas County, where our winter place was. I'm sure that if I go first my guy will move back "home" where his mom, brother, daughter and her family live. Winters don't bother him the way they bother me. If I end up alone I will stay here as long as sissy and BIL are still here. Our house is on the larger side as TV homes go, though, (2650 sq ft) so I would definitely move to a smaller place.

Good luck to everyone as you get to the place in your life where these decisions need to be made.

kathy

If that dreaded day ever comes, my worst nightmare, I would stay and stay single. I could never find perfection like her. There is so much to do here, so many things I enjoy, there would be no where else I would want to be. It is peaceful, beautiful, and can be as exciting or as laid back as you want, depending on your mood that day.

Completely agree with you
I am in a similar situation

Believe me when I say that I am as tough as old boots.
But.
If my other half went before me I would be a complete and total wreck.
I would probably seriously consider making it a double funeral.
It's my worse nightmare, and to awful to imagine.

I am staying. My passed in August 2019.
I love Florida and TV

These are things that I think many people think about. We have a place near Canada and I love It but know I couldn’t stay there alone. If something happened and I were sick and unable to drive, there is not delivery service for food or medication. Amazon can only go so far. Although no cab service here, I could get help. People are friendly here and opportunities are available to meet others with your interests.

I’m staying and my husband would have stayed if he hadn’t passed away. Some go back to family only to find they are working and grandchildren are in school; so, you’re alone all day. Winters can be brutal north of Florida. Be with your friends here and visit family while kids are out of school and you can really enjoy them.

Hi,

The reason we moved to the villages was if something happened to one of us we would already have activities & a base of friends one of us passed away. Our family Is 2 days drive away.

My husband passed away of a fast illness. It is hard being alone. I can be as active as I want to be. I still have friends to do things with. It’s different though.

We started doing a few things separately so we had friends that weren’t just couples. He had car guy friends I had samba & Mah Jong friends. We shared pickle ball friends.

Pickle ball is a good mixer you don’t need to be a couple. You get in line & play the next 4 when a court opens.

Some friends that lost spouses did go back home but home wasn’t the same either. Everyone has busy lives, they found themselves waiting for someone To be free to do something with. They moved back to the villages. They were happier here there are more people like you here.

It’s not easy being a widow. I could sit & mope around But I choose not to. I am making new friendships & holding on To some of the old friends too.

Am I super happy all the time of course not. No one truly is. I’m doing the best I can especially during these covid times.

The important thing is I have my health, I am helping friends when I can. I am learning as I go. I am grateful for sharing the 10 years of retirement that I Did have with my husband.

Im still on the younger end of the villagers, am I searching for someone? No. It would be nice to meet someone special again. Right now I need to find out who the new me is. What do I really want?

My suggestion to other couples is to make sure your final arrangements are all made. Make sure either person would be financially ok. Make sure you expand your interests to create a few of your own friends. Stay as healthy as you can and enjoy each other while you can, let the small stuff go.

We are responsible for our own happiness and how we treat others. I try to add to other people’s lives not take away. A good example: the other day I was walking my dog & made some small talk with a neighbor I didn’t know. At the end I said “have a good day”. He Said “and you have even a better one”.

I’m stealing that. It made me smile all day. Take care.

Part of the reason we bought here and bought what we did was because my wife can continue on here without me.

Agree..they have their own lives

Even with a spouse this covid thing has made a lot of us lonely when we can't socialize like before. I miss all of my own activities...just hang in and things will get better.

If my wife passed away, I would probably stay in TV as long as I could golf and go to MVP. My other option would be to sell my CYV and pay off my reverse mortgage, take my balance and buy a Class A motor home like this 2015 Winnebago 36' from LaMesa RV in Sanford for $99,000 and head to Pinellas County.

https://lmrvimages.azureedge.net/pp148957/01-main.jpg

https://lmrvimages.azureedge.net/pp148957/03-main.jpg

Once in Pinellas County I would head to the section known as Seminole. Park at one of the local RV camp grounds with a pool. It's a 1/2 mile from Madeira Beach, Bay Pines VA Hospital is right there, Walmart is right there and most any store you need is on Seminole Blvd. Here on this map.

Google Maps

This RV park fits the bill.

https://bickleypark.com/our-lots/

This is a standard lot, $495 a month on an annual lease.

https://www.passport-america.com/cam...ges/2952_6.png

https://www.passport-america.com/cam...ges/2952_3.png

Snowbird Oddity
 

I’m an oddity.. married and husband visits once in awhile..hard to make friends with this status..just can’t take the cold..wish there were more single type activities.

Explore your inner self and explore. There are many lonely dudes that will
be happy to replace your husband and fulfill your needs. Good Luck

So, you’re saying there no gold digger’s around here:popcorn:

You might have to stay in your house if you have a reverse mortgage on it and little or no equity left in it if you need money from your home's equity to move. On top of that I believe the income from his SS might be gone.

Almost every activity for me started as a single type activity. When I started playing softball I went for evaluation at Buffalo Ridge and then was placed on a team. I played five years in a row, three seasons of 14 games a year until I stopped. When I took Pickleball 101 and then went to Colony Cottage and played during beginner's time until I got better and played more often. When I went to MVP at Brownwood, I tried all the classes the first two weeks and then just attended the ones I liked afterwards. When I played golf, I put my name in with twosomes and threesomes that I didn't know and met a lot of nice people. Then I began playing with a neighbor nine years ago, now we have a steady foursome, we added two players who put their name in with us. I just read on the bowling thread that Villagetinker is looking for bowlers and to send him a private message. The point is, you have to make it work yourself, no one is going to give you anything.

Why would you possible be taking such a life changing decision advice from the Internet?

YES I WOULD STAY.. Absolutely... it's safe.

NO!

Life after my spouse
 

This is a question I have asked myself and my wife many times. We have no children and other family members are all involved with their own circle and as we both have learned from getting married at 60 and her 50, that life without a "true & loving" partner can be no life at all.

To answer your question I have thought many times about it and have told my wife more than once should she leave before me that I would buy a nice dog for a companion and move to Maui where I have always liked the seclusion and solitude to live my last days.

One thing she has told me more than once..... I worry more about "her" if something should happen to either than I worry about living today in taking measures over and beyond in "preparations" for her should I leave first. THIS.... is peace of mind knowing she will be secure once I am gone

If and when we can ever get out again I will show her more than ever things that she has only dreamed of. Living alone without her is one choice I hope I never have to make and yes I will end up in Maui... with my faithful companion away from people should she leave me here alone.